Chapter Twenty-Three
Ricard sat beside Jessica, watching the rise and fall of her chest with each breath she took.
He’d known something was terribly wrong when he could not reach her mind after he marked her. It had weighed on him more heavily than every other worry he had about her.
He’d feared their connection would be weak, a result of them not having a strong enough bond. A weak mating bond could prove deadly. Having that happen twice was more than any vampire should have to tolerate.
But now they studied the SMR Serge removed from her arm. The tiny implant had a hole in one end connecting to a centimeter long tube. Careful inspection of the skin confirmed repeated puncture marks. Rollins had been filling the little tube with something.
Serge was now in the lab with Lawrie and Aurelia’s father Joao, studying its remaining contents along with a sample of Jessica’s blood.
Canella snuggled against her mistress’s body. Ricard returned to pacing the floor. For thirteen hours he’d walked the same path and hadn’t slept a wink the entire day. Instead he stood guard over his mate, not wanting her to awaken alone and confused.
But she had not awakened. Instead, she slept straight through the surgery, compelled to do so by Rafe. Now she slept of her own volition, which worried Ricard more.
He expected her to sleep through the surgery and to rest comfortably for the few hours following, but this extended slumber was more than unusual. It was rare for a vampire or his mate to rest so soundly if the other was in distress, and that included non-stop worry.
For the last eighteen hours Jessica slept as though she was a vampire, dead to the world around her. Either she was utterly exhausted or there was something else going on.
Knowing Tyrone and Rollins as he did, Ricard suspected something far more nefarious than simple exhaustion.
She rolled onto her side and cuddled Canella closer.
Long chestnut curls sprang over the pillow. Unable to resist any longer, he lay behind her, molding his body around hers, and was rewarded with a lovely sigh as she nestled closer.
They lay quiet for quite a while before he could not help but reach for her presence as he’d done so many times with Genevieve. Hesitantly, he probed, waiting for a response. A short minute later she came to him, pulling him close and wrapping herself around him.
Even in a weakened state she sought to comfort him, to make him relax. Relax, he did, falling asleep in bed with her.
Hours later they awakened at the same moment as so often happened with mates. But sometime during the day they’d shifted, and she now lay with her head on Ricard’s chest.
He felt the moment she was conscious. It was the exact moment she became vividly aware she was in his arms.
“Did you learn anything? Wait, how did we get in bed? Why does my arm hurt?” She lifted her arm above her head and saw the bandage. “What happened there? Why am I naked? Did we…”
Ricard chuckled.
“I have not heard you laugh.” She turned her head, resting her chin on his chest. “I like it. It’s very sexy.”
“You are beautiful, Jessica.”
With her tousled hair and sleepy eyes she was the picture of supreme beauty.
“Thanks, but that doesn’t answer any of my questions.”
“Of which there were several.” He smiled.
“So start anywhere.”
“We learned very little and have agreed to try again, when you are ready and willing.”
“You’re not upset by trying again?” She kissed his chest, keeping her gaze locked with his.
He shook his head but could say no more. Torn between the perfection of holding her naked body and the absolute irritation of knowing another vampire would touch her mind, he feared nothing he said would come out right.
“Liar.” She arched an eyebrow. “I feel it.” She rubbed her fingers over the bare skin of his chest that showed where the top few buttons of his shirt were open. “You know nothing improper has happened, and that Rafe has been perfectly kind and gentlemanly to me.”
These were things she had said on more than one occasion, and he had witnessed Rafe’s interactions to be as she described them. If Rafe was questioning any other woman Ricard would have defended his actions, even admired the technique. But Jessica was not some other woman.
“Logically, you have no reason to be angry.” As she blinked sleepy brown eyes at him Ricard saw the amusement she did not bother to hide. “You certainly have no right to harm Maddie or Aurelia for helping us.”
“Every vampire is upset by any vampire crossing that boundary, but I will not kill Rafe or Gabe’s mates.”
She smiled a lopsided smile and lifted her arm. “This?”
“We learned Rollins had implanted a Sub Muscular Responder in your arm, which is now in the lab being studied.”
“A Sub Muscular Responder? When did that happen? I don’t recall it at all.” She studied the bandage, and Ricard felt her intrigue.
“We had to surgically remove it. It’s probably best you leave it bandaged for a bit longer.” He wanted to offer more, to heal her, but something held him back.
Possibly it was that they had not fully consummated their bond. Though this was the one thing he wanted more than anything, he was well aware that pushing, or tempting one’s mate into that action was unfair. He would never be able to think of their bond as one of truth and love if he dangled temptation in order to coerce her into the final step.
“What do you think it was for?” she asked.
“I am not sure, but I know they were injecting you with something.” Ricard’s annoyance at this fact was hard to keep to a simmer. He envisioned going to Panthera, finding Rollins, and ripping his throat from his body.
