CHAPTER 31
The women must have made some kind of a pact to never leave Emma alone. They’d circled her like mama elephants with a baby, flapping their ears at anyone who ventured too close. How in the hell was he supposed to explain himself in front of them? They’d judged him, and he’d come up short.
Jason clapped him on the shoulder. “Are you going to talk to her or just stare at her all day?”
“They’re like fruit flies. I can’t get within ten feet of her before one of them swoops in and starts talking to her, or drags her off,” he growled.
Jason chuckled. “Time to man up. You need to show your girl how much she means to you.
“She’s not my girl,” he mumbled.
“But you want her to be?”
Sterling nodded. “More than anything.”
“Then don’t sit on your ass, go get her.”
Sterling’s feet were moving before Jason had finished talking. Jason’s laughter followed him as he crossed Main Street to where she stood outside a vacant storefront next door to Emmaline’s newly re-opened dress shop. He loved seeing Main Street shiny and new. Thanks to Emma, the businesses had decided to wait until today and reopen all at once. The result would be an all-day party that ended with the poker tournament and concert at Resolution Ranch.
“Emma,” he called and five pairs of eyes turned to him. Did they have to stand so close together? “You have a sec? I’d love to talk to you.”
His hands turned sweaty as one of the women gave her a little push forward.
“Hi Sterling,” Luci Cruz said brightly. “What do you think about this storefront? She motioned to the storefront. “We’re trying to convince Emma it’s the perfect place for her new business.”
New business? Was she moving back to Prairie? Hope flamed to life in his chest. If she moved home to Prairie, pursuing her, making things up to her, would be so much easier. Although he’d willingly drive to Kansas City every day if that’s what it took.
“I think it looks great,” he said, meaning it. He looked her right in the eye. Those beautiful big blue eyes tinged with sadness. His gut twisted painfully. He owned some of that pain. He’d do what it took to erase it. “I think you’ll be great.”
“You needed something?” She looked unsure.
“We’ll be right across the street if you need us,” Luci said loudly enough for him to hear. He understood her meaning. We’ll be right here if he’s an asshole. But he wouldn’t be an asshole this time. The framed artwork she’d given him popped into his head. Never never never give up. No way he was giving up. Not when he finally knew what he wanted. Who he wanted.
The women melted away, leaving the two of them standing alone. Sterling’s heart beat erratically, and his lungs emptied. He couldn’t catch his breath. He reached for her hand. “Can we go sit someplace?” His voice didn’t sound like his own. But he’d be damned if he was going to stand here in the middle of Main Street and bare his soul while the entire town looked on.
She nodded. More importantly, she didn’t remove her hand. He led her down the street and around the corner. Neither of them spoke, but an electric current fused their hands together, speaking in a way words could not. Behind the Lutheran church, a little pocket park had survived the previous year’s tornado. As he entered the secluded space, the scent of peonies filled the air. He pulled her to the stone bench that sat tucked under a maple sapling.
He drew her hand to his lap, tracing her fingers with his own. “Emma, I know I’m going to fuck this up, so please be patient. Please hear me out.”
She turned the full force of her gaze to him. It gutted him, seeing her like this, knowing he was the cause. In trying to protect her, he’d brought about the very thing he’d tried to avoid. He cupped her face. “You are so incredibly perfect. Kind and strong and fearless. You do everything with this level of excellence that always pushes me to be better. Even when you’re not there. My life is so incredibly empty without you in it. And I’m ashamed at how I fucked everything up.”
Her eyes shimmered in the dappled light.
He rushed on. “I was so scared I’d turn into Johnny. So scared I’d make you as sad as Macey, that I was an idiot. And I hurt you anyway. And I’m so, so sorry. I was a coward, and Johnny would have kicked my ass for pushing you away.”
A tear slid down her cheek, wetting his thumb.
“The Johnny I knew before he got depressed wasn’t scared of anything. He lived big. And he went after anything he wanted. And I think I told you how he pursued Macey with the same single-mindedness that he pursued his missions. With everything he had. And on the long drive to Chicago I had a lot of time to think.”
Her eyes jumped wide open. “Wait. When did you go to Chicago?”
He shook his head. “Long story. And I’ll tell you all of it another time. What’s important is that I had a long time to think.” He grabbed both her hands and clasped them to his chest. “Love is worse than Ranger school.”
Emma snorted.
“I don’t mean that in a bad way. I mean it in an Oh Shit way. The things they have you do – jumping out of planes, live ammo training, survival training in brutal conditions, it scares the shit out of you, but you do it anyway because you want it so bad. You endure the pain for the gratification.”
“So why is love worse?”
“Because there are no guarantees.”
Emma’s brows knitted together. “But there aren’t in Ranger School either, are there?”
“It’s different. Sure, there are training accidents, but death is rare. The point is you do things that scare the shit out of you, endure the impossible, because you know in the end, you’ll be welcomed into an elite group comprising the best of the best. And you leave it all on the field in the hopes you’ll pass.”
“And love isn’t like that,” Emma filled in. “You leave it all on the field and you may come up empty and alone.”
Sterling nodded. “Yeah. That.”
“So when there’s a mark to hit, it’s easy to throw everything you have into hitting the mark.”
“Exactly. When I went through Ranger school, I knew I had no choice but to keep going. Because I couldn’t live with myself if I’d let fear decide. But I let fear make the calls between us. And if you’ll let me try again, I’ll leave it all on the field for you.”
She regarded him uncertainly.
This was it. This was his Hail Mary. He cupped her face between his hands. “I wasn’t there for you when the shit hit the fan, and I should’ve been. If I hadn’t been such a dick, maybe your stuff wouldn’t have gotten stolen.”
She let out a tiny laugh but it sounded more like a sob, and she covered one of his hands with her own, pressing it against her cheek. “I left my car unlocked. I should have known better. Even in Prairie.”
“I swear, I will skin the culprits alive bit by bit when we find them,” he ground out.
“I was terrified you’d be so mad about the video you’d never talk to me again.”
“Oh, I’m jealous as fuck.” He kissed her forehead. Then the tip of her nose. Then left the barest of kisses on her lips. “I want to be your man. Your only. But I didn’t behave in a way that deserves that honor. However – I will happily spend the rest of my days showing you how much you mean to me. I only want you, Emma.” He almost missed her smile it was so fleeting. “I said awful things I can’t unsay. But hopefully, new words will erase the old ones in time?”
Her eyes clouded and she laid her palm over his heart. “I believe in you, Sterling. Believe you can be the man you want to be. That you can help prevent other veterans from choosing the same fate as Johnny. And I’m so, so proud of you.” She drew in a shaky breath and met his eyes. “But I’m scared. More than anything I want to believe that you’re not going to break me. That you’re going to give us a chance with everything you’ve got. That you’ll fight for us.”
“I will, babe. I promise. I can’t promise I’ll do it perfectly, or that I won’t fuck up. But you have my word as an officer and a gentleman that I will do whatever it takes to make you believe in us. To show you how much I love you, and how much you mean to me.”
She gave him a crooked smile and his face burned.
Fuck. He hadn’t meant for that to slip out so soon. But he was going to fucking own it. “You heard right, babe. I love you. Heck, maybe I’ve loved you since you sassed me playing baseball in the seventh grade, and I was too dumb or arrogant to figure it out.”
Two more tears slid over her cheeks and she giggled. “I’d like to meet your parents. Get to know the Sterling no one knows.”
“From here on out, I’m an open book. I’ll bring you to breakfast tomorrow. You’ll love my mom.”
“Sterling?”
He pressed his forehead against hers, heart pounding the way it did the first time he jumped out of a plane.
“I love you, too.”