Chapter Five
Bernie
The little line kept blinking at her from the screen of her tablet. Bernie stared down at her word processing program, not sure what to write from here. So far, she had addressed the letter formally to Esther, who was the head of the dig she had worked at for nearly a year before having to take maternity leave.
It felt so wrong to be writing it this way, though. Esther was more like family than her real family. Being so formal was weird.
“Making sure you have a good childhood and future is the most important thing.” She looked down at her baby. “And what will give you the best shot is if I have a nice, steady job that bores me to tears.”
Xavier yawned and kicked his feet.
Bernie turned off the tablet and tossed it aside. “Don’t worry. I’ll do it soon. They’ll be waiting for me to give them an answer, you know. It’s not fair to make them sit around waiting for me to tell them I’m not coming back. So, I have to do it. As soon as I get the right words.”
She rolled her neck, trying to work out the kinks. With everything that had happened, she could do with a massage and a visit to the chiropractor. The stress was killing her.
If it wasn't for her father, the decision would be made and she’d be disappointed but firm. Now, even with him in jail, everything was all jumbled up again. Well. At least he had pled guilty and she wasn't going to have to testify against him. She wasn’t going to have to look at him.
Her family hadn't done anything about it either. Her mom sent her an email asking if she was okay and that was it. This whole case was all over the news and they didn't bother to phone. Of course, Bernie didn't really want them to call her about it. No doubt they’d find a way to make it all about them.
These thoughts weren't going to help anyone. She needed to do something to get her mind on something else. Bernie headed downstairs. Polly was vacuuming, but she turned it off when she saw Bernie.
“Want to trade?” Bernie held the baby out.
Polly eagerly took him. “Baby vs work. Yeah, that’s a no-brainer.”
Polly spun Xavier in a circle and made goofy faces at him. Bernie took the vacuum and started fiddling with it. It was a relief to be able to throw herself into mindless work and she was quickly able to find relaxation in the monotonous motions of vacuuming. Her mind drifted as she did so. It didn’t land on work, thankfully, but as Polly continued to play with Xavier (he was never bothered by loud noises, thank goodness) a different thought came to her.
In their very brief time together, Tyler had never let her so much as carry a bucket of dirt. He went above and beyond what was expected of a boyfriend to take care of his girlfriend. It got a little annoying at times, actually. Bernie didn’t like doing dishes and stuff like that, but she enjoyed the heavy work at the dig. It gave her a real workout without even trying.
So, did Polly’s housekeeping habits mean that they were past that stage?
Once she was finished with the vacuuming, Bernie found Polly and Xavier again. Bernie perched on the edge of the couch, uncertain about how to proceed from here. She sucked in a deep breath. Best to just come right out and hope she didn’t come off as jealous.
“So… how long have you and Tyler been living together?”
Polly looked up. Her dark brows arched, then a smile spread across her face. “Tyler and me? Well, I guess you could say for about, oh, two years now. My place is separate from the mansion, though. I like to have my own space.”
Her tone made Bernie’s eyes narrow.
“I’m just the housekeeper.” Polly shook her head and laughed. “You’re not over him, are you? Don’t bother trying to deny it. You had jealousy written all over your face just now.”
Bernie ducked her head even though she couldn’t deny that it was a relief to hear that. If Polly and Tyler had been a couple, she wasn’t entirely certain how she would have handled it. Not well, probably. Green was a bad color on her and yet she couldn’t stop herself from being jealous.
“You know, if you want him back all you have to do is crook your finger at him,” Polly continued, her voice perfectly level. “I’ve seen lots of women come and go. You’re the only one that’s lingered in his thoughts.”
“Yeah.” Bernie snorted. “Especially since I gained all this weight during my pregnancy.”
Polly laughed. “You think that’s a problem? Dragons like curvy girls. And not in the way that most men like big boobs, big ass, and everything else stick-thin. Gals with a bit of meat on their bones, like you and me. And you’ve got those amazing eyes, too.”
