~ Emma
I watch as the girl calls out Nick’s name as she half runs towards him. She steps up on the foot rail running around the bottom of the bar, leaning over to grab his arm and pull him towards her. Nick smiles as she does, leaning forward as he kisses her and they embrace in an affectionate hug.
I look away, somehow feeling like I’m intruding, even as a strange pain crawls up my spine.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” Nicks asks, smiling.
It’s such a rapid contrast to how he was just a few seconds ago, that it takes me a moment to adjust. When I do, I feel a shot of resentment flash through me. Resentment that he gets to so easily forget about my day and all the shit I’ve been through as soon as this girl shows up.
Because while I might pretend to people that it doesn’t get to me, that I can walk out the door of the hospital and leave everything that happened behind, I can’t. I carry the failures with me, all the time. The frustration and anger that we weren’t able to do more. The pain that I see in the families eyes when we try and explain this to them. The feelings of hopelessness that never seem to leave, no matter how much we know there really was nothing more we could do.
It never leaves, despite how much I pretend, and it pisses me off that he doesn’t get that; that he gets to so easily switch sides.
“Emma.”
I look up at the sound of my name, realise Nick and this girl are both staring at me, waiting as though they’ve said something to me that I haven’t heard.
“Yeah?”
Nick smiles as he says, “This is Amy. Amy, this is Emma.”
She sticks out her hand in my direction. I look at it, before looking back up at her face. She’s very beautiful, very alive and happy. I can see why he would like her. I swallow hard, sticking out my own hand as I reach out to shake hers. “Nice to meet you,” I lie.
She smiles at me now, glancing at Nick again before turning back to face me. Nick stands against the bar, close enough that she can keep touching him, her hand wrapped around his arm.
“So, you didn’t tell me what you’re doing here?” he asks.
She turns back to him, excluding me now from whatever’s going on between them.
“Thought I’d come and see you,” she says. “See if you wanted to hang out when you’re done.”
I tune out, not interested in hearing whatever it is Nick has to say in response. I’ve gotten good at doing that, too many nights of being the third wheel to Owen and Will, I guess. Instead, I pull my phone from my bag, wondering how bad the situation has gotten with Sarah. There are two new text messages, both from her asking where the hell I am. I don’t even remember hearing the telltale ding, which is so unlike me even I’m surprised. There’s a voicemail too and I’m absolutely certain I don’t want to listen to that. I brush my thumb over the screen as though I can somehow wipe this mess away. It doesn’t work but my phone beeps out with a new text from Owen.
You better be having a good night!
And smile, please!
I do smile at the words, wondering if he can somehow read my mind or if he just knows me that well. It’s probably a bit of both, which is why I know I can go home now. I can make up some excuse about having had a good time with the girls, but I’m tired after work so came home early. He’ll know it’s bullshit, but he’ll let me get away with it. A silent agreement we have that comes from years of knowing each other.
Owen and I met at university. Even though we were studying very different degrees, we lived in the same dormitory, right next door to each other. We bonded over our shared insomnia, both of us finding the other down in the kitchen at the end of the hall, making hot chocolate and watching late night movies or infomercials. We’d hit it off instantly and we’ve been friends ever since, getting a place together when we both scored jobs in the city. I wasn’t sure what it was, but somehow Owen just got me.
I type out a quick response to him.
I am!! I say, adding extra exclamation points just to prove it. Coming home soon though. Don’t wait up x
We always said this to each other, even though I knew he’d be awake when I got home. The insomnia thing hadn’t left us after we’d graduated and if nothing else, at least it meant we knew the other was home safe.
“Another?” Nick says, holding a beer in front of me.
I look up, sliding my phone back into my bag. Amy has gone, the only evidence she was once here, the lingering scent of her perfume and the relaxed look on Nick’s face. I shake my head, smiling to reassure him I’m all good.
“You’re leaving?” he asks, his smile disappearing.
I nod. “Yeah, I should get home,” I tell him.
“Oh come on,” he says, feigning disappointment as his hand clutches his chest like I’m somehow breaking his heart with my decision. “You can’t leave me now.”
I glance around the bar, see the crowd has thinned, only a couple of pockets of guests still drinking. I turn back to Nick, who’s still watching me. “Doesn’t look like you’ll be here much longer,” I say, waving my hand around the room.
Nick turns away, glancing around the bar before turning back to me. “Maybe not, but who’s gonna keep me company while I lock up for the night?”
I look at him questioningly, wondering what any of this means. Wondering why Amy isn’t the one here keeping him company. But she isn’t in the bar anymore and I don’t remember seeing her leave. A part of me wants to ask him where she’s gone or why she’s not the one staying to hang out with him, but at the same time, I don’t. I don’t need him to know I even care.
“Your staff?”
Nick scrapes a hand across his jaw, the couple of days worth of stubble bristling against his palm as he licks his lips, his eyes on mine. It’s a strangely intimate move and it sends an unexpected tingle of electricity throughout my limbs, my head spinning a little as though my brain is unsure how to process my reaction to this move.
“Nah,” he says, shaking his head quickly. “My turn to do lock up,” he says. “So it’s just me.”
I look at him, wondering if that’s true. “But it’s your bar,” I say. “Shouldn’t you be the one who gets to go home?”
He laughs a little. “No, we take it in turns. I’d be a dick of a boss if I made them do it every time.”
I watch him for a second longer, wondering if I should ask about Amy and why she isn’t sticking around to help him lock up and then go home with him afterwards. I don’t particularly want to know the answer, I’m sure I can guess enough of it. So instead, I shake my head and say, “I should just leave you to it.”
Nick walks towards me, his smile disappearing now as he says, “Sure?”
I glance around the room again, before returning to him. I don’t understand what’s going on right now and I’m not entirely sure I want to work it out either. But just as I’m about to say no again, my phone vibrates on the bar, indicating a new message. Without taking my eyes off Nick, I pick it up, glancing down briefly to read the text.
Don’t you dare come home before midnight!
You do and I’m changing the locks.
Love you x
I shake my head. Owen. Jesus, maybe he really can read my mind. I slide my phone back into my bag, not bothering to respond. Then, taking a deep breath, I look up, meet Nick’s gaze as I say, “Okay, fine. I’ll stay for a bit.”