Rae flung the door open. “What the fuck? You don’t need me? You don’t want me?” She stalked further into the room until she was standing directly in front of me, the tips of our toes touching. Her nose wrinkled and she sucked in a surprised gasp. “You’re drinking?”

I lifted the crystal decanter to my lips and threw back a large swallow. Wincing as the whiskey burned its way down my throat, I held it in front of my face. “That’s what it looks like.”

Her shoulders sunk and all the fight went out of her. “Why?” she asked, her voice coming out tiny. Hurt.

“Because I want to,” I said, raising my chin in defiance. And then because I was the biggest asshole in the world, I held it out to her. “Want some?”

Rae jumped back and wrapped her arms around her middle. “Why are you doing this Ash?”

I set the decanter on the rug at my feet. “Doing what?”

“Acting like you don’t care. Trying to hurt me.” Her eyes dropped to the whiskey, and she licked her lips. “Trying to break me.”

“I’m trying to get you to see that we’re not good for each other.”

“That’s not true,” she cried, taking a step forward and then stopping her momentum. It was like the decanter of whiskey at my feet was an invisible force field between us, and even if she wanted to, she couldn’t get close. “You love me. I love you.”

I leaned my head back, and my eyes fell closed. “It’s not enough, Rae.”

“At least you’re not denying that you love me,” she said, pulling out a chair and dropping into it. “That’s something.”

I peeked one eye open. “No, I’m not denying that. But it doesn’t change the facts, Rae, and the sooner you accept them, the easier this will be.”

“And what are these facts, Ash? Please, help me understand, because I’m completely lost. Everything was perfect. Yesterday things were so good between us, and then I show up today, and you’re a totally different person. You’re like a stranger to me right now.”

I opened my other eye and sat up with a groan. “That’s just it though. This isn’t me being a stranger. This is me being me. The me you don’t know. The me you haven’t seen because everything has been about you. This is who I am, Rae. I told you before; I’m not a good man. You just didn’t believe me.”

“Except you’ve never been like this before,” she whispered. “Am I suddenly supposed to believe that you’re a miserable asshole who pushes the people who love him away?” She pointed at the whiskey accusingly. “You know I can’t be around that stuff.”

“But what if I don’t want to give it up just because you can’t be around it? What if I want something different from life than you do?” I asked, thinking about how much she enjoyed the spotlight, how she needed to be the center of attention while all I wanted to do was sit home and play my guitar in front of a fire with Blanche and Dorothy lounging at my feet.

“Are you telling me that a bottle of whiskey is more important to you than I am?” she asked as her eyes brimmed with tears. Eyes, I couldn’t help but notice, were the same amber color as the whiskey I’d been drinking when she’d come in.

I knew if I answered “yes” that’d be the end of us. That I’d never see her again. And while a clean break is what I wanted for her sake, I’d already hurt her enough for one lifetime. I didn’t need to break her in the process as well. I couldn’t be the reason she picked up a bottle again. I was a heartless dick; I wasn’t cruel.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying,” I said, grabbing the bottle and pushing up off the sofa.

I crossed the room to a locked cabinet and punched in the secret code. The doors swung open, revealing a cache of weapons and several bottles of good liquor. I’d hidden them away when I’d decided to bring Rae up here. During her stay here, I’d indulged in a few drinks, but I’d always made sure there was no trace of the liquor on my breath or my lips. Her sobriety was important to me because she was important to me. Even if I had a shit way of showing it.

Then why are you tempting her with that shit now? my subconscious snarled.

Because I knew the only way I could get her to leave would be if she thought she was in danger. And since she already knew I’d give my life to protect her, this was the only other way. She had to walk out of my house, secure in the knowledge that leaving was what was best for her. Knowing that if she stayed, she might wind up right where she’d been before.

She had to be afraid to stay.

“Then what are you saying?”

With my back still to her, I dropped my head forward. “I’m saying we’re through.”

