“Hey, Lilly, are you here to see Leeza?” Tamra was all smiles as she stood from her chair.
“I am. I hope my showing up is not at a bad time.”
“Not at all. She’s in her office if you want to go on back.”
“Thanks.”
Passing the almost empty row of stations, I eyed the two clients getting their hair done, which was nothing out of the ordinary. I remembered Leeza saying Tuesdays and Wednesdays were typically slower days for the salon.
The stylist worked her blow dryer with ease. The middle-aged woman sitting in the chair had chosen to go all gray with what looked to be purple highlights. If I pictured it well enough, the end result should be pretty awesome.
As I approached the back of the salon, I stopped short when I heard the edge in Leeza’s voice. “I can’t do this right now . . . I know. Why do you always do this to me?” She sighed then went quiet. “Look, I have work to do. I’ll talk to you, later.” She slammed the phone.
I counted five one-thousands before rapping my knuckles against the door and then walking in without her permission. “Hey, everything all right?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine.” She waved me in. “Have a seat.”
Pulling out the chair in front of her, I sat and looked around at the heap of papers covering the entire top of her desk. “Are you sure everything is all right?” I flicked my eyes between the papers and her.
“Oh, this?” she replied sarcastically, pointing at the disarray covering her desk. “This is the least of my worries.”
Getting a good look at the mess scattered across her desk, I took a closer look. Invoices, bills, and folders were spread out from one end to the other. It looked like a mild windstorm had blown through the space.
“Did you need some help?” I asked, pointing to the mess.
“Yes, and I can’t find anyone who would work for a reasonable wage. The few people I have interviewed are well qualified to run this office, but they expect to be paid a ridiculous amount. I just can’t afford any of them.”
I sat back and waited. Apparently, she had forgotten I had a degree in Business Administration. A long, painful minute passed, and when it was clear she wasn’t going to connect the dots, I spoke. “Leeza, you do realize I can help you, right? Like, that is what Daddy insisted I major in.” Well, he actually insisted on management, but administration is where I drew the line. My father could dictate certain areas of my life, but I never allowed either parent to hold the reins.
As if a light bulb had been turned on, Leeza smiled, but just as quickly it faded, and she let out a defeated breath. “I can’t ask you, Lilly. You have a lot going on and this would just be added stress you do not need right now.”
“Well, thanks for the confidence.”
“That isn’t what I meant and you know it. It has nothing to do with your ability. I just don’t want to add to your plate.”
“I can understand where you’re coming from, and I appreciate the concern, but did you ever stop to think I might welcome the distraction?” I scooted to the edge of my seat. “Like I need a distraction?”
Clearly contemplating my words, she sat there staring at me, not saying a word as she worked it out in her head. Leeza took a good look at the mess, and when she looked back up, she said, “You’re hired. When can you start?”
“Hold it right there, Miss Bossy Pants.” We both giggled. “There are terms and conditions of employment that need to be discussed first. Hours, benefits, and oh, pay of course,” I teased playfully. Leeza smiled, and by the look on her face, she would’ve smacked me. “All kidding aside, I’m here anytime you need me, and honestly, I’d do it for free.”
“You know I can’t ask you to do that.”
“And why not? It isn’t as if I need the money.”
It was the truth. Between what our parents had saved for us and the money I was receiving from the military, I didn’t need any more right this minute. I would gladly do this for my sister free of charge if need be.
“Well, what if we negotiate?”
“I’m listening.” She should have known I would do whatever she needed me to do. She really was a great businesswoman, but she hated the nine-to-five part of the job.
“What if you take care of this side of the desk in exchange for your choice of services we offer? No limit.”
“But you already do my hair for free.”
“I would cover the cost and extend the services of the others to you. You could get facials, massages, and anything else anyone in the salon offers.”
Well, that sounded like a sweet trade off, one that didn’t require much thought. “Deal!” I stuck my hand out, exaggerating some lucrative business deal.
“Deal!” She gripped my hand and when she let go, she smiled wide and relaxed into her chair with a look of pure relief.
“So, who were you talking to before I came in?”
The tension was back on her face.
“Take a guess.” She rolled her eyes and looked away.
“What the heck did he want?” I scoffed.
“What he always wants but can no longer have.” It didn’t take much to guess what that man wanted. No matter how long he would stay away, he always found a way to try to wiggle back into Leeza’s life. Unfortunately for her, he was her weakness.
“So.” She eyed me for a whole thirty seconds. “Is it safe to assume that since you made an appointment with the doctor, your decision is leaning toward going through with it?”
“I’m still not sure what to do, but I would be stupid not to go in and see what they have to say.”
“It’s a lot to think about.” Her expression softened along with her voice. “I did a little research of my own, and I’m not trying to make your decision any more difficult, but did you consider at all the possibility of multiple births?”
I knew this. “I read a bit about it.”
