By the time James returned alone to Bodiam Castle he was in a foul mood.

It was creeping up to midnight by the time his mother’s driver approached the bridge over the moat. James barely let the man tap the brakes before he flung the door open with a grunt of ‘thank you’ and shut the door behind him. He shoved his hands into his trouser pockets and trudged towards the front entrance over the water with his head bowed, glad for the night-time darkness that offered him some privacy.

The day had been one long disaster. Every single moment had been dominated by James’s mother, who had talked non-stop. James knew she was just excited, but poor Klara had hardly got a word in edgeways. Neither did James, but he wasn’t their guest.

Once they had arrived in London and met up with his sister Olivia, their mother kept her word and didn’t bring up anything about Klara’s potential marriage. She just talked incessantly about Olivia’s upcoming nuptials.

Olivia tried to change the subject several times, but their mother kept steering the conversation back to the dress and the venue and how important it was for ‘The People’ to have things like royal weddings and babies to keep them interested in the monarchy. James had tried to suggest that involvement in real issues, like, say, the charities he was currently supporting, also endeared the populace. But his mother quickly brushed that aside.

“You can only play the ‘boohoo sad card’ so much, darling,” she had told him over their three-hundred-pound-a-plate dinner at The Dorchester. “The people want to see us being happy. They love to believe in the fairy tale. It’s our duty, don’t you agree, Klara?”

By that point, poor Klara had learned her best bet was to smile and nod. At least by then, they had alcohol to try and escape the madness.

Every time James’s mother casually threw a compliment Klara’s way, or mentioned one of James’s accolades (which, honestly, he really didn’t have many), he cringed. To be fair, his mother was being reasonably subtle. But James could see what she was doing a mile off.

Dear lord above. This wasn’t the nineteenth century. He never thought he needed to take his mother’s hints about Klara over the years as anything other than jest. Apparently, he was wrong.

The thing was, though, if it was just a case of politely, but firmly, telling his mother he wasn’t going to be married off, it would be fine. But the timing meant the reality of James’s situation had hit home with the force of a wrecking ball.

James’s duty was to his family. His family was there to represent the Crown, country and Commonwealth. As his mother so eloquently put it, they were there to lift hearts and minds, to sell the United Kingdom to the world as much as to sell merchandise to tourists.

A same-sex relationship was not going to do that. The world just wasn’t ready for it. It would cause outrage and upset and backlash. It could have political implications and damage international relations. All because James might love a man as much as he did a woman.

It was a bucket of cold water over his reality. His frustration had made him surly, which had made his mother severely unimpressed. Poor Livy had tried to support him when he’d apologised for having a headache, but their mother just saw it as a shameful lack of decorum. All in all, they had been an uncomfortable, quiet group when they had parted ways after dinner.

At first, James told himself this was his anger coming out about a general shackling of his liberties. The fact that he could never freely date a man was grossly unfair, absolutely. But the closer he got back to Bodiam, he realised it was worse than that.

He didn’t want to admit any of this to Theo. He wanted to live in a fantasy bubble where they could date and spend as much time together as they wished, like any couple in the tentative early days of a relationship. But this couldn’t even be a relationship. They couldn’t be boyfriends. Theo would never stand with James on the balcony at Buckingham Palace and wave to the crowds. If it wasn’t Klara, it would be another young woman of appropriate birth.

James tried very hard to tell himself there was every chance he could meet an amazing lady. But he couldn’t help but feel he had already met an amazing man.

On the drive back to East Sussex, James had swung between breaking things off immediately with Theo to try and save them both the heartache, and marching straight up to Theo’s room and throwing himself at his feet. He knew Theo was aware this was a difficult situation for James because of his title. But James was sure neither of them expected their week together to be interrupted so spectacularly.

James knew there was never a chance he and Theo could actually attend the ball together. But this was their special night, the accumulation of both their hard work. James had wanted to share it with Theo, even if they couldn’t hold hands. Now that Princess Klara was attending, James knew his mother would expect him to dote on her.

Which led James to wonder…had someone at the castle mentioned something to Iggy? James was sure he could trust everyone at Bodiam. But how well did he really know each individual member of staff? The truth was, he didn’t. And perhaps it had been an innocent remark. If Iggy had been fishing for information about Theo, someone might have mentioned he and James had dinner or had gone out on the moat together.