Sliding her hand up his chest to his neck and then his cheek, Jessica pulled his attention from the gory fantasy. “Easy there, mate. We’re together and you removed the offending item. Let’s try to focus on moving forward. No dwelling on the past.”
He ran his hand down the back of her head, letting the curls of her hair twirl around his fingers.
With a shiver she closed her eyes. “That feels so good. I used to massage Joshie’s scalp when his headaches became too painful for him to move.” Her head lowered to Ricard’s chest. “Don’t stop.”
He’d have rubbed her head forever, except that wasn’t all she wanted.
“Why have you not done more with me?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” The question perplexed him. When his hand reached the end of her hair, he buried it beneath the tresses, making sure to touch the skin closest to her neck.
She squirmed. “Don’t you want to…”
He caressed the skin behind her ear, then along her neck, back around to her scalp, using only the very tips of his fingers.
Her body pressed into his. The fingers resting on his chest, kneaded his muscle while her other hand slid under his back.
The warmth of her body sent heat spiraling through him. He became acutely aware of her sweet scent, her soft curves, and the way her body rubbed against his. Parts of him became hard, making the questionable hold he had on his restraint weaker.
She looked up. “Are you not interested in making me your full mate because of what happened to her?”
Ricard’s entire body tensed. Before he could school this reaction to her question, Jessica noticed, and her body did the exact same thing. Against his chest Ricard felt her heart speed.
She maintained eye contact with him, waiting for an answer.
Without question this woman was his mate. At no other time did anyone challenge a vampire with a direct stare and clearly no intent to back down.
Ricard could hardly resist taking her. The need to consummate the bond and make her his was practically painful.
Still, he hesitated. The pain of losing a mate was enough to drive any vampire to insanity. Doing it once was like having his soul split in two. Experiencing it twice would kill him.
Maybe there was a way for them to live in this intermediary state and somehow find happiness. They could be together but not be bound together by the supernatural binds that sewed their souls together.
She cleared her throat. “Are you contemplating consummating or are you trying to work through a mathematical solution to get rid of me?”
“Get rid of…no. Absolutely not.” Ricard pushed her back from him and sat up, grasping for his glasses and an excuse. “Don’t you think we should focus on Joshua and finding an explanation to what Tyrone did?”
“You can’t even look at me.” She held the sheet against her chest and scooted to the opposite side of the bed. “You just lied and you can’t even say to my face that you don’t want me. You’re making excuses and avoiding me!”
“You do not understand.” He opened the nightstand drawer in search of the pair of glasses he’d broken a few weeks back. “I want you. With every cell in my body I want you.”
He knelt by the bed, reaching underneath. It was possible he had dropped them before drifting off to sleep. “You have no idea what it’s like to be in this position. One mate gone, another arrives. It’s…it’s…unheard of.”
“With every cell? Unheard of? I’d think you’d believe this was a blessing. But I’m no blessing. You’re literally hiding under the bed from me.” The bed bounced above Ricard as she moved to the end. “I think you might want to drink me, and maybe, possibly you want sex. Though, given that I’m naked in your bed and you’ve not made a move, it’s likely I’m wrong. But it is blatantly clear you do not want anything more permanent with me.” The sounds of Jessica grunting as she ripped the sheet from the bed punctuated her last words.
Grabbing the pair of glasses, Ricard did his best to back out from under the bed before she got too far. “Jessica, I…wait…you…” He smacked his head on the metal frame.
Once freed he dodged around the bed in time to appear in front of her when she turned to march in the direction of the bathroom. “You are right. I’m afraid to move to the next step because of Genevieve’s fate.”
He touched her curls and let his hands rest on her neck. “My world as I knew it ended when Genevieve was murdered. My capacity for withstanding loss was greater than I knew, but it is not infinite.”
“You are not the only one to experience such extreme pain.” Her wide eyes stared up at his. She didn’t even blink. “Do you honestly think having my entire family murdered by Tyrone was not like having my heart trampled? Doesn’t it occur to you that the volume of guilt I carry for serving my brother to Rollins and letting Panthera experiment on that little boy could match the guilt you feel for not saving your wife?”
There in the room as if it had it’s own corporeal body existed Jessica’s pain. It lay bare between them like any emotion felt this strongly would lay between true, consummated mates.
Refusing her seemed to be a false attempt to keep his heart safe. For she was his with every ache of her heart, every hopeful whisper, and every last breath.
Jessica’s hands came to his wrists. “I get it. Your souls were bound together, and it practically killed you to lose her. But you are being given a second chance at love. I’m being given a chance. Why would you deny us this?”
He shook his head as he lowered his lips to hers. “I will never deny you.”