By the time Theo and his nan made it back to Dagenham, he thought he might be all cried out. The numbness that had settled in his chest was strangely comforting. He would rather feel nothing for a while than the knife-like pain that had lacerated his heart.

He had to let James go. That was it. He was starting to accept he would probably regret the unpleasant way it had finished for the rest of his life. But there was a chance ending it sweetly with farewell kisses would have been even harder.

His nan didn’t release his hand the whole drive. He quietly spilled his guts about his and James’s week together, leaving out the more intimate details. But she understood the important aspects of it all. Namely, that Theo had stupidly let himself fall for a man he could never, ever have.

As they vacated the car outside their home, Theo realised that by parting ways with Manjeet he was saying goodbye to the last link he would more than likely ever have in person with James. After this, Theo would have to suffer seeing him on the TV and in magazines. But their paths would never cross again.

He tried not to crumble as he held his hand out for Manjeet to shake. “Thank you so much,” Theo said, his voice tight.

Manjeet shocked Theo by yanking him in for a brief hug. Theo wasn’t sure that was entirely professional, but he appreciated it enormously. “You take care, boss,” Manjeet told him.

Theo didn’t trust himself to speak, so he just nodded. Once he had lugged his suitcase to the front door, Manjeet had turned the car around and was disappearing down the street.

Everything inside was exactly the same as it had been when Theo left over a week ago. He wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing. He had changed so much. But he had to let that go, so the familiar setting would hopefully help.

“I’ll put the kettle on,” Nan said. She wagged her finger at him as she kicked her shoes off. “Tea will do the trick, all right.”

Theo watched her totter off towards the kitchen in her posh frock and feathered fascinator still secured in her hair. He managed a ghost of a smile. She was right. A good cup of tea would make him feel better.

While she pottered about, Theo heaved his case up to his bedroom. He had absolutely no energy to unpack anything other than his toothbrush, but at least it was out of the way there. He did feel a little better once he pulled some fresh jogging bottoms and a T-shirt from the drawer to sleep in, though. He just wanted to go to bed and pretend this was all a bad dream.

Something that occurred to him while talking with his nan in the car was he would never be able to tell people about this. He would have to carry around this heartbreak forever and either pretend James was someone else and fudge the reasons for their split or just not mention it altogether.

It felt a lot like going back in the closet.

The trouble was his heart ached for James as much as himself. James would have to live his entire life knowing he could only be true to his feelings if he met a nice girl. He’d never know the giddy relief of coming out and being his authentic self.

Theo would be one of the only people in the world to know. To see him on the TV and hope he was happy enough, because he might not ever be fully content. It was a sombre thought.

Theo trudged downstairs and found his nan already waiting for him in the living room with a big mug of tea each for them and a plate of hot buttered toast. She didn’t say anything as he cuddled up next to her. They put that evening’s episode of whatever Saturday night talent show was on at the moment and Theo allowed it to wash over him. He didn’t have to really think, just enjoy people getting their fifteen minutes of fame while the crowd cheered them on.

The tea and toast warmed him from the inside. When he’d had his fill, he lay down with his head on the sofa arm and his feet on a cushion on his nan’s lap. He wasn’t sure he could stay awake to watch the end of the show. He had a feeling his nan would try and stay awake as long as he did. But she was already yawning.

He decided he’d suggest turning in once this segment was done. Hopefully, after a good night’s sleep, tomorrow would be better.

A knock at the front door made them look at each other.

“Are you expecting anyone?” Theo asked. His nan shook her head. It was almost midnight. Who could be calling now? Maybe Sal, if Nan had dropped her a sneaky text to let her know what was going on.

Theo pulled himself up off the couch and headed into the hall. A devious part of his brain wanted to tempt him into thinking it might be James. But there was no way he would come all the way out to Essex again, especially not in the middle of his own ball where he had a beautiful princess hanging off his arm. No, it was either Sal or another of their neighbours who’d locked themselves out or something. Nan had spare keys for everyone.

Theo opened the door already half-thinking about making another cup of tea to take to bed.

James was waiting on the other side, holding a single crystal-covered shoe in his hands.

