Chapter One
Selena
This couldn’t be happening.
This absolutely could not be real. I clutched the cool metal of the doorknob in my hand and held onto it for dear life. My knees had given out from under me, and it took everything I had to keep from falling over. The birthday cake I’d been carrying hadn’t fared as well. It had smashed all over the floor, scattering frosting and candles everywhere. Good thing I hadn’t lit them or the apartment would be burning down right now.
Considering what Kevin was doing though, I wasn’t sure it would be a big tragedy if his place burned down.
“What’s going on?” My voice wavered so much that I barely recognized it.
He snapped his head up, and the girl writhing on top of him finally turned her face to me. I wanted to scream, but for some reason, no sound would escape my throat. It was Ashley, a sister of mine from Beta Omega Pi. We’d never gotten along great, but she always seemed to come up to me and make conversation at mixers.
Now I knew why.
Because for the last four months, I’d been bringing my boyfriend—sorry now my ex-boyfriend Kevin—and she’d been anxious to see him.
“What is happening?” I finally squeaked out.
Ashley slid off of Kevin like she’d been scalded. I turned away as she grabbed her clothes and shucked them on in record time. The slam of the door was the first welcome noise I’d heard since I’d come early this morning to surprise my boyfriend for his twenty-first birthday. Big surprise. It was all just on me instead.
“How long?”
Kevin sat up in bed and threw the comforter over his waist as if that would make any of this better or hide the fact that I’d caught him red-handed. Among other things. “Look, I can explain.”
“That you’ve been screwing one of my sorority sisters. Damn it! We haven’t even slept together yet, and she’s in your bed?”
Kevin clenched his jaw, and I could see the vein in his forehead starting to pulse. I wasn’t sure what he was doing. If he was going to try and lie his way out of it, well, there was no explanation good enough to excuse me walking in on Ashley riding him cowgirl style. There was no “Oh this isn’t what it looks like.” What it looked like was that I was the only one around here who wasn’t being screwed.
“We’ve been growing apart.”
Daggers stabbed into my heart, and my eyes grew wet. “Today’s your birthday. I spent all last night baking a cake for you from scratch. We’ve been spending every weekend together for three months. I thought…”
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Well, Ashley’s been able to see me more often.”
I swallowed, hard. “Is this some kind of punishment? Did you start with her to get back at me? I was trying to take things slow. You knew when we started dating that I wasn’t the hookup type.”
He stood as he wrapped the sheet around his waist. “You’re pretty, Selena. But that’s not worth waiting forever. I am into you, but it’s a lot of work.”
I stiffened. “But you’re saying that Ashley was easy, the sure thing?” My voice was wavering by then, and I didn’t want to break down in front of him. I wasn’t in love with Kevin, but it was the most serious relationship I’d had so far in my life. I thought we were building to something. Damn it. For once in my life, I thought I could have something special. “Because that’s pretty much what it sounds like.”
He glanced down at the sticky, gooey remains of the birthday cake. “It was fun while it lasted is what I’m saying. I’m willing to keep a slot open for you on Saturdays, but you have to up your game. Fuck, I’ve always wanted to try a threesome. If you’re up for that, then nothing has to change.”
I wanted to vomit and punch him and scream all at once. I settled on option three. “So, I’m welcome as long as what?”
“You heard me.”
I shook my head and sped past him and toward the door. I was so done with this. He grabbed me by the wrist as I marched by. “Let go.”
“I’m just saying, babe, think about it. It could be fun.”
I spun around and slapped him; the flat of my hand smacking hard against his cheek. The sound of it rang out between us. “You’re a bastard.”
“Look, like I said, you’re hot. I was trying to wait, but you’re the one who’s acting like the Ice Princess. You’re the one who waited too late to do anything.”
“Well, if three months is too late,” I said, “then I’m glad. I wouldn’t have wanted to sleep with you anyway—knowing what kind of jerk and womanizer you are.”
Yanking my hand away, I stomped through the cake and slammed the door shut behind me.
***
“I can’t do this. I can’t believe this. I don’t…” My voice cracked, and I put my head in my hands.
Tammy, my best friend and roommate, patted my back. “He was a jerk.”
“I know.” I hiccupped after that and took in deep, shuddering breaths until I could try and get back to a sense of calm. “I liked him though. I’m not sure if I feel worse because he broke my heart or because I just feel incredibly stupid, like I should have seen it right off.”
Tammy sighed and flicked her dark hair out of her eyes. Often, I envied her. She had the sharp cheek bones from her model mother that made men drool, and was basically perfect. She was also tall, which would have been a nice thing to be. I got tired of grabbing a stool every time I needed anything. I’d often felt overshadowed by her. I didn’t fault her for it; no one could argue with genetics. It just was that she never had trouble with guys. I’d had a few interested in me during college so far, but between my classes and the intense work schedule I had to maintain to pay my way through NYU, I barely had time for anything else. Kevin had been so adamant, so persistent that I’d let my guard down with him.
I’d been looking forward to our beach trip next month in June. I was actually…
God, I couldn’t believe I’d ever thought about losing my virginity to that jerk!
“Sweetie, he’s an asshole.”
I nodded, but couldn’t keep myself from crying. “And he cheated on me and kicked me to the curb. What does that say about me? That I’m just the girl he calls because he’s bored on Saturday? Face it; I’m not anything. I can’t even get an internship. I can barely make ends meet. Of course Kevin wasn’t happy. He was always pressuring me.”
Tammy narrowed her eyes. “First of all, that’s his problem and not yours if he can’t freaking wait. Second, if I ever see him again, I’m going to beat him to death with a shovel. Besides, you’re not the loser here. He’s the giant douchebag for thinking he could pull this crap on you. Hell, you should tell your sorority president and get Ashley kicked out. She violated the sisters before misters rule big time.”
