REGRET IS NOT AN emotion I’m used to feeling. I’ve lived life, made mistakes, and not felt even one ounce of regret for the decisions I’ve made. Every step we take is a chance to grow and learn, something my ma taught me from a young age. But tonight, I can’t help but feel regretful of my actions. I’m glad that I killed Flynn, happy even. I regret the way I’ve treated my sweet wife.
Even more, I regret leaving her to go to another woman. Nothing happened with Camilla. I recognized the mistake for what it was as soon as that front door closed behind me and she was on her knees reaching for my pants.
She was too eager, her eyes too cat-ate-the-canary, and it felt wrong. Though I could do as I wish with her and nobody could say a fucking word about it, just being there made me sick to my stomach.
I left immediately, not looking back, and with a heavy heart at what I contemplated doing. Hurting Devyn didn’t feel right, even if she never knew. I would know.
My phone rings and I answer it, surprised to hear that there are two female visitors downstairs. I tell the front desk to let them up, and then grab a pair of exercise shorts from my bedroom. Glancing at Devyn, I see that she’s asleep, whimpering as she shakes under the bedding. Her eyes are closed, and she doesn’t even twitch as I rummage for my shorts. I close off the room behind me and make my way toward the front door just as Brenna is raising her hand to knock.
“Can we come in?” she asks, tilting her head to the side. I see that to her right is Shannon.
Without a word, I step aside and let them in. Brenna doesn’t speak right away as she looks around my sparsely furnished and undecorated apartment. Then she turns to me, and I see so much of Devyn’s feisty personality in her that I’m taken aback. Every time I’ve been in contact with Brenna, she’s looked submissive and weak, nothing like the strong woman she’s portraying right now.
“Can I help you?” I ask as I cross my arms over my chest. Shannon’s eyes widen as she takes in my tattoos, but Brenna is strong and emotionless.
“Do you love my sister?” she asks. I’m unsure of what love has to do with anything. Why Brenna would think that I’d even tell her if I did is surprising. “I ask because she told me that she loves you. Then, not a few moments later, you dragged her out of the house after you killed that weasel, Flynn.”
My brow shoots up in surprise. Everything she’s telling me is quite a surprise. “Devyn only slept with him out of rebellion. She never had feelings for him. In fact, I don’t think it would have mattered who took her to the prom, she was going to lose her virginity. It was the only way she knew how to rebel without getting beat by Patrick,” Shannon clarifies.
The way she says beat by Patrick, it rolls off of her tongue far too easily, making it clearly obvious that beatings were a normality in the O’Neil household. “Devyn knew what the consequences would be if she ever stepped out on the man who was to be her husband. But aside from that, she loves you, Timofei and wouldn’t want to be with anybody else anyway.”
I feel supremely uncomfortable discussing Devyn and my relationship with these women, who are not strangers to Devyn, but are to me.
“I don’t think he’s going to talk to us,” Brenna says to Shannon, a smile playing on her lips.
“I’m not sure what you want from me. I’ve only known Devyn for a few weeks. We have a lifetime together, and I’m sure as fuck not going to confess my love for her to you two,” I state. Brenna’s eyes widen and Shannon grins. They’re both fucking crazy.
Brenna watches me and I see something working behind her eyes, but I can’t place my fingers on it. “You don’t have a lifetime, and you know it,” she quips.
Her quick lash of words makes Shannon’s eyes widen before she rearranges her face and frowns slightly.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I exhale, becoming irritated.
Brenna shakes her head before she speaks. “You know how this life is,” she shrugs.
I reach out to wrap my hand around her bicep as she takes a step back but she’s too far out of my grasp. They practically sprint out of the apartment, as quickly as they came in, and I’m left standing in the living room like a big fucking buffoon wondering what the fuck just happened.
I rub my temple before locking the door behind them and decide it’s too fucking late at night to try and decipher what these two women were talking about. Turning off the lights, I make my way back into the bedroom.
Devyn is still curled in a ball, and I hate the fact that I’m part of the reason she looks so small, so sad, and so fucking helpless. Taking off my shorts, I slide into bed behind her. I wrap my arms around her and bring her back against my chest, inhaling the scent of her freshly washed hair before I close my eyes and allow myself to fall asleep.