James ground his teeth as he reached the front doors. Damn Iggy and the antiquated stick up his arse. James was sure if he wasn’t whispering poison into the entire family’s ear, this wouldn’t be half the issue it had become. But the trouble was, Iggy really knew his stuff when it came to most other aspects of public relations. If he wasn’t such a racist, homophobic wanker, James would be happy to listen to him.

“Good evening, Sir,” Quintin said as James stormed through the front door. He must have seen James walking across the bridge and come to the entrance to meet him. As fuming as James was, he was also grateful to see a friendly face. The castle was quiet this late at night, especially after the hustle and bustle of London.

“Quintin,” James said, stopping and nodding at the butler. James tried to shake off his anger, but the best he could do was open and close his fists. “Is…do you…where is Mr Glass? I have something urgent to discuss with him.”

“He is in his room,” Quintin said without pause. “I believe he is still working, last I checked.” Quintin tilted his head and appeared to consider his words. “I was under the impression he had something urgent he wished to discuss with you as well. I explained that you would not be able to phone while you were on official business.”

James dug his fingernails into his palms. He had wanted to write a text to Theo all day. But he couldn’t, obviously. And he couldn’t risk his mother overhearing a conversation when she wouldn’t let him out of her sight. He could have chanced a call in the car back from London, but he didn’t trust his mother’s chauffeur not to eavesdrop, even if he did try and keep his words neutral.

Damn it all to hell. “Was Mr Glass…concerned at my absence?”

Quintin stepped aside, holding his arm out in the direction of Theo’s room. “I would assume he’ll be pleased to see you now,” Quintin said evenly.

Shit. Theo was pissed at him, too. James felt like he had a black cloud hanging over his head as he thanked Quintin and marched off towards Theo’s room.

This was for the best. If Theo was angry at him, it would be easier on both of them to walk away now. They should just have it out and be done with it. James would be able to cherish the night before as one of the best in his life. There was always a chance it was going to be a one-time thing.

Even if that did break his heart. Just thinking about Theo’s touch on his skin again was enough to make James tremble. But it was best to leave things as civil as possible while Theo was mad at him. James could break up if they were both pissed off, he was sure.

“Come in,” Theo’s voice called out in response to James’s knock on his door. He took a breath to steel himself, then entered.

Theo was working by lamplight at his desk. He turned from his laptop and blinked owlishly, rubbing his eyes. He was wearing a faded T-shirt, grey jogging bottoms and his Shrek slippers. He looked soft and snuggly and James’s heart immediately faltered.

“Oh,” Theo said in surprise when he saw James. He rose to his feet and hugged himself. “Hi. I was getting worried.”

Fuck. Of course he wasn’t angry. This was going to be much harder than James thought. Impossible, even. When Theo took a step forwards, James stepped back towards the closed door.

“I’m sorry,” James bit out. He shoved his hands into his pockets to stop him from reaching out for Theo and looked at the floor. “I, well, this is what my life is like. So, there’s no point in doing any more of…this.” He waved his hand between them. “It was a mistake.”

He couldn’t help but look up at the splutter of indignation. Yes. There was the anger on Theo’s face he’d been expecting. “A mistake?” Theo repeated. “I’m a mistake.”

James swallowed and did his best to hold Theo’s gaze. He deserved at least that. “No,” he said firmly. “But I can’t be what you want. Things are too complicated. So, it’s best we not kid ourselves and part ways now.”

“Oh, and, what?” Theo snapped. “You just get to decide that?” He threw his hand over his head and clicked his fingers. “You fuck me and then decide I’m not worth even a conversation more. Fucking charming.”

“It’s not like that and you know it!” James shouted at him, not caring who might overhear. His mother had mentioned Iggy might stay at the castle for the remainder of the week, but even that didn’t deter James. He couldn’t stand Theo looking at him like that. With disgust.

“Then what is it like?” Theo asked. He sounded distraught rather than angry. “I’m not an idiot, James. I know this has a shelf life. But I really thought you were better than just chucking me away like a used condom.”

