CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
He couldn’t believe Paige was here. In the flesh. He kept reaching out to touch her, run his hands down her arms or through her hair just to remind himself this wasn’t one of his dreams. That she was allowing him to do so was overwhelming. The last time he’d seen her she’d been hurt and angry, walking out of his life.
“Not that I’m complaining, love, because I’m thrilled that you’re here…but how? Why? I thought I’d never see you again.”
She sat down on the edge of the bed and he sat next to her, their hands entwined. He could smell her shampoo, that scent that had driven him half mad since she’d left, and feel the softness of her skin. There was a part of him that feared this was some break with reality until she leaned over and kissed him, soft and sweet and over much too quickly.
“I thought that too,” she sighed. “I’m still kind of mad at you.”
She had every reason to be. He’d been ruthless in pushing her away.
“I’m sorry, love. I’m so, so sorry.” Once he’d started speaking, it seemed like he couldn’t stop. “I was so afraid that you’d hate me for giving up your dream of making Flynn’s movie. I hated the thought that in a few years you’d resent me and wish you hadn’t chosen me. I couldn’t take seeing that. I just couldn’t.”
His voice broke, a huge lump in his throat making it difficult to catch his breath. Her fingers tightened on his and he could see the tears welling up in her eyes and her lips trembling with emotion. From the agony on her face, she’d been as miserable as he was.
“I know. I know why you did it and now I know why I let you push me away. I guess maybe I was a little scared of not being enough too.”
“You’re more than enough,” he rushed in to assure her. She was everything. He’d learned that while she was gone.
“I need to finish this, handsome, or I may not say it at all. I’m pissed that you tried to control me. You can’t do that anymore, even when you think you know better than me. Next time we just wait until we’re not mad anymore and talk it through. It may take several conversations and a bunch of arguments but we’ll work it out. The alternative is not to be together and I don’t want that.”
He hung his head, ashamed of his own actions. “I can only apologize profusely. I shouldn’t have done it and I was ruled by my fear. Your happiness is the most important thing in my life, love. I’d do and sacrifice anything to give you what you need.”
“I know that and I’m so grateful to have found someone like you, but you need to know that you don’t have to save me or sacrifice yourself. You’re already my hero.”
“I promised Jason–”
“Wait,” she interrupted, her brows pinched together. “Jason? What did you promise him?”
Paige looked extremely unhappy at this revelation. Too late Nate realized he should have kept his mouth shut but he wasn’t thinking straight with her so close to him.
“He was concerned about our relationship and I promised him that I would always put you first. I meant that then, and I mean it now.”
Her lips tightened at his reply.
“He questioned you about us?”
“It was at Thanksgiving,” he explained, wanting to take her focus from Jason. None of this was the young man’s fault. Nate owned this mess. “This isn’t about Jason, love. This was my decision and mine alone. He loves you and wants the best for you, plus he looks to you for security and stability. It was a natural concern and we talked about it. I think he and I are good. At least we were. What does he know about the last two weeks?”
The frown she’d been wearing disappeared and her entire demeanor relaxed.
“Nothing. He was at school until a few days ago and when he asked about coming here to London for Christmas I just told him I was still deciding.”
His chest didn’t feel large enough to hold his heart. “Thank you for deciding in my favor.”
“I think I would have eventually been here but Carrie sort of gave me the push I needed,” she revealed with a smile. “She said I was throwing away my happiness with both hands. She also said that we were selfish and stupid for turning our backs on love when we both know what it’s like to be alone. She made a good case.”
He was going to go out and get Carrie the greatest Christmas present ever. He owed the younger woman more than he could ever repay. Because Paige loved him, he had a future.
Nate pressed baby kisses on her cheekbone and temples, making her laugh and giggle some more. The doubts that had plagued him for the last twenty-four hours didn’t stand a chance when Paige was this close to him. “I’ve been thinking about this movie thing.” He felt her stiffen next to him but he plowed forward. This was something that needed to be settled between them. “I have some contacts in the business and Max does too. If we make him a producer on the film, we might be able to raise the money we need to get it done. I talked it over with him a few days ago and he wants to branch out behind the camera as well. We can make this work. We can be together and get the movie made.”
“That would work.” She leaned over and pulled her cell phone from the side pocket of her purse on the floor. “Or we could go with this new offer that Kris sent me right before I got on the plane. They’re excited to have you star and direct plus I get my creative control. You know the business better than me so I’d like your advice as to which way we should go.”
He read through the email with growing amazement. There was another offer just as Paige said there would be. She got her happily ever after. If Nate had his way, she always would.
“We can talk about the pros and cons, but now we have options.”