I shiver when I feel a warm hand wrap around my breast from beneath my sweatshirt. My eyes flutter open, and I let out a sigh as Timofei’s smell surrounds me, his hand gently kneading my breast. His fingertips graze my flesh, and the caress causes me to moan.
“Devochka moya,” he breathes against my ear. My body freezes when the events from last night start to flood back. “Don’t,” he growls against my neck.
“Please, don’t,” I whisper.
Timofei, as per his usual, completely ignores me. I feel my leggings being wrenched down as he positions me on my stomach. I press my eyes closed, and wait for him to enter me. Instead, his tongue slides through my center from behind. I gasp as his nose nuzzles my clit.
“Move against me, devochka,” he urges.
I fist my hands in the sheets and gently rear back, moaning when I feel his tongue flick my clit. It doesn’t take long before I’m completely tangled up in him, lost in the way his lips, teeth, and tongue feel against my pussy. When I come, it’s on a loud sob as my entire body jerks and shakes uncontrollably.
Falling to the mattress in a heap, I expect Timofei to slide his cock right inside of me, but he doesn’t. He crawls up my body and places a kiss on the side of my neck. “Good morning,” he murmurs against my skin.
“What about you?” I ask weakly.
“I was a fucking asshole yesterday. My cock can suffer a little bit,” he chuckles as he rolls over to his back. I roll over to my side and face him, surely looking as confused as I feel. Timofei reaches over and tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear. “I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions, Devvy,” he whispers.
“I just… I didn’t ask for anything he did to me, Fei,” I whisper.
His hand cups my cheek, and he leans forward to place his lips on mine in a chaste, warm, gentle kiss. “I know, devochka. I know,” he whispers.
I slip my leg over his hip and press my center against his length, which is straining beneath his boxer briefs. “Fei,” I whisper.
Slipping my hand between us, I wrap my fingers around his shaft as I tug his boxers down. In the next breath, he wraps his hand around my waist to move me before he enters me, not changing positions. We’re on our sides, facing each other, and I’m completely full of him.
“I love you, my sweet Devvy,” he murmurs. His fingers trace my face, skimming across the apple of my cheek to my hairline and down, until his hand is wrapped around my neck. “I’ve never loved another woman that wasn’t my mother or Oksana.”
All I can think about is that I only have a few months left of this, of him, and of us. Tears fill my eyes as he gently takes me. He uses the pads of his thumbs to wipe my tears away and it doesn’t take long before need flows through me rather than sadness.
Timofei’s thrusts become harder, and faster, sending me closer to the edge. When one of his hands slips between us, I gasp as my climax quickly rushes over me. Fei comes on a shout before he rests his forehead against mine, his hips moving lazily before they stop, keeping him fully planted inside of me.
“What happened last night is over. We won’t speak of it again,” he murmurs.
“Okay,” I whisper.
My eyes slowly close and sleep pulls me under, my body and mind completely exhausted.
I wake with a jolt and look around to see that it’s dark and I’m all alone. Making my way to the bathroom, I let out a small scream at the sight of my mangled hair. I have no choice but to wash it again. There’s no way I can comb out the number of knots I have going on.
Once I’m clean, and my hair is washed and combed, I decide to slip on my satin bathrobe and go in search of food. Since I didn’t finish my dinner last night, and I slept all day today, I’m starved. I don’t know if Timofei is home, but I decide to make enough food for both of us, assuming he’s hungry as well.
Taking out some potatoes, I cut them up and place them in a pot of water to boil. I take out some bacon, tomatoes and the carton of eggs next. I can’t make much, but I can make Boxty.
“What’s this?” Timofei’s voice rings out.
“Are you hungry?” I ask not turning to him as I drain the potatoes into a colander. I already have the rest of the ingredients ready for the pancakes.
“I am, but what the fuck are you making?” he practically chokes, as he looks at all of the ingredients around me.
“Boxty,” I state as though he should know what I’m talking about. Turning to look at him, I giggle at the complete confusion that is covering his gorgeous features. “It’s Irish food. Breakfast, really, but it’s one of the only things I know that I can make well,” I inform him. He grins.
“You’re cooking for me; something from your culture,” he murmurs as he makes his way toward me and wraps his arms around my waist.
“I am,” I whisper, looking up into his dark eyes.