“No!” she screamed, throwing a paperweight at my head. It missed and knocked a frame off the wall instead. The glass shattered all over my carpet. “You turn around and look me in the face when you break my heart, Ash Devereaux. You don’t get to be a coward. Not now. Not after everything we’ve been through.”

I squared my shoulders and turned around … and my heart broke. Rae was standing there with tears falling freely, her whole body trembling.

“You look me in the eye, and you tell me you don’t love me. You watch what you’re doing to me when you tell me you don’t want me anymore.”

“I don’t—” I groaned and linked my fingers together at the back of my head. “I can’t … Goddamn it, Rae. We’re not good for each other.”

“Why?” she asked, falling to her knees. “Tell me what I did to deserve this?”

Ignoring the pain in my side, I reached Rae in three strides and dropped down in front of her. Gathering her against me, I rocked us back and forth. “Shh,” I cooed, “don’t cry.”

“Fuck you,” she mumbled from within the confines of my embrace. “You’re breaking my heart right now, so I’ll cry if I damn well want to.”

Ah, there’s my girl, I thought. Even as Rae was crumbling from the inside out, she was going down fighting. She might think I was breaking her, but she was stronger than that. She could endure anything. In fact, she’d endured much, much worse and made it out alive.

Just barely, that voice inside my head piped up needlessly.

Eventually, her tears dried up, and she pushed against my chest. Wiping her face dry with the backs of her hands, she looked me square in the eye. “Why, Ash? Just tell me why and then I’ll go. I need to understand what I did wrong. I can’t walk out that door without knowing.”

I dropped my hands between my thighs. “It’s not you, Rae. It’s me.”

She hiccupped and rolled her eyes. “Oh god, not the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ excuse.”

I winced. It hadn’t sounded like that in my head, but she had a valid point. “Okay, how about it’s not me, it’s you.”

“Well, at least we’re finally getting somewhere,” she said, lowering herself to the carpet and crossing her legs in some twisted pretzel yoga pose I’d seen her fall into countless times.

I wrung my hands in front of me, hating that I had to admit I wasn’t man enough for her. But it needed to be done. I took a deep breath and let it out. “The truth is, you’re too much. Your star burns too bright, Rae. You need things I can’t give you.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, her head canted to the side.

“I saw you at the hospital,” I explained. “You were lit up like a candle when you were signing autographs and posing for pictures. You love it, and I don’t want to keep you from that. You live in Hollywood, I live here, out in the woods like a fucking hermit.”

Rae shook her head. “You stupid, stupid man,” she whispered. “I hate that shit, but it’s called being a professional. And it’s called making sure all those people liked me and wanted to protect my privacy, and by extension, yours. It’s giving them a piece of me so they didn’t walk right out those doors and call TMZ to tell them I was there visiting my boyfriend who’d been shot.” She scooted out from her pose and crawled over to me. “The truth is, what I really love is sitting here with you. The quiet. The solitude. The fact that I don’t have to be anyone other than who I am underneath all the glitz and glamour.”

I loved hearing that, but it didn’t change the reality of her world. “That doesn’t change things though, does it? You can’t leave all that behind. Especially not now.”

“Who says I can’t?” she asked, climbing into my lap and throwing her arms over my shoulders. “It’s not like I can go back to my house. I’m homeless, Ash. Are you really going to kick me out?” She nuzzled into my neck, her lips tracing over the pulse beating strong in my neck. “Can’t I stay here?”

Oh shit. I groaned and kept my hands locked at my sides. If I moved them even an inch, this conversation would end, and not with a resolution. It’d conclude with my cock down her throat or buried deep in her delicious cunt. And while I would normally welcome either scenario, now was not the time. A lot of things could be solved with a quick, hard fuck, but this wasn’t one of them.

“Rae, stop.” She bit my neck and sucked the skin into her wet, hot mouth, marking me. “Fuck, baby. You really need to stop that.”

“If I don’t?” she asked, skating her palm down to my lap where she cupped my cock in her hand, making me instantly hard. “Will you punish me?” she teased seductively, trailing feather-light kisses up my jaw. “Will you put me over your knee and spank me?”

