Chapter 22

Grayson

A whole week passed after the disastrous bachelor party, and Carter was still not speaking to me. We had been moving around the same house, strangers to each other. I felt like shit for what I’d done. I had decided long before that night that I hadn’t wanted to fuck it up for Carter anymore. I’d made my amends and apologized to all the right people. But I’d forgotten about the plans I put into motion, and my attitude had blown up in my face.

The strippers had left the hotel room, there had been no photos, Carter had done nothing wrong, and I was relieved everything was still perfect between him and Abigail. If something had happened to break them up, I would never have forgiven myself. I had gone from hating the idea that Carter had moved on to hoping he would manage to find happiness once again.

When I told Callie about everything that had happened with Jenna passing away and Carter being alone again, I’d realized that he’d been through so much pain, he deserved to move on and find happiness again. Callie had been the one to show me that, even though she hadn’t known about it. No one had known about it.

Carter wouldn’t listen to me. I tried to explain myself to him again and again, but he had gone through the whole range of responses, from avoiding me or changing the topic to downright ignoring me or telling me to fuck off. I didn’t blame him. What would I have done if it was the other way around? Carter was my best friend, and if he fucked it up for me instead, I would damn near hate him.

Which meant I was a colossal asshole. I regretted it so fucking much. I had to prove to Carter somehow that I was a good friend, that I had been wrong, and that I was sorry. I wasn’t even sure he still wanted me as a best man. I wasn’t sure of anything in our friendship anymore.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on with you and Carter?” John asked me one morning when I was still in the kitchen eating breakfast. Carter had walked in, seen me sitting there, and promptly left again. He had slammed the front door on the way out, and I doubted I would see him for the rest of the day.

“We don’t see eye to eye right now.”

“What did you do?”

I wanted to get upset that John immediately concluded I had been the one to fuck up, but it wasn’t such a far stretch. I had been pushing it for a while now.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “I fixed it, but it was too little, too late.”

John shook his head. “Sometimes an apology can go a long way.”

“He needs to want to listen to me for that.”

“Give him time.”

I nodded, but I doubted time would be on my side in this case. It was a week until the wedding, he was going away for two weeks on his honeymoon, and by the time he came back, I would have gone back home with my tail between my legs to carry on a life that was void of any of the people who meant anything to me.

If Carter was the only one angry with me, I might have been able to deal with it, but Callie was being off with me too. When I had seen her at the venue walk-through the night after I told her everything, she’d been distant, but I assumed it was because she hadn’t wanted Abigail and Carter to know what we’d done. And I agreed with that.

Since then, she hadn’t been taking my calls, and when I had seen her because I had been tagging along for the final arrangements, she’d been cold with me. I had no idea what was going on, and I couldn’t get her to talk to me to find out what it was, either. What the hell had I done to piss her off?

Maybe Carter had told Abigail what I had done. God, I hoped not. It was bad enough that my best friend hated me without his future wife knowing I’d been a total jerk.

But if Abigail knew, no doubt she would have told Callie. Women did that. They ran with gossip to their best friends. It was a little inner circle that was inevitable. Maybe Callie knew what I had done, and that was why she was so upset with me.

And I knew I fucked up. But was no one focusing on the fact that I had tried my best to stop it from happening, that I had done my best to make it right? Why didn’t that count? Everyone made mistakes, but I had come to my senses and done everything I could to stop it from happening. I had paid so much money to stop it.

I deserved for someone to hear me out if forgiveness was going to be permanently off the table.

I spent the day out of the house to give Carter his space. When I returned that evening, Carter was coming down the stairs with his bags packed.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“To stay with Abigail for a few days.”

I didn’t ask him why. I knew full well what was happening. I had effectively put my best friend out of his own parents’ house. God, I felt rotten.

“Can I talk to you before you go?” I asked. I had to keep trying to make it right.

“I don’t feel like this shit, Grayson,” Carter said.

“Please, I’m not asking for you to let it go. I’m just asking you to hear me out.”

Carter narrowed his eyes at me, and I expected him to say no, but he nodded.

“I’m putting this in the car, and then we’ll talk,” he said and pushed past me. I waited for him to return from the car, and he walked with me to the patio. We sat down in the wicker set.

