Chapter Thirteen
SATURDAY MORNING, AFTER waking up entangled with her naked, and very aroused boyfriend, Desiree and Rick had made love…twice. First, wild and passionate, and later, slow and soul-fillingly amazing. She’d never considered herself a spiritual person. How could she when the mere word reminded her of Lizza’s taking off to follow her “calling,” and leaving Desiree behind. But making love with Rick was more than a physical and emotional experience; it was spiritual. A coming together of mind, body, and soul. After that blissful wake-up, she’d taken Rick’s advice, and instead of closing the door to painting, she’d left it open and painted several signs for the shop.
Several busy days, and sinful nights, passed with taking long walks, making sweet and passionate love into the wee hours of the morning, and sharing more of their secrets, hopes, and dreams. Before Desiree knew it, Wednesday arrived with sunshine and an influx of customers at Devi’s Discoveries. The road signs Desiree had made were working wonders. Thank you, Rick. She’d been putting them up along Route 6, and Violet had passed out flyers in the area. The flyers had worked so well, this morning Violet drove to the neighboring towns to hand out more.
“I’d like to buy these.” A stout woman with curly silver hair set two items from the personal exploration shop on the counter. “And how much is this?” She held up a pottery mug with a fishtail handle.
Desiree had been nervous about leaving the door to the personal exploration shop open, but Violet had threatened to stand outside the cottage telling customers, Be sure to check out the enormous dildos in the back room, if she didn’t. Boy, was she glad her in-your-face sister had insisted. Between the gallery and the shop, they’d been clearing a grand each day, and on Monday they’d earned nearly three thousand dollars, having sold one of their mother’s paintings. Today they’d already made almost a thousand dollars, most of which had come from the sale of personal discovery items.
“It’s thirteen dollars,” Desiree answered. “It’s one of a kind.”
“Are you the artist?” the woman asked excitedly.
“No.” My mother is. An odd sense of pride came with that thought, and Desiree had to work hard to move past it. “Lizza Vancroft is the artist.”
The woman clutched the mug to her chest with a hopeful smile. “Is she here?”
“No, I’m sorry. She’s away for the summer.” As an afterthought, she added, “Rejuvenating her creativity.” She rang up the purchase, thinking about Lizza. The shop was truly packed from top to bottom, and in the studio, just as her mother had said, there were enough pieces to carry the shop for at least a few months. Maybe Lizza really had depleted her creativity while she was there. It still didn’t excuse her making it seem as though she was dying, but that was Lizza.
The shop remained busy throughout the afternoon, and every customer wanted to chat about something—the weather, the artwork, the property. She’d met two people who remembered when the Summer House Inn had been a go-to summer-vacation spot. One gentleman said his family had stayed there when he was a little boy, and he remembered the kind woman who had run it. It warmed her to hear him speak of her grandmother. They’d begun renovations earlier in the week, and it was amazing how a fresh coat of paint could breathe new life into tired-looking rooms.
When things slowed down she texted Violet, who was supposed to have returned from putting up flyers hours ago. I’ve been swamped all day. Great job with the flyers, but where are you? Desiree had been picking away at weeding the gardens along the driveway while Violet manned the shop, but today she had hoped to surprise Rick with lunch. Thanks to Violet, that idea had gone out the window.
She headed outside to the easel she’d set up by the front door and worked on a painting of the gardens she’d begun yesterday in between customers. Pulling from memories, she brought to life wild grasses, burgeoning hydrangeas, daffodils, azaleas, tiger lilies, and her favorite, orange trumpet creepers.
A stream of yappy barks broke her focus. Cosmos darted between the bushes at the far side of the property, heading for her at record speed. She’d put him in the fenced yard outside the kitchen while she was working and wondered how he’d gotten out again. She stepped away from the painting as Mira, Serena, and Rick burst through the bushes. Her heart skipped at the sight of her big, handsome man tearing across the lawn in a pair of shorts and a tight white T-shirt. Their eyes locked, and pure lust stared back at her.
