CHAPTER 15
What in the hell had just happened? One minute she’d been convinced he was going to take her to bed. The next, he’d pushed her away and yelled about the damned door being unlocked. Elaine let her head fall back to rest on the cabinet, thoughts whirling, body still buzzing from the high of his touch.
Never in her twenty-four years had she been kissed like that.
Ever.
And for the first time in her life, she wanted more. She couldn’t help it, she wanted all of Travis Kincaid. Was it possible to be half in love with someone you’d only kissed once? She’d felt a world of possibility in that kiss, a future spinning out before her filled with happiness. Stability.
Pressing her fingers to the bridge of her nose, she inhaled a deep stuttering breath and slowly let it out. “Think, Elaine. Think.”
But she couldn’t. Not just yet, anyway. Travis’s kiss had detonated a bomb inside her. It was going to take a few minutes to collect herself. Her throat grew itchy and hot. She would not give into tears. She was stronger than that. Had endured too much. She’d made the mistake of allowing herself to hope. Something she wouldn’t be doing again.
Sliding off the counter, her gaze landed on the open bottle of wine. The temptation to pour herself a glass to steady her nerves was powerful. But she couldn’t risk it. Only one more year and then she could live like a normal human being. Blowing out a long sigh of frustration, she turned to the few remaining dishes still soaking in the sink. Turning on the faucet, she ran more hot water and soaped the sponge. At least her hands could stay busy while her thoughts raced.
Dax was asleep on the couch and Travis had stomped out. Who knew when he’d be back? Did he expect her to curl up on the couch next to Dax and wait for him to finish his little tantrum? Anger flashed through her. Should she call Weston? Or Dottie?
She shook her head, putting the soapy dishes on the other side of the sink to rinse. No, she was figuring this out on her own. But as soon as she took her GED she’d ask Dottie to teach her how to drive. For now she was stuck. But she wouldn’t be forever.
She rinsed the remaining dishes and grabbed a towel, slowly drying and putting them away, becoming acquainted with Travis’s kitchen layout. It had been a nice meal. Weston and Travis one-upping each other in an effort to make Dax laugh. And she’d been excited about the first project Weston had given her – identifying potential supporters based on analytics. She’d had no idea that voting software could be so sophisticated.
In spite of the way Travis made her feel, she wasn’t going to walk away from this job. The money alone was a game changer for her. And she’d endured far worse conditions for far less money. She’d have to keep reminding herself this was a business opportunity and nothing more. She pushed down the hard knot of disappointment that had lodged itself in her chest. Love just wasn’t in the cards for her.
With the kitchen set to rights, there was only one thing left to do. Squaring her shoulders, she headed for the door, stopping to brush her fingers through Dax’s light hair and give him a kiss on the forehead. His round pudgy face, angelic and sweet when he slept, pulled on her heartstrings. Everything for him. He would have the opportunities she never even knew existed.
Giving Dax a last kiss, she stood and marched out of the house. The night air was heavy and still. Not even a hint of a breeze. Her trailer would be an oven tonight, even with the tiny window AC unit running full blast. She had no idea where to look for Travis. She didn’t even know how big the property was.
Stepping off the porch, she wandered across the yard, scanning for anything out of the ordinary. Her ears filled with the sounds of crickets and frogs. Whoever said the country was quiet didn’t know what they were talking about. A coyote yipped in the distance.
As she came around the barn, a glorious sight stopped her in her tracks. A three-quarter moon hung low on the horizon, pouring light over the hills in its yellow majesty. Peaceful. Serene. A stark contrast to the man who leaned on the fence on the far side of the paddock, also gazing skyward.
The urge to go to him, to soothe the tension that held his shoulders tight, zipped down her legs, pushing her feet to move. But she held steady. She approached slowly and stopped within calling distance. The draw of his shoulders told her he’d heard her soft approach. Taking a deep breath, she braced for the words she knew she had to get out. “I’m not going to let you blow hot and cold with me, Travis.” She kept her voice low, but strong. “I deserve better.”
He dipped his head, arms tightening on the rail, but didn’t turn around.
Taking another fortifying breath, she continued. “I loved kissing you. But I can see you’re not ready for…” She cast about for the right word, but how could you describe anticipation and desire all rolled up into one? “Whatever it is that’s between us. Tomorrow I will cash your check, and when you pick me up I’ll be nothing more than your campaign person.”
She hated saying those words. They ripped through her with the intensity of a Band-Aid coming off. But it was for the best. At some point, if they became truly intimate, he would expect her to share things. Talk about her past. And then it would be over for good. Better a little pain now than total heartbreak later. “Please take me and Dax home.”
He swung around, his face stark and tight in the moonlight. “I’m sorry,” he rasped, scraping a hand across his jaw and shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have… I never meant to…” His eyes raked over her, wild and raw with turmoil. “You’re so beautiful. And soft. I would ruin you.”
God, that hurt. Hearing him say she was beautiful and that he’d ruin her in the same breath. As if she hadn’t already sunk so low. Hot tears poked at her eyelids. No one had ever called her beautiful. Or looked at her with the kindness that Travis had. But she had to think straight for her son. “We’re both adults,” her voice came out clipped and rehearsed. “You’ve given me a great job opportunity and we both can be professional.”
Travis sagged against the fence and nodded his head. “You’re right.” He pushed off and passed, giving her a wide berth.
That hurt too.
You’ve been through worse, she reminded herself as she followed at a distance. She waited below the porch while he checked the house, and returned with Dax folded over his shoulder, her new phone in hand.
After he locked the door, he stopped in front of her and stretched out the phone. “Take this with you,” he said roughly. “You never know when you or Dax will need anything. And teach Dax how to call 911.”
She nodded mutely and followed him to the truck, touching him as little as possible when he helped her up. The drive back seemed endless, silence pressing in on them from all sides.
“Wait here,” he said when he pulled up in front of her little trailer. He proceeded up the short walkway and let himself in, turning on a light. She jumped down and waited at the end of the truck while he pulled Dax out and marched ahead of her into the trailer. She hovered by the door while he put Dax to bed, unsure of where to stand so she could avoid his physical presence. But the place was so tiny, there was no avoiding him. He paused in front of her, stony-faced. For a long moment she held his gaze, unable to look away. He raised a hand and gently cupped her cheek, thumb sliding across her cheekbone. The ache in her chest was so intense, tears sprang to her eyes. Before she could blink them back, he’d stepped away and disappeared through the door.