Chapter Sixteen
Most days Nate felt okay with the man he saw in the mirror. Sure, he’d messed up big as a kid, but he’d gotten his life together, made good on his promise to old Sheriff Wheeler. This morning, as he shaved, he saw a self-involved prick.
Since he first hit puberty he’d been laying down that line with women, and it had never occurred to him how screwed up it really was. Ergo how screwed up he was. The take-it-or-leave-it, sex-with-no-strings, love-’em-and-leave-’em kind of messed up. In his defense, he’d started laying it all out in an attempt to stop the women in his life from getting hurt by his inability to commit. Seeing a woman you’d cared about hurting and knowing you were the cause really sucked, and if she knew going in that you weren’t the hanging-around type, she could make the choice to leave or stay. But while he was having a moment of ruthless introspection here, he might as well confess that he had also started with his patter as a built-in escape clause, a way of leaving the back door open for when he was ready to make his escape.
Which was why he had always stayed away from Bella. He was no good for her. Bella needed a different sort of man, one who hung around, and he’d never be that.
So why couldn’t he get Bella out of his mind? Not just his X-rated version of her, but her eyes. Every thought she had went through those eyes like a ticker tape. It had always disconcerted him, the way she looked at him. As if she saw some better version of him, and it scared the shit out of him. He washed shaving foam off his face and stared at his reflection. What exactly did Bella see in him? It sure as hell wasn’t the same man he saw.
This introspection crap sucked. He flipped the shower knobs until he got the temperature right. He should have done what he’d been doing since first grade. He should have walked away. He still should walk away.
Too pissed at himself to want to spend more time in his own company, he got his workday started.
Already halfway through her cup of coffee, Gabby beat him to it again. The woman must get up in the middle of the night and hit the office.
She nodded to him as he walked into the small Ghost Falls satellite office. “Morning, Sheriff.”
“Isn’t it your day off ?”
“Yeah.” Gabby picked up her cup and walked over to the machine. “But Jeff ’s wife is having a hard time with the new baby, so I said I’d take his shift.”
“You take the day off tomorrow.” He snagged a mug and poured. “I can’t have tired, stressed-out officers on my hands.”
“Stressed out?” Strolling back to her desk, Gabby sniffed. “Please, Sheriff, nothing ever happens in this town.”
Gabby had a past; he would bet every dime the county didn’t pay him on it. He knew that look. Hell, he wore that look often enough. But she’d come highly recommended from a former colleague in Salt Lake City, her record had impressed him, and his options around Ghost Falls came down to Jeff . . . and Jeff. Jeff already had the job, so Gabby had been hired.
“I want you to run a background check for me.”
She raised her brows. “Adam Smith?”
“You got it in one.” Like she said, not much happened around here. “Not really liking our chances of that being a real name.”
“Me neither.” Fingers flying across the keys, she went back to staring at her screen.
Despite her attitude, Gabby was pretty. Dark hair, tawny skin, startling green eyes that tipped up like a cat’s. Fortunately, she’d never done it for him, or him for her, which made working together a lot easier. She’d also give him the unvarnished truth, and he was having enough of a navel-gazing day to want to hear it.
Hiding his face behind pouring another coffee, he waded in. “What do you see when you look at me?”
Gabby’s keyboard-tapping stopped. “What?”
He’d started this crap, may as well finish it. “How would you describe me?”
Glancing at him askance, she frowned and then said, “White male, six three, early thirties, dark hair, light eyes.” She shrugged. “Actually, your eyes are kind of weird; I’d have to say yellow.”
“And . . . ?”
“And what else?” She shrugged.
Despite feeling stupider by the minute, the need to know drove him forward. “I meant, when you look at me, what sort of guy do you see.”
“A cop?”
Shit, she sucked at this game. He’d ask Pippa, although he suspected he knew what her answer would be. He stalked toward his office.
With his hand on the door handle, Gabby’s voice stopped him. “You mean like do I see a nice guy or a jerk? That sort of thing?”
