I was packing to catch my plane a day after Rory had already set off to Colombia. My parents had been thrilled to see me, and even more thrilled that I came barring news of a new mate.

“Justin! We’re so proud and excited to meet him!” They had never officially met Rory, but they had only heard great things throughout our relationship. Because I knew I was joining the army back than I thought distanance between our families would be for the better.

My mother was only scared for my safety had carried on to say, “Does that mean your leaving the army finally and going to find a safe family orientated job?”

“No Mom,” I answered. “You know I love my job.”

My phone started to ring as I folded t-shirts into piles. It was Ryan. “Hey Ry, how are you? I’m just mid-packing to come home! And Rory is meeting me in five days!” When I stopped my gushing I realized there was no excitement being reciprocated on the other line.

“Yeah, that’s great Justin. But, I got some bad news.” I froze on the other end and didn’t answer, just gripped the phone tighter. “We’re being deployed. The infantry has been notified. You’ll get your official notification when you get back. But I thought I should give you the heads up.”

I couldn’t respond. I couldn’t think. I sat down on the edge of my bed. This couldn’t be happening.

“Justin you still there?”

“Yeah.” It was all I could manage to spit out.

“I know man, its rough, but we’re all ready for this, right?”

“Yeah.” Still not processing thoughts or words.

“It’ll be ok, and you got Rory now to help support you.” He was trying to make me feel better, but I was still in shock and really didn’t even know how I felt.

“Yeah, yeah. Well I’m just packing so, thanks for, ah, calling.” I mumbled into the phone.

“You’ll be alright Justin, I’ll see yuh soon.” He hung up.

I stared at my wall for a long time not knowing what to do. I was ready for war, I had been for a long time. I wasn’t, however, ready to leave Rory. Not only that, but I had to tell him I had been lying this whole time. He was going to hate me all over again. I walked out of my room, down the hall and sat in the kitchen. I stared at the wall like a zombie. Mom walked in moments later and dropped to my side asking my what was wrong.

“Justin, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She grabbed my hand holding it between hers.

I shook my head, “Yeah, yeah.” Apparently this was the only word working in my vocabulary at this moment. “I just…” I looked in her eyes. “I’m being deployed.”

“Oh my gosh! When? How? Where? Why?” She fired the questions off so fast. I didn’t even know where to begin.

“Well,” I answered, “they pulled a company, and now they need one to go back in.”

“Jesus. I never thought in a million years that all this would actually happen.” She began to look just as shocked as me.

“I did. I knew it was going to happen. It’s fine I’m ready. I’m just stupid.” I looked down at the floor.

“Why Justin?” She looked deeply concerned.

“Because, I should have never started this relationship, I should have waited. What am I going to say to him?”

“Justin,” she soothed, “Rory knew this was your line of work, he knew what he was signing up for when you mated.” She said it as a statement, but than looked at me as if it were a question. “He does know, right?”

“Well…” I hesitated. “He knows I’m in the army, but I may have made light of the reality.”

“What do you mean?”

I sighed, “I may have told him I was sure I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. In reality I knew I was going somewhere, soon.”

She shook her head. “Justin, you need to set things straight, and if he leaves you, don’t be surprised.”

Gee, thanks Mom, I thought in my head. But we had mated, and we were bound together for life. “I know I fucked up. I’m going to call him now.” I didn’t wait around for her two scents. I walked back into my room and picked up my phone. I didn’t call him though. I lay on my bed for a long time thinking about what I should tell him. I thought for so long I eventually dozed off to sleep.

I woke up around 3am, panicking, not knowing the time. Shit my plane. I fell asleep and hadn’t set an alarm. I started frantically patting my hand around my bed to find my phone. Oh thank god, it was only 3am. I hadn’t missed my flight. I set my alarm this time and lay down again staring up at the ceiling. I felt sick to my stomach. In my head I knew I should be strong and focused.

I needed to mentally prepare myself for my deployment. All I could think about was Rory though and how I was going to hurt him. I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night. I tossed and turned. Finally my alarm went off at 6am. I threw the rest of my belongs in my bag and walked into the kitchen. My mom and dad were both sitting at the kitchen table.

“Son, you ready?” My dad asked.

“For my plane, Yes. For war, I think so.” I wasn’t sure to which he was referring.

“You should have more confidence than that. You’ve been training for a long time.” My father was blunt, but supportive.

I nodded. We drove to the airport in silence for the most part. My mom seemed upset, but was clearly trying to hide her emotions. One word out of her mouth and I’m sure she would end up having a break down.

When we arrived at the airport they gave me hugs. Mom started to cry right on cue. She grabbed my face. “Be safe, please.” She begged me. I hugged my father. “I know you’re ready son, make us proud.” I waved a final goodbye as I walked away.

The entire plane ride I stressed about what I should say to Rory. I still hadn’t responded to his adorable selfie he’d sent me. I couldn’t leave him hanging for much longer. At the same time it didn’t seem real yet, not until I heard it officially. Before I got on the plane I decided I should send him back something. Forever and always I typed. The bad news could wait just a little longer.