Chapter Seventeen
LATER THAT MORNING, after everyone else left, Desiree sat on the front porch with Cosmos, talking to Emery on the phone and trying to digest all that had happened. Lizza was leaving after she and Violet returned from their walk, and as ridiculous as it might be, Desiree felt like she was losing her all over again. The longer she sat and thought, the more upset she became about the whole situation. She didn’t want to spend the rest of her life wondering why Lizza left her all those years ago, or now. She needed answers.
“Emery, are you still there?” Desiree looked at her phone to make sure she hadn’t lost service. She’d explained the whole morning to her, and now, as the airwaves hung in silence between them, she realized how much she’d miss her best friend.
“Yes, but…you’re moving? And you’re in love with a man I haven’t met or approved of?”
Desiree laughed. “I took your ‘bang the hot Jet Ski guy’ as approval. Aren’t you missing the point about Lizza? I’m so mad at her.”
“Are you kidding? I wish she’d get a dog to find me a man. But seriously, Rick will really come to the Cape to see you? That’s a long way. And how about me? Can I come see you? Can we have monthly visits? Can I stay with you next summer? I’m going to have BFF withdrawals, and you better not like Serena or Mira more than me, or I’ll go all ninja crazy on your ass.”
Desiree laughed. “Yes, to all of that, and nobody could ever replace you.”
“And you’re happy? Really, truly happy?” Emery asked.
“So happy. Rick is everything I could dream of and more. And I have a second chance with Violet. Everything is different here, Em. I think I’ll probably teach in the off season, but this summer…Emery, I’ve changed. I’m painting, and sort of doing things spur-of-the-moment.”
“It’s all that sex you’re having. You make me look like a virgin.”
“Shut up!” Desiree laughed.
“Um, Des? You do realize that the biggest reason you’re happy is leaving tomorrow, right?”
“I know,” she said sadly. “But we’ll figure that out.”
“I don’t know Rick, but if you gave him your heart, I know you chose carefully.”
She spotted Violet and her mother coming up the driveway. “They’re back. I have to go, but I’ll call you after Rick leaves.”
“Okay. Remember, when you tear Lizza a new one, she knew Cosmos would bring you and Rick together.” Emery burst into laughter. “The dog!”
“Emery!”
“Sorry. Go get your answers. I’ll have chocolate and tissues ready on your behalf after he leaves. Love you.”
Desiree slipped her phone in her pocket and pushed to her feet. Holding tightly to Cosmos’s leash, she steeled herself for a confrontation. Her stomach twisted as she walked down the driveway, meeting them by the cottages.
“These gardens, Desi.” Lizza waved to the beautiful flowers along the driveway. “They’re gorgeous.”
“Thank you,” came out forced. “I need to talk to you. I want to know why you’re doing this.”
“Doing what, honey?” Lizza looked at Violet, who stepped closer to Desiree.
That simple show of solidarity amped up Desiree’s anger, because her mother had hurt Violet, too.
“All of this,” Desiree said harshly. “You lied to get us here, upended our lives so you could spend a few weeks clearing your head, and now you’re leaving again.”
“I didn’t lie to you, honey. I was dying inside, and your lives were upended long before you came here,” Lizza said matter-of-factly. “If anything, coming here settled you both down. And I didn’t plan to leave again. This trip just came up. Life is fluid.”
Violet opened her mouth to speak, but Desiree cut her off, and the pointed question that was eating her alive came tumbling out. “Just frigging tell me once and for all. Why did you leave me?”
“What do you want me to say, Desi?” Lizza asked in a thoughtful voice. “That your father wasn’t what I wanted? That you weren’t what I wanted? I can’t say those things, because I adore you, sweetheart, and I adore your father.”
Tears spilled from Desiree’s eyes. She adored them? She was trembling, becoming more frustrated by the second. “Then how could you leave us and never look back?”
Violet put a hand on Desiree’s shoulder, drawing more tears.
Lizza stepped closer. “You want answers that make sense to you, and all I can do is give you the truth and hope you understand. I’ve looked back every day of my life, and when I did, I knew you were loved and that you have always had exactly what you needed. You were where you needed to be. It would have been selfish of me to drag you all over the world because that’s what I needed and who I am. Your father and I knew from the time you were a little girl that you needed structure and consistency. We also knew that I couldn’t live that way. But I fell in love with your father from the moment I met him, and, baby girl, I fell in love with you from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to try. Your father was good and kind, and he reminded me of my own father. But that was also what drove me away. I felt suffocated.”