“Yeah.” Now she was getting this.
From top to bottom and back again, she studied him. “A player,” she said. “Basically a nice guy, but mostly a player.”
Exactly what Pippa would have said and did say often enough. Good thing he loved the hell out of his sister-in-law. “What makes you say that? Specifically, I mean.”
Gabby rolled her eyes and snatched a pile of notes off her desk. “Let’s see here. Mrs. Kranz would like you to go around to check her panic button. Old Lady Myers can’t find her cat again, and she didn’t use the word cat.” Raising her eyebrows, she consulted her notes. “Blythe, Carly, Pippa, Maggie, Anna, and Rachel all want you to call them.”
“Pippa’s my sister-in-law, so she doesn’t count.”
“She said you weren’t answering your cell.” She squinted at her pile and tapped the top one. “Actually, Rachel here got quite pissy with me when I wouldn’t give her your cell number.”
“They call me.” It looked bad, but things often looked bad out of context.
“I know that.” Gabby shrugged. “Because you’re basically a nice guy but still a player.”
Which meant what exactly? “Why would they call me if I’m a player?”
“You’re saying you’re not a player?” She snorted.
“I never said that.” It would be stretching the truth too far. “But if I’m a player, why would they call me? Knowing that about me?”
Gabby smirked. “Because of the nice-guy thing.”
“Explain.”
“When women look at you, they see crack on legs. A man who shows the potential for being reformed.” She went back to her keyboard. “Are we done with this whole Oprah thing or would you like to talk about your childhood?”
Nate slammed his office door on her smug expression. Is that what Bella saw when she looked at him? The player thing didn’t bother him too much. All right, it did, but he’d done enough to earn it, so there didn’t seem much point in getting his shorts in a wad about it. The other thing stuck like a splinter under his nail. Did Bella want to reform him? Did she look at him and see a work in progress?
He checked on the dog he’d put in the pound yesterday. The pound manager agreed with him; the dog just needed some obedience training and he’d be fine. He put in a call to the boy’s parents and delivered the ultimatum: take the dog to training or say good-bye. He really hoped they went with the former.
Midmorning, he got called out to referee the long-standing battle between two crusty old plot owners on the outskirts of town. They’d been at each other’s throats for so long, he was convinced they’d be lost without each other.
When he got back to the office, Gabby pounced.
“So, I got the information on your Adam Smith,” she said, handing him a bunch of printer pages. “Seems Adam Smith really is his name, at least as far back as I went.”
“Which was how far?”
“Five years.” She tapped the top sheet. “But it was hard enough finding that. Our boy likes to move around. He makes big money, works in computers, but he never sticks at one job too long. No record, no outstanding arrests, one parking ticket about a year ago. Mr. Average Joe.”
He caught her tone and glanced up. “But . . . ?”
“I don’t know.” Gabby frowned. “He’s like a ghost. He moves in and out of people’s lives and once he’s gone, it’s like he’s never even been there. Nothing of him on social media at all. No tweets, no Facebook friends. He’s not even on LinkedIn.”
“I’m not on those things either.”
“Yes, you are.” She motioned him over to her computer and clicked away with her mouse. “Maybe you don’t have an account. But see, here on Pippa’s page, there you are.”
True enough—and standing next to Bella. In the picture, she gazed up at him, wearing that look that made him itchy. Damn, she looked pretty in her green dress.
“I ran facial recognition software on him and got no hits,” Gabby said.
“We have that?” Nate glared at the computer.
Gabby rolled her eyes. “Of course we have that. But our Mr. Smith doesn’t leave any traces of himself behind.” She shrugged. “That’s weird, right? I mean, everybody leaves some kind of trail behind them.”
“Yes, they do.” Gut tingling in a way that had nothing to do with Gabby’s tricked-out software and more to do with instinct, he said, “Dig deeper. Go back farther. Everyone leaves a trail; we have to find his.”
At lunchtime, he went out to get a sandwich, which happened to mean going past Bella’s store, which also meant, being a responsible cop, he should check on her.
