Oh, fuck…

What the hell is he doing?

I wanted to turn around and tell Ken to move. I couldn’t handle having him this close, not after my dreams last night! I might not have remembered the naughtier bits where we were both naked and tumbling around on my bed, but I could imagine it just fine.

If he moved a step… just a single step closer, he would be pressed against my back…

The height difference between us was maybe a couple of inches. I didn’t have to tilt my head too far to meet his gaze. But thinking about the size difference made me think about what it would feel like to have him pressed against me. His muscled chest against my back, those impressive arms and biceps wrapping around me. And as his hips pressed against mine, the feeling of his cock against my ass…

Stop it, I thought, letting out a gasp.

He heard it. I didn’t want to risk embarrassing myself, so I opened my mouth to tell him to move back a little, but no words came. Instead, my breathing was picking up, and I caught a scent I realized was his. I wondered if he was wearing cologne, maybe a light mix of that and his natural scent? He smelled so good…

My mind drifted a little. If he was close enough that I was catching his scent, then I could just lean back, and we would be touching. I was far too aware of him and the temptation was great. Just a little bit of a lean back, but no, I reminded myself, he’s too young for you. But…

This man… everything about him attracted me to him. I wanted him, and something about that scared me. In the years since I’d been married, the only man I’d ever looked at was Mike. It had been a while since anyone else had caught my attention like this.

“I’m sorry,” Ken said behind me, making me jump. “I was cutting up some wood, and I just tossed it. I didn’t see where it was going, but I didn’t expect your fence to just drop like that, either.”

“Um…” I floundered. I blinked at my hands. I had two glasses on the counter, and I remembered I was supposed to be doing something. Fixing us drinks. Wait… what was I even going to make again, lemonade? Ice tea? The weather wasn’t warm enough for that! And it was too damn early for alcohol…

Then I remembered that Ken was still waiting for an answer from me. Lydia, stop talking to yourself!

I cleared my throat. “You don’t need to apologize,” I said quickly, hands fumbling awkwardly with the glasses. “Accidents happen, I understand that. I’m just glad no one got hurt.”

“I still insist on taking care of the damages and repair,” he was saying, but I couldn’t help but notice that he was still standing right behind me!

My body wouldn’t stop shivering. Every time he said anything, with his voice so close to my ear, a shiver would roll down my spine. I was an adult, a mature woman, not some horny teenager. This was enough to have me squeezing my thighs together and squirming, hoping he wouldn’t notice. Ken babbled on, his breath feathering at the back of my neck enough to make me tremble just that little bit more.

“I don’t have everything I need to fix the fence. I might need to purchase a few things, but I promise I’ll be paying for that, too. We’re going to need plenty of wood, some nails…”

He was talking but I could barely hear him, because I was standing there trying to control my body, trying to remind myself of my real age. Even harder was trying to control my thoughts. Ken, probably unknowingly, was making it harder for me. After a minute where he didn’t stop, though, I’d had enough.

I needed some space.

I took a couple of deep, relaxing breaths, letting them out slowly and imagining I was letting out the tension with every breath. I repeated it about four times before I could feel my shoulders loosen the slightest bit. Hopefully, there wouldn’t be anything weird in my expression, either.

Without thinking, I turned around. But Ken was even closer than I thought, and I’d thought he was pretty close already. He was distracted, looking out the window into my yard, so he didn’t move as I did, and I bumped into his chest.

Fuck!

He looked down at me, eyebrows jumping up in surprise. I could feel my face heat in a blush, and I fought the urge to fold my arms over my chest. I had a push-up bra on under my blouse and he was wearing a sweater, but in my mind, I imagined my nipples had brushed against his warm, hard chest. There went all my effort to calm down.

Ken laughed, and I envied how relaxed he was. “Sorry, sorry,” he said quickly, taking a step back. “I didn’t mean to crowd you.”

“It’s fine,” I said quietly, looking up to meet his eyes, even though the flush on my cheeks was already there.

