~ Nick
My eyes open and I find myself in a strange room, the sun streaming in through a window behind me. It’s low enough in the sky to tell me it’s the afternoon and as my head instinctively turns on the pillow, I see a clock I don’t recognise that tells me it’s after three o’clock.
Shit.
I glance at the bed beside me, suddenly remembering where I am, only to discover it’s empty. My hand slides across, the faintest hint of warmth still lingering on the pillow. I close my eyes as I try to remember exactly when I fell asleep. The last thing I remember is her walking into the bathroom and me trying to distract myself with anything that stopped me from thinking about her naked on the other side of the door.
Was I awake when she came out? I can’t actually remember it happening.
Which can only mean I wasn’t, which also means I’m a fucking idiot. I mean what kind of guy tracks down a woman, only to fall asleep on her as soon as he gets the chance to finally talk to her.
“Jesus, Nick,” I mumble, scrubbing a hand down my face.
I should get up, at least find out where she is and if I can possibly salvage any of this. Just as I sit up, the bedroom door opens and Emma walks in, trying to balance a plate on top of a mug in one hand, while she holds another mug in the other. I slide my legs off the bed, just as she looks at me and says, “I’ve got it.”
Instead, I slide up the bed so I’m sitting, watch as she puts one of the mugs on the side table beside me before walking around to the other side and climbing back onto the bed. She sits facing me, her legs crossed beneath her as she puts a plate of what looks like semi reheated pizza between us.
“Breakfast,” she says, gesturing to the plate. “Or lunch.”
I laugh, grabbing a slice. “Thanks.”
She nods, saying nothing more and if I didn’t know better, I’d say she was still nervous.
“I’m sorry I fell asleep,” I say, finishing off my slice. “Not exactly what I had in mind.”
Emma coughs, dropping her slice as she reaches for her coffee. I lean over, as if I can help, but she shakes her head at me. Eventually, she looks up, her cheeks flushed, but from what exactly, I can’t tell. “You were tired,” she says, shrugging as though it’s no big deal. “I get it.”
I watch her, wait until she meets my gaze. “Did you sleep?”
She nods. “Yeah.”
We sit in silence now, a weird kind of awkwardness surrounding us. I really need to get going, but this is not how I want to leave things. This isn’t anywhere near how I intended for things to go at all. I mean, I never expected to end up in her bed like this, but I sure as shit didn’t think I’d fall asleep if I did. But that’s what happened and the question is, what the hell do I do now?
“Are you working tonight?” she suddenly asks.
I nod. “Yeah, I only close the bar Mondays and Tuesdays, so one more night. You?”
Emma shakes her head. “Two days off now before back to day shift on Wednesday.”
I nod, wondering how she does it. At least with me, I know what my hours will be. They might be shit at times but at least I can plan around them. With her, it seems like she moves between days and nights regularly and without any kind of real break or acclimation in between. Add to that the weekends and on call stuff she must do and it’s no wonder she feels like her life is nothing but work.
“What time do you have to be there?” she asks, eyes on the plate.
I glance at the clock again. Half an hour ago if I’m being honest. “Soon,” I tell her instead.
She nods again, still not looking at me. “Do you stay open late on Sundays?”
I reach for another slice as I stare at her, wondering why she’s asking me this. She’s still not looking at me, but I can see the faintest hint of red on her cheeks and the tiniest glimmer of hope sparks up in my chest. I shrug, as I casually try to say, “Eleven-ish, midnight maybe.”
Emma nods, but says nothing more. I’m not sure if I’m imagining things or if maybe she’s just chickened out, but I can’t help but feel she was about to ask me something.
“You could come by,” I suggest, not wanting to lose the opportunity. If she’s not going to say it, I will. “Keep me company?”
Emma stares at me, not saying anything. I get the feeling she’s wondering what the hell I’m doing. Either that or she’s trying to read my mind and work it out for herself. I say nothing now, just stare back, willing her to say yes. I watch as she bites her bottom lip, a sign I now know means she’s thinking about it, trying to decide her next move.
“Won’t you be busy?” she finally asks.
I shake my head once, feeling the opportunity get closer. “Nothing like last time,” I say, smiling. “Might even be able to close early if it’s really bad.”
“I…” she starts, stopping almost immediately.
We stare at each other now, neither of us saying anything. I’m silently begging her to agree, if only so it means I’ll get to see her again and this won’t be over before it’s even had a chance to really get started.
I watch as she eventually takes a deep breath, as though fortifying herself. “Or,” she says. “You could come back here when you’re done?”
And fuck me if that isn’t a totally better option.