“Did you think about how you would raise more than one child on your own if it came to that?”
I knew my sister meant well, so I ignored that she wasn’t helping the situation at all by bringing this up.
“Honestly, no. I can barely wrap my mind around the fact that there is even the slightest of possibilities that I could still have Tyler’s child.” I sat back in my chair and inhaled a long breath, then slowly exhaling through my nose. “This is a lot to process, and until I can sit with the doctor and get concrete answers, I refuse to make a final decision.”
“Fair enough.” I raised one eyebrow and Leeza sighed. “Lilly, I will support you no matter what you decide. I just want to make sure you explore all your options and not rush in making your decision.” I nodded and tucked my chin to my chest. I didn’t want Leeza seeing how much this conversation was affecting me. “And if you decide to go through with it, I will help you. I will be there for two a.m. feedings. I’ll change diapers and drive you to doctors’ appointments. Anything you need.”
A tear slid down the side of my eye. “Thank you.” It felt like something had been lodged in my throat.
“If you have twins, you could give one to me.” She giggled. “Lord knows that at the rate I’m going, I’ll never have one of my own.”
“Why would you say that? It isn’t as if you’re old or your biological clock is ticking.”
“Well, it’d be hard to do without a ma—” She waved her hand, dismissing her thought. “Never mind. This is about you, not me, and I want you to know that whatever you decide, I’ll support your decision.”
Leeza stood and rounded the desk with her arms open wide, and I let her wrap me in a warm hug. I couldn’t have been any more grateful for my sister than in that moment. We both took deep breaths and Leeza went back to her chair and I sat in mine. My stomach took that moment to interrupt us with a loud growl, and her brow wrinkled.
“Are you not eating?”
My face flushed, and I squirmed in my seat, thinking about Easton and the last twenty-four hours. The things he did to my body, the way he made me feel. How he comforted me.
“Lilly?”
“Hmm.” I couldn’t resist smiling.
“What’s going on?” She leaned forward. “You do know that if you’re seriously considering having a baby that you need to eat properly.”
I almost blurted out that I had met someone and he was the only reason for my skipping the first meal of the day. But I held back. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to explain what Easton and I were.
Could we even be a something if I decided to go through with it?
“Nothing. Nothing is going on.” I got up. “I’m gonna head out.” I took a few backward steps, and Leeza narrowed her eyes. She smirked and pointed a knowing finger at me.
“You’re up to something, little sister.”
I shrugged. “Maybe. I’ll be by tomorrow to tackle that mess. Love you.” I booked it out of there before she really got suspicious.
It was only after I stepped out onto the sidewalk and looked from left to right that I realized I was stranded. Easton had picked me up yesterday, and we never went back to my place. I got so wrapped up in him that I completely forgot I didn’t have my darn car.
Standing there, I debated walking a couple of blocks to grab something to eat. Even though I had a strong dislike for coffee and the smell, there was the coffee shop I could slip into and have a cup of tea. That wouldn’t really help my lack of transportation, though. I could go back to the flower shop and see if Easton wouldn’t mind giving me a ride home. I headed to the coffee shop, deciding that if I passed the flower shop and saw Easton was busy, I wouldn’t bother him.
I didn’t see him anywhere in the shop as I passed, and I let out a deep sigh.
Tea it was.
An older gentleman held the door, and I stepped into the coffee shop. I thanked him and refrained from holding my breath. The sooner I let the smell get to me, the quicker I would be immune to it. I wrinkled my nose and scanned the board, searching for the list of teas.
“Mornin’, what can I get started for ya?”
“Good morning. Could I get a medium Earl Grey Latte and a blueberry cream cheese square, please?” I pressed my finger against the glass case, pointing to the blueberry square.
“Gosh, those are to die for.” She smiled, holding her black marker. “Can I get your name for the order, please?”
“Lilly.”
“Thanks, Lilly. We’ll get these ready.”
I handed her a ten and told her to keep the change then looked around for an open seat.
For midmorning, the place seemed to be pretty consistent with people coming in and out. The surrounding tables were half full, and a few people occupied the cozy book corner of the shop. This really was a cute little place, and I couldn’t believe I let my dislike for coffee steer me away from coming in sooner. It was quaint and cozy, and honestly, I could barely make out the coffee aroma any longer.
A minute later, my dessert and tea were delivered, and I didn’t hesitate to dig in. After the first bite, I had deemed it the best dang thing I had ever tasted. The combination of blueberry, cream cheese, and shortbread settling on my tongue had me thinking I just had a food orgasm.
Taking a second bite, I closed my eyes and thought about Leeza and her giving me scalp orgasms. I giggled to myself then jumped when I heard someone very close to me clear their throat. Upon opening my eyes, rustic honey-colored ones stared back at me with a shit-eating grin plastered across his face.
“Taste good, Sunshine?” He sat back.