“So?” Carter asked. He wasn’t fucking around.

“I know I fucked up,” I said.

“That’s an understatement.”

“Come on, man. I’m trying here,” I said.

Carter shrugged, and I took a deep breath.

“I felt like you were forgetting about Jenna. I thought she didn’t matter anymore. I was pissed off because she’s my sister.”

Carter shook his head. “How can I forget her? God, Grayson. She was my everything. There’s not a day I don’t ache for her when I wake up. But she’s gone.”

I nodded. “I know that. I’ve been struggling to come to terms with that, but I know.”

“I deserved to find love again, to be happy again. If I hold onto what I lost, I may as well die too.”

“I understand that,” I said. “It took me a while, until after I had booked those fucking strippers, but I get it now. I tried to stop the whole stripper thing, Carter. I want you to know that. I tried to undo what I did. It failed, but I never wanted you to hurt.”

Carter shook his head again. “You’ve been a jerk since we arrived in Austin.”

I nodded. “I know. I’m dealing with it. I’m learning. I’m trying. I am so very sorry. I don’t know how to show you how sorry I am.”

Carter nodded slowly, and I wasn’t sure if it was forgiveness of some kind, but I was wary about jumping to conclusions.

“It’s a bit overwhelming for me to see you so happy again,” I admitted.

“You don’t have to be a part of it,” Carter said. “You could have refused to be the best man. I would have understood. You can still pull out if it’s too much for you.”

I shook my head. “It’s not,” I said. “Not anymore. I want to be there for you. I’m glad you found happiness again. I don’t wish this pain I’m carrying around on anyone, and you managed to escape it. I guess that’s part of why I was so bitter. You could try again, and I can’t.”

Carter nodded. “I’m sorry she died. I know I couldn’t stop it. For a long time, I blamed myself for not being there with her that day, for not being able to save her. But I’m so sorry you had to lose her too. I’m sorry you have to hurt so much.”

Carter swallowed like he was biting back tears. “When Jenna died, I didn’t think I would be able to live again, let alone find love and happiness again. But I found Abigail, and she means more to me than you know.”

“I can see that,” I said. “And I want you to be happy.”

Carter pegged me with a hard look. “So, I’m going to make this very simple. If you do anything that will stop or ruin this wedding for me and Abigail, we’re done. Do you hear me? I won’t look back. Your mom is family to me because of Jenna, and you will always be the brother-in-law I had for a while when my life was perfect. But I will never talk to you again if you fuck this up for me.”

I nodded. Carter was being serious, and I knew it.

“I have no intention of doing anything other than celebrating with you and being happy for you.”

“Good,” Carter said and stood. The conversation was over. I was being dismissed. I watched Carter walk away, and I knew I was lucky he had been willing to listen to me at all. I hoped Callie would find it in herself to accept me the way Carter had, even if it had nothing to do with forgiveness.

I had fucked up badly. I had made choices no best man should ever have made. I was still the best man, which meant something. Carter hadn’t told me not to stand next to him up there while he said his vows. I took it as a sign that at least he would eventually forgive me, if not now.

Because I didn’t want to lose my best friend. Carter was like a brother to me, and for a short while, he was my brother. I didn’t want that to change because his wife wasn’t my sister.

I didn’t want to lose Callie either, but I wasn’t sure if that was a possibility. She wanted nothing to do with me. Surely, she understood why I had done what I’d done? I told her about Jenna. Maybe she hadn’t been told I’d tried to stop the whole thing before it got out of hand. I wasn’t sure how to approach her, but I wanted Callie back the same way I wanted Carter to stay in my life.

She had come to mean a lot to me in a short time, and she’d crept up on me without me realizing it. I had been so busy trying to ruin someone else’s life, I hadn’t noticed the changes that had happened in my own.

I had to talk to her, but I didn’t know what I’d say. All I knew was I was immensely sorry, and I had to fix it the best way I could. I didn’t even feel sorry for myself like I had until now. It was like the light had come on, and I realized there were other people carrying the same burden as I was. Even John had lost Jenna. Everyone else had managed to find a little ray of light without Jenna.

It was high time for me to do the same. Maybe it was a little late now, but I could still try.