“Grab him!” Serena yelled.
Desiree scooped up Cosmos, who was dripping wet, wishing she could grab her man instead. “What have you done now?” Cosmos wriggled in her arms, covering her face with puppy kisses. She couldn’t stop grinning as the others caught up.
Rick skidded to a stop beside her. “Hey, babe. The scoundrel got in the pool again.” He kissed her lips, the only spot Cosmos hadn’t touched.
“He climbed the fence!” Serena petted Cosmos. “Such a smart boy.”
Rick glared at her.
“You have to admit, he’s a smart dog,” Mira said to her brother. “Look at this, Des.”
She held out her phone, showing Desiree a video of Cosmos standing on his hind legs, stretching as tall as his little body could possibly reach, and hooking his paws over the top of the fence. He jumped three times before hauling himself up and over. He darted into the pool, sending the swimmers into a frenzy of screeches and laughter.
“Oh my gosh! I put him in the fenced-in area this morning. I never imagined he could climb out. I’m so sorry.” Desiree lifted Cosmos up and looked into his twinkling dark eyes. “You have been a very creatively naughty puppy.”
He yapped, his tongue lolling out of his smiling mouth.
“I’ve never seen a dog do that,” Serena said. She and Mira were wearing shorts and tank tops, looking like they’d just come from the beach, though Desiree knew Serena worked most days running the front desk.
“I’m going to have Dean install flower boxes on the outside perimeter of the pool fence, and I was thinking he should do it on the inside of your fence, too. Is that okay? It should keep the troublemaker from climbing over.” Rick grabbed the pooch’s face and pressed a kiss to his snout. “Grr.”
Desiree laughed. “That’s fine, and I’d really appreciate it. He could get hurt running across the parking lot, and I’m pretty attached to him. But can you blame him for wanting to go swimming? I mean, it is summertime.” Wow, I sound like Violet.
“You’re right,” Rick said. “I’ll buy him a kiddie pool for your fenced-in area, too.” He winked. “The rest of the materials for the patio were delivered earlier. I’ve got to get back before Drake screws things up. We’re going to try to finish it up tonight, so I’ll be a little late.” He leaned in close and whispered, “You look even sexier in that little pink number than you did this morning. I can’t wait to tear it off of you later. With my teeth.”
“You better hope he brushes them first,” Mira said under her breath.
“I can’t believe you heard that.” Desiree glared at Rick.
He shrugged. “Sorry. I thought I was being discreet.” He leaned in with a mischievous look in his eyes and said, “But I do love when my girl gets flustered.”
Desiree swatted him playfully, earning a hearty laugh, but inside she was swooning over their racy relationship. “You’re a beast. Go do your work.”
He gave her a chaste kiss, and she watched him walk away.
“You realize that’s my brother’s ass you’re ogling,” Mira teased.
“Oh gosh, sorry.” She carried Cosmos into the gallery and grabbed his leash from beside the door, hooking it to his collar. “Come on in and look around.”
“I’m glad you and Rick found each other,” Mira said as she looked around the shop. “I’ve never seen him this happy. Maybe you can get him to realize he needs to be here, and not in DC.”
Desiree’s stomach lurched, thinking about how short a time they had left together. He said he was there for another month when they’d met, and it had been almost two weeks. A couple more weeks would never be enough. She’d known exactly what she was getting into with Rick. A summer romance. But she hadn’t realized she could lose her heart so quickly.
“But I’m leaving, too,” she said wistfully.
“Well, that’s easy to fix. We’ll just have to start convincing you to stay.” Serena peered into the back room. “What is this? Desiree! You didn’t tell us you had a porn shop.”
“What?” Mira followed her into the back room.
If they’d have come in a week ago, Desiree might have shriveled up with embarrassment, but now she’d handled, talked about, and sold everything from cock rings to nipple clamps. Embarrassment had no place in this salesgirl’s life. Except when it comes to Rick’s whispered promises. As much as she loved his dirty talk, when they weren’t in the heat of the moment, she still blushed a red streak.