Theo’s brain came to a complete halt.

James looked utterly stunning, still in his suit from the ball. He held the Converse like it was made of glass and looked at Theo through his long dark lashes with an anxious expression. “Hi,” he said, softly. “You, um, lost your shoe.”

Theo must have left it behind when he’d packed in such a hurry. He would have been devastated, had he realised.

“Who is it, Theo?” his nan called from in the living room.

Theo had forgotten how to use words. He just managed to give his head a little shake and put his hand on his chest.

James licked his lips. “Would you mind terribly if I came inside?” His voice trembled ever so slightly.

What the hell was going on?

Theo managed to regain some of his motor functions and flicked his gaze over to the dark street beyond the garden. He couldn’t see any of James’s usual-looking cars in the lamplight. Although there did look to be an old Mini Cooper with its interior lights on.

“How?” Theo uttered. “Why?”

James stepped closer to the door’s threshold. “Please, Theo,” he said, his voice still not steady. “I don’t know what happened tonight. But if you want, I would like to talk it through. I understand if that’s not what you want…” He screwed up his face. “Actually, I don’t understand. Please, I’m begging you. Tell me what I did wrong and allow me the chance to repair it.”

Theo swallowed, trying to get his thoughts in order. That sounded incredibly tempting. But…

“Where’s Princess Klara?” he said.

James blinked as if that was the last thing he expected Theo to say. “Back at the castle,” he said as if that was obvious. “How do you even know about Klara? What does she have to do with anything?”

Theo resolutely refused to allow his hopes to rise. But a tiny suspicion formed in his mind.

“I thought…” he began. His fingers curled around the material of his T-shirt, like gripping onto it might ground him somehow. “I thought you and Klara were a thing. That you were getting engaged.”

James’s blue eyes went comically wide.

Before he could speak, Theo felt a tug on his elbow.

He turned around to find his nan back in her shoes with her coat on and handbag dangling from her arm. “I’m off round Sal’s,” she said as if there wasn’t a member of the Royal Family on her doorstep. “Her and her mum have got freshly made bhajis for me and I’ll probably stay the night. There’s two cups of tea on the table, so why don’t you come inside.” She smiled at James as she eased past Theo, who had frozen on the spot in surprise. “Hello, James dear,” she said and patted his arm. “Have a lovely evening, boys.”

“Thank you, Mrs Smith,” James said, his voice stronger than when he’d been speaking to Theo. “I don’t know if you would like some company, but Bodiam’s head cook, Peggy McDonald, is sitting in the Mini at the end of your garden. I’m sure she would love to meet you after driving me all this way.”

“Oh, lovely,” Theo’s nan said brightly. “She’ll love Sal’s mum’s bhajis. We’ll have a good old chinwag. Night, night!”

“Goodnight,” James replied.

“Night,” Theo murmured.

They both watched as she tottered along the garden path, turning to look for the Mini so she and Peggy could walk down the street to Sal’s house on the next road over. Theo couldn’t believe Peggy had driven James all the way to Dagenham in that clapped-out Mini. They must have jumped straight into the car.

Theo realised his mouth was hanging open. He closed it with a click of his teeth. “Um,” he stuttered. He felt like he was floating out of his own body, acting like a puppet on strings. “W-would you like to come in?”

James considered him for a moment, then nodded.

Theo closed the door behind them and realised Nan must have turned the TV off. The house was very quiet and he was now acutely aware they were probably the most alone they had ever been together. Even in Theo’s room, there had always been people around in the castle at all times. Now they had the entire house to themselves.

Awkwardly, they took a seat at either end of the couch. James placed the shoe on the carpet by his feet.

Theo recognised which tea was his by the mug. Knowing Nan, she had probably accurately guessed how James took his tea. He certainly sipped it without complaint.

Theo had no idea where to start. But one of them needed to speak. As he wrapped his fingers around the hot tea, he remembered what he had discovered with James in the bedroom. Honesty was always the best place to start.

He took a deep breath. “When Iggy took me away from you, there wasn’t any emergency,” he said. “He basically warned me to back the fuck off because you were going to be getting engaged with that Klara girl soon.” Theo looked into his tea as his eyes filled with tears. He willed them not to spill over. “Were you…was that going on the whole time we were together? I know we can’t be a real couple, but I just can’t stand the idea I was second best or something.”