“I can’t give you what you want!” James cried. His chest was tight and his eyes were burning. “What I want! I know it was only one night, but I thought…I thought we could at least…fuck, this is absolutely intolerable. It’s cruelty to both of us.”

Theo stepped forwards, his hands raised. This time, James didn’t back away. “James,” he said. The use of his name was soothing. “I want you to calm down and look at me.” James took a breath and glanced up from the floor. Theo was closer than he realised. James bunched his fists, his rage still boiling inside. “It didn’t feel like just one night to me. It felt like more – like it could be more. So, do you want to be here with me, now?”

James felt like something broke inside him. “Yes,” he said in despair. He threw his hands down by his side. “But-”

Theo crossed the distance between them and grabbed James’s wrists. “No! No ‘buts’,” he said. He looked up into James’s eyes. “Why can’t we have this time together?”

“Because it will hurt when it ends,” James said, closing his eyes.

Theo touched his lips to James’s in a chaste kiss. “Babe,” Theo said with a heavy sigh against James’s mouth. “It’s going to hurt anyway, don’t you reckon?”

James screwed up his eyes. He loathed being told what to do. He suspected Theo didn’t respond well to it, either. But there were forces at work far greater than the two of them. Theo would be vilified if James ever tried to claim him as his own. Without the Queen’s blessing, they stood no chance.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Theo,” James said miserably.

“Then don’t dump me because you’ve got this idea it’s the right thing to do,” said Theo, a touch of irritation in his voice. But he followed it with a laugh. “Why can’t we leave as friends? It’s like a holiday romance. You just think of the here and now, not what’s going to happen tomorrow.”

Theo’s hands felt so good around James’s wrists. Like they were tethering him to the floor. His face was still turned up towards James’s, too. He nuzzled his nose against James’s cheek.

“If…” James said. His voice was thick and rough. “If I have you again, I’m not certain I can let you go when the time comes.”

Theo kissed his cheek. “You’re a grown man,” Theo told him. “If you want to tell your family to piss off and join the twenty-first century already, you can. I get if you don’t want to do that, though. We live in the real world. But…if you do like me, I’m just asking you not to kill this thing we have between us right now. Not when we could be having really great sex.”

He gave James a cheeky grin. James managed a weak smile in return. “If it was just sex, I wouldn’t be a mess right now,” he said quietly.

Theo gave him a searching look. “You are, aren’t you?” Theo said.

James knew he was asking why. What had changed between now and this morning. James should probably tell him about Klara and his mother’s meddling ways. But he couldn’t bring himself to.

“Come here,” Theo said and led James towards his bed. It looked like it had fresh sheets on it since last night. Theo made short work of James’s shirt buttons, then pushed the garment off his shoulders and onto the floor. “Is this okay?”

James nodded. “It’s wonderful,” he whispered. He wanted Theo to take him away, to take him out of himself. James trusted him enough to hand him control of the situation completely. Theo wouldn’t hurt him. Not while he was still here. It was when he left that James would suffer.

Theo divested him of his shoes, then his khakis. Clad only in his briefs, James allowed himself to be pushed onto the bed.

He lay back on the pillows as Theo, still wearing his joggers and T-shirt, climbed on top of him. Where he straddled James’s hips, their cocks rubbed together through their clothes. Theo leaned down and kissed his lips. “How about,” he asked, kissing him again, “I do all the hard work and you lie back and think of England?”

James snorted. “I’m good at that,” he said ruefully.

Theo shook his head. “None of that,” he said firmly, but there was also a playful glint in his eye. “Not unless you want me to gag you?”

James’s cocked twitched in appreciation at that idea. He blinked in surprise. Theo was watching him carefully. Was Theo really offering what James thought? His heart sped up.

“No,” he said slowly, carefully. “But…you could…” He broke off, unable to ask for what he wanted. Dear lord, he was a useless excuse of a man.

Theo took James’s jaw in his hand and turned his face so they were looking at each other. His grip didn’t hurt, but James wasn’t going anywhere. “James,” Theo said. “Take a breath, nice and slow. Then tell me what you want.”