“They don’t care. I get to be in there as a charity case. I like some of the other girls, but a lot just treat me like the poor girl pariah. I stay cause of the few who are nice, but also, I figured I needed to make connections, you know? If you put in a resume and they know you were in the same sorority it helps. I need any leg up I can think of.”
Tammy nodded and stood. Her long legs took giant strides across our living room as she paced. “Then why don’t you ever take what I’m offering?”
“What?”
She rolled her eyes. “My dad. You know all about his business empire. I offered last February to help get you a job interview with him. I, okay, might have asked him about it already a few times. He changes the subject, and I never nailed him hard into letting you have an interview because I was afraid to overstep too much.”
I laughed, a giggle snort that was the first bit of relief I’d had all day. “Tammy, you always overstep. It’s what you live for.”
“You’ve always been so stubborn about trying to make things on your own!”
I stalled, trying to pick my next words carefully. Of course, I was about standing on my own. When you came from where I did, you couldn’t rely on anyone else. I cared about Tammy, she was the closest I had to a sister in the world, but at the end of the day, people would disappoint you. It’d happened to me over and over again. Besides, maybe part of it was pride, but I wanted to make it on my own. It felt like cheating if, after all the resumes and interviews I’d gone on so far looking for an internship, I couldn’t get one on my own.
“I don’t want you to feel obligated,” I said.
“I wouldn’t. You’re my friend, and you’ve saved my ass on every term paper I’ve had to do for three years. It’s not a burden or you using my connections or any of that. I’m offering.”
I sighed and picked at my cuticles. “But I don’t… I’d feel like I owed you. I’d feel like even if it’s the best job in the world—”
Tammy winked at me, apparently undeterred. “Well, I’m not trying to oversell it. You’ll be getting coffee and working on layouts late at night with everyone else.”
“That’s what I do now at the student paper.”
“And this one would be for Swagger. It’s one of the top fashion magazines out there and a pretty good-sized crown jewel in Daddy’s empire. Please, I wouldn’t have passed Modern Civilizations or Shakespearean Lit without you helping me brainstorm my term papers. I owe you.”
I sighed. If I didn’t get an internship this summer, I was going to be hurting badly. My work study job would stop in a few weeks, and although Tammy had the rent covered, I would still be struggling to buy things like food or metro cards. It wasn’t even that I distrusted Tammy. No. I couldn’t quite trust myself. It felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff. If I jumped off and started trusting people again for the stuff I really needed after so long on my own, maybe I’d never stop. Maybe I’d find myself in a world again where I couldn’t quite stand on my own two feet. It had almost killed me before.
I didn’t want to go back.
But I didn’t want to starve all summer either. I wasn’t even sure what I had left in savings outside of what I’d squirreled away for fall’s tuition. Even with an instant noodle diet, I’d be feeling pretty desperate. Besides, the last place I’d interviewed with technically hadn’t gotten back to me, but it had been six weeks since that interview. I wasn’t exactly holding my breath for any big breaks there either.
Tammy paused and frowned. “I’m not trying to hone your life. I mean, if anything… I’m paying you back. You don’t feel like I’m forcing everything on you, do you? Like I’m flaunting my connections?”
I stood up and placed my hands on my hips. “It’s me I don’t trust. I always promised myself that I wouldn’t do something with nepotism; that I would get there the honest way.”
“Like I said, you’re getting coffee and being an editorial assistant, not writing front page pieces with huge bylines. Besides, I can get you the interview with Daddy. He’s the one who makes the final decisions. Even if I get you in today, he will make that call. It’s still all up to you to impress him.”
“Yeah, but…” I stopped and gaped at her. “What did you just say?”
“Um, that you could impress him today.”
“When? It’s already noon.” I glanced at the clock by the kitchen.
“Well, Dad and I have lunch scheduled at one. We get a cab, and we can book over there. I can do Thai with Daddy any time, but you can’t just get your chance to interview whenever.”
I ran a hand through my hair, which was at least washed since I’d been trying to look nice for the surprise birthday morning with Kevin. Still, I’d just had the worst shock of my life. My sneakers still had cake crumbs packed in the treads, and the last thing I felt up to was walking into the interview of a lifetime at one of the biggest publishers on the planet when I could barely think straight.
God, could I even get through the rest of the day without breaking into tears again?
My face fell, and I sat on the arm of the couch. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“But you’ll try?”
“I still feel I’m taking advantage and—”
“You’re not. But if you want the job, we have to get you changed and get our butts into gear. Even I can’t always pin Dad down. We sneak attack this, and you’re in.”
“I feel like my heart just shattered.”
“Then revenge is the best step. Kevin threw you out? Well, screw him. You need to show him exactly the opportunity he missed, be the awesome person you are, and get that gig. Ashley will end up doing some mid-level cubicle bullshit, and this is seriously your first step to your dream job. You still have to show Dad your portfolio. You can do this.”
I swallowed hard. It had been thrown in my face that I wasn’t good enough. If I went to the interview, I’d probably mess it up just as badly as the first relationship I’d even had in college. I just…
Tammy snorted. “Oh no, you can mope later. Kevin’s so not worth it, but you can definitely do the ice cream, a Channing Tatum movie and bitching with me later. Right now, I know you’re a good writer. I know this is the best shot you’ll have this summer. Come on, Selena. Take this shot. What do you have to lose?”
I nodded. “Just make sure I don’t break down and cry in the lobby, and we’ll make this work, okay?”
“It’ll be my pleasure.”