She reached for Desiree’s hand. “Don’t you see, Desi? There’s no excuse for being who we are. We’re individuals, and we do the best we can. Staying would have made me miserable, which would have made us all miserable. I had to let you go in order for you to grow into the woman you are. Every time I came back to see you, I wanted to stay. But I knew I couldn’t. Staying would have meant leaving again a few days, weeks, or months later, when my insides clawed at me to get moving, and that would have made you even more upset. You have a full life. The only thing you missed out on was me. And trust me, Desi, I’m not that great. But I do love you.”
“But you hurt us! All of us.” Desiree didn’t care if she sounded like a petulant child, because that was the person her mother had hurt and left behind.
“I did,” her mother admitted. “But I never meant to. I thought I knew what Violet needed, too. But I was wrong, as she’s made very clear to me.” She and Violet shared a silent message that told Desiree they’d just had a similar conversation.
“Girls, I’m only human. But hopefully now I’ve done some good to heal those wounds for both of you. You have to know you girls are my heart and soul, and you’re always with me.” Lizza shifted the neckline of her dress, exposing a tattoo in the shape of a heart that was half orange and half purple.
Too overwhelmed to speak, Desiree wrung her hands together. Violet turned away, but not before Desiree saw her damp eyes.
“Violet told me you were painting again, and she was doing pottery. And you have a wonderful man in your life who needed you as much as you needed him. The house looks beautiful.” Lizza took Desiree’s hands, smiling warmly. “Things are good, Desi. Violet said you’re keeping the shop open. Will you keep painting?”
She nodded absently, still putting the pieces of herself back together.
“Then I named it perfectly,” their mother said.
“Devi’s? The supreme goddess?” Desiree asked. “Do you think of yourself that way?”
Lizza laughed. “Please. You know how I dislike titles. I named the shop after my girls. Devi, as in, Desiree and Violet.”
LATER THAT EVENING, Rick came out of the rec center with a cold beer, his eyes instantly finding Desiree crouched by the fire pit, helping Hagen put his marshmallow onto a graham cracker. It was a chilly night, and she’d changed into a pair of denim shorts with a white lace tank top beneath a loose gray sweater. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. Her sweater slipped off one shoulder, and she glanced over with a seductive look in her eyes as she pulled it up. It slid right back down, and she trapped her lower lip in her teeth, knowing exactly what she was doing to him. He was glad his family and friends wanted to throw him a going-away party, but it was torture to give Desiree a chance to mingle when all he wanted was to be alone with her.
Serena, Drake, Violet, and Mira were talking a few feet away. Serena said something that caught Desiree’s attention, and then she went right back to helping Hagen put the top graham cracker on his s’more. He was sure he should be thinking about Desiree and babies or other things that would signify how much he wanted a future with her, which he did. And maybe he’d go straight to hell, but all he could think about was getting that sticky marshmallow and chocolate all over her so he could lick it off.
Matt sidled up to Rick before he reached the others. “My boy has a thing for your girl.”
Rick laughed. “Smart boy.” Hagen took a bite of his s’more, and Desiree brushed crumbs from his cheek, smiling as she said something to him.
“Right about now, your heart is expanding in your chest.” Matt took a sip of his drink. “And you’re wondering how the hell you’ll get on that plane tomorrow morning.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.” His mind had been a relative war zone for the past few days. He wanted to give Desiree everything, to make up for every ounce of loneliness she’d ever felt, to give her every last part of himself, the way she had given herself to him. But giving her everything meant setting aside all he’d worked for, everything he’d built, and letting down his partners.
“Okay, here’s one for you.” Matt spoke quietly as they neared the others. “It took me a year to finally ask Mira out, and it took me only a few weeks to ask her to marry me. I wished like hell I hadn’t wasted that year.”
Rick watched Matt reach for his sister. Hagen ran over to show them his s’more, and those thoughts of a future and a family with Desiree came rushing in.
He gathered her in his arms. “I miss you already, sweetheart.”
She pressed her finger to his lips. “We’re not going to talk about you leaving, remember?”
He did remember, but not telling her how he felt was apparently not an option. After her mother had left, they’d talked about Desiree’s plans, and though she was conflicted about choosing to stay so far away from where he would be living, he knew she was doing the right thing for herself. He’d never want to come between Desiree and Violet, and he respected her even more for having the courage to put her relationship with her sister first. He knew how badly she would miss Emery, too. But she’d faced this decision head-on, just as she had when she’d first come to Wellfleet and her mother had thrown her for a loop. She also seemed surprisingly okay with her mother’s excuse for her sporadic visits, even if he wasn’t. He would have liked Lizza to have stayed longer and tried to strengthen their relationship. But if Rick knew one thing, it was that some wishes would never come true.
