Later that night after the king and queen left, Jinx still couldn’t shut up about the visit. “Can I offer my two cents?”

I was putting on a face mask while I flipped on Netflix on the couch. “Let me guess, I’m not going to like your suggestion?”

Jinx stroked the brush of nail polish on her big toe. “Well, if you can be blasé about the king and queen of the Winston Isles having sat in our living room, I can be blasé too. But can I just say that maybe you should go? You know, if they find him.”

“You mean go and talk to Lucas? After everything that happened?”

She shrugged. “Yes, I think it might be cathartic.”

“Why do I need catharsis? I’m fine.” Oh look, I was a liar too.

“Besides the sad Eeyore eyes? I love you. God knows I love you. But you’ve been very Jane Bennett with your sad face. Like really, really sad. Like moping around the house sad, and frankly, I don’t want to watch you being sad anymore. I will, because I’m your bestie, but I feel like maybe if you talk to him, or try to figure out what the hell happened, you would feel better. And I’d like my snappy bestie back. Because this is all about me.”

“You think I’ll feel better?” She did not understand just what he’d done to my insides. “Listen, I know you think so, but if you can’t take my Eeyore eyes now, wait ‘til you see what a number he’ll do on me if I see him again. I know that you think it will be good for me. But I promise you, I won’t feel better. Because seeing him will be starting all over again. Seeing him will mean the dull ache that lives in the center of my chest is all fresh and raw again. It’s going to hurt a lot. And I’m not ready for that. Also, I might commit murder, so there’s that.”

Her lips twitched. “Okay, I hear you.” She closed the cap of the nail polish and shook it vigorously. “I’m just saying. Do you want to be afraid to see him for the rest of your life? I mean, I don’t know his deal. What’s going to happen if he comes back to the island? You’ve been to the palace before. You know the likelihood is high that you’ll see him eventually. Are you really going to hide forever? Doesn’t he win that way?”

She had a point there. “Well, the way I figure it, I can give it the old college try. I like avoidance. Avoidance is pain free.”

“Yeah, but for how long? Wouldn’t you rather deal with it now and then move on? Closure. I’m a fan.”

“And by closure, do you mean break up sex?”

She grinned. “I mean, it’s been known to get a girl through some things.”

A low pulse started between my legs just thinking about it. Oh no you don’t! “No. Not in this case. In this case, if I sleep with Lucas, I’ll be curled up under my bed again playing dead.”

“No, you won’t. You’re stronger than you think. I personally think that you’re going to be great. I think you’ll be able to look him in the eye, ask him why he left, and then I think that you will be able to move on. At least that’s what I hope. If you don’t go, you won’t know all the reasons. You’ll know why you think he left, but it’s all speculation. Wouldn’t you just rather know, once and for all?”

She had a solid point. Part of me did want to know, wanted to know so badly that I ached with the need to know. “What if I’m not strong enough? What if I sleep with him again and then I’m a blubbering mess?”

“But I’ll be here. It won’t be like New York where I couldn’t get to you. I just think you owe it to yourself to figure out what the hell happened. And maybe he’ll say nothing. Maybe he’ll just be like, ‘I couldn’t handle it, so I bailed.’ But then at least you’ll know that he doesn’t deserve you. And then you can move on.”

I loved how Jinx made it all sound so easy. Talk to Lucas, find out why he left, get closure, and move on. Meet someone else who wouldn’t leave me like a douche bag in the middle of the night. Easy. “I’ll think about it, but, don’t get your hopes up. Just like they shouldn’t get their hopes up. If they do find him and if I do go, it would only be to make sure he’s okay, because something might have happened for all I know. I wouldn’t be doing it in the hopes of getting him back or anything.”

Jinx shook her head. “Oh hell no. Besides, he’d have to work a lot harder than that to get you back. Like a groveling, boom-box-over-his-head kind of apology. Like all the romantic gestures from all the movies ever. This is just about closure. Otherwise known as a really good orgasm.”

I giggled and shook my head. “You're nuts.”

“I’m just saying. Think about it.”

No way was I thinking about this. “Sure. I’ll give it some thought.”

I knew that when I saw Lucas again, the last thing on my mind would be closure. But Jinx was right about one thing.

I did need to know why. It would only eat at me until I did.

I stared at the phone. I knew I had to make the call, but I sure as hell didn’t want to. I knew what he would say, how worried he was, and what he put on the line to do this for me. I hated letting him down. I hated that everything he’d done to bring about what our father wanted wasn’t going to come to fruition. But I had to tell him.

I made the call, and he answered on the first ring. “What?”

“So, that means that you’re not happy to hear from me?”

“Fuck you, Lucas. Where are you?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Lucas, this is ridiculous. Why did you take off? You had everyone worried. I have been worried. Roone is pissed. And I have to tell you, I am fucking furious. Get your ass back to the islands.”

A harsh chuckle tore out of my chest. He probably wouldn’t be so bossy if he knew. “Oh really? You think you can order me back?”

“Are you insane? Yes, I gave you specific instructions. In New York, stay with your Royal Guard, stay out of trouble. Did you do that? Oh no, you slipped your guard with a fucking grappling hook? You could have died. Then you traipse around the country and fuck off to Europe? Looking for what? Because your past came back to haunt you? Blake Security noted your stepfather was in New York. What the fuck is going on Lucas?”

“You liked that grappling-hook bit, yeah? I’d forgotten how much I hated heights until I had to use it.” Joking was easier. It meant I didn't have to drop the bomb on him. I didn’t know how to tell him. How to make it gentle. “I’m sorry I had to take off. You wouldn’t understand.”

There was a beat of silence. “Try me.”

I swallowed hard. “When are you going to realize I’m the last person you want near you? Just let me go. Pretend I was never there.” The words slashed through me as I bit them out.

“Shut the fuck up. After everything we’ve been through? I came looking for you, remember? I know you. You’re my brother.” His words sliced deeper than a hot blade.

“Stop saying that. You don’t know who I am.”

Was it me or did his voice go softer? “Lucas, I’m your family. We need to stick together right now. We still haven’t been able to get much out of Robert Sandstorm, so it’s still dangerous for a member of the Winston family to be unprotected. Get on the next plane.”

Good thing I wasn’t really a Winston then. “No can do, Seb. Just know I’m not a total dick. I sent you my files on Tressel. Have someone smart and loyal look through them.”

“I don’t need to do that. I looked over them myself. Besides, Blake Security’s forensic accountant is already working on corroborating your version. Come home and we’ll clear everything up with the Artistic Trust.”

Interesting. Oskar was trying to prove my innocence? “It’s important I do this.”

“Do what, play chicken with your stepfather? You don't think I’ve been keeping tabs on your old stomping grounds? The car heist in Toronto… Did you have something to do with that?”

Shit. He was sniffing too closely. “Stay out of it. You’ll be safer that way.”

“You’re an idiot. As long as you’re out there unprotected, I’m exposed. Whoever sent assassins for our father can use you. If you want to protect me, protect the monarchy, come the fuck home.” Home. It was a hell of a word. I had no home. It had all been a mirage. Maybe sensing my hesitation, he tried another tactic. “Just tell me where you are. We’ll talk in person.”

I’d kept my timer running, and time was up. Not that Matthias didn’t already know where I was or that someone of his caliber couldn’t find me. “I can’t talk long. I’m going to get the answers I need here. I’m not coming back. Having me as your brother is only going to make your life worse. Trust me on that. It’s one of those few things you can take to the bank from me.”