He was so full of crap and Ghost Falls didn’t warrant this much of his time. That still didn’t stop him from taking a moment before opening the door and watching her for a minute.
Bella was unpacking a large carton at her feet. Her face lit up with her big, gorgeous smile that came from her toes as she looked at something blue in her hands.
As he pushed open the door, she glanced his way and her smile wavered.
Damn! Had he done that to her? Bella had the sort of smile that made you want to be part of it for as long as it lasted.
“What you got?” He jerked his chin at the box.
Immediately, he got his sunshine back as she smiled at her box. “Some stuff I ordered just came in. It’s new stuff, from a small designer who lives upstate.” Diving into the box, she hauled a bunch of material out. “And it’s beautiful. It goes perfectly with what I have in mind for the store.”
He wanted to hold on to his happy for a while longer. “How’s that?”
“Well . . .” She blew a strand of hair out of her face. “Firstly, I want to cater to a different sort of clientele. At the moment, we sell to the blue-rinse brigade and they’re all twinsets and sensible shoes.”
He didn’t have a clue what a twinset or a blue rinse was and he didn’t care. “And you want to cater to a different crowd?”
“Yes.” She shook something out and spread it over her body. The something was a dress. “See, this will appeal to a more stylish woman. Someone who wants to stay on trend and age appropriate at the same time.”
“It’s a nice dress,” he said.
She wrinkled her nose at him—fucking adorably—and laughed. “You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?”
“Not a clue.”
“It means change.” She beamed at him. “My vision for the store is coming true.”
Going on pure instinct, Nate hooked his hand behind her nape and tugged her mouth to his.
She came willingly, bringing all that was Bella and good with her. Her mouth opened on a soft O of surprise and Nate went for the prize, the sweetness inside that was 100 percent Bella. The taste of her rocked through him, making him crave more.
He pressed her closer, wanting to feel the fullness of her breasts against his chest, needing it at an elemental level that shattered his control. A kiss had never gotten him so hard so fast before. He discovered her soft curves with his hand, the delicious dip of her waist that swelled into her hips.
She moaned and writhed under his hand.
No stick insect, Bella was made for his touch. He ground his erection closer to her core. They stood in the middle of her store, fair game for anyone walking past, and Nate didn’t give a shit. All he wanted was more Bella.
He backed her into the counter behind her. A pencil holder clattered onto the floor. Her hands dug into his hair, holding him in place as if she wanted him to never let her go. If he could separate from her enough, he would tell her not to bother; he sure as hell wasn’t going anywhere.
He stroked his tongue into her mouth.
Her nipples pressed into his chest, hard and demanding his attention.
Cupping the full weight of her breast, he stroked his thumb over her nipple.
Bella arched into his touch, her hands tightening in his hair.
He could lift her onto the counter and drive into her. He bet she was wet under that prim skirt, wet and ready for him. His dick throbbed at the idea. It took him a second to register she was pushing him away.
Bella ripped her mouth away from his. “We have to stop.”
He knew she was right, but he stood still a moment, fighting his urges back down to normal. “You need to make a decision.” His breath rasped. “Or this heat between us is going to make it for you.”
Bella dug her fingers into the counter to keep herself from running after him, dragging him into the back and demanding he finish what he’d started. Every time she saw Nate, he left her more confused and so in lust she was about ready to explode.
She’d broken new ground here, wandering into unfamiliar territory. Wandered, her sainted butt; she’d gone running and leaping where angels feared to tread. She needed some expert advice.
Liz agreed to meet her for drinks after work. She insisted they go out and not prop up Bella’s kitchen table again. “We still need to stick to our list of ten,” Liz insisted.
Which was how Bella ended up at Ed’s later that evening, threading her way through people she’d gone to high school with. She stopped several times to say hello as she made her way over to Liz. A depressing number of former classmates were married, most of those with children.
Liz caught sight of her and pulled a face.
Yeah, her friend looked as out of place as she felt. Ed’s catered to a far more relaxed set than Liz in her tight blue cocktail dress.