“It’s my mother’s ‘personal exploration shop,’ not mine. I’m just the salesgirl. I swear, if my teacher friends saw me now, they’d think I was a whole different person. Back home I spend my days talking to little people and keeping my thoughts and language as pure as I can.” She picked up a bottle of lubricant. “Then I come here, thinking my mother is dying, and learn all about lubricants and sex toys. I sold five of these today. Five. I didn’t think people really used it that much.”
“Anal,” Serena said casually. “Just think of how much wider your vocabulary is now.” She picked up a vibrator. “Now, boys and girls, this is called a vibrator. Can you say vibrator? Oh, what’s it for, you ask? Well, after being around sticky fingers all day, Miss Cleary likes to get a different type of sticky—”
“Geez!” Desiree snatched the vibrator out of Serena’s hand. “You sound like my friend Emery.”
“You have a dirty-minded best friend, too?” Mira eyed her bestie. “Serena has worn off on me, so watch out. Emery might wear off on you.”
She didn’t need to know it was Rick, not Emery, who had unlocked her inner sexy girl.
Mira held up a pair of edible underwear. “I’ll be back later for these.”
“Why stop there?” Serena held up a whip. “Turn it up a notch. You can’t get this stuff anywhere around here. I think the closest place is P-town. We were going to brainstorm about marketing. Do you have time now? You could corner the market on sex toys so easily.”
“I’ve been so busy since we set out the signs and flyers, I think we’ll be okay. At least for now.” Desiree heard voices in the gallery and went to investigate.
Cosmos barked at a young couple who was looking around with confused expressions. Desiree picked up Cosmos. “Hi. Can I help you find something?”
The couple shared a secret smile, and the guy handed her a flyer. “We got this at the Earth House. Is this the right place?” The Earth House was an eclectic record and clothing shop a few miles away.
Desiree quickly scanned the flyer. Best sex shop around! Come early and often! It went on to list a few of their products, and the address. Swallowing her shock at the changes her sister had made to the flyers, she said, “It sure is,” and waved toward the open door, catching sight of Mira and Serena inspecting a box.
Violet’s motorcycle roared into the driveway, and Desiree carried Cosmos outside. Violet climbed off her bike and took off her helmet, carrying it under one arm as she sauntered across the driveway.
“Have a fun afternoon?” Desiree set Cosmos on the ground.
Violet bent to pet Cosmos. “Actually, yes. It’s been a long time since I’ve wanted to get to know a place. I hit some of the shops in Brewster, and went down to Breakwater Beach.”
Desiree swallowed her complaint about Violet blowing off their schedule. Violet was a wanderer, like their mother. For her to want to get to know the area said something, and it felt like progress.
Serena and Mira came outside giggling.
“Do you get to test the products?” Serena asked.
“No!” Can I? Do I want to? Oh my gosh. I think I might!
Violet smirked. “That right there is the look of someone who wants to break the rules.”
“Oh, I love breaking rules,” Serena said.
Desiree introduced the three of them, then popped inside to check on the customers. When she came back out, Mira had a troubled look in her eyes.
“I’m a mother,” Mira said. “Breaking rules isn’t really my thing.”
Violet scoffed. “Are you kidding? Naughty mommies are the bomb.” She eyed Serena. “I think it’s time we dare these girls into finding their inner badasses.”
“We’re going to get along so well.” Serena rubbed her palms together. “We could dare them to get arrested.”
Mira and Desiree said, “No,” in unison.
“No arrests,” Violet said, and Desiree breathed a sigh of relief. “Something simple but different for them. Crotchless underwear.”
“Yes! Crotchless!” Serena squealed. “At Rick’s goodbye party in two weeks. That’s the perfect send-off for two lovers. But you have to come, Violet.”