Our eyes met and held, and I sucked in a, thankfully, quiet breath. There was heat in his eyes, and I had to wonder if I was imagining it. I knew I had to, but I couldn’t look away. Again, I had no idea what I had in mind, what I was supposed to do.

He’d hardly been there ten minutes, and already he was messing me up. Damn.

After a minute, I could feel my cheeks starting to grow warm again, the blush that had been cooling down was back again. My breathing was also starting to come a little fast, as well as my heartbeat. If I didn’t do something, didn’t move, then he would notice. I took a deep breath, one that pushed my breasts high, and made myself turn away.

“I don’t see how you can fix the fence, though,” I said quickly, changing the subject. “The wood was old,= to begin with, as I told you, and it’s all been there a long time. Now that you’ve knocked down one side, I might just have to redo the whole fence going around. Removing all that wood…”

“It’ll be a bit of a challenge,” Ken said, picking up from where I’d left off. “But all it’ll take is some time. If you think you can survive with your fence as it is right now, then I can manage. I can't imagine hiring someone to fix it is going to be cheap.”

He was right. With my job as a lawyer providing for the family, we were stable enough, financially. I didn’t have to worry about Bryson’s food, clothes and other needs. I still had payments on the car, though, not to mention other bills lying around the house. Most people assumed being a lawyer was some glamorous job that paid extremely well. But considering I’d planned my life around a double income and it was only me now, my paycheck at the end of the month didn’t exactly make us rich.

I could handle a few expenses here and there, but this…

“I could call up someone around here and get a quote.”

“Or I could just help,” he countered.

This guy was stubborn! I turned to him, intending to complain, but stopped when I saw his earnest expression.

He really must have felt bad about this. I couldn’t think of any other reason why he would insist this hard. Besides, I knew if it was going to take some time, besides buying some materials, professional help might get just a little bit pricey. I couldn’t just consume my entire paycheck, after all. There was my son’s future to consider, and I put about ten percent in savings every month.

I pursed my lips and considered his offer.

“Are you sure you want to be responsible for this?” I asked. “I mean, it’ll be a lot of work.”

“Absolutely,” he said quickly, eyes lighting up. “I have to make it up to you somehow or I’m not going to be comfortable. Sorry if that’s a little selfish.”

I could feel my heart melt just a little, the corner of my mouth tilting up into a tiny smile.

“There’s nothing wrong with being a little selfish. But,” I added when he opened his mouth to speak, “if I’m letting you put in the labor, the least I can do is provide the materials. If you’re not doing anything right now, you could come with me to purchase them?”

The invitation was out of my mouth before I could stop it, and I blinked. I was supposed to be getting some time away from him, not spending even more in his presence, not with how I felt.

“I don’t have any plans. Although, I think I should drive? Considering what we’re going to look for, my truck would probably be best anyway…”

Right. Where the fuck would I have fit all the materials anyway, my trunk?

“I don’t mind,” I said.

Just like that, we were heading back outside and to his truck. Ken led the way, and I couldn’t help but follow, my eyes dropping down to his ass a couple of times on the way. He unlocked the truck, and I got in.

“Do you know everything we’re going to need?”

Ken shot me a glance. “Well, I have this internal checklist, but it’s only things I can come up with off the top of my head. It’ll probably be adding up to a lot…”

“Right,” I muttered. There were still plenty of costs to consider. Who the fuck was I kidding anyway, that I could find someone to do the job for me when I couldn’t afford it?

“I can pay for the materials.”

“Oh, no,” I said quickly. “We already agreed you’re providing the labor.”

He shrugged. “Doesn’t mean I can't contribute more. I want to. We can split fifty-fifty on the cost, or we can each pay for an item?”

I didn’t want to agree to any compromise. But I also didn’t want my wallet to suffer. He named a few of the things we would need, the top five, and said possible prices. I grimaced just hearing it.

“I really should pay though,” I insisted stubbornly. “It’s my fence, and even if you hadn't knocked it down, I’m pretty sure some storm would have taken care of it, and I would need to repair it anyway.”