“Now I remember why I never come here.” Liz stood and kissed her cheek. “Is it me or did you go to school with everyone in here?”
“Just about.” Bella levered herself up onto the barstool. Damn things weren’t made for pencil skirts. “All except the old-timers, and you went to school with them.”
“You’re a bitch,” Liz said and sipped her martini.
“That must be the first time someone’s called me a bitch.” Bella motioned to Jo. Did she tend every bar in Ghost Falls? “Most people insist I’m supersweet.”
Liz grinned at her. “Are we getting to the good stuff right away?”
“May as well.”
Smiling, Jo appeared across the bar from them. “We don’t see you in here much.”
“You seem to be working hard.” Talking about Jo’s brother with her behind the bar might get awkward.
“No.” Jo tucked her hands into her back pockets. “Some of the time I study.”
“I never understood the nautical theme in here.” Liz peered around her with her lip curled. “I mean, we’re not even close to a mud puddle, let alone the ocean.”
“I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.” Jo wiped the bar counter. “Now, are you girls drinking or just polishing the barstools?”
“Oh, we’re drinking.” Liz tapped the side of her glass. “You better get me another one of these, and something for Bella that a good girl very definitely wouldn’t drink.”
“I smell girl talk coming on.” Jo grabbed a bottle of vodka from the shelves behind her. “I think a dirty martini should do the trick.” She winked at Bella. “But don’t tell Nate. He told me not to let you get hammered.”
“Seriously?” Bella’s blood pressure spiked and she dropped her forehead onto the bar. “That man is hounding me.”
“Hounding?” Jo stopped shaking for a second before resuming.
“We’re here to dissect your brother,” Liz told her.
Jo put two martini glasses on the counter. “Then I’m staying because I’ve got more stories about my brothers than anyone.” She put olives in each glass and pushed them across the bar. “Are you going to sit up, Bella, or should I get you a straw?”
“She’s overwrought.” Smacking her lips, Liz sipped her martini.
“Now there’s a word you don’t hear every day.” With a clatter, Jo emptied the shaker’s leftovers into a sink below the bar. “And Nate is the reason she’s overwrought, I’m guessing.”
“Smart and beautiful,” Liz said.
Jo snorted. “Isn’t Nate the reason most women in Ghost Falls are overwrought?”
There! Bella sat up. That there was exactly the issue. “Yes.”
Liz and Jo stared at her.
Bella took a fortifying slug of martini. It tasted like formaldehyde, or what she imagined formaldehyde tasted like. “Ugh! That’s horrible. How do you drink these things?”
“You don’t want to be sweet, you’ve got to drink like a bitch.” Liz savored her next sip.
Jo slid her glass away. “Why don’t I get you something else?”
“Put a frilly umbrella in it,” Liz called after her. “Now, let’s have the dirt.”
“Did you have to tell Jo we were talking about him?” Bella squirmed on her stool. The Evans brood were a tight-knit bunch.
“Yes, I did.” Liz grinned back at her. “I believe in transparency.”
“You’ve got a big mouth.”
“That too.”
Bella waited for Jo to return with a glass of white wine. Straight out of the box and still flavored with cardboard, but better than the martini. For a girl who never drank, she certainly seemed to be doing a lot of it lately. She could lay the blame for that at Nate’s feet too. “It happened again.”
Liz blinked at her.
“He kissed me again.” Not wanting anyone to hear her, Bella leaned far forward. Everyone in this bar had gone to school with Nate as well.
“Was it good?”
“Amazing.” Bella hauled her head out of the past. “So not the point. I don’t know what to do.”
Liz reared back. “I’m not teaching you how to kiss.”
“Liz.” Bella fixed her with a glare. She was having a hard enough time as it was without wisecracking.
“Okay, okay, sorry.” Liz waved her hands in front of her. “Why do you have to do something?”