Heat rushed to Bernie’s face. She cleared her throat, uncertain how to respond to that. Her eyes rolled and she glanced to the left and then the right before she shrugged. “I should try to feed Xavier now. Those couple of days when I didn’t have him did a number on my milk supply, so I need to try to nurse him as much as possible.”
Polly nodded as she lifted Xavier to his mother. Bernie quickly got things ready to feed him. Polly hummed for a moment before smiling back at her.
“So, you’re an archeologist, right?”
Bernie nodded.
“I was in school for archeology. Had to drop out. Someday I’m going to go back, though.”
“You should. We never have enough archeologists, and it’s such rewarding work.”
Polly nodded. She looked sad for a second before standing. “I need to get supper ready. Holler if you need anything.”
Bernie quickly got into a comfortable position and freed her breast so that Xavier could latch onto it. He looked up as he ate, his big blues locked onto her face. Tyler came into the room, but Bernie didn’t cover up. The baby was hiding everything that needed to be hidden, and Tyler knew this wasn’t a sexual situation. At least, he better.
Tyler smiled at Xavier then met her eyes. “Can I sit down?”
Bernie nodded. She cleared her throat as she did so. “So… Thanks again for letting me stay here. For rescuing me. I know that you didn’t have to.”
“I did have to. Shane’s not the only heroic one in the family, you know.”
“Right. Well, thanks anyway. I—”
Tyler grinned at her. “You don’t have to keep thanking me. I’d have done it for anybody. I’m just lucky that I wasn’t hurt worse than I was. Or that I wasn’t arrested, the cops were pretty furious with me.”
Bernie couldn’t stop herself from giggling. “I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because you charged into a situation that you alerted them to, without any backup. That you had gunshots going off. Oh, and you blew a roof off a building. Nah, it can’t be any of that. You just showed them up.”
“That must be it.” He squeezed the back of his neck, looking uncertain. “So… Bernie. There’s been something I needed to talk about. Last year.”
She tensed. What would she do if he asked her if Xavier was his son? He won’t. But what if he did? The thought had to have crossed his mind… the timing was all right for one thing! He wasn’t stupid. If he did suspect and he did ask…
“I know I took off unexpectedly.”
Bernie snorted. “We had sex and the next morning there was a piece of paper on your pillow with a number on it. I’d say it was unexpected.”
Tyler flinched. “Yeah. Look, I was an asshole. I’m not going to deny that. The stuff with Shane really freaked me out, but I shouldn’t have acted like I did. I’m sorry about that.”
“It was the second time you disappeared without a word.” His expression made her flinch and she hurried to continue. “I was going to call but I lost the number.”
Why had she said that? It was a lie. She still had that little piece of paper with his number scrawled on it.
He glanced up. Their eyes met and for a moment, Bernie thought she saw hope in them. Then he looked away again and she did as well. Xavier’s fist opened and closed. He started to suck harder, indicating that the breast he was feeding at was getting low with milk. She didn’t want to just pull him free and flash Tyler, so she threw on a blanket before easing the baby free.
To her surprise, Tyler held his hands out and offered to burp him. Bernie handed the baby over. Tyler propped Xavier on his knee and held him with one hand while using firm pats on the baby’s back to encourage him to burp.
“You look like a real pro. You’re not secretly a nanny, are you? Or I guess it’s ‘manny’. Because we can’t use the same word for men and women. It’s—”
“The same as the man bun, I know.” Tyler shook his head. “Take a deep breath and count to ten, you’re turning red.”
“You count to ten.” Still, she couldn’t help but smile.
Xavier let out a loud burp and Tyler switched to rubbing his back. “That feels better now, doesn’t it? And for your information,” he glanced at her, “a few of the women I dated in the past were single moms. I got pretty used to this.”
A few of the women he used to date. Of course. Bernie looked away quickly. If he wanted to be a dad, he would be. He had the chance. And if she told him at this point? Well… she was in a financially uncertain place, having to choose between the job she adored and one that would give her enough money. She needed to submit her resignation from the dig and take the job at the high school before she told him. Because otherwise, she was just a gold-digger.
So, no. She couldn’t tell him. Not yet.