Chapter Seven
Bryan
I didn’t want Cay to have to knock, so I listened for him and watched for his SUV even though my windows didn’t face the parking lot. I opened the door before he made it all the way down the hall. His stride faltered when he saw me look into the hallway, but he didn’t stop. I stepped aside to invite him in, and I was pretty sure both of our hearts were feeling crushed right then. I tried but couldn’t wipe all the fear off my face. I was sure of that when I practically heard Cay thinking: He’s still afraid of me.
The door wasn’t closed and he started apologizing.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come over that angry. I didn’t—I’m sorry I scared you. Sorry I was such an asshole.”
He had come right over; he hadn’t taken the time to wash the tear-tracks from his face. It didn’t make me happy to know he’d had such a hard time, but his red, watery eyes and tearstained face made it easier to push past the last of my fear. All I needed was for him to stop pacing so I could think clearly enough to speak.
“Sit?”
He sat, at the far end of the couch, shoulders rounded as he looked intently at his feet. I sat beside him, close enough so hopefully he knew I wasn’t afraid anymore, but not crowding him.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you everything. There were plenty of chances, but I was afraid if you knew I’d been hiding in this apartment for four years, you’d run.”
Cay looked up and winced. Obviously he saw fear in my eyes, but this time it wasn’t of him. I wanted to come out and say that, but even considering it made me feel like a loser. But, if he was going to cut his losses and walk, it might be best to get it over with.
“I avoided every chance I had to tell you what I did for a living. For a few reasons. Mainly, because I didn’t want you to know how boring I am.” He opened his mouth, but I had to say it now, or I was afraid I never would. “Please. Let me get it out.”
He seemed to consider it before nodding. Cay sat a little straighter and maintained eye contact. I should have been relieved—and I was, but still afraid too. And I desperately wanted to look away, but couldn’t bring myself to.
“About seven years ago, I thought I’d met The One. Ultimately, he didn’t care about me, only what I could do for him. Even so, when it was over I felt like my life was over too. That sounds pathetic. He was abusive and he cheated. But it still felt like he was my last chance. It’s probably not a surprise to you I’ve always been awkward around people.”
Cay frowned but didn’t interrupt.
“Not for the first time, I fell into a depression. It was bad for a while. I didn’t leave the apartment, didn’t see or talk to anyone. I was telecommuting and barely holding on to that job. Then Rosie, my cousin, came and pulled me out of my head and put me to work. BaxCo saved my life. Sounds pathetic, I know, but it’s honest. If I had told you what I did for a living, Holden couldn’t have blindsided you like that. I’m sorry.”
“I’m the one who’s sorry. I wish I hadn’t been so…”
“You’d just been fired. You have a child to support, so of course you were upset. Angry.” As soon as I said that I wanted to take it back. It sounded like something I would have said to placate Rob. Sure, Cay had reasons to be angry, but that didn’t mean I should rationalize it, that I should accept it as something I deserved.
“I didn’t want to believe it, what he said. But that’s no excuse.”
Again my mind played an all-too-familiar refrain: At least you didn’t hit me. Sometimes words hurt, and they can definitely leave scars. Such as still thinking of myself as a hermit—one of his favorite terms to throw at me, even though I hid in our home so nobody would see the evidence… That word has to go.
I nodded in response. It was time I stopped making excuses for everyone, especially when they weren’t asking me to. I owed it to both of us to let Cay own his actions as much as I owned mine. He groaned and looked away as he started to pant. For a moment I was afraid he’d cry again. If that happened, I’d join him for sure. Could happen anyway.
“The look in your eyes when I hit the door, though. Sorry isn’t enough.”
Cay twisted toward me and I couldn’t keep from flinching.
“I thought you were going to leave.”
“I was.”
“You were going to leave me in your apartment and go…where?”
“Doesn’t matter. I knew you didn’t really want to hurt me, even when you thought you did. But I didn’t want to stay and… It felt like everything I said only made you angrier.”
“I’m not like that. I don’t act like that.”
“I know. I can tell.”
“So…you don’t want me to leave? This isn’t a deal breaker?”
“No. It isn’t.”
He seemed to be struggling to speak. It wasn’t easy, but I waited. “Maybe it should be.”
“Well, I get to choose and I say it’s not. That can’t happen again—when you get angry, we need to discuss it. I’ll hold up my end too—” A frightening thought stole my ability to speak for a moment. “I do get to choose, don’t I?”
Cay sat there, watching my face, and I had no idea what he was thinking. Was he waiting for me to say more? Waiting for me to do something? He was a man of action, so probably the latter. I slid toward him, slowly and deliberately, to give him a chance to protest. When he didn’t, I felt bold enough to touch him. I held his jaw in my hand for a moment before easing him closer until he was close enough to kiss—leaning forward a couple of inches would do it.He said “Yes, you get to choose.”
His lips parted, and I kissed them softly, barely touching. He still seemed so tentative, I didn’t want to push. He had lost his job because of me, in a way, and probably taken a ration of verbal abuse along with that humiliation—if I knew Holden at all, which I did, if mainly by reputation. Cay’s haunted expression broke my heart.
