I’m pretty nervous about the prospect of a second shopping trip with Mum and Marilyn, even if I have Scott to act as a leveller this time. Knowing how fiery the two women can get, it’s impossible to predict what will happen today.
‘As long as nobody compares anyone to an Afghan hound called Fifi, we’ll be fine,’ I say as we head to a café in the city centre to meet them.
Scott bursts into fits of laughter. ‘I really wish I’d been there to see that!’
I shoot him a warning glance. ‘If anything kicks off, you can separate them this time. Here’s hoping we don’t end up getting banned from another baby boutique either!’
Mum is first up to greet us when we arrive. She opens her arms and hugs us both in turn.
‘Lovely to see you,’ she says, kissing my cheek. She steps back to look at me and her eyes are immediately drawn to my bump. ‘Wow, aren’t you getting big!’
I feel a little uneasy about my size being the focal point, especially after the nightdress incident earlier today, but I manage a smile and give it an affectionate pat.
‘Going into the third trimester will do that to you!’ I say with a chuckle. I accept a hug from Marilyn, who’s still a little slow on her feet after her accident. ‘Now you two, I hope you’re going to be on your best behaviour today! No screaming matches or comparing each other to childhood pets, OK?’
The two women give sheepish nods as they remember our previous foray into baby shopping. As we prepare to set off, I feel a sharp pain in my abdomen. My bump is obviously taking more of a toll on my body than I thought.
‘You OK?’ Scott asks when he notices me wince.
‘Yup, absolutely fine,’ I say. ‘Let’s go and buy some baby stuff, eh?’
*
The abdominal pain doesn’t let up as we travel round various baby stores, looking at nursery furniture, toys and all manner of cute outfits. I try to factor in little rest stops without the others noticing, but when it seems to get worse, I start to worry.
‘Scott,’ I say as we peruse some beautiful white cots for the nursery. ‘I-I’m not feeling too well.’
‘What’s wrong?’ he asks, his voice laced with concern. From the look on his face, I can tell he’s remembering the threatened miscarriage.
‘I’ve got this pain in my tummy,’ I say, pointing out the sore area. ‘It started earlier on today, but it’s getting worse now.’
‘Right, we’re going to A&E,’ he says, snapping into action. ‘Mum, Nina, we’ve got to go! Cleo’s in pain.’
The two of them rush to our side and we make our way out of the shop as quickly as we can.
A feeling of unease spreads over me as we drive to the hospital. I can still feel the baby kicking, but in my gut I know there’s something wrong.
‘It’s all going to be fine,’ Scott says as he puts a hand over mine. His voice is shaky and I can hear his breathing becoming more and more ragged.
Mum reaches forward and hugs me as best she can from behind. ‘It’s probably just twinges, love. Nothing to worry about.’
I don’t say anything. I’m too scared to even think, knowing that my mind will take me through every horrible possibility of what could be happening right now. I manage a nod and wince as another wave of pain grips me.
Scott talks to the receptionist, who says she’ll get a doctor down to examine me as soon as possible. I get a sickening sense of déjà vu as I take a seat, Scott and the grandmas-to-be surrounding me.
‘Scott, what if something’s wrong?’ I say, trying to keep my emotions in check. ‘I-I know everything was fine last time we were here, but what if we’re not so lucky this time?’
He rubs my back and shushes me. ‘Don’t even think that,’ he says, kissing the top of my head. ‘It’s like your mum said, it’s just twinges. We’re better coming here to get it checked out, but I promise the baby’s absolutely fine.’
‘Don’t make promises you can’t keep!’ I snap, echoing what he said to me when his mum was in surgery. I sigh and screw my eyes shut. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean …’
He shakes his head and hugs me tighter. ‘It’s fine, don’t worry about it. God, this baby has a flair for the dramatic, eh?’
Although his tone’s light and he lets out a shaky chuckle, I can hear the fear travelling through his voice. I wait to feel the all-too-familiar slick of blood, but it doesn’t come. Things are about to unravel though, I can feel it. And the worst thing is, there’s nothing I can do about it. It feels so much scarier than before; I’ve bonded with the baby in so many ways since the threatened miscarriage. I know her gender, she’s grown a lot and I’ve felt her kick me at all hours of the day.
My baby girl is in danger and there’s nothing I can do to help her.
Just then, a doctor approaches us. I’m slightly disappointed not to see Lisa’s friendly face, but anyone who can stop this from happening is a bonus.
‘Cleo, my name’s Doctor Parks. Why don’t we go and see what’s happening with your baby eh?’
‘Don’t let anything happen to her.’ My voice is scared and small, my body trembling and closed in on itself. ‘Please.’