I chewed the last bit of the pastry I had in my mouth and felt a dull ache between my thighs. Just the sight of him made me crazy hot and in need of him.
Is it normal to react like this?
I swallowed hard, took a sip of my tea latte, and asked, “What are you doing here? I thought you had work to do?”
“I do, but I needed caffeine first. Someone wore me out,” he answered, sporting a dirty grin that made my leg itch to kick him from under the table. That was a normal reaction.
Yeah, well you wore me out, too, buddy.
“What about you? I thought you were going to see your sister?” He brought his cup to his mouth, and I couldn’t resist watching the way his lips caressed the rim. The tip of his tongue touched the hot liquid, and he flexed his muscles, insinuating the paper cup weighed a ton. When he finally took a full sip, he winked.
Taking it one step further, he brushed his finger on my thigh, slowly inching higher. My breath caught, the tingles erupted all over my body, and I hated that he looked so calm and collected. Easton knew exactly what he was doing. From the second he sat in the seat across from me, he knew exactly what he had in mind.
He brushed a few more passes, and I could feel my breathing turn labored. Easton gave me a cheeky grin and stood. “I need to get back to work.”
I scoffed silently. What the hell? Was it his intention to get me all worked up and leave me hanging?
He held his hand out. “Did you want me to give you a ride home first?”
Before dropping me off, Easton and I made plans to have dinner again, but once five o’clock rolled around, I called and canceled. Oddly, I wasn’t feeling up to it and decided I needed a little time to myself.
In a matter of weeks, Easton and I had gone from acquaintances to something I had no idea how to put a label on. Being in his space made the world around me simply melt away, but back in my own home—alone—I was at a loss, and Tyler was all I could think about.
My mind began questioning my heart, wanting to know if there was room enough for both Tyler and Easton. Then I asked myself if it was too soon to even be having those kinds of thoughts, let alone feelings.
When I heard him whisper that I would never have another, initially it left me puzzled. Easton’s a nice guy and there was a good chance he said it only to make me feel better after having sex with him.
“Ughh!” I kicked off my blanket and threw a light sweater on before heading to the kitchen. Navigating my way through the dark, I made it through the house without incident and in one piece. Pulling the refrigerator door open, I squinted, letting my eyes adjust to the tiny bright light before grabbing the first thing my eyes landed on—wine. With the bottle in one hand, I swiped my phone from the counter and made my way out back. As I stood on the back porch, staring off into the distance, I let my mind drift.
Before I realized what I was doing, I had already began wandering the massive open space of the property, scuffing my flip-flops against the blades of grass in hopes of clearing my mind, even if it was only for a minute or two. I didn’t want to think. When the leaves rustled and the smell of honeysuckle filled my nose, I took a deep breath and looked to the heavens.
The stars were sprinkled at least a mile wide and in my attempt to think of anything other than Tyler and Easton, I walked and counted the twinkling little lights, all while using the moon to guide my way. Little did I think the bright beam would guide me all the way to the dock. The one place I hadn’t visited since Tyler left.
Standing at the edge of the wooden plank, I allowed myself to get lost in the calm of the water and the stillness around me. It wasn’t until my eyes sought out the overgrown Yellowwood tree that flashbacks of the two of us hit me hard. All the nights we hung out there parked in his truck, planning and mapping out our lives—together. All the stupid things we did, drunk and sober. To some of the worst arguments that led to the best make-up sex. A tear slipped and that was when the weight of it all had me questioning if I had any strength left.
Was it wrong to have just spent the night with one man and the next night be consumed with the memory of another?
I slipped out of my flip-flops and sat on the edge, dangling my legs just above the water, letting my toes skim the lukewarm surface. I looked around, thinking how this place had a long list of memories—too many to sort through and way too painful to reminisce. Abandoning my heavy thoughts, I let my head fall back, huffing out a frustrated sigh toward the twinkling night sky.
“I like him.” Another tear slid down my cheek, and I didn’t bother wiping it away. “Is it wrong? Are you upset?” I waited like I always did, hoping he would somehow answer me. “Did you send him? Are you trying to play matchmaker from up there?” Something in my heart confirmed he was.
Easton had so many similarities to Tyler that it could very well be true. Easton and I shared an instant connection—or so I thought. And there was no way Tyler would easily agree to my being with another man and not have any say in it. He had to have had a hand in it. Right?
“Was it your intention to make my dreams come true, then rip them right from under me?” My face felt hot. There I went, switching between happy and pissed off. “Do you really think another man would stick by my side, knowing I was carrying another man’s child? A dead man’s child?” I wanted to scream. To punch the air in front of me—but I didn’t. “Why! Why would you do this to me, Tyler?” My anger didn’t last too long before the guilt found a way to snake through and suffocate me.