The tea was gently taken out of his hands.

He looked up in surprise to see James place it beside his own mug, both on coasters on his nan’s coffee table. Then James moved to sit beside Theo and cradled his face with both hands.

“No,” James said. He was trembling slightly and his eyes blazed. “I can’t believe even Iggy would stoop so low. But no. I am not in a relationship with Klara nor do I intend to propose. You are the only one for me, Theodore Glass. I am positively and completely mad for you.”

A sob broke through from Theo’s chest and the tears fell down his cheeks. “Oh, fuck,” he cursed. He’d been so desperate to keep it together, but he couldn’t hide how much those words meant to him. “Sorry, I…oh, I don’t want to let you go! It’s so impossible, but-”

“It’s not impossible,” James interrupted. “I can’t bear the thought of letting you go, either.”

Theo rubbed his face and sniffed. “Even with all those awful things I said?” he asked in a small voice.

James’s eyes were searching. “It depends,” he replied. “Why did you say them?”

Honest. Theo had to be completely honest.

“Because my stepdad was threatening to go to the tabloids with a tell-all about us and I wanted to try and convince him there was no truth to his suspicions.” Theo swallowed and placed his hands over James’s that were still cradling his face. “I was meaner than I should have been because I thought you’d fucked me over,” he whispered. “My heart was broken and I didn’t mean it for one second. It was disgusting and you have every right to hate me.”

He screwed up his eyes, unable to look at James anymore. He felt so ashamed.

James’s lips pressed lightly to Theo’s, startling him. He didn’t flinch, though. He just gently kissed James back.

“I don’t hate you,” James said quietly. Theo opened his eyes to look into James’s. “It hurt. But you thought I’d hurt you, too.”

“That’s no excuse,” Theo said immediately.

James shook his head. “But it’s enough that we can both just forget it all. At least I hope?” He looked so apprehensive. “Theo, I want to be with you. I…would very much like you to be my boyfriend. I don’t want a couple of unfortunate misunderstandings to get in the way of that.”

Theo didn’t think he deserved forgiveness that easily. But there was a more immediate issue he could see that they should address first. “I can’t be your boyfriend, James,” he said. As much as the words hurt him, they had to be said. “Someone will find out eventually.”

James took a deep breath and rubbed Theo’s cheeks with his thumbs. “That’s sort of the point,” he said. “I know it’s an incredible burden to ask you to bear. But I would be by your side. I would never let you deal with anything alone.”

Theo shook his head between James’s hands. “What are you saying?”

“I want to come out,” James said. “I can’t hide myself away anymore. I want to recognise you officially as my partner.” He bit his lip. “I understand that might be too much to ask, but-”

He made a strangled noise as Theo launched himself forwards to snog him senseless. He could have passed out, he was so dizzy with happiness. “Are you serious?” Theo practically screamed from on top of James.

James laughed, deep and throaty. “Completely,” he assured him, his hands strong and secure around Theo’s back. “I refuse to let you slip out of my life, Theo. I will do anything to keep you by my side. I know it won’t be easy. But love shouldn’t be easy. It’s hard work, or so I’ve been told.”

Theo laughed, tears in his eyes again. Although these were from unbelievable happiness. “You love me?” he asked quietly.

James nodded, leaning up to capture Theo’s lips for a kiss. “I both love and adore you,” he said. There was no tremor in his voice now.

“I…” Theo said. Was he crazy? No, he knew how he felt. “I love you, too,” he said. “I’m not scared. If you want me, I’m yours. No matter how hard it gets.”

James’s grin was impossibly wide. It was difficult to kiss while they were both laughing, but they tried.

In that moment, Theo trusted James forgave him. James knew Theo didn’t mean any of those awful words he had spoken to his stepdad about him. If Theo held onto that guilt it could poison them and they had enough against them without adding to it. Theo would show how much he treasured the beautiful man in his arms and would strive to undo the hurt his words had caused until they had been truly forgotten.