Desiree felt like she’d been body-slammed. Rick’s goodbye party. How could they already be planning to say goodbye when she felt like they’d just found each other? She crossed her arms against the longing taking hold and forced herself to focus on the thought of wearing crotchless panties around Rick and how thrilling it would be. For both of us. She imagined letting it “slip” that she was wearing them and Rick being unable to control himself. A thrum of excitement rushed through her, pushing the longing to the side. Oh yeah, she would wear crotchless panties for him. Maybe edible ones, too.
“Think I’d miss seeing my sister squirming like a schoolmarm in fuckable panties?” Violet shook her head. “No way.”
Feigning her best annoyed expression to cover her newfound riskiness, Desiree said, “You know Rick has spent the night all week.” She lifted her chin and said, “I am perfectly capable of owning my inner bad girl without a dare.”
“You can’t even say badass,” Violet pointed out.
“I don’t have to be trash-mouthed to be a bad…ass.”
“I can say ‘badass,’ but I can’t go crotchless at a bonfire,” Mira said. “My son, Hagen, will be with me.”
“Is he looking up your shorts?” Violet asked.
“Well, no, but still…” Mira’s voice trailed off.
“Mira!” Serena waggled her brows. “Think of the payoff afterward. I want to do it, and I don’t even have a man!”
Desiree was imagining all the ways she could taunt Rick. He’d lose his flipping mind! But she wasn’t going to bet on their sex life. Instead, she decided to turn it around on Violet. “I don’t need a dare.”
Violet’s eyes widened in surprise.
“I’m going to do it anyway, but I’m not telling you when,” Desiree added. “That’s private. But…since I’m going to do it anyway, you have to stick to a schedule for a week. Seven solid days of showing up on time to a fair and equitable work schedule.”
Violet rolled her eyes.
“What’s the matter?” Desiree taunted. “Not badass enough to handle it?”
RICK PUSHED TO his feet, wiped the sweat from his brow, and gazed down at the beach, where Matt and Hagen were busy creating another elaborate sandcastle. Matt had been a professor at Princeton before getting a major publishing contract and falling in love with Mira. He’d chosen to write full-time and remain at the Cape, rather than going back to teaching. Every time Rick saw how happy their family was, he thought about how much his father had missed out on. But today he turned those thoughts on himself. He’d spent more than an hour on the phone with his partners earlier. The battle between them had become so contentious, Rick found himself wondering why he was fighting so hard to go back. He’d invested well, and had more than enough money to live on. But he’d built his business from the ground up, and walking away would mean leaving a piece of himself behind. A big piece. The successful, prove-he-could-do-it-for-his-father piece.
“What do you think?” Drake called out to him.
It took a moment for Rick to realize Drake was talking about the patio they’d been working on for the past two days. His eyes swept over the earth-toned stones covering the width of the recreation building and spilling out in a wavy pattern toward the beach with a built-in fire pit on the far right. He imagined playing his guitar and sitting by the fire with Desiree on a cold winter night. Maybe they could swing up for the holidays together.
“We did a hell of a job,” he answered.
“Dad would have loved this.” Drake pointed to the fire pit. “Can’t you see him sitting over there with one arm around Mom, telling some story about his days as a fighter pilot?”
Rick laughed, remembering his father’s penchant for embellishing. “The man could lie like a rug.”
Drake motioned in the direction of Matt and Hagen. “I’m glad Hagen’s got Matt. Mira’s a hell of a mother, but there’s a difference between a father and mother, and their relationship with sons.”
“Single parents bring up kids all the time. Look at us.”
“We were teenagers when we lost Dad. That’s different. Do you think Mom would have laughed at us burping the alphabet? Or thought it was ‘epic’ when we rode our dirt bikes into that mucky marsh? Remember? She made us hose off outside and yelled at Dad for taking us to a diner when we were so dirty.”
Rick smiled with the memory. “Man, we were lucky to have him.”