About ten minutes later, we’d arrived in the business district, where all the shops around town were located. The hardware store where we’d be getting most of our supplies from was still a few blocks away when Ken suddenly pulled to the curb.

“I just remembered that it’s lunchtime,” he said, giving me an apologetic look. “I don’t have food in the house, so would you mind too much if we stopped to eat first?”

That hadn't been in my plans. I could have just cooked at home, but it would have been too awkward, inviting him to eat lunch with me. I didn’t know him nearly well enough yet.

“Sure,” I said because now that he mentioned food, I could feel my stomach ache a bit.

The restaurant was a small family place and quiet around this time. They got more customers during the summer, but for the moment, kids were still in school, and a lot of people were at work. We found a table and sat ourselves down, then waited. The place wasn’t packed, but I didn’t see a waitress around.

“We might have to wait a while. They’re all probably in the back.”

I nodded, reaching my hand for one of the menus. Somehow, I’d been fine in the car, even though it was the two of us in an enclosed space. But now, sitting across from him where I could see him, I couldn’t help feeling a little awkward.

“Hello, my name is Mandy, and I’ll be your server for today. May I take your orders?”

I looked up in relief at the waitress that had just stopped at our table. Even briefly, anything to dispel the awkwardness was very welcome. We both gave our orders, and she jotted them down before leaving. We spent a few more minutes in silence, eyes bouncing around as we tried to avoid each other’s eyes. Then, the server was back, and she put down plates of food in front of us. I kept my head down as she walked away, playing with my fork and racking my brain for a topic of conversation.

Something. Anything!

“Why don’t you tell me about yourself?” Ken asked, breaking the silence first. I looked up, trying not to show how relieved I was. “And I’ll tell you something about me, if you’d like. That way, we won’t be strangers any longer?”

It sounded like a great idea, so I went first. I told him about how I met Mike, and he told me a little bit about former relationships. I told him about my parents, he mentioned a bit about his, though I couldn’t help noticing how he tensed through that one. So I changed the topic to my son, and he relaxed visibly.

At one point, we both reached for the salt at the same time and stopped mid-air because our hands would have collided. Avoiding accidental touching added another level of awkward to the table. Surprisingly, though, the more we talked, the easier it was to calm down.

But even though I was outwardly calm, I was a nervous wreck inside. I wanted to touch him. Every time he reached for something, salt or some condiment, or just twitched his hands, my own would react. I couldn’t even say if all the near-accidental touching was that, or if my body was moving unconsciously for what it wanted. I knew I couldn’t, shouldn’t, but he was just so fucking hot and right there.

Where would I ever get another chance like this?

“Can I get you two anything else?”

I looked up, surprised to see the waitress was back. I hadn't even noticed her walk up.

“Oh, we’re good for now,” Ken said. Then he paused and turned to me, eyebrow arched. “Unless there’s something you want, Lydia?”

I shook my head. “No, I’m fine.”

“Just the check then, please. After we’re done.”

“Of course.”

Unlike before, I was paying attention to the waitress now, and I wondered how I’d missed it. When she talked, she was looking right at Ken, like I didn’t exist at the table at all. I gave her an appraisal and felt my chest ache.

Young and beautiful, I lamented.

I didn’t miss that Ken didn’t look back at the waitress, even though she was the kind of woman he should have been focusing his attention on, instead of me. I was damn near my forties; I had a kid that took up a lot of my time and a demanding career that took up the rest of it. I could fantasize all I wanted, but I wouldn’t be getting what I wanted. It would be better to not wish for it in the first place.

But I couldn’t help a tightening in my chest.

I didn’t want to give him up.

It had taken me too long to admit to myself that I was lonely. And now, here was someone attractive that I would be spending quite a bit of time around soon. It would be so amazing if I could just let go, be wild once more in my life, like how I’d been before I was tied down. Having a fling, whether or not it meant anything…

But Ken… he was too damn young.

My thoughts kept spinning in confusing circles, between my wants and what I knew I should do. The check came, and we left, with me feeling decidedly more confused and frustrated than when we came in.

Someone like him wouldn’t want someone like me, anyway.