Chapter Fourteen
Selena
“You’re getting big,” my mom said.
I sighed and set the bag of groceries on the counter in her trailer. I lived on the nice side of town in a condo I’d bought with the money I’d gotten from Melanie Stewart. The last place I’d wanted to come back to was West Virginia, but I could commute to Marshall where I was, and I had a few cousins in town who could help me with the pending need for an affordable babysitter.
God knew I was never going to let my mother near my child.
Still, being this close to her, I felt obligated again, like I had to check in on her to make sure she’d eaten and was still alive. I’d let her have my current cell number so that she could dial me on Saturday nights when she needed to be bailed out. I didn’t technically owe her anything, but being this close to her, it was hard not to keep an eye on her.
I sighed and put a hand on my belly. Since I’d gotten pregnant clearly sometime around late June, I was now close to four months pregnant and had gained over twenty-five pounds. On my short frame, it almost looked like I’d swallowed a beach ball, and I had five more months to go. Around school, I had a part-time job doing editing for the local paper, and it was a stretch to get everything done. I was past the morning sickness, but my back was stiff, and my ankles were always swollen.
Whoever said that being pregnant was some miracle of life, must have been a guy who’d never been pregnant because the last thing I felt was blessed.
Or like some magical Madonna partaking in the miracle of life.
And all that happy Circle of Life/Disney horseshit.
“I know.”
Mom was so skinny. I brought her food at least three times a week—groceries to make sure she was eating—but the meth kept her from wanting to eat. I’d begged her so many times before I’d left for New York, and now since I’d gotten back, to quit, but she’d made her choices. Still, seeing the bones of her shoulder and spine popping out so badly under her tank top made me want to cry.
“You don’t want to get too fat with that. Then again, if you have one kid, maybe you’re not too worried about ever attracting a man again, Selly.”
I gritted my teeth and worked double time to put the eggs and milk in the fridge. I wasn’t the same naïve kid who’d left her. Granted, I’d made a big mistake and fallen for the promises of someone else; someone who apparently had spun lies to so many girls over the years. I was just another one.
“Don’t call me that. I’m not five.”
“I can tell,” my mother snapped.
I slammed the refrigerator door harder than I had to.
“You’ve had something you’ve been trying not to tell me for two months. If you have something to get off your chest, then do it,” I said, turning around and leaning against what counted as a counter in the shit hole.
My mother managed to sit up on the sofa. “You know what this is? All that time you always stared at me like I was dirt. Now, you’ve done the exact same thing. You’ve come here, and you’re pregnant and lording over me. Some rich man gave you shame money to get the hell out of his life, but you still act like you’re better than me. Girlie, you ain’t shit. You’re just like me so welcome to the club.”
I swallowed hard and willed my heart not to break. The truth was that it was somehow worse. I’d run before Brandon could reject me as just a flavor of the week. I’d been dismissed by his damn ex-wife. But if I’d told him, and he’d asked me to get rid of the baby… If he’d “handled” a situation like this before, then there was no way I was going to be able to survive any of this. It would break my heart to smithereens, and I needed to be there for the baby.
I was all they’d have.
“You’re so quiet. Don’t have a smart, college girl reply now, do you?”
I sighed. “I have to finish my degree. I’m glad I have what I do and that Cousin Samantha and Cousin Dana are going to help. There’s nothing else I can do. You want to hear that you’re right and I fucked up? Yeah, I did. But I’m owning my mistake. The last thing you’ll ever see me do is stick a needle in my arm, smoke random chemicals up, and blame it day in and day out on my child. You might have had me, but you’ve never been a mother, and we both know it.”
My mother reached for a half-drunk beer on her table and swigged it. “You say that now, but you’ll change your tune soon enough. You think you know shit about being a mom. You don’t know nothing and no, girl, you aren’t better than me.”
She let out a long burp.
I shook my head and grabbed my car keys. “You know what, Mom. Be as bitter as you want. I care about you, and I’ll still keep an eye on you, but I won’t be the excuse for you about why you ruined your life. I just won’t.”
With that, I hurried out to my car.
***
The drive didn’t take long. One side of town wasn’t far from the other side, but it felt long. I couldn’t stop from thinking about what my mother said; about how much I’d become like her. I wasn’t going to fall into addiction, and I’d never resent my child, but I’d be a failure too. I’d had dreams of being a top fashion writer in the big city. At least I could probably milk my connections for a full-time job with benefits at the newspaper. Do something.
But I’d derailed my life before it had even started, and I felt so terrible about all of it.
Mostly though,
I missed Brandon.
I know what Mrs. Stewart told me; knew that I was just another notch on his bedpost, and story he might tell someone over beers at a bar. If he remembered me at all in a few years. That’s what Melanie had said. It burned because every night I felt his minty breath on mine, tasted his tongue as it plunged into my own, felt his cock—thick and warm—deep inside of me.
I yearned for him like I ached for a vanished part of my soul.
I parked at my complex, hopped out of the car, and waddled slowly up to the elevator in my building. Leaning against the elevator, I sighed and put my hands on my belly. I did that a lot; that instinctive need to protect the life growing inside of me. Even if I’d lost my best friend and the love of my life, at least I had a part of Brandon with me always. I cared for him so much, and this was as close as we’d ever be again.
I understood that, but I still hated it.
Burned for what I wished I had.
Opening the door to my apartment, my jaw dropped. A trail of rose petals led to the living room. Inside were sprays of roses, tulips, and carnations—explosions of color and petals in every corner of the room. The sweet smell of flowers wafted up and tickled my nose. I continued following the path to my bedroom. Confused, I opened the door, my heart pounding so hard that I thought I’d collapse.