She nuzzled against him, her body warm and delicious. “I love you. Next time we’re mad at each other, let’s not do anything rash, okay? Let’s just give each other the silent treatment like other people in love.”
He rested his chin on top of her head, and pulled her closer. “I love you too. I promise no drama from here on out.”
She tugged at his arm so he would let her go. “We’re in love. We’re not dead. We’re going to fight. We’re going to stomp around the house. The trick is to remember what we have together and to place that above it.”
“I can’t think of anyone or anything that would be more important than my wife.”
He hadn’t even realized he’d said it until he looked down into her face, her eyes wide with shock. Her mouth was open and she was trying to speak but only a squeak came out. He felt the heat rush into his cheeks. This wasn’t how he’d wanted to broach the subject.
“About that…I guess you could say that I’ve been thinking about us…and commitment for awhile now. Definitely since Thanksgiving and maybe before. You know, happily ever after and forever.”
He was babbling and he needed to cease immediately. He snapped his lips closed and tried to breathe. In and out. It was like waiting for the executioner’s ax. She might react with revulsion at the idea of him being any sort of husband to her. They were only just back together.
“Marriage,” she whispered, her voice tentative. “You’ve been thinking about marriage?”
“Specifically with you,” he rushed on, not sure what to say next but knowing he needed to say something. “I know you said you didn’t want to get married but I said the same thing too. I’m actually thinking that it might not be a bad idea. You. Me. The rest of our lives.”
“It does sound good.” She frowned and pushed at his shoulder. “This better not be a proposal, handsome. In your childhood bedroom while we’re making up after a nasty fight. It lacks romance and finesse.”
He shuddered at the thought. “Certainly not. I wasn’t thinking we’d rush into it or anything. I kind of thought it could be there for us when we were ready. Maybe in a few months or maybe in a year. We’ll decide.” He got nose to nose with her. “But believe me when I propose you’re going to be swept off your feet. I’m the king of romance and I’ll prove it to you.”
She held up her hands in surrender. “I believe you. So we kind of just sit with this then? Knowing that’s in the future. I like that idea. It feels…warm and good.”
He took her hands in his, lifting them to press a kiss to the knuckles. “I never thought I would have this. I didn’t think this kind of love truly existed.”
He’d surprised her; he could see it in her eyes that shone with tears yet to be shed. Licking her lips, she took a visible breath.
“It’s not only real, it’s ours. We have to take care of it. Nurture it.”
He kissed her tenderly and then more passionately as emotion took over. “Thank you for giving me another chance.” He kissed the tip of her nose and turned to lead her out of the bedroom and back down with his family. He couldn’t wait for them to get to know her, but she stood her ground not moving from that spot in the middle of the room.
“Love? Don’t you want to go downstairs?”
“In a minute.” Her smile was gone and in its place was a sober expression that had him worried all over again. Had she changed her mind so quickly? Was he more trouble than he was worth? “I just want to say something first. I love you and I feel so lucky that you love me. But you need to know one thing. You can’t keep going back and forth like this, whipping me around like the Scrambler at the state fair. One minute you’re all in and the next you think that maybe we shouldn’t be together. From now on, I need you to be committed to me.”
Nate nodded vigorously. “I am, love. Totally and completely.”
Tears slid down her cheeks and he reached to wipe them away, a lead weight on his chest. “I can’t take this back and forth, Nate. It hurts when you pull away. I can take the doubts and fears but I can’t take this whiplash again. Believe in yourself, believe in us. But God, Nate, believe in me and my love. Stop making my decisions for me. It’s not for you to decide whether I’d be better off without you or making some movie. As sexy as you are, you don’t get to run my life. If I hadn’t come here today we might have ended things without giving me a voice. That can’t happen again.”
He’d been hurting her by trying not to hurt her. He had some making up to do.
“You’re right. All of this was rather high-handed, wasn’t it? I wouldn’t want you to do the same. End things because you thought I’d be better off,” he conceded. “I’d be hurt and angry and lonely.”
He used the hem of his shirt underneath his cardigan to dry her tears. She laughed and tucked it back into his waistband. “Merry Christmas, handsome. Here’s to the first of many holidays together.”
He wasn’t sure he’d ever felt so happy in his entire life. One thing was certain, his favorite Christmas memory had changed. The bicycle was now definitely second.
“Happy Christmas, love. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Merry,” she said, a mischievous glint in her eye. “It’s Merry Christmas.”
His beautiful American wife-to-be. The love of his life and beyond.
“Happy,” he corrected softly. “You’re in England. Christmases are happy here.”
She slid her arms around his neck and pulled his head down to hers.
“They certainly are.”