I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. I had let myself get carried away. Fallen in love, let him imprint me! Now I was going to be alone. It could be years. Who knew if he would even come back, but I didn’t want to think that thought, that was too hard.

Even though I was heart broken I knew I had no choice but to stay with him. I had committed and I could not take that back just because he was leaving. I had, also, known the whole time that it was a possibility. I hadn’t however, thought it was actually going to happen, not even for one second. At least if it was going to happen it would be years from now. After the honeymoon, after we had had countless laughs and a lifetime of memories. After we had started a family. It was all happening too soon.

I sat on the beach running the warm sand through my fingers, looking out across the ocean. I was thinking hard about my options. I couldn’t move back to Canada, back to the cold just to sit and wait in a lonely apartment by myself. Be miserable until I got the phone call telling me I would finally have him back in my life. What if he never comes back, then what? I would have been putting my life on hold the entire time. It wasn’t fair. I had to call him and tell him I wasn’t coming back. I couldn’t, it was not who I was.

I stretched out on my back, closing my eyes, letting the hot sun warm my body. I didn’t want to be mad anymore. Justin was going through enough. I needed to support him. It was my job as his omega. He would just have to accept the fact I was going to have to support him from down south.

There was so much to think about. The thought of not having the chance to be with him one more time was heart breaking. I wanted to be a good omega for him, support him and send him off. At the same time I knew it would be harder for me if I went to see him one more time. I wouldn’t be able to say goodbye like that. I couldn’t go back just to say goodbye.

I made my decision. I opened my eyes, stood up and brushed the sand off. I walked towards my cabina dreading the phone call I was about to make. I rehearsed the sentences I was going to tell him in my mind over and over again. I touched my scar longingly. Man, this sucked.

I finally reached my cabina and took out my phone. I rang him without video. I couldn’t look at him right now. He answered on the 5^th ring just before I was about to hang up.

“Hey, sorry, I just left my meeting with my…” he paused and his voice lowered, “…C.O.” He knew that word would sting.

“It’s okay,” I was done being mad, I wanted him to know that.

“Are you okay?” he asked. Oh man, I loved him so much. Tears welled in my eyes again. Stay calm, I told myself.

“I’m better. I’ve done some thinking.”

“Okay…”

“I can’t come back. I can’t say goodbye under these circumstances.”

“But Rory—“

I cut him off before he had a chance to convince me of anything else. “It will be too hard to leave again and not know the next time I will see you. But, of course I am your omega. I will be waiting for you.”

There was a long pause, then finally he spoke. “I understand Rory.”

I felt relief and sadness all that same time.

“Can I call you though?” he asked sheepishly

His tone made me laugh through my tears. It was like he was a child asking his mother for candy after being naughty. “Of course. I want to hear from you as much as possible.” I could feel him smile on the other side of the phone.

“My clothes still smell like you.”

I laughed, “Mine do too, baby.”

* * *

We ended the call pleasantly. We were both sad but content at the same time. We had just handled the worst situation that could have possibly happened surprisingly well. If we can make it through this, we can make it through anything he had told me before hanging up.

Weeks passed. It was two days before Justin departed and I wasn’t feeling well. We had spoken on the phone almost everyday. Today I couldn’t handle it. I told him I had to leave and go lay down. He was understanding and said good-bye. I put my head on the pillow and instantly felt ill. I ran to the bathroom covering my mouth. I got sick and continued getting sick. Must have been something I ate. I went to bed early.

I slept fine but in the morning I felt waves of sickness again. I ran back and forth from the toilet several times, eventually falling asleep again. When I woke for the second time, I felt better. Weird, I thought to myself. Now I was starving. I called Ali to join me for a monster breakfast. My appetite was absurdly large for having been sick last night and this morning.

Ali had been crazy supportive of me staying in Colombia, obviously for selfish reasons. She met me with a giant smile on her face.

“You look amazing!” She announced as I walk through the café door.

“Ah, thanks? I’ve been throwing up all night and this morning.”

“Oh my gosh! That’s awful. At least you’re glowing!”

“I guess. Let’s order; I’m starving.” I called the waitress over. Ali ordered a fruit and yogurt bowl, then I ordered. “Three egg omelet fully loaded, side of toast, bacon, gallo pinto, and patacones. Oh and a banana con leche smoothie, por favor.” I smiled and handed back the menu.

Ali started at me with her mouth open. “Jesus, hungry much?”

I laughed. “I told you I’m starving!” I started to sniff the air. “Oh god, what the fuck is that smell?”

“What smell?”

“Oh man, it’s like fish or something.”

She started sniffing the air as well. “Can’t smell anything.”

“Oh man, I think I might be sick again.” I got up and ran to the bathroom. Luckily it was a false alarm but the smell was still lingering in the air and I had to ask to move tables so that we could sit outside, in some fresh air.

Ali looked at me in annoyance. “If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were pregnant.”

The probability hit me like a sack of bricks. My eyes grew triple in size and I slowly moved my hand to my mouth in shock.

“No fucking way.” Ali slammed her hand down on the table leaning close into my face. “You don’t actually think so?”

“Well now I do!” I exclaimed. “First thing after breakfast we are going to buy a test.”

The food arrived and I shoved my face as fast as I could. Partly because I was starving, partly because I couldn’t think about anything other than the fact I might be carrying Justin’s baby.