Chapter Thirty
“Where is she?”
Lily’s head popped up, her eyes going wide.
The deep roar was audible even through the closed office door. “Get the fuck out of my way.”
She slammed her finger down on the intercom. “It’s okay. Let him through.”
She’d hobbled back to her security guard after picking herself off the ground and, together, they’d called for a car. Ted had wanted to call the police. She’d refused, determined to keep the whole mess as quiet as possible.
Apparently, though, keeping something like this from Alexi Kazankov was impossible.
She was still a few feet away when the door banged open.
“Are you okay?” Two large hands closed around her forearms, the soothing faint scent of oak and cinnamon surrounding her as his mouth pressed to her temple and he breathed deep.
Despite everything, her stupid heart fluttered. “I’m fine.”
“When I heard…” He held tighter. Without her heels, he towered over her. Made her feel safe. Protected. Cared for.
Because that was kind of man he was. One who guarded and defended and did whatever needed to be done to make sure those he cared for were safe.
That knowledge hurt a heck of a lot worse than a couple of skinned knees.
“Really. I’m fine.” She pressed her palms against the hard steel of his chest and pushed—too hard—her ass hitting the edge of the desk, knocking her off-balance.
She wasn’t ready. She’d thought she’d have more time to steel herself.
Still, it was now or never—and never wasn’t an option. “You need to go. Guards talk.”
“These won’t.”
She tried to move away.
His hands landed on either side of the desk, caging her in. “What’s wrong?”
She cleared her throat. Fought to remain unaffected. “You can’t intimidate everyone into doing what you want.” Not what she should have said, but the words wouldn’t come.
“That’s where you’re wrong.” His thumb ghosted just above her chin, his touch far gentler than she would have expected, given the tension pouring off him. “Your poor chin.” His narrowed gaze dragged over every inch of her body, from her skinned knees and up, his voice husky as he asked, “Where else are you hurt?”
The skimpy shorts and T-shirt she was wearing suddenly didn’t feel like much at all.
She licked at lips gone dry. “Honestly, I’m—”
“When I find out who did this, I promise they will pay. Badly.”
“Alexi, stop.” The use of his name worked, drawing his attention back to her face. “You need to go. Now.”
There. Done. The right words.
He stared at her anew, his expression hardening. “Look, I know this is scary and rough—and a hell of a hit on top of what happened at the hospital with Lena earlier. But you said it yourself. We’ll get through it. Together. I’m going to hunt down the bastard who did this to you and destroy him. I swear it.”
“No.” She held up a hand, silencing him. “Don’t make that kind of promise.” Her voice had gone brittle and sharp. “Don’t make a vow you can’t keep.” That I can’t allow you to keep.
His expression blanked. “Are you saying you don’t trust me to protect you?”
“I’m saying I can take care of myself. I want to take care of myself.” Weeks ago, she’d said similar words to him, and they’d been true. She’d thought she was alone. That she could only depend on herself. He’d showed her something different. Been there for her in a way no one ever had.
Which was exactly why she was shutting him out now.
“What’s going on?” A frown twisted his beautiful face. “Is this about what happened earlier with Lena? I know today was rough, but the idea of you and me isn’t an easy thing for her to accept. I thought you understood. Anastasia was her everything, and to see me with—”
She held her up hand. “I understand. Believe me.” More than you know.
Sliding to the side, she hobbled behind her desk, determined to gain some physical space—and keep herself from crawling back into his arms.
He watched her withdrawal with narrowed eyes.
She did what needed to be done. “You and I are not going to work.”
“What?” The single hissed word was an exercise in control. Just like the man himself.
“I’m done. It’s all too complicated. This…this latest mess with Lena only confirmed what I was beginning to suspect.” She forced the words out, each one more painful than the last. “You and me? It’s too hard.”
“Bullshit.” He stormed toward her, grabbing her shoulders and hauling her close. “You’re not someone who just gives up. You love me. I know it. Just like I love you.”
Her breath hitched.
He loved her.
It was everything the trailer trash girl from the sticks had longed for and never thought would happen.
He loved her.
It was more than the broken girl who’d survived Francoise and hidden away with Russell ever believed she deserved.
He loved her.
“I’m sorry, Alexi.” Willing away the sharp pain in her chest, she drew on every bit of hard-ass Kazankov ruthlessness she’d learned. “I don’t want you. You can’t keep me safe, and you can’t give me what I need. I’m done.”
His hands dropped to his side. “Fuck you, Armageddon.”
“We had a good ride, though, right?” Her voice was a rough rasp, the pain almost more than she could bear, her legs shaking so hard she could barely stay upright even with the help of the desk. “We had fun. Pushed each other to be better. I just…I just can’t be with you in the end.” The first truth out of her mouth. “It won’t work.”
All her life had been about her own survival. Clawing and scratching her way to some semblance of control and power. Proving to all the doubters that she was worth something.
But Alexi Kazankov had changed everything. He’d challenged her and enraged her and thrilled her and made her a thousand times stronger than she would ever have been without him.
It was the only reason she was able to give him up now.
“I’m going to accept a job offer from Reid Finn and join his European firm.” She forced a smile. “You told me when we first met to travel. Now I’ll have the chance. Live life. Get my nails done. Have fun. Be free of a hostile board that doesn’t want me. The only consideration I ask is that you ensure Jim and Jessie and any other current Winslow employees are allowed to keep their jobs.”
His gaze darkened, as if he was starting to believe. “That’s really all you want?”
She cleared her throat. “Yes.”
She wouldn’t get the guy. Or the job. Or the respect she’d always craved. By any measure, she was losing everything she’d ever wanted.
But she’d never counted on love. Or what she’d be willing to sacrifice for it.
“What about all that bullshit about never being a quitter?” He snarled. “About fighting to the end? Or even your promise to Russell? Was all that bullshit as well?
“I’m well aware what I’m doing is a betrayal of my promise to Russell.” One more failure to add to the long list.
“You and I were becoming a team.”
“Turns out that’s not what I want.”
“Because I failed Anastasia? Because you think I can’t protect you? Because that’s bullshit.”
“You need to go.” Her voice shook. It was getting harder and harder not to tell him what she really felt.
“I upset Lena for you. I screwed up all my plans for you.” His voice was a low hiss. “Now you decide you don’t want any of it? That you just want to take the easy route? That some sorry excuse for a businessman like Reid Finn can give you more?” The side of his fist slammed down on top of her desk, making her jump. “I can’t believe I actually thought you were something more.”
Her heart shriveled. He was looking at her as if he didn’t know her. As if he never really had.
She swallowed hard. “You won. Isn’t that enough?”
“No.” His beautiful face was grim, his blue eyes dark with shadows as he backed away. “Thanks to you, it really isn’t enough anymore.”
The door slammed shut.
Lily slid down the side of her desk, her ass hitting the tiled floor.
She’d done what she had to do.
Until now, she’d thought proving she was strong and would never be that helpless, trashy girl again meant never giving up. Meant fighting to the bitter end and coming back harder every time she was knocked down. Doing whatever it took to win.
But falling for Kazankov had one more thing to teach her.
Because this time being strong wasn’t about proving anything at all.
Instead, she was telling the survivor inside to back the hell off and giving up the fight. Sacrificing all the best pieces of herself so Alexi could remain whole.
With a sob, she curled into a tight ball, her chin sinking into the tops of her skinned knees.
Turns out showing real strength really tested one’s mettle—and hurt like hell.