"So why are you here instead of with your beautiful girlfriend?" Noah asked, handing me a glass with a generous amount of Scotch.

I swallowed the amber liquid, relishing its burn and the numbing effect it would have if I drank enough. I sat with my arms on my knees. "Can't a guy just want to get away from the rat race for a while and spend some time with his friend?"

Noah lifted his bottle to his lips but paused before he spoke. "Are you saying your girl is a rat?" He took a long sip while he surveyed me over his glass.

I stared at the ground and shrugged. "More like I'm not sure she's my girl anymore," I mumbled.

Noah's legs fell from their perch. "What did you do?"

"Why do you assume it's me?"

"Because she's prettier and smarter than you. Plus, you're the one who usually ends things."

"Well, this time you're wrong." I finished my glass in two more swallows and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "She lied to me and made me look like a fool. And of all people she was working with, it had to be Gene." His eyebrows raised. "Yeah, you didn't see that coming, did you? I sure as fuck didn't."

"What happened?" He replenished my glass while he listened without interrupting.

"Wow. That does fucking suck." He walked to the edge of the porch and leaned against a pillar. He crossed his arms and faced me. "Well, congratulations, I guess."

I choked on the sip I'd just taken. "Huh?"

"On being right. She did what you expected, right?"

I grunted. "I thought I could trust her. She kept something from me she should have told me. She chose her career over me."

"Maybe. She's not perfect. Newsflash, no one is. If I know you, and I think I do, you're looking for any excuse to end this before she hurts you."

I quickly stood. "Newsflash," I repeated, anger darkening my tone. "It's too late for that. In case you missed what I said, she ended it first when she hurt me. She lied to me."

"Not really."

"A lie of omission is still a lie."

"Fair enough. But if the situation was reversed? Oh, wait. It is. You haven't been honest with her about everything either, have you? Not to mention you've already pushed her away, but for some reason, she forgave you and gave you another chance. Relationships aren't about how perfect each other is. It's about how you work through the hurt and forgive someone, because I don't care who it is in a relationship, someone always hurts the other at some point. Besides, did she really hurt you? Or is this just your way of ending it so you can blame her instead of you being the bad guy when you want out?"

"Wow. That's quite the lecture, coming from someone who doesn’t even have a girlfriend.” He looked away from me. He didn’t deserve me shoving his problems in his face when he was trying to be a good friend. I drew a deep breath and tried for a different tone. “You don't know what you're saying. I tried for more with her. I never thought she'd betray me."

He lifted an eyebrow. "Didn't you?"

I rested my elbows on my knees. The word 'no' died on my lips as I gave some thought to what he said.

"Don't get me wrong. Maybe she should have said something to you. But at the same time, she didn't betray you."

"Didn't she?" I said, twisting his words back at him. "I wanted her to put me first, to choose me. Is it too much to ask for her loyalty?"

"Did she take her knowledge of what you want and turn it over to them to use against you?"

"I don't know. I don't think so."

"Yet you want her to betray something her work has revolved around for weeks, a cause she's dedicated to and believes in and allow you to destroy it? Basically, you're asking her to do the very thing you're accusing her of doing, only it's okay if it works in reverse. Instead, she decided to step back and let those involved work it out. She butted out, rather than using one side against the other or using you to get what she wants."

"I..." I had no words. I hadn't considered it that way. But it didn't erase my anger.

"You've been waiting for her to mess up. In the meantime, you've put her up on such a pedestal, that when she fell, she had farther to fall so you'd feel justified in detaching yourself from her."

His words stung. And when did this become about me? Grace is the one who created this situation by not being honest in the first place. Wasn't she? Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was a dawning of how bad I'd screwed up. I felt petty and hostile. "I don't need the hassle of a permanent relationship anyway."

Noah snorted. "Yeah, okay. I believed that shit in the past because you weren't with anyone who I could see you settling down with. But Grace? She was different. You were different with her. Better."

I slammed my feet down. "Well, maybe that's the problem. I don't like who I am with her." I strode to the railing and leaned on it, gazing out over the green pastures and paddocks. Now I was lying to myself. And of course, Noah knew it.

"And what's that? Someone who can love someone other than himself?"

I rounded on Noah. "What the fuck does that mean?" I was breathing hard, almost looking for an excuse to hit him, even if he was my best friend. Those were fighting words. It was too close to what Gene had said, and I didn’t want either of them to be right.

"It means, you're in love with her, yet you're up here running scared."

"I'm not in love with her."

"Oh, don't give me that shit, Jax. Your brain might be telling you you're not in love, but your heart knows better, and there's not a damn thing your head can do about it except maybe do something stupid. Like pushing her away. Like sitting here and denying your real feelings."

"Fine. Let's say I do love her. I'm too fucked up to have a future with someone. She deserves better than that. I've told her that countless times."

"You're right. She does."

What the actual fuck? I turned my back on him. It was hypocritical, but that wasn't what I expected him to say.

"You're right. She should move on, find some guy who will take care of her, make her laugh, have fun getting her pregnant with his babies." My grip tightened on the wood. I felt sick at the thought of another guy getting to caress her silky skin, capture her gasps as she came in his mouth, and hold her tight while she shuddered with pleasure. Someone who got to enjoy her tender touches, the way she appreciated simple things like movies at home, family dinners, and cuddles on the couch.

Oblivious to my mental torture, Noah continued. "Meanwhile, you can go on with your less meaningful relationships, but with the knowledge that you're free to come and go as you please. No one who cares whether or not you ate or to share your successes with. I mean, that's what you want, right? You get the building you want. You can carry through with all your grand plans that keep you up at night. You can even rest easy knowing you don’t have to deal with Mallory or Gene anymore." His frustration was unmistakable.

Silence fell. I wished the dark of night would swallow me up. I grabbed the bottle of Scotch to help it along, but Noah's next words pulled me back. "Do you know why I even invited your sorry ass up here tonight? Not because I was bored and thought how much fun it would be to babysit a sulky friend. I called you because the woman who loves you is worried about you and wanted to make sure someone checked on you."

"She called you?"

"Yep. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy having your sorry ass come up here to drink all my liquor. But I do have other things to do rather than try to save you from making a huge mistake."

I shook my head. "I don't know what to do."

"Well first, I'm going to let you drown your sorrows in liquor like any good friend would do. Then, tomorrow, when your head is splitting, I'm going to kick you out and tell you how stupid you are, also because I'm a good friend."

I looked at the label on the bottle in my hands. It took me a few seconds to bring it into focus. "Cheap bastard. You could have at least given me the good stuff I know you've got."

He snorted. "If you're so torn up you can't even tell the difference, that ought to tell you something. You can have the good stuff when you get your girl back."

"I don't know how."

Noah snickered. "One word. Wallow. Like a clean pig who found his first mudhole."