10
What was wrong with me to bring up her damn husband when I did? When she was putty in my hands, ready for me, willing to give herself to me? Shit, I had to have lost my whole mind! Then again, would I really have wanted to take advantage of her at a time of weakness and risk her backing completely away from me as a result? No.
I sighed as I fell into the chair behind my desk and stared at the screen of my laptop, the empty screen of my laptop. I was supposed to be writing, but the only words in my mind comprised a detailed description of Doc—Ms. Strickland. Big round expressive eyes, perfectly plush, full lips that I could confirm were exceptionally soft, nice nose, smooth chocolaty brown skin, a dimple in her right cheek that popped up both when she smiled and when she bit her lip in concentration, and her body? Long, thick legs leading up to thicker thighs, nice ass, humongous breasts. My whole damn body reacted to the mere memory of her body, her taste, her scent…
My eyes fell on the panties sitting on my desk as I slid my hand to my crotch and glanced at my cell phone. I pressed a button to check the time on the lock screen. 7:00 AM. Was it too early to call her? Shit, it was. It definitely was. I tended to jump out of bed early to get my day started, a morning person since forever. But she was probably getting ready for work or already at work or at someone’s house working her magic.
I rubbed my forehead, resting my elbows on my desk before reaching over and sliding my finger across the screen of my phone, selecting her number from my contacts, and activating the speakerphone.
“Hello?” Her voice sounded husky, as if I’d interrupted her sleep.
“Did I wake you, Doc?”
“No…I’ve been up for a while.”
“Working?”
“No, thinking.”
“About us?”
“Actually, yes.”
I leaned forward. “Did you come to a conclusion?”
“Yes.”
Silence.
Shit, this was not going to be good. “And?”
“I can’t see you anymore. No lunches, no dinners, no more you popping up at Genesis. I’ve got to get myself and my life together before I can even think about dating anyone.”
I held the phone, suddenly hit with a feeling of exhaustion. I’d only known this woman for maybe a week, was attracted to her, wanted her badly, but I had to wonder if there was more to her apprehension than just trying not to break her vows. There had to be, because she was divorcing the man, and I was sure she had good reason to divorce him. She definitely wasn’t the impulsive type.
“Why?” I asked, trying not to sound exasperated.
“Because I can’t seem to control myself around you. What we did last night was wrong.”
“You didn’t do anything. I did, and I don’t see a damn thing wrong with it. Are you going to tell me it didn’t feel good or right?”
“I’m telling you it doesn’t matter how it felt. It was wrong.”
“Okay, okay, what if I promise not to do something like that again?”
“I’ll want you to.”
My dick, which had calmed down, sprang to attention again. “You want me, Doc?”
“I just said I did, but—”
“I could make you feel so good if you let me…”
“Lorenzo—”
“So no more dates, right?”
“R-right.”
“No phone calls, either? No flowers?”
“No, not while I’m still married.”
I sighed and decided maybe I needed to play this from a different angle. “Okay.”
“Okay?” She sounded surprised.
“Yeah, it’s cool. Um, I guess that means friendship is out altogether, so you can just call me whenever your situation changes.”
She held the phone.
“So, um…goodbye, Doc.”
“Goodbye,” she said softly.
My phone beeped as the call ended, and I closed the curtains on the window behind my desk and did something about my hard dick.
I wasn’t exactly sure how I felt when I ended the call. Well, that’s not entirely true. I felt like shit, for lack of a better word. Complete shit. As I sat on the side of my bed with my phone in my hand, all I could do was wonder what had just happened and why I was so utterly floored by it. I hadn’t known Lorenzo long at all, but I thought I had a bead on who he was as a man—considerate, fine, and persistent. Had I been wrong about him, because he’d just given up on me. He gave up so quickly it made my head spin.
I jumped a little when my mother appeared in my bedroom doorway, and said, “Nay, I’m heading down to cook breakfast if you want any.”
“Uh…okay. Thanks. Is it just you and me this morning?”
She nodded. “Yeah, haven’t seen Nicky in a couple of days. I think she’s been spending a lot of time with what’s his name…um, Travis?”
I shrugged. “I stopped trying to remember her boyfriends’ names when she was in high school.”
Mama chuckled. “Well, this one is a civil rights lawyer, and that impressed me enough to at least try to remember.”
“Really? Wow, and she’s actually been seeing him for a month or so now. Maybe she finally found the one.”
Mama sighed. “Maybe…”
“So, you don’t have any company this morning, Mama?” I asked, feeling completely awkward. I would never, ever get used to my mother dating men other than my father.
She leaned against the door facing. “No, I don’t.”
“Okay.”
Mama walked into my room and sat beside me on the bed. “My dating other men really bothers you, doesn’t it?”
I sighed. “I guess I just don’t understand how you can do it after all those years of being true to Daddy. I mean, I know you two are separated, but you’re still married. The guilt would eat me up.” The guilt is eating me up right now.
Mama stared at the floor and then fixed her eyes on me. “Renee, I love your daddy. I do, but I just got to a place where I had to figure out how to love myself again. I had to find some joy in this messed-up situation.”
“Why don’t you just divorce him, then?”
She shook her head and raised her eyebrows. “I don’t know, sweetie. I guess I don’t want to.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Well, we’re talking about love here. There’s nothing more complicated than love. For instance, you still love Robert, right?”
I grimaced a little. “I think I love what we had years ago when we first got together. But now, I can honestly say I don’t love him anymore. But…”
“What?”
“Mama…I met someone, but being with him, even just talking on the phone with him feels like cheating, even though I know my marriage has been over for a long time. Shoot, it was over long before I left Robert. I’m crazy for feeling this way, right?”
She smiled. “No, you’re not crazy. You’re just my Renee, the one who always tries to do the right thing. It’s just who you are.”
I returned her smile.
“So you’ve met someone? You like him?”
“We really just met, but yes, I like him a lot. More than I probably should.”
“And he likes you?”
“I thought he did.”
“Thought?”
“Well…I talked to him this morning, told him I thought it best that we stay away from each other until after my divorce was finalized, and he said okay.”
“Let me guess. You wanted him to beg, plead, insist on continuing to see you?”
“I don’t even know what I wanted him to do other than not give up on me.”
“So he said he was giving up on you?”
“No, he told me to call him when my situation, meaning my marital status, changes.”
“Hmm, well, if this man can have you sitting in here holding your phone looking perplexed, then I advise you to do whatever you can to change your situation ASAP.”