“Yeah. They say women are the ones with the ticking clock, but how can you be around Hagen and not think about it?” Drake wiped his hands on his shorts and pushed the plate compactor to the edge of the patio. “Maybe it’s easier for you, since you’re not usually around him so much.”
“Maybe that’s why I never really thought about it until recently.”
“Makes sense,” Drake said. “Wait. You’re thinking about it now?”
Rick shrugged. “Not in an I-want-kids-now way, but just in general.”
“I think Desiree kick-started your heart again. About damn time, if you ask me.”
“She wants to go sailing.” The confession surprised him as much as it appeared to have surprised Drake. “I can’t look at her without wanting to try to get on that damn boat.”
“I’m sure she’ll understand if you explain…”
“I did, and she does.” He forced himself to ask the question he’d been carrying with him since he’d told Desiree about his father. “Why didn’t we ever talk about that night?”
“I talked about it all the time,” Drake said, meeting his gaze. “With Mom, with the grief counselor.”
Blood pounded in Rick’s ears as he opened a door he’d all but nailed shut. “I mean us, Drake. Why didn’t we ever talk about it?”
“You didn’t exactly want to talk back then.” There was a hint of defensiveness in his brother’s tone, and more than a hint in his eyes. “And you’ve clammed up ever since.”
“Don’t you find that messed up?” It came out as an accusation, and he hated himself for it, because it wasn’t Drake’s fault. “We were the ones on the deck. We were the ones who couldn’t save him.” His voice escalated, and he ground his teeth, regaining control, a silent war raging between him and his demons. “Us, Drake. Not the fucking grief counselor. Not Mom or anyone else. We were in it together that night.”
“We still are,” Drake said evenly. “It’s on our shoulders, and it always will be. We. Couldn’t. Save. Him.”
Pain gripped Rick so hard he couldn’t move.
“Don’t do this again, Rick,” Drake seethed. “You’ve pulled away for seventeen years. I’m right here, and I’m ready to talk. Do you blame yourself? Is that what’s kept you away? Because no one blames you.”
Anger clawed up his torso, tightening like a noose around his neck. “No. And I don’t blame you, either.”
“Then what is it?” Drake pleaded.
“I don’t know.” Rick paced, hands fisted at his sides. “I know we couldn’t save him. I thought I dealt with all this shit. I can go on the water, in the water, over the goddamn water. But I get near a sailboat and I’m mind fucked. Like I’ve never put it behind me.”
The pain in Drake’s eyes was palpable. “Because you didn’t. Mira and I pushed through it when Mom made us. We went out on that damn boat and cried, and cursed, and fought, until there was nothing left to be angry at. We let him go, Rick, but you refused. Don’t you remember fighting with me when I tried to drag your ornery ass down to the boat a few weeks after the accident? You gave me a goddamn shiner.” He laughed under his breath. “I had to tell everyone I beat some kid up just to save face from admitting my younger brother clocked me.”
We fought? Rick didn’t know if he should laugh or worry over having no memory of the incident. “I don’t remember that.”
“No?”
Rick shook his head.
“Damn. I knew a part of you had disappeared after we lost Dad, but I didn’t realize you’d lost that part of yourself, too.” Drake’s voice turned thoughtful. “We were all in shock, but you buried your feelings so deep you were untouchable. As a teenager, you hid behind music, and sports, and never slowed down enough to think, much less feel. And as an adult…Bro, you know why you work eighty hours a week, hundreds of miles away from us. But since you’ve been back, there’s been no place for you to hide.”
“Tell me about it. I see him in everything. In you and Mira. Even Hagen,” Rick admitted. “Sometimes it’s too much.”
“That’s a shame. I see Dad everywhere, too. But I’m glad for it, because not a day goes by that I don’t miss him. Getting a glimpse of him is a relief. A momentary gift.”
“I want to feel that so bad, Drake. You have no idea. I think about that night all the time.”