He kissed the tips of Desiree’s fingers, glad for the wishes that did.
“Uncle Rick.” Hagen tugged at Rick’s shorts. “We made you something as a going-away present.”
“You did?” He lifted his nephew into his arms and tousled his hair. He was going to miss the little guy a lot. Soon Hagen would be too big to be picked up. “What did you make me?”
Hagen pulled a paper bag from behind his back. “Open it!”
Rick opened the bag and pulled out a small wooden sailboat, complete with little fabric sails, and his heart filled up even more. “Buddy, this is—”
“It’s your boat. Me and Dad made it, and I painted it. Mom said you could take me sailing next time you visit. I didn’t want you to forget, so I wrote you a note.” Hagen turned the boat over in Rick’s hands. “See?”
Rick read Hagen’s writing on the bottom. “Take Hagen sailing.” A lump formed in his throat as he lifted his eyes to his sister, who mouthed, Love you. Clearing his throat to try to pull himself together, he said, “I’ll take you sailing next time I’m here, little man.”
They passed around the boat, and Mira came over and hugged him. “He’s going to miss you. I’m going to miss you.”
“Me too, sis. But I’ll be back often.” He glanced at Desiree, who was talking with Drake and Serena. “Can you check on Desiree for me while I’m gone? Make sure she’s okay?”
“Are you kidding? She’s stuck with us. She’s like family now. Plus, Serena’s already made plans to help them with licensing procedures and everything else involved with running the inn. We’ll be here for her, don’t worry.”
Dean came around the side of the rec center and hollered, “Touch football!”
“Yay!” Hagen cheered.
Serena grabbed Desiree’s sleeve and tugged her toward the beach. Desiree shot a smile over her shoulder at Rick. He blew her a kiss and headed for the beach. They played girls versus boys, and spent more time tackling and laughing than playing football. Rick was enjoying the sand time with his girl, covering her in kisses as she giggled and wiggled beneath him.
When they hollered for the next play, he tried to face off with Desiree, but Hagen had beaten him to the spot in front of her, leaving Rick to square off with Violet.
“I ought to kick your ass,” Violet said with a challenging stare.
“Why?”
“Because she’s going to be a weepy mess after you leave, and guess who’s going to be stuck cleaning up those tears?”
“Vi—”
“All kidding aside,” she said. “I don’t mind picking her sobbing ass off the floor, but she’s a hell of a lot happier than she was a month ago, and we both know that’s all you.”
“It’s you, too, Vi. She loves you.”
Her gaze softened, and just as quickly she lifted her chin and squared her shoulders. “You’d better not forget her while you’re gone, or find work too pressing to make it back to see her. Or I will kick your ass.”
He missed the throw on that play and made sure to beat Hagen to the right position the next time. Desiree got the ball and squealed, looking freaking adorable as she clung to it, trying to figure out where to run.
Violet yelled, “Throw it here!” just as Rick grabbed Desiree around the waist and ran off with her.
She tossed the ball in Violet’s direction, laughing as he carried her toward the dark dune. “It’s touch football!” she insisted as he scaled the dune and headed into the long grass. “Touch! Not tackle. Touch!” she said as he straddled her waist and pinned her hands to the ground.
“I love it when you’re bossy.” With a quick glance over his shoulder to ensure they had no spectators, he ran his hands all over her, kissing her neck as she squirmed and giggled. “I’m all for touching, especially since you’ve been teasing me all damn night.”
She ran her hand up the leg of his shorts, stroking him through his briefs and making him hard as stone. “I like teasing you.”
“Baby, I hope you’ve had enough playtime with your friends, because I want to touch you in a way that has nothing to do with football.”
He lowered his mouth to hers, shifting to the side, and pushed his hand beneath her shorts. His fingers slid from the satiny smooth material to her hot, wet center. What the…?
She trapped her lower lip again, eyes wide, cheeks flaming. “They’re crotchless,” she whispered.
Holy. Fuck.
He looked down the dune at the beach below, where everyone was busy playing football. How was he supposed to think, knowing his oh so careful girl had gone full-on dirty with crotchless panties? He barely had the presence of mind to accept he couldn’t make love to her right there on the dunes as he pushed to his feet, bringing Desiree up with him, taking her in a deep, passionate kiss. She palmed him through his shorts, and he swept her into his arms, thoughts of the others gone as he carried her through the long grass toward his cottage.