Chapter Thirteen
Bernie
“Did you have fun last night?”
Bernie jumped at the sound of Polly’s voice. She was in the living room, trying to get Xavier to nurse with little effect. He just wanted the bottle these days. It was a bit frustrating, but as long as she could still pump, he’d get the nutrients that breastfeeding offered.
She quickly covered up as Polly came into the room. Her cheeks heated. “Fun?”
“At the fundraiser. I wasn’t able to go, family emergency. I hope Gilbert wasn’t too disappointed.”
“Uh…” Xavier bit her, causing her to yelp. Even if he didn’t have teeth yet, that hurt! She pulled him away and readjusted her clothing. Xavier immediately started to fuss, kicking his legs, until Bernie grabbed the bottle she’d set nearby to cool. She shook her head as he settled down and began to drink. “What did you ask?”
Polly sat down near her. “If Gilbert missed me.”
“We left pretty soon after arriving.” Bernie almost told her what had happened but didn’t. Instead, she grinned at Polly. “So… you and Gilbert, huh? When’s the wedding?”
Polly ducked her head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“As soon as we arrived he asked about you, and the first thing you did was ask about him. Come on, Polly. It’s obvious that you two are swooning over each other.”
“Nobody’s swooning!” Polly’s voice had risen to a squeal. “He and I are friends. And the first thing I did was ask if you had fun, so… besides, with you and Tyler making pining eyes at each other constantly and yet denying yourselves anything—”
Bernie’s face turned beet red and she ducked her head.
Polly gasped. “No!”
“No what?”
“No!” Another squeal, this time excited. “You two slept together last night, didn’t you?”
Bernie found herself grinning despite herself. “Like pots and pans.”
“What—never mind. Oooh!” Polly clapped her hands. “So, are you two back together? Will there be wedding bells soon? No, you’re going to want to take it slow. Be cautious. Make sure that you’ll work long-term before getting into the really complicated stuff. Right?”
Bernie chewed on her lip at that.
“Oh… You’re not getting back together.”
“I don’t know what we’re doing. It’s complicated. I’ve been sitting around pining for who knows how long because he left me. But I’m just as much to blame as he is for the silence. More than him, really. He gave me his number and I never phoned him. I never told him he was a father until he asked me. Really, he’s been far better to me than I deserve…” Bernie sighed unhappily. Her brow was knit and she shook her head, trying to get her thoughts to tumble into some semblance of order. “I guess I—”
“Need to talk to him. Go to him and talk to him. Take the baby, too. He adores little Xavier. Just talk to him. Lay it out all on the line. He’s in the same boat as you, you know.”
She was right of course. Bernie used the excuse of needing to finish feeding Xavier to wait until Polly had started her work. Her heart pounded as she carried the baby up the stairs. What should she say? That she didn’t want to be friends, that she wanted to be all over him all the time and to be lovers forever? That as she got to know him better, the more she admired him and the more she liked him? That they had an emotional connection that couldn’t be denied?
Or maybe just be simple about it. Just say that she wanted to give being a couple a shot.
He was still in bed when he called for her to enter. A book was in his hand and he grinned lazily at her as she came over to him.
“Does little Sir have a dirty diaper that Daddy has to change?” He reached for Xavier.
“No. Mommy has to talk with Daddy.” Bernie settled down next to him, chewing her lip.
Tyler took the baby and cuddled him into his chest. “What’s up?”
“Oh… well. I guess I need to say a few things to you.”
Tyler nodded.
“First off… First off, I suppose I need to say that I lied to you. I didn’t lose your number. I thought that I’d look pathetic if I called you and I didn’t want to be one of those women that begs and begs her man to love her. I was seeing my mom and dad rather than you and me.”
“You were afraid of being hurt.”
Bernie looked away. “Yeah. I guess I was.”
“Well… ironically, that’s why I left. The connection between us was so intense. I thought that I would follow my normal pattern and hurt you. I’ve broken a lot of hearts over my lifetime, Bernie. I’m not proud of it. In fact, if I think too long, I’m disgusted by who I can be.”
“You left because you were afraid of hurting me?” Bernie’s eyes narrowed. She knew she had no reason to distrust what he was saying but it sounded like so many of the lines she had been fed, she wasn’t certain how she could accept it.
As though he understood her doubts, Tyler smiled again. “Yes. I was afraid of hurting you. But I was also getting so deep that I was afraid of getting hurt, too. I have fallen in and out of love so many times… I didn’t recognize the real thing when it hit me.”
The air left her lungs. Was he saying that he loved her? No… he couldn’t be. Not yet, at least. Heat rushed to her face and she looked away, uncertain how to proceed from here. Tyler’s gaze remained on her face. Should she say that she loved him, too?
Is what I feel love?
“Are… are you sure that it’s love? I mean, dragon culture is that whoever you first sleep with is your one true mate. We have a child together. Are you sure that this isn’t just lust and you have to tell yourself that it’s love because of the shame put on you by your culture?”
Tyler glanced away and shrugged. “I’ve had those. The first girl… I convinced myself that I was in love with her, even though I didn’t particularly like her. But she was hot and seductive and knew exactly what she wanted from me. And I won’t say that I’m not at fault for the women whose hearts I broke. I have convinced myself that it’s love, that it’s not like the others. So, maybe you’re right. But I don’t think so. You are… the most amazing woman.”
“I’ve never been in love.” She quickly moved back, putting more distance between them. “I’ve never even thought I was. I don’t know if I’m wired that way. I don’t know if I’m capable of having romantic love.”
Tyler nodded slowly.
“But…” She moved forward again. Her heart still pounded and her throat felt dry and sticky. “But if there is someone I can fall in love with, it’s going to be you. I’m afraid, Tyler. I’m afraid of being hurt and I’m afraid of hurting Xavier if I make the wrong choice.”
“I understand.”
She closed her eyes. He didn’t understand. Not when she didn’t understand, either. “I want to take the risk. I want to try to fall in love with you. I know that you wouldn’t hurt me if you could help it.”
“But pain is a part of life and the worst hurts come when people aren’t trying to hurt you.”
He did understand after all. Bernie kissed him before she could stop herself. Her eyes drifted shut and zings of pleasure zipped through her. Her eyes fluttered shut and it was only when Xavier kicked her in the face that she remembered he was there. She withdrew, rubbing her jaw and glared at the baby, who grinned a toothless grin at her.
“Do you think it’s a sign?”
“A sign that we should move in together?”
Bernie jumped. They’d certainly gotten there in a hurry! “We’re technically already living together.”
Tyler caught her hand. “I’m serious. Move in with me. For permanents. Or I could move in with you. I don’t want to miss a day while we’re figuring this out. I mean, we’re already going to be close due to our custody agreement, right? And this way neither of us has to lose any time with Xavier.”
It was a good point. But Bernie still hesitated. She wasn’t ready to make this big of a commitment, not yet at least. He must have seen the pain in her eyes because he released her hand.
“Just think about it, please.”
“I’ll think about it,” she promised. “But we haven’t even agreed to start dating, so…”
“So, I’ll take you on a date tonight. If you’ll have me.” His grin was infectious. “We’ll figure it out. Hey, I just realized—maybe it’s my calling to be a stay-at-home dad. What do you think about that?”
It sounded wonderful. But she couldn’t say that, so only laughed as if it were a joke.