“I can only imagine,” Drake said. “But how can you see the light if you don’t get rid of the darkness? That night’s still eating away at you. I think about that hellacious night, and I want to punch something, or take revenge on the sea. But—”
“There’s no revenge for a prickly beast.” Rick rubbed the knot at the base of his neck, breathing deeply and knowing his brother was right. He’d talked to the counselor, but he’d never done the one thing that mattered most. He’d lost his father that night at sea, but he’d never really let him go.
“I didn’t plan on working eighty hours a week.” He needed Drake to know the truth. “I wanted to make him proud, and I couldn’t pull my shit together here. Then things got away from me. Working became a way of life.”
Drake raked a hand through his hair with a tortured expression. “I get it. But you’re here now, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back here for good.”
Rick knew what he had to do. “Can you handle the patio?”
He took a step away and Drake grabbed his arm. “Fuck the patio.” He hauled him into an embrace. “Love you, bro.”
TWENTY MINUTES LATER, Rick walked along the moorings as if he were walking the plank. The darkening sky mirrored his emotions as each heavy footstep brought him closer to the ghosts of his past. His heart beat violently against his ribs as he passed one, two, three boats, stopping at the fourth. His eyes remained trained on the wood beneath his feet, refusing to rise. Inhaling a lungful of brisk air, he forced his gaze upward. The dark cabin windows stared back at him like snake eyes.
They say the faces of those you’ve lost fade from memory. But even now, seventeen years later, Rick could picture his father’s smiling eyes, his unruly dark hair bending at the wind’s will, and his thick arms, defined by hard work and the relentless pursuit of living life to the fullest, as he reached over the edge of the boat.
Give me your hand, Ricky boy. I’ll haul ya up.
Rick crossed his arms, a barrier between him and his father’s ghost.
Afraid? What’s the worst that can happen? You slip and fall in the water? Big deal. So, you swim, son. That’s why you have limbs.
He smiled, despite his heartache. His father had always been infuriatingly positive. Getting on the boat should be a piece of cake, but tears burned his eyes, and the longing in his chest felt like a never-ending abyss he wouldn’t be able to climb out of once he fell in.
Stepping on that boat meant…finally accepting his dad was gone?
He’d thought he’d done that the god-awful night they’d lost him. But if that wasn’t the issue, what was? If I knew the answer, I’d get my ass on the damn boat.
Holding his breath, he reached for the bow with shaking fists. Unfurling them was like bending iron. Closing his eyes, he touched his fingertips to the cool, sleek fiberglass, gritted his teeth, and pressed his palms flat.
See? Stable as the day is long.
His father’s voice drew his eyes open, and his gaze swept over the cabin. Flashes of that awful night barreled into him, and he slammed his eyes shut again, willing himself to remain standing and accept the torture once and for all. He was done hiding, done running. His entire body battled him, from the bones in his feet trying to carry him away to the very tips of his fingers struggling to let go. But he stood strong as the howling winds and sheeting rain of seventeen years ago pummeled him anew. The erratic sounds of the choppy sea roared in his ears. The deluge of waves pounded over the deck, and the screeching of the boat’s hardware sliced him open. The dense whoosh of the boom and the deadly thud sent him stumbling backward, as if he himself had been carried into the sea. He dropped to his knees, tears spilling down his cheeks. His shoulders slumped, and his head fell heavily into his hands, but he didn’t run. He didn’t fight the fear or the gut-wrenching agony as the memory of Drake holding him back from launching himself into the black water pinned him to the ground.
I’m getting on that fucking boat.
He forced his eyes open, and a hand shot down and grabbed his arm, hauling him to his feet. It took Rick a second to push out of the past and into the present, where Drake stood sure and steady before him.
“What are you doing here?” Rick’s voice was thick with emotion.
“Whatever it takes.”
Rick didn’t hesitate, didn’t give the past time to hold him back from his future. With Drake by his side, he climbed onto the boat, determined to be the man his father had raised him to be, and the man Desiree deserved.