Fei leans down and presses his lips to mine in a gentle kiss. “After we eat, I’m going to fuck you on the kitchen counter to show my appreciation,” he grins.
“Fei,” I exhale as I press my thighs together.
“Call me when it’s ready. I’m in my office,” he grunts. He presses his lips against mine before he backs away and walks out of the room.
It doesn’t take long for me to finish making the food, and I put it on plates for each of us before I go in search of him, heading toward his office. Hearing his voice, I know he must be on the phone as I approach.
“No, everything is fine. Yeah, I went to Camilla last night. No,” He states, but my heart stops. “Okay, see you tomorrow for collection.”
I’m frozen in the hallway, unable to move. He went to Camilla. He went to a woman last night before he came home to me. Before he held me throughout the night and made me come twice this morning. I feel like such a fool. A love sick, stupid fool.
“Devochka, what are you doing out here?” he asks as he steps out of his office.
“Oh, food is ready,” I whisper.
“Yeah? Smells good. I can’t wait to see what this tastes like,” he smiles as he walks past me.
He stops and turns to me, asking me if I’m going to join him, and I’m jolted from my spot as I hurry after him.
We eat in silence. Well, I eat in silence. Fei tells me about a hundred times how delicious everything is. I can’t help but wonder if it’s all overcompensation and guilt, rather than true enjoyment of my food. I can’t get the name out of my head, and then it registers. That was the woman’s name who planned our wedding.
“You fucked our wedding planner?” I blurt out.
I don’t miss the way he freezes, his fork suspended in the air before his head turns toward me and his eyes take me in.
“I did,” he admits slowly. “Before our engagement party, not after,” he states as though it’s no big deal.
“And again last night?”
His eyes widen but he doesn’t answer. He tilts his head to the side and watches me. “You shouldn’t be eavesdropping, Devvy,” he finally murmurs.
I open my mouth to defend myself, then realize he’s not yet answered me. He’s trying to change the subject and deflect. It isn’t me who did something wrong. I snap my lips closed and I wait. We both stare at each other, and when I think he’s going to completely ignore me, he lets out a heavy sigh and leans back in his bar stool.
“Come here,” he demands.
I stay seated, stubbornly refusing to go to him—that is, until he lifts his brow and narrows his eyes slightly. He repeats himself, except his voice is deeper, more sinister, and my body reacts. Before my brain has even figured out what’s going on, I find myself sitting on this thigh.
Timofei wraps his hand around the outside of my upper leg while his eyes roam over my face, searching it. I feel vulnerable and far too exposed as he takes me in. When his warm palm cups my cheek, I suck in a breath and hold it, waiting for what he’s about to say.
“Nothing happened. I was pissed off, and I went over to her place,” he admits as my eyes automatically narrow on his face. His lips tip in a smirk. “It was stupid, I was angry. As soon as her door closed behind me, I knew I had made a mistake. I came right back to you, to where I wanted to be.”
“I don’t know how to feel,” I whisper as my lips tremble.
He smiles as he slips his arm under my knees and stands, holding me against his chest. Silently, he walks us into our bedroom and doesn’t let me go until I’m seated on the bed. Then he kneels in front of me, his hands immediately cupping both of my cheeks while his cool blue eyes look directly into mine.
“I want to be better than my father. I want to be better than your father. I just want to be better, devochka,” he breathes as his lips brush mine. “I want to be faithful to my wife, and I almost wasn’t. For that, I’m sorry.”
I gasp at his words but am unable to respond as his tongue enters my mouth and he slowly kisses me. Our tongues tangle in a dance that’s slow and sensual, and I can’t help the moan that escapes me as I reach for Timofei’s wrists and try to pull him closer to me.
Fei groans as one of his hands slides down my neck to the hem of my shirt, fisting the material before he slips his palm beneath it to run his fingertips up my side. Goosebumps follow his fingertips as they break out all over my skin, and I pull my lips from his as I try to suck in a breath.
“I want you,” I whisper, looking into his eyes.
His fingers wrap around my nipple and tweak the bud as he grins, “I always want you, devochka.”
Timofei undresses me. Instead of the hard, fast, heart-pounding sex we usually have, it’s slow and seductive. Timofei’s eyes never once leave mine, and it makes me feel cherished.