It was so simple when Theo made the decisions for him. James inhaled slowly. “I want you to restrain my hands,” James said. He had to close his eyes and whisper, but he would be honest. “I just want to be here, with you. Nowhere else.”

“Look at me, James,” Theo said. He used his name to anchor him just as much as his hands around James’s wrists had done so over by the door. James opened his eyes, his chest tight. “You are here. It’s just us. There’s nothing else.” He kissed James’s mouth softly. Then he leaned back and lifted James’s hands from by their hips to clasp them together above his head. “Like that?” he asked.

Relief rushed through James. He’d been too afraid to ask this of anyone since Arnav back at Sandhurst. He’d known when James sometimes needed someone else to take control, make decisions for him. Even just having Theo hold his hands there was enough to make James relax. He nodded. “Perfect,” he said, his voice raw.

Theo smiled and leaned down to kiss him again. “Well done,” he said. “I’m proud of you.” The praise almost brought tears to James’s eyes. It certainly made his cock throb. “Stay there, now,” Theo told him.

As he hopped off the bed, James watched him. His erection was blindingly obvious in his tracksuit bottoms as he went to his wardrobe and pulled out a tie. He looked at it thoughtfully, then back at the bed, then down at an enormous box of fairy lights that James hadn’t noticed before on the floor.

Theo pulled a length of the lights out from the box and came back over to James. Carefully, he tied the lights around the back posts of the bed, just above the headboard. Then he secured the end of the tie around the middle of the string of lights before using the narrower end to wrap around James’s crossed wrists and tie a knot. It was just tight enough that James knew he would have trouble escaping by himself. Theo ran his finger under the silky material and raised an eyebrow.

“Is that all right?” he asked.

James was breathing heavily from anticipation. His cock was rock hard. “Yes,” he said clearly. Theo had done this before, he must have. It sent a thrill through James that Theo hadn’t even paused to question what James wanted, what he needed. Theo would take the decisions away from him now. “What do you want to do?”

Theo smiled and straddled him again. He ran his hands up and down James’s sides, tickling him a little and tweaking his nipples. “I want you to stay like this until I untie you. Would you like that?” James nodded and tried not to gulp. “I want to take some time getting to know your body. Then I want to ride you. I might want to fuck your mouth a bit, because it’s gorgeous.” Theo bit his lip and smiled bashfully, his hands resting on James’s chest. “You’re all gorgeous.”

“So are you,” James said quickly, meaning it. Theo smiled wider and blushed, glancing away.

“Thank you,” he said softly. “I’ll use condoms for all of that. I want you to keep your eyes open as much as you can, but definitely if I ask you. I want you to talk as much as you like. I want you to feel amazing.”

James thought his heart might beat out of his chest. He nodded. “Please,” he rasped. He wasn’t sure how long he was going to last, he was already so turned on. The rest of the world seemed so far away already. “Shall I…do you…” Theo watched him patiently. He obviously wanted James to articulate himself. “When can I come?”

Theo, the little minx, ground his cock against James’s and made him gasp. Theo grinned. “Because you asked, you can come whenever you like,” he said. “But I won’t untie you until I come. Does that sound fair?”

James nodded. “Thank you.”

Theo cradled his face and pressed their foreheads together. His blond hair fell onto James’s and he couldn’t help but close his eyes. “I’ve got you, James,” Theo said. “You’re doing so well. I’m so glad you asked for what you wanted.”

James shivered. It was so simple. He just had to tell Theo what he desired, and do what he was told, and it would make them both happy. It was strange that being tied up could release James’s tension. But, as he’d discovered with Arnav, there was freedom in letting go.

“I trust you,” he said to Theo.

Theo lifted his head and they looked into each other’s eyes only an inch or so apart. “I trust you, too,” Theo said. “I know you’ll tell me if you’re not happy, if something doesn’t feel right. Do you have a special word if we need to stop?”

James had used one before. But he wanted something new with Theo. He wracked his brain. What word could he use with his feisty little lover? James thought of their afternoon on the rowboat, when he knew he was really in serious trouble.

“Swan?” he said.

Theo smiled and kissed his lips. “Swan,” he repeated. “Perfect. You just lie back and relax.”

James curled his toes and dropped his head back. He couldn’t wait.