He was there.
Brandon was there looking as gorgeous as ever in dark slacks, a red silk shirt, and a hint of stubble. He was on his knees and in his hand, was a small, turquoise ring box. I didn’t have to be able to read the label to know that it was from Tiffany’s.
I just wanted to cry.
“You’re here.”
He nodded. “Melanie let the cat out of the bag because she’s a spiteful bitch.”
Despite everything, even though I was still hesitating by the doorway, it was as if he were an illusion or a mirage, and if I got close at all, everything would disappear and fade away around me. I couldn’t bear it.
“I’m so sorry. You kept blocking me, and I didn’t want to seem like a stalker or like I couldn’t respect your space. Then Melanie shared exactly the bullshit she told you and I was pissed.” He coughed and opened the box, an enormous princess cut diamond encircled by sapphires glimmered back at me. “Tiger, I want you in my life, no matter what. I need to have you by my side. I want to have our child together.”
“She said that you’d made other ‘problems’ go away,” I said, my voice wavering as I broke into tears.
He stood and raced across the room and swept me up into his strong arms. “She lied. I’ve never and I would never.” His hand strayed down to my belly. “This baby is mine. Both you and the baby are my family.”
“But Tammy…”
“We’ll figure that out,” he said, putting his fingers under my chin and forcing me to look at him. “Do you understand, Selena? I can’t live without you, and I don’t want to.”
I nodded. “I missed you so much that it hurt.”
“Me too.”
His lips were on mine then, as hungry as ever. He still tasted of mint, but this time a hint of cinnamon was also underlying his flavor. Moaning, I pushed into him, something that was more complicated than it had been a couple months ago before I’d gained quite so much weight. To my frustration, he pulled away from me.
Tears sprang from my eyes, and I was crying hard so quickly it made my head spin. Damn those pregnancy mood swings.
“You don’t have to stop.” I held my belly in both hands. “I know I’m fat now.”
He shook his head. “You’re gorgeous, Tiger. Hotter than I’ve ever seen you, and we both know it.” Brandon knelt again before me and held out the ring. “I just need to have you wear my ring; make it official. You’re mine, baby, and you always will be.”
I nodded and held out my left hand. “God yes.” Then I reached under the neck of my shirt and pulled out my necklace. “I never gave this up. I… You’re not wrong. You do have the key to my heart.”
“And now you’re the key to mine,” he said, kissing my belly deliberately as he stood up.
“But there’s still so much to do. So many hurdles to jump.”
He stroked my cheek, and I pressed myself against the warmth of his palm. “We can conquer it all together. I believe that.”
“So—” I hiccupped, even as I wiped my eyes. “What do we do now?”
“We make love.” His voice was a low rumble that made my pussy wet immediately. I was already a raging bundle of hormones. It wasn’t hard to get me hot and ready, and I’d had so many dreams about him, so much desire that I couldn’t satisfy since August. “I want you, Tiger, and I want you now.”
I nodded, more than happy to comply. Slipping off my shirt, jeans, and underwear, I walked to my bed. Part of me was self-conscience about being naked before him. I was far from the cute girl he’d met four months ago. My body changed in bizarre and new ways every day. I could barely keep up with it. I still wasn’t sure how Brandon could see me as anything more than a roly-poly mess.
Sitting against the headboard, I let my hand trail over my breasts and eventually petted the soft curls of dark hair at the apex of my thighs. I was too large right now to finger myself. God, I was dying for a good lay.
No, not just for sex; for the love and fulfillment that only Brandon could bring me.
He strode to the bed and quickly undressed. Neither of us was going to draw this out. There’d been two months of separation that made up for more than enough foreplay. After so long, I felt like I’d explode if I didn’t have him buried deep inside of me.
I spread my legs, and he shook his head. “No, I want you on top of me.”
I grinned. “That’s kinky.”
He grazed a hand over my well-rounded belly. “It’s the most practical angle.” Bending low, he kissed the curve of my stomach. “God, you have no idea how hot you are right now, do you, Tiger?”
“I think I feel like a beach ball.”
He chuckled again. “Now, you have to ride me, Selena. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
It took a bit of maneuvering. Obviously, I’d never done anything from this position, and it was a bit of a trick to get into the cowgirl pose with him. But we managed to make it all work. I pushed my hips flush against his, loving the thickness of his dick as it slid into my tight channel. I was wet, dripping over him, and ready for him to have his way with me. He urged his hips up as well. Together, we moved, our bodies joining as one.
I ground against him and screamed when he reached my clit, his fingers playing with me with such dexterity that I knew, in my soul, no other man could ever master. Heat built throughout me, flaring through my belly, and then arcing over my nerves as if my veins had been filled with liquid fire, like the lava of a volcano tearing through me.
“Oh, Tiger,” he said, pounding into me more and more. “I missed this.”
“Me too,” I mewled.
The two of us thrust in time with one another as the heat grew, blazing through both of us. I came hard then, spasming around him, my muscles going loose and lax, like Jell-O. I fell on top of him, and he kissed my lips.
“You’re a revelation, Selena. Always were. I love you.”
I swallowed hard. He said he’d missed me, that he needed me, but this was the first time he’d ever said he loved me. I could barely speak. It seemed like a wonderful dream.
“What?”
He kissed me again and then stroked my chin. “You, Selena Cole. I love you, and I can’t wait for you to be my wife.”
“I love you too, Brandon. I love you too.”