“I love you,” he said again as James slipped his hands under Theo’s T-shirt. “I have no clue how this is going to work, but I want us to be together. More than anything else.”

James beamed, his blue eyes sparkling with happiness. “We can work that out tomorrow,” he said. “Right now, it’s just you and me. Nothing else matters.”

Theo moaned as James kissed his throat. He could feel James getting hard against his leg and passion stirred in his own belly.

He wanted to make love for the first time knowing this wasn’t a limited deal. They were at the start, not the end of their time together. Just the thought made Theo’s heart swell in contentment.

“Hang on,” he said with a giggle as James’s hands started wandering south. “Not on my nan’s couch. That’s just wrong.”

James laughed as well and accepted Theo’s hand to help him off the sofa. Theo began leading him towards his bedroom upstairs, but James paused to scoop up the crystal Converse from the floor. He held it out to Theo.

“Did you know you left this behind?” he asked. He sounded just the tiniest bit vulnerable again.

Theo took the trainer carefully from James’s grasp and stood on his tiptoes to kiss him sweetly. “No,” he said. “I would have been gutted. I’m so happy to have it back. But it’s nothing compared to how having you back feels.”

James wrapped his arms around him and tucked his face into the crook of Theo’s neck. “You never really lost me,” he said.

Theo led him upstairs by the hand. It was kind of insane that the one and only guy he had ever brought into his bedroom was Prince bloody James of the United Kingdom and Commonwealth, but at the same time, it made total sense. He wanted to share this private space with the man who had trusted him with his heart.

Carefully, Theo placed the Converse on top of his suitcase to be reunited with its partner later. Then, reassured that they had the whole house to themselves, he left the door open. It was just him and James in their own little bubble and he didn’t want any barriers between them. The rest of the world could fade away for a night.

They undressed each other between happy, lazy kisses. There was no rush. They had hours. Then they had as long as they liked after that.

They might even have forever.

James had on far more items of clothing, but between them, they managed to get themselves naked and between the sheets of Theo’s double bed. It wasn’t quite the same as the bed at Bodiam – no posts to secure James’s hands to, for one thing. But they didn’t need that tonight.

Right then, it was enough to lie together, Theo on top of James as they hugged one another close, skin to skin, and kissed with heartfelt tenderness. Their cocks were hot and throbbing against each other as they rolled their bodies together. Theo slipped his hand between their stomachs to wrap his fingers around their members to keep them rubbing deliciously side by side.

Neither of them seemed willing to close their eyes for long. Theo held James’s gaze as their breaths mingled, their lips barely an inch apart. He cradled James’s face with his other hand, feeling the slight scratch of his stubble against his palm. James’s large hands gripped tightly onto Theo’s hips.

This was real. It wasn’t a fantasy. James was here, in Theo’s bed. He loved him and wanted to stay with him. They undoubtedly faced many hardships to come, but Theo hoped they would manage. If they kept being honest with each other, trusting one another, they might just stand a chance.

“Can I mark you?” Theo asked. He kissed a spot above James’s heart. If he really had James back for good, he wanted to leave a physical trace on him. Something he could carry, even when they were apart. Even if the hickey just lasted a few days.

James nodded and kissed the palm of Theo’s hand cradling his face. “If you’ll let me mark you, too?”

Theo bit his lip as he smiled down at his beautiful, caring lover. “Of course,” he told him.

It didn’t take long for Theo to suck and nibble a small love bite on James’s chest. James then urged Theo upwards so he could repay the favour by his hip. When they were both satisfactorily blemished, Theo shimmied back down so their cocks were once more aligned and he could kiss his gorgeous boyfriend again.

“Thank you,” Theo murmured against his lips. Somehow, that made everything between them seem more real.

Theo could tell James was close, so he picked up the pace. James dug his fingers into Theo’s hips, keeping him steady. “I love you,” James rasped before his climax hit.

Theo followed shortly after, his orgasm perfect in his lover’s arms. Ignoring the stickiness between them, he hugged James to him tightly. “I love you, too,” he promised.

He didn’t know what tomorrow would bring for them. But he wasn’t afraid.

He felt on top of the world.