I sat back, but not far, and he reached out to palm my shoulders. His hands shook while he slid them up and down my arms, as though trying to warm me up. I was shaking, but not from a chill.
“Do you believe me?”
“Of course I do. I did before, or I would have, if I’d taken a breath and thought about it. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I was such an asshole. I didn’t want to scare you—no, that’s not true. You’re right. At the time I thought I wanted to, and I’m so ashamed of that. I wanted you to be as afraid as I was of being unemployed. I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t hit me.” For some reason I felt like I had to remind him of that fact. Maybe I needed to remind both of us. “It’s not okay that you wanted to, but as long as we’re clear that physical violence is a deal-breaker…”
“I’ve never hit anyone in my life. I wouldn’t.”
“I’m sorry. If I’d known where you worked, I would have said something. It’s not your fault, but I wish we hadn’t avoided the subject. He saw us together at Pride, didn’t he?”
“I don’t care about him. I care about you. Us. I don’t want to lose you either, Bry. Tell me we can get past this.”
“We can.” I smiled even though my whole body still shook, and Cay enfolded me in his strong arms.
“I don’t know why Holden thought I could be giving you anything you could use. I’m in customer service—I don’t know jack about the technical side of things. I just take the orders and make sure they get shipped on time. Which is why I never asked what you do. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you—how was blowing me helping your business?”
“It was helping me. A lot.” I slipped my arms around his waist and held him tightly
“I’m sorry that happened to you. What that other guy did. And I wish I hadn’t accused you of doing the same to me.”
I tried to pull back enough to give Cay a proper kiss, but he didn’t let go until I pushed at him. When he did, I held his face in my hands and kissed him with all the love I felt. I wasn’t ready to say it yet—it wasn’t the right time by any stretch of the imagination—but the love was there, and I needed to show it.
He did that thing he does, where he massages his way over half of my body before palming my head and turning my bones to rubber with his kisses.
When he came up for air, we were both panting from lack of oxygen, our faces barely inches apart.
“I’ve been wanting to do that since you opened the door. God, Bry, I love you. It freaked me the hell out when I thought we were finished.”
Apparently, it was the right time.
I looked into his amazing blue eyes and said it back. “I love you, too, Cay.”
His chest hitched and his lips trembled when he kissed me. I tasted a little salt, but that could’ve been either of us. Or both.
We couldn’t maintain the kiss for long, but we did sit on the couch holding each other for a while after breaking it.
“Okay. So the new thing I’m working on is—”
“You don’t have to tell me.”
“Yes. I think I do. I trust you, and I want you to trust me.”
“I do trust you, Bry.”
“Well. I’ll feel better if I hand you the tools to destroy my business, since I destroyed your livelihood. And please, don’t argue. Just listen.”
Cay nodded.
“When I designed Alfred, I was severely depressed. I could barely do that much, and it was a constant struggle. Now…well, in the past year I’ve been crawling out of that hole. Rosie and I worked out the idea for a personal drone butler, probably at the same time Holden started on his… Now I’m able to take it to the next level.”
Cay looks scared. What did I say?
It took a moment, but it hit me, one possible answer to that question.
“Not like a sci-fi movie, no AI or anything. Glorified model planes carrying a camera, flying in programmed routes to maintain home security. Okay, a little more. Alfred’s little brother will be able to do everything he can do, plus scope traffic and weather on your commute route. And a few other things. The cool part is that he’ll be able to text you if he finds anything moving on your property that doesn’t belong or if your fence is down or if it’s snowing.”
“That sounds…I can’t imagine how hard that was to make. You’re…”
“I can do one thing well, and one thing only.”
“I have to argue there. I happen to know you’re good at multiple things. Wait, did you say Alfred has a little brother?”
“Yes.” I blushed, but that didn’t keep me from following through and telling him what was slated next. “The second generation BaxCo Drone Butler is Lane. After the butler in ‘The Importance of Being Earnest.’ Lane will be functional in about six months. If I keep on schedule.”
“Do you have any idea how adorable you are right now?”
“What?”
“Shit. Oh, sorry, my phone is vibrating.” He pulled it out and stared at it a second, incredulous, reading his screen. “Valerie. She’s inviting us to dinner. Or, really, she’s ordering me to come back and bring you.”
“That’s…nice of her.”
“One sec.” He called her. She said “don’t you dare tell me no” instead of “hello”—loudly enough for me to hear without straining. “Tomorrow. Not today.”
When I started to protest, he pinned me in place with a look I hoped conveyed all I thought it did. I heard the sounds of Valerie speaking, but no more of the actual words. Cay thanked her, hung up, and tossed his phone onto the couch behind me. He wrapped his arms around me again and a sigh vibrated his body.
“She said if we don’t come tomorrow, she’ll track me down to make sure all’s well. And she’s a morning person.” He shuddered, and I couldn’t help but laugh a little. I hadn’t expected to end the day in his arms, and my relief had to get out somehow.