Chapter Eight
Cay
Before long, we retreated into Bry’s bedroom, but we didn’t fool around. I was exhausted and he seemed to be feeling the effects of the emotional afternoon too. We napped for an hour or so, and when I woke up, the first words out of his mouth were, “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want you to apologize to me anymore. I mean, if you roll over my foot with your car or drive one of your drones into my head, then sure, but otherwise… It’s not your fault. I’ll figure something out.”
“Okay…”
He tensed, but when I buried my face in his hair and said, “Talk to me,” he didn’t hesitate.
“He—Rob—when he would hit me…at first I told him it was wrong. Even fought back. But he said it was my fault. If I wasn’t so…whatever it was that ticked him off that night…then he wouldn’t have any reason to. Eventually, it was always one of those nights. So I left. But before that, I guess I got into the habit of apologizing. What I mean is, I’ll try not to, but can’t promise much.”
“Asshole. I bet he’s bigger than you too.”
Bryan snorted softly. Almost a laugh. “He’s bigger than you too.”
“Well, that’s a shame.”
“I thought you’ve never…you know, been violent.”
“Wouldn’t hurt to make one exception.” I squeezed Bry in my arms, wishing I could take that back. “Except it probably would.”
“I haven’t seen him in four years.” His voice cracked, he sounded afraid again, and there’s no way I would let that stand.
“Hey. What was that?”
Bry shook his head and snuggled against my chest. “It’s dumb.”
“You don’t have to tell me.” I took a deep breath and decided to be honest. “But we need to talk more. Music, books, movies…all that stuff is cool, but I want you to feel like you can tell me anything, Bry.”
His body stilled, maybe he held his breath for a few moments before releasing it on a sigh.
“You’re right. I want that too. It’s not easy but… I don’t feel that way anymore, but I loved Rob. When I left, he didn’t seem to care. At first, that was…hard to take. Even though I knew I should have been glad he was out of my life, it hurt. Rosie, she helped me see how self-destructive that was, when part of me wanted to see him. I’m over it now, but once in a while it still surfaces. Apparently.
“The marathon—half marathon—was a huge step. He made me think I was fat and lazy and basically worthless. I’m still working on getting his voice out of my head, but the exercise itself has been…beneficial to that end.”
“Val tells me I was running to get away from the cubicle. And that working there was killing me.”
Bryan looked at me, his eyes wide with questions.
“She’s not wrong. Customer service is honest work, but I always thought I’d be something more. I guess. I don’t know. Special?”
“A musician. Also honest work.”
“If I’m going to be completely honest, getting fired…part of me was relieved. And that was hard to swallow.”
“Understandable. You have Mac to care for.”
I waited in case he wanted to say more. I didn’t really know what to say to him after he bared his soul to me like that, so I thanked him for telling me. We cuddled a little, but something kept nagging at me.
“So, his name is Rob?”
“Yeah…why?”
“Nothing. I just…” Damn. If I expect him to talk, guess I have to do the same. “I expected a name like Butch or Bruce or…”
“Oh. Something that sounds tough. Violent. A name that would be a warning.”
“That’s not what I meant. A name that doesn’t sound so…normal? I don’t know what I meant, but not that you should have known. So don’t go there.”
He squeezed my ribs so hard it hurt a little, and when I wriggled a bit, I realized he was laughing. “What?”
“Don’t go there?”
“My best friend is a fifteen-year-old girl.”
“Gotcha.”
“I mean…she’s—”
“I get it. Being a dad is a big deal. I have two nephews and a niece—honorary, they’re Rosie’s kids. So I sort of get it.”
“She really digs you. Refused to believe you would do what Holden said you did.”
“Next time I see her, I’ll have to thank her. Or maybe bring some Mexican food.”
“Or chocolate.”
“Done.”
Bryan’s hand slid from my lower back to my ass, and when he squeezed, I moaned. I knew I was lucky to be there, and I planned to make that clear to him—immediately, and every chance I got for the foreseeable future.