She regretted not calling Pippa now. Even though Nate was her brother-in-law and Matt always tagged along. “Of course I have to do something. I have to decide do I want to have . . .” She checked for any flapping ears. “I have to decide if I want to have sex with him or not. But on his terms.”
Liz’s eyes lit with amusement. “Can you say sex without being scared someone might hear you?”
“No, I can’t.” A humbling realization, but there you had it.
“If you can’t even say sex, how the hell are you going to have it?” Liz motioned to Jo for another martini. “You’re driving, by the way.”
“Why am I friends with you again?” Right now, she had a hard time remembering.
“Screwed if I know.” Liz shrugged. “You must have incredibly shitty taste.”
“So, either I have sex with Nate on his terms or I walk away and stop all the kissing him.” A thought that depressed her even further.
Liz turned to face her. “Now, I suck at advice generally, but I’m about to lay some good stuff on you. So listen up.”
Bella nodded obediently and sipped her wine.
“First off, if you think you can stop kissing Nate, you’re in la-la land. You’ve had it hot for that man since before you knew what your vajayjay was, and now it looks like he’s got a hard-on for you. Do you honestly think you’re going to be able to tell him no next time he lays a hot, wet one on you?”
She had trouble not wincing through Liz’s speech, but she managed. “I’m not some kind of mindless sex maniac.”
“Well done; you said sex without checking,” Liz said. “And it’s not being a sex maniac, it’s a natural response to something you’ve always wanted. Suddenly, someone is saying you can have this thing you crave.” She shrugged and thanked Jo for her new drink. “You’re going to grab it with both hands, regardless of what we discuss here tonight.”
“I might not.” She didn’t fool Liz any more than she fooled herself. Grabbing Nate sounded like a better and better idea. “I’m in so much trouble.”
“Yeah, you are.” Liz nodded. “Because take it from me, the only thing you ever change on a man is his diaper. Nate isn’t going to suddenly see the light and settle down and raise kids with you. He’s going to leave you crying but hopefully rock your world before he does it.”
“Is there any good news in your advice?” Bella could really do with some right now. As much as she wanted to tell Liz how wrong she was, honesty wouldn’t allow her to. It sucked being a good girl. You didn’t even get the luxury of lying to yourself.
“You’re human. He’s human. For whatever reason, the fates have aligned, Mars is rising in Venus.” Liz pulled a face. “Or who knows what else, but you two are on a runaway train straight to O land.”
Liz had a way with words. Not a good way, but a way. “That’s enough to kill the spark.”
“You might fumble around a bit and tell yourselves you’re not gonna go there, but you will. Someday you’ll find yourselves alone.” Liz widened her eyes and pressed her hand to her chest. “However did you get there? Hormones.” She snorted. “Mating heat. Call it what you will, but you’re gonna do it.”
Bella didn’t buy all this. It seemed a horribly jaded way of looking at people and love. “What if we resisted? If we both decided it was a bad idea and walked away?”
“Bam!” Liz smacked her palms together. “You’ll only make it more intriguing. What person in the history of the world resisted?”
Not at all what Bella wanted to hear. “Maybe that’s because they don’t write stories about them.”
“No, they don’t.” Liz nodded. “Because who wants to read a story about some stick-up-the-ass self-righteous dingbat who had a chance for a taste of something good and settled for water.”
“Ever heard of a little thing called free will?”
“Buck up, sweet cheeks.” Liz gave her an evil grin. “The good news is that you’re going to get laid.”
She’d been abstaining for too long not to get a little cheered by that. “You’re saying this thing is beyond my control?”
“Nope.” Liz puffed up her cheeks. “I’m saying you’re human and you won’t control it. You’ll make up some justification for why it’s okay. But here’s what you can control.”
“I’m all ears.” Bella had trouble keeping the snark out of her voice.
“You’re not going into this blind.” Liz upended her empty glass on the bar and motioned Jo for another. “You know what he is and who he is. You’ve known him your whole life. Don’t go in there expecting turtledoves and rings and you won’t be disappointed. Go in there knowing that you’re gonna take what you can when you can and pick up the pieces later.”