I leave before she has a chance to change her mind. In any case, I’m so fucking late and as much as I might want to stay, I know I have to go. It’s tempting to say fuck it and just not open the bar tonight, but I can’t do that. I have staff and responsibilities and this is half the reason I wanted my own bar in the first place.
Tony’s already set up by the time I arrive, glancing up at me as I race inside. “Sorry, sorry,” I say, shooting him an apologetic look. He grins at me, opening his mouth to no doubt make some kind of smart arsed remark, but I don’t give him a chance. “I gotta run up to my apartment quickly,” I say, already halfway back out. “I’ll be back in a sec.” And then I race upstairs to feed Oscar.
By the time I get back downstairs, Tony is leaning against the bar, arms crossed against his chest and with a huge grin on his face. No sooner am I inside does he say, “So, do I take this tardiness to mean your plan worked?”
I nod, but say nothing, almost regretting telling him so much last night as we closed up the bar.
“What, that’s it?” he asks, pushing off the bar. “That’s all you’re gonna give me?”
“Yep,” I say, glancing at him.
“No fucking way,” he says. “You gotta spill, dude, seriously.”
I grin now unable to stop it as I shake my head. “No, I don’t. But you are doing the lock-up tonight.”
Tony laughs, shaking his head as he walks over to the door, unlocks it and flips the sign.
Of course the night drags and the longer I’m here, the more I worry that she’s going to change her mind about me coming over. By ten, Tony walks over and says, “Just fucking go already. I’ll finish up here.” I open my mouth to ask if he’s sure, but he points to the exit and says, “Go.”
I nod once, before heading to the door. When I reach it, I hear Tony yell out, “And don’t fuck it up this time!”
I turn and glare at him, only to have him laugh at me before I shake my head and walk out, not even bothering to change my clothes again before I head back to Emma’s apartment, hopeful that she’s still okay with me coming over.
It crosses my mind that I should bring something, a bottle of wine maybe, but I don’t want to be too over the top about it all. Just because she’s asked me over, doesn’t mean things are necessarily going to happen.
Even if deep down it’s what I want.
But I really don’t want to give her the impression that that’s all I’m after here either. Because as much as I might want her, it’s not just about wanting her.
By the time I reach her apartment, I’m nervous as fucking hell, my mind racing through all the possible scenarios of what could happen when I go upstairs. The things I want, the things I’ve dreamed about all week and the things I picture myself doing given half a chance. I try to convince myself that this is what she wants too, that she invited me back here, twice, so she must.
More than anything though, I try to convince myself that it’s okay for me to want this with her even when I know I really shouldn’t. When I swore I’d never go down this path again.
I see my finger shaking as I reach out to press the buzzer for her place.
“Hello,” comes her voice, almost immediately.
I fight the smile, even though she can’t see me. “Hey, it’s Nick,” I answer, as though she has a never-ending line of guys showing up at her apartment in the middle of the night.
The buzzer sounds and the door clicks, letting me into the foyer. I take the lift in silence, staring up at the numbers again like I did some twelve hours ago. By the time I reach her floor, my heart is pounding in my chest, threatening to burst right through it.
But she’s not waiting for me at the front door; instead it’s slightly ajar, as though waiting for me to enter. I do, locking it behind me. The apartment is silent, almost in darkness. The only light comes from her room, the door to which is also open. I force myself to take a deep breath as I take off my jacket and walk towards her room, trying to look casual. Inside, Emma waits for me on her bed. Her hair is pulled into a knot on the top of her head and she’s wearing the same clothes I left her in this afternoon.
“Hey,” she says, flicking me a quick glance.
“Hi,” I say, watching her, waiting for her to look up at me again.
“You want a shower?” she asks, gesturing towards her bathroom.
I nod, even though she’s still not looking at me. When I don’t move, she finally lifts her gaze to mine. Even in the low light, I can still see the pink in her cheeks, the way she nervously meets my eyes.
“Help yourself,” she says, biting her bottom lip again.
I nod. “You won’t fall asleep on me?” I ask, trying for a joke just to ease the tension that’s suddenly filled the room. It’s like an electrical charge, pulsing between us and it’s only the thought that I really do need a shower that stops me from walking over to her and doing all the things I’ve been fantasising about this past week.
She shakes her head slowly; her eyes never leaving mine now as she whispers, “I won’t.”
I nod once before turning and walking into her bathroom, wondering which one of us is really in control here. Wondering if I’m not the only one who wants things to go further than they did this morning.
Knowing that when I come out of this bathroom, I’m going to find out.