Sixteen years.

That's how long it had been since I'd laid eyes on Gene Carlin. More than sixteen years since my nightmare had begun. Less than sixteen seconds for it all to come rushing back to me.

I felt like shit leaving Grace behind that way, but I couldn't sit there, watching Gene talk about supporting teenagers and their needs. What the fuck did he know about it?

So, I sat here instead, in my cold, sterile condo well into my third glass of bourbon. I slouched lower into my chair, rolling up my sleeves. I pulled at the bow at my neck and let it dangle from my fingers.

I stared at my surroundings, seeing them through different eyes. I once took pride in the clean, contemporary lines and the leather and glass surfaces. Now I only saw stark and unbendable. One wrong move and anything could crack or look out of place. Much like my life. Tonight proved that.

Thanks to the color that Grace had brought into my life, I now hated my own home. I hated how it looked rigid and lacked warmth. What did it matter if it was clean of fingerprints or scratches? Those only showed that someone had been there, cared enough to stay and be at home. Like Grace's place with its worn furniture that had been loved and passed down from family, the colorful objects scattered across the rooms, jackets and shoes left to lay rather than rigidly put into their place in the closet. Even the random gum wrapper recklessly tossed on the coffee table. It wasn't messy, but it was lived in; a place that showed people wanted to be there.

My phone chimed. I ignored it, figuring it to be Grace again. I knew she was worried, but I didn't want her to see this version of me. Around her, I felt like a new improved version, but once glance at Gene Carlin and the old, closed version was back in place.

There was a knock at the door, but I didn't move. It was probably Grace. She was the kind to leave her event to check on me. Other women I'd dated would tell me to call them when I felt better. Not Grace. I knew she'd want to nurture and fuss. Her caring personality was one of the things I liked most about her.

The phone and door sounded again, this time in stereo. I picked up my phone to turn it off. If someone needed me for something work-related, they would just have to sort it out for themselves. However, it wasn’t Grace’s name that lit up the latest notification. Reluctantly, I opened it.

Noah: Open your damn door, asshole.

I shook my head. I didn’t need his input either. No matter how much he thought he knew.

Noah: You should know by now I’m not going away.

I knew better than to think he was bluffing. Noah had more grit and determination than most. It was something I admired about him, except when he butted into my business. I finished my drink and got to my feet. Carelessly, I unlocked the door without opening it, then dragged my feet back to my chair, grabbing the bottle of bourbon on my way.

I heard the door open and close over the clinking of the bottle against my glass. Deliberately, I sat the bottle on the glass table rather than the silver tray. Not like there was anyone who would give a shit if it left a mark.

"Might as well go home, Noah. I don't feel like company tonight," I slurred.

"Good thing I'm not Noah, then."

I froze in place as the softness of Grace’s voice wrapped around me like a velvet blanket. Mentally, I shook it off. Not turning around, I answered her softly. "I never labeled you as the deceptive type."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures. If it makes you feel better, Noah didn't want to go along at first."

I drained my glass, hoping the numbness would kick it soon.

"Go home, Grace."

"No."

Finally, I turned to face her. She was still dressed in her gown, her heels dangling from her fingers and lines of worry puckered between her eyes. She was the only splash of color in my black and white living space, the only one in my black and white life. "This isn't a good time. I'll call you tomorrow."

She walked two steps closer and almost took a third, but hesitated. "No. I'm afraid that's not good enough."

"Grace..."

"No, Jax. You push people away all the time. And worse, they let you. I'm not going to. Even if you don't want to tell me what happened tonight, I'm not leaving you."

I threw my hands in the air. "Why are you being so stubborn?"

"Why are you?" she shot back.

"Because I don't want you here. Because I don't want you to see how fucked up I am, okay? Just go." I saw the look of devastation cross her face. I whirled back to my chair, gripping the table top to anchor me from taking her in my arms and apologizing for causing her pain. But if she stayed, she'd only see how much worse I was. I waited for the door to open and close so that I could breathe again.

But there was no click, just the swish of material as it glided across the hardwoods. Gentle arms slid around my waist and locked in place, and her head rested between my shoulder blades. "Whatever it is, you're not alone, Jax. I'm here."

A shudder ripped through me. "I'm here," she whispered again.

I grasped her hands on my stomach like a drowning man, because that's what I was. Drowning in the overwhelming flood of emotions. "Grace. I don't...I can't..." I sighed. "You should leave. You deserve so much more than what I can give you."

Her arms dropped, and I immediately wanted to beg her to ignore everything I just said, but I couldn't. I closed my eyes until I felt warmth shimmy its way between me and the table. Soft hands held my face. I blinked, and there she was, tears on the verge of overflowing her beautiful blue eyes.

"I'm here, Jax. I'm not leaving you. Believe in me. Believe in us. Believe in more, because that’s what you are to me."

I think my soul was ripped from me at that moment, nourished in the love that flowed from her words, and was reborn inside of me. All the rules, all the straight lines, all the black and white—they all bent, cracked, and disappeared behind a burst of color and warmth.

Starved for the more she promised, I slammed my lips to hers. Not gentle or sweet, but desperate. I sank to my knees, literally. She followed along, her mouth never leaving mine. I found the zipper to her dress and soon the material puddled around her waist. I deftly found the clasp to her bra and drew the thin straps down her arms. Only as soon as her breasts were free did I wrench my mouth from hers to fasten on to them, sucking and nipping the dusky pink nipples. She arched back in the circle of my arms, cradling my head and holding it tight to her.

More. We'd said this word many times, only this time it resonated from my head down into my heart, where it burrowed and found a home. Was it possible? She wasn't like any woman I'd ever known, and I fucking wanted her as mine. Only mine. Like the selfish bastard I am, I wanted to mark her. Possess her. Ruin her for anyone else. And in doing so, saving myself.

Her hands wrestled their way to my shirt trying to unbutton it. I sat up, holding her gaze. I grasped the shirt and yanked, pearl buttons flying everywhere as she helped to shove it from my shoulders. Then she tore at the button at my pants while I shoved her dress over her hips. Finesse wasn't present, just raw need. I swiped a finger through her folds to make sure I wouldn't hurt her, but as usual, she was already wet. My cock lined up between her legs, poised and eager. She panted beneath me, her legs drawn up, ready to receive me.

I looked into her eyes, and what was looking back at me through hers almost undid me right there. Lust. Sincerity. Love. "I'm here," she whispered.

And that finished the job.

I thrust into her warm heat. It surrounded my cock in the same way her presence surrounded me. I started to close my eyes, desperately seeking to hold on to some level of control. But when I felt her hands cup my face as her legs wrapped around my waist, I opened them. I thought to lean down and kiss her while I rocked into her, but she held her arms firm, keeping my face tilted toward her as she arched upward, pulling me even further into her tightness.

It had never been like this before—me taking. Receiving. Anything Grace was willing to give me I greedily accepted. No words were exchanged. They weren’t needed; not this time. Because she was here.

I withdrew and pushed forward as deep as I could, never looking away from her eyes with each thrust. I rocked my hips into her, not bothering to take my time. I could tell she was right there with me. Her mouth dropped open and my head lowered closer, but still we never looked away from each other until the pleasure barreled on us with a voraciousness that left us both gasping until we cried each other's names. Only as I exploded into her did I finally close my eyes. Her sweet, tight pussy squeezed my cock

When my surroundings righted themselves, I found myself collapsed against her. Her legs were still wrapped around me as were her arms.

I knew then I didn't want more.

I wanted it all.