I let my head fall to the side and stared at the glistening water below me. The reflection of a star twinkling from above had me looking up in time to see it give one final glimmer then sputtered out. I gripped the wooden planks at my side and a sob broke through my chest. “I love you, Tyler, but I don’t want to be alone.”
I sat there in a mess of tears, thinking of all I had lost and all that still remained. Going back and forth between missing him and learning about Easton. I told myself, I had to give this an honest chance. I would probably stumble along the way, but I had to try.
My phone buzzed beside me, and I wondered who could be texting me in the middle of the night.
Easton: are you awake?
Unmoving, I sat there staring at his name on the screen. Was he thinking about me? Did he miss me? This had to be another sign, right? There was only one way to find out.
Me: I’m awake. What are you doing up so late?
His reply was immediate.
Easton: I can’t stop thinking about you. Can I call you?
Me: Yes.
Within seconds, my phone rang. “Hey, what are you doing?”
“Can’t sleep.” He paused. “These sheets, they smell like you.” His voice was low and husky, and my heart fluttered at his admission. “What are you doing up so late? Couldn’t sleep, either?”
“Something like that.”
“Where are you right now?”
“Outside. Staring up at the stars,” I replied honestly.
“Wish I was there with you.” He cleared his throat. “Lilly . . .”
“Yeah, Easton?”
“I’m glad you decided to give me a chance. I know you miss him, but I’m here for you, anything you need.”
“Thank you.” I paused, needing to get my words straight. “What are we?”
“Cut right to the chase why don’t you?”
“It’s just . . . I thought I heard you say something last night that hasn’t left my mind, and I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”
“Lilly, when I said you’d never have another, I meant it. I’m not the kind of guy who needs to keep his options open. You’re my only option.”
Hmm. I liked his answer. Considering it was a lot to take in, I was probably going to mull over his words and make myself bat shit crazy.
“Okay.” I nodded.
“I know we haven’t known each other that long, but there’s something there, and I won’t let anything jeopardize it.”
I smiled, and my heart felt light. I wanted to give this thing between us a fair chance, too, and since we were on the same page, I felt slightly at ease.
“Then there’s the way you work that tongue of yours.” I cringed then laughed lightly, appreciating how he knew when to change the mood from heavy to playful.
“Yeah, you did some crazy things to me, too.”
“Well, what can I say? I am the male version of that saying, ‘A lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed’.”
I burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, staring at my reflection in the water below me. It had been some time since I’d witnessed a smile that big cross my face.
“That is the most ridiculous—” I continued laughing. “I’m sorry, but you really are horrible with your corny lines.”
“And here I thought that was my best one yet.” He chuckled, but I couldn’t quite make out if it was more of an amused laugh or the fact that he was trying to cover up a bruised ego. I remained silent, but the dead air between us might have given him a misconstrued warning sign.
Easton cleared his throat and owned up to his craziness, “Hey, it was meant to be a joke. Truthfully, that was pretty ridiculous.” I bowed my head, thankful he wasn’t offended. “Your laugh, though. It’s the best sound in the world,” he spoke candidly, and this time, I didn’t laugh. I couldn’t. His words were sincere, and I felt the gravity of them way down deep. Corny lines aside, his last words meant something.
“I love listening to your voice. It calms me,” I admitted without any forethought.
“Good to know, Sunshine.” He yawned.
“Am I boring you already?”
“Not at all. Your voice did the opposite in fact. You soothe me, Lilly, but hell, you burn me up, too.” He paused, and I took that moment to get my racing heart under control. My body awoke with desire from hearing him admit to the kind of affect I had on him. “I don’t know how you do it. I feel like a totally different person when I’m around you.”
“I know the feeling.” I smiled, thinking how off balance I’d felt lately. Was it wrong? Was I moving too fast? Should I be following a timeline for grieving widows? I had no idea, but being this was somewhat Tyler’s idea, I shoved my uncertainty aside.
“Lilly?” His voice shifted to a low and gravelly sound, which resulted in my stomach doing a little flip.
“Yes?”
“I’m really looking forward to our date this weekend.”
“I am, too.” cI got up and stepped into my flip-flops. “Easton?”
“Yes.”
“Our date, can we keep it simple?”
Dating felt new and foreign to me. I didn’t want to rush it any more than we already had. Which was strange to say since we had done things backward and had already had sex.
“Of course. Simple I can do.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I can’t wait. ”
On my short stroll back, Easton and I continued with the easy banter and light conversation, which I was thankful for. I hadn’t realized just how close I was to an absolute breakdown until the panic and guilt were gone. Well, not gone, but lessened. I made myself crazy thinking I might be doing something wrong or making the wrong choices. Then Tyler’s words telling me I had to move on reminded me that maybe what I had going on with Easton wasn’t so wrong after all.
Easton and I said good night, and I looked to the heavens one more time and whispered, “No matter what, I’ll always love you,” before walking inside and locking the door behind me.