“What did that kettle ever do to you?” Sal asked as Theo stomped around the small kitchen.

Theo sighed and offered her a sheepish smile. “Nothing,” he admitted. “I’m just being pissy. Which is a load of bollocks, considering what a brilliant day we’ve had.”

He looked fondly through the net curtains on the window to see his nan pottering about, watering the garden again. Even on a day off, she still had to keep busy.

Theo had done a good job at hiding his irritation after meeting Prince James. Nan and he had gone for an absolutely delicious lunch down a posh London pub once they’d left the palace. She’d just had her usual cup of tea, of course, but Theo had made himself feel a little better with a couple of rum and cokes. All the way home, she’d chatted about the people she’d met and what a lot of silly fuss they’d made of her. Deep down, though, he could tell she was chuffed to bits.

Now she was changed back into her usual blouse, long skirt and flat, sensible shoes so she could tend to her flowers and make sure they were blooming. She was smiling to herself in the late afternoon sunshine.

Theo made himself take a long breath and let go of the irritation that was rattling around inside him. It was like he’d bottled it all up until he was safely away from his nan. Then it had all come chuntering out for poor Sal. Not that she seemed to mind. In fact, Theo was pretty sure she was amused by the whole affair.

“So,” she said as he sat down at the kitchen table with her and two mugs of tea. As usual, when Sal was stationary, there was a text book open in front of her and sheets of notes scattered about detailing the anatomy of dogs, cats and rabbits.

“So?” he said, sipping his tea.

She smirked and shook her head. “Only you would meet a prince and get in a barney. Why couldn’t you have just given them your phone for a few hours?”

“Because then I would have delayed several orders for the charity and missed a vulnerable youth reaching out for help,” he said hotly.

“And you answered those messages during the ceremony, did you?” she asked, cradling her mug of tea. Theo grumbled and she arched an eyebrow in triumph. “You just don’t ever want to trust anyone but yourself to get things done. It’s no life, you know. You need to let loose every now and again. Switch off. Relax.”

“Ha,” Theo said in disbelief, poking Sal’s textbook. “Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.”

But Sal didn’t look put out. In fact, she preened. “That’s why I go rock climbing, innit?”

Theo had to give her that. He couldn’t believe a Muslim girl could join a rock climbing club in Dagenham. But she’d bloody done it. Got one of those special sports hijabs and everything.

“I make myself switch off and have some me time,” she said. “Because shit like that looks good on CVs.” Theo snorted and she grinned back. “Seriously, it makes me feel better, like I’m actually living. Getting drunk and getting laid once a month isn’t a life.”

“Ouch,” Theo said. “I’m not that bad.” He got more sex than just once a month. At least he used to.

This was what he loved about Sal. He knew she wasn’t judging the drinking or the shagging. Hell, she even came out dancing with him sometimes. But her point was that it was pretty shallow and empty fun.

What was Theo supposed to do, though? He didn’t want a boyfriend. That would be another person he could count on to leave him. He just wanted to do shots, dance like a freak and come with, on or inside someone. His hand got boring after a while. He didn’t think that was too much to ask.

“Look,” he said, trying to change the subject. “This isn’t about the phone. Because, all right, that was kind of a dick move on my part. This is-” he clenched his fists “-about some stuck-up toff being all high and mighty and accusing me of stuff I didn’t do and treating me like the great unwashed.”

Sal spun her pen between her fingers, not taking her eyes off Theo. He squirmed in his seat.

“What?” he said eventually.

“You flip off people left, right and centre,” she said and leaned back in her chair. “I’m the one who gets traumatised if I accidentally bash into someone at the supermarket. Normally, if someone’s out of line, you tell them to piss off and can’t even recall it happening five minutes later.”

Theo crossed his arms. “And? What’s your point? I should have curtsied to him and said ‘yes, Your Royal Highness’ like a good boy?”

“It was just a misunderstanding. There was hardly a cross word between you.” Sal giggled and bit her lip. “You liked him,” she said with a wicked glint in her eye.

“Oh, fuck off,” Theo cried. But Sal didn’t change her expression. “Oh, come off it. Yeah, he’s hot. We’ve all seen the photos. He’s a bloody prince. But he’s also kind of a twat.”

“Just your type, then,” Sal countered.

“I don’t have a type,” said Theo automatically.

“Yeah,” said Sal with a wink. “You slut.”

He whacked her with a stack of papers, making her cackle. “I did not like him, okay?” Theo said firmly. “I’m kind of sorry I was a dick to him, but he was a dick to me too. There were an awful lot of dicks for no orgasm. So, let’s just forget about it, all right? It might be funny in a few weeks. But right now, it’s just made me feel a bit crap.”

Sal was correct, though. Normally he just shook off anyone who was a wanker to him without a second thought. He’d had far too many people treat him like shit in his life to waste time hand-wringing over it. The fact he lived with his nan was testimony to that.

But James had got under his skin.

Sal finally did look sympathetic. She stood up and came around the table to hug him from behind. Theo sighed and placed his hands over hers, resting his head on her arm. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

But Theo shook his head. “I’m the one who should be sorry,” he said. “I’m just glad Nan didn’t see me being a tit. I’d be gutted if I’d spoiled her day.”

“You just care too much,” Sal said, kissing the top of his head. “It’s in your genes.”

They both looked fondly out into the garden. Nan appeared to be having a chat with a big, fat bumblebee queen as she hovered around the Sweet Williams.

“I just wish I could help her more,” Theo whispered. He was appalled at the lump that suddenly formed in his throat, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. “What if we go under because I can’t keep us afloat? What will happen to everyone else? To Nan?”

“And to you,” Sal pointed out, hugging him tighter with a little shake. “Stop putting yourself last all the time. And it’s not all going to go under. There will always be bake sales and bingo nights and family fair days. People love doing all the things you put on, not least because they love you and your nan. So stop being such a drama queen, all right? My nerves can’t take it.”

Theo chuckled and dried his eyes. “You cheeky cow, making me go all mushy. Right, fuck it with this tea.” He downed the last of it. “I think I need something stronger. You want to stay for dinner?”

Sal shook her head. “Mum’s making biryani,” she said as she began to collect up her notes. “I’d better head off.”

“Oh, really?” Theo said. “On second thought, can I come to yours instead?”

They laughed, although he was only half-kidding. But the truth was he wasn’t all that hungry after his and Nan’s epic lunch. He’d probably help her finish up the watering, then make them some beans on toast or something similar to nibble on later.

It didn’t take long for Sal to get all her papers in order. Theo walked her to the door.

“Thank you for listening to me moan,” he said, trying not to sound sheepish. But he was a bit all over the place right now. Maybe he did need a night off to just turn his phone on silent and watch telly.

“Take care, you daft numpty,” Sal said affectionately. “See you soon, yeah?”

Theo nodded. “I’ve got to make the most of you before you swan off back to uni again.”

They were too busy ribbing each other to pay much attention as Theo opened the door.

They soon stopped as they noticed the prince standing on the other side.