Shit, yes. That’s exactly what I wanted to do. But I didn’t think I was up for it, physically. I didn’t trust my stitches not to rupture as I brought my palm to her ass cheek with a heavy slap.

“Rae.”

“Please, Ash. Punish me. Mark me. Keep me.”

She straddled me, and I let out a moan when she slipped her hand into my pants and squeezed my cock.

“Be rough me with Ash. Please, I need it. I need you.”

“I can’t, baby,” I said from between gritted teeth. “I want to, but I can’t.”

Her hand stilled, and a tiny sob escaped from between her lips as she tried to shimmy off my lap.

I banded my arm around her waist. “No, don’t go. I didn’t mean it like that. I physically can’t. I want nothing more than to give you everything you’re asking for, but the doctor was pretty clear on that.”

“Oh! I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” She dropped her head to my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m so selfish, I just thought …”

“What did you think?”

“I thought if you dominated me, if you remembered what it was like between us, you’d keep me. You’d remember what we have, and you’d want to fight for it.”

“I know exactly what we have,” I told her, my voice turning to steel. “Don’t ever doubt that.”

She sat up with tears pooling in her eyes and her lip trembling. “Then why do you want me to go? Why are you trying to send me away?”

“I told you, Rae. I’m no good for you. I’ll just hold you back.”

She shook her head emphatically, as if she could sense my resolve crumbling and if she was forceful enough, she could turn it to dust through simple will. “You won’t. I won’t let that happen.”

I didn’t know if she was aware that as she spoke, her hips mindlessly undulated over me, sending a fresh swell of blood straight to my cock. Oh god, what I wouldn’t give to have my cock in her pussy right now. Rae was right. It was good between us. So, so good. It had never been like this for me with any other woman. I’d spent years being faithful to Sonia, and she’d treated me like garbage. We’d never had a future, and yet I’d fought like hell for her. I’d given her years to prove her love for me, so why couldn’t I give Rae the same?

Because you don’t want to get hurt again. Because you always knew things were going to end badly between you and Sonia. Your real fear isn’t Rae leaving you; it’s her NOT leaving. It’s the fear of being happy together, of having a future with this woman. That when all is said and done, she’s your other half and that fucking terrifies you.

And there it was. The truth of why I was trying to push her away. And it was all fucking bullshit. Rae was my soul; I would die without her. And, I knew, she was less than who she could be without me. Together, we were more than the sum of our parts. Together we were whole.

“Oh fuck. I don’t care what the doctor said,” I groaned, slipping my hands between us and down the front of her pants to find her pussy wet, her clit hard. “Take this off and ride my cock.”

Rae jumped off my lap and tugged her pants off. She threw them behind her, and in seconds, she’d straddled my thighs again. And then, in the span of two heartbeats, her fiery heat was enveloping me as she sank down the length of cock with a ragged sigh. Her head fell back. “Fuck,” she moaned. “You feel so good.”

With frantic hands, I gripped her hips and guided her movements. Fast, fast, fast. I could feel a slight pull in my stitches, but I didn’t care. The pain was worth it. I needed to be inside of this woman always. Rae’s pussy milking my cock was the best fucking feeling in the world. “That’s it. Ride me. Ride me hard.”

“Oh god,” she sang. “Oh god, oh god. I’m coming.”

“Come all over my cock, baby. Just like that. Right there.”

Rae’s pussy gripped my dick like a vice as her orgasm ripped through her. Her mouth opened in a silent “O” and her eyes went glassy as she rode the wave to shore. And with another driving thrust of my hips, I joined her with a shout.

We collapsed onto the floor in a heap of tangled limbs. “Does this mean I get to stay?” she asked.

I cradled her against my good side. “If you tried to leave, I’d drag you back by your hair and tie you up in my basement.”

“You don’t have a basement,” she laughed. “But I like the sound of the rest of it.”