*
Braxton-Hicks contractions.
That’s Doctor Parks’ official diagnosis of what caused my abdominal pain. I leave the hospital an hour later feeling exhausted and pretty silly.
‘You were right to go and get checked out,’ Scott insists. ‘It could’ve been something worse, so it’s better to be safe than sorry.’
‘Sorry everyone,’ I say, taking in Scott, Mum and Marilyn in turn. ‘That’s another shopping trip ruined!’
‘Maybe we should just order the rest of the stuff online,’ Marilyn suggests. ‘Since our shopping trips seem to be cursed! Before I forget, I’m making a blanket for the baby’s cot. What colour are you doing the nursery?’
Mum chimes in before I can say anything. ‘Actually Marilyn, I was going to do the blanket. Since you haven’t been yourself lately.’
I frown. ‘Since when have you been able to crochet?’
Mum sticks her chin in the air with pride. ‘I might’ve bought a book or two when I found out I was going to be a grandma!’
I manage a weak smile as I get back into the car. It’s good to know some things never change.
When I get home, I see a familiar figure standing outside my cottage.
Zara.
‘Wonder what she’s doing here?’ I say, approaching my front gate with caution.
‘Do you want me to go inside?’ Scott asks. ‘Give you two a chance to talk?’
I think for a moment. I’m not sure why Zara’s pitched up, so backup might be useful if she’s come to carry on the argument from the Carb Counters meeting.
‘Yeah, go on then. I’ll be inside in a minute,’ I reply.
Scott does as he’s told and heads inside after saying a quick hello to Zara, who looks up at me with shining eyes and an apologetic smile.
‘I…I came to say sorry,’ she says as she knots her fingers together. ‘For storming off the other day after the Carb Counters meeting, and for being the world’s worst friend since you found out you were pregnant.’
I nod, but don’t say anything. She looks like she has a lot more to get off her chest, and I don’t want to put her off.
‘I’ll admit,’ she continues, ‘that you being pregnant has been hard for me. You know I’ve always wanted kids of my own and when it happened so easily for you, without you even trying … Well, I was jealous. I know I said I was OK, and I really wanted to be. It’s just … it was hard when I saw your bump growing and you getting to experience all the things that were ripped away from me so many times. I should’ve been there more for you, and I’m really sorry I haven’t been. I’ve missed your baby shower, your gender reveal party … Things with Craig were always hanging by a thread, so I tried to cling onto it as hard as I could. I thought if I could focus on that, it would make not having a baby of my own easier to deal with.’
She heaves a sigh and looks away from me for a moment. ‘I’ve been a really shit friend, haven’t I?’
I shake my head and put my arms round her. ‘Zara, you’ve been through a lot and it’s no wonder you’ve found this hard. I just wish you’d been honest with me, that’s all. I could’ve tried to make it easier for you.’
She pulls back and wipes at her eyes, shaking her head. ‘No, Cleo. This is a special time for you; you shouldn’t have to worry about making it easy on me. I need to come to terms with the fact that babies just aren’t going to be part of my future. Not in that way, anyway.’
She looks so lost and sad that I just want to squeeze her. It’s as though I’m watching her biggest dream die right in front of me.
‘You never know what can happen,’ I say. ‘You’ve improved your BMI so much since you started at Carb Counters and I know you’ll be at target one day soon. I’ll help you. And maybe in the future, I’ll be organising your baby shower.’
She manages a smile, but doesn’t look wholly convinced. ‘That’s a lovely thought. And they do say miracles happen every day, don’t they?’
I nod in agreement. ‘They do. Just don’t go back to Craig, eh? You’re worth a million of him and you could do so much better.’
‘That I can do,’ she says. ‘Anyway, I’d better go. I just thought I’d come and say sorry for how I acted. It’s probably too late to be a good friend to you through your pregnancy now, but I’d like to try if you’ll let me?’
I look at her, standing on my garden path and looking at me with hopeful eyes. She hasn’t been there for any of the big moments I’ve experienced so far. She hasn’t really shown an interest in the pregnancy, or offered friendship and support during the tough times. To all intents and purposes, she’s pulled away from me at a time when I really needed her.
But she’s here now.
And she wants to make amends.
I have to at least let her try.
‘Why don’t you come in for a while?’ I say. ‘It’s Scott’s turn to make the dinner, so you know it’s going to be amazing.’
Zara hesitates for a moment, as though she isn’t sure if my offer’s genuine or not. She puts one foot in front of the other, tentatively at first, and walks up the path to my door.
‘I’d love to,’ she replies.