Chapter 16

“He’s calling again.” Casey looked over at Clare expectantly, holding her phone up a few hours later.

“I can’t, please, I just can’t,” Clare told her, grabbing a pillow off the couch at Casey’s apartment and burying her face in it.

“All right, but we’re going to have to talk to him eventually. Well, you’re going to have to.”

“I know, and I will.” Clare dropped the pillow back down to her lap. “Be honest with me, Case. How long has he been using?”

“A while, but it’s really only been bad since the physical therapy from his injury ended.”

Clare studied her friend’s face as she talked, noting the sadness in her expression.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought you knew; most people do.”

“I knew he drank! How was I supposed to know it was more than that?” Clare was exasperated, and she wondered if she was foolish to think Casey was really her friend. She hated anything that had to do with drugs; she wouldn’t even take aspirin. Yet her boyfriend was an addict. Is he even my boyfriend?

This feels familiar. She closed her eyes in dread.

“Clare, I adore you, I really do, but it’s Rory. He’s like my brother—he’s been everything to me my whole life.” Casey’s normally sparkling blue eyes were dull and tortured.

Clare stood up from the couch and nodded, ambling over to the kitchen and lifting her coffee mug from under the coffeemaker, which just finished brewing. As she tossed in a little sugar and some creamer, she realized that of course Casey’s loyalties were to Rory, as they should be.

She wondered whether, if she still had a family, it would have been that way. There just seemed to be so much she didn’t understand about familial relationships; every day she spent with the Kavanagh family, she learned something new.

“I’m sorry, you’re right. I didn’t mean to put you between us like that,” Clare apologized as she brought her coffee back over to the couch where Casey was sitting with her knees tucked up against her chest.

“I know, but I do love you, girl. We’ve only known each other a couple months, but you know I’d help you if I could.”

“I know.” Clare smiled at her. “You do too much for me. You definitely got the short end of our friendship.”

Casey shook her head in disagreement, changing topics.

“We do still need to talk to Rory about Travis,” Casey reminded her after a quiet moment had passed between the women.

“No, we don’t,” Clare instructed her adamantly.

“Well, what do you plan to do, then?”

“Pretend none of this is happening and that I’m on a tropical beach?”

“I definitely like that better,”

“Who wouldn’t?” Clare smirked.

“In all seriousness, though, you’re going to stay here with me, right? Don’t just up and leave like you tried last night, Clare. Your ex will obviously find you anywhere you go, so why not stay someplace safe with people who care about you.”

“I know you’re right,” Clare agreed. “I’ll stay.”

“Good. And what about letting me talk to Seamus about it?”

Clare’s eyes went wide at the mention. “I don’t want to bother anyone with this. It’s bad enough that I’m uprooting your life.” Clare tried to sound firm and serious, but her voice quivered.

“You’re not uprooting anything, and we need to talk to someone about this. Listen, just take today and get some sleep. We were up half the night, and it’s not even noon yet.”

“I am really tired…”

“Exactly, and I guarantee you that even if Travis somehow figured out you came to stay with me, he certainly isn’t going to find where I live. This apartment is under my uncle’s name, along with half of Woodlawn. So get some sleep. I need to run errands anyway. Tomorrow morning we can talk about it again, okay?”

Clare just nodded, feeling the last few hours, or days, of turmoil catching up to her. Adrenaline had been helping for a while, with the assistance of coffee, but with the long work shift last night and then her late night talking to Casey, she was quickly beginning to remember how tired she was.

She knew that even after she went to sleep this afternoon, she wouldn’t feel rested afterward. She had been tossing and turning for weeks, not getting anything restful except for the nights she spent curled up in Rory’s arms. But that wasn’t an option right now.

She hated being afraid, having lived with it for so many years already. She had just started to remember what it was like not to be always looking over her shoulder. Now her greatest fear could show up any minute, and she had turned away one of the only people in the world who could help her.

She wondered if she had done the right thing, walking away from Rory like that. Biting her lip, she thought about all the times she had found Travis and his friends doing things a lot worse. And even worse, all the times that she had participated. She wondered what Rory would think if he knew her past, what her record held.

Rory was nothing like Travis, yet she had forgiven Travis again and again for all the illegal activity he had been involved in—most of which she had turned a blind eye to, as if not acknowledging that it meant it wasn’t happening. She had needed to believe him—after all, he was the only person she had back then.

She had looked the other way to protect herself. It’s all she had known to do; she needed a roof over her head and food on the table, and he had provided those things. He told her daily that she wasn’t smart enough to take care of herself or to live on her own, that she couldn’t live without him, and for over five years she had believed him.

Now she knew differently, and she wasn’t going to let any man drag her back into the life she used to lead. Clare realized that maybe that was why she had reacted so strongly to Rory’s pills—it had felt as though he was trying to force her back into that life. She refused to ever let that happen; she was never going to be that girl again, no matter what.

Certainly not for Travis.

But not for Rory, either.

Hearing Casey’s voicemail start to play once again, Rory hung up the phone. He tossed it onto his nightstand in aggravation, and dropped his body onto the bed, exhausted. He hadn’t slept well all night, and then he had been up early to train Kane, which he hadn’t even ended up doing. Groaning, he rolled over onto his back, wondering how he had made such a mess of everything in the span of only a few minutes this morning.

The doorbell rang, interrupting his self-deprecating thoughts, as he forced himself up off the bed and trudged to the front door. Ace stood up and trotted after him, eager to see who was there.

“Hi, handsome.” A familiar, attractive brunette stood before him, wearing too-skimpy running attire for the cold weather.

“Molly, hi.” Rory shifted his weight awkwardly.

She must have taken his moving to the side as an invitation to come in, because she slid right past him and into his living room. Ace let out a low growl as she entered, then turned to his dog bed in the corner, dropping himself dramatically onto it. Rory pushed the door shut behind him, glancing over at Ace, who was giving him an angry stare.

He was starting to wonder whose side this dog really was on, because it didn’t seem to be his.

“What are you doing here?” He wasn’t feeling in the mood for pleasantries.

She spoke seductively as she sauntered over to him. “I was just in the neighborhood, going for a run, thought I would stop by and see if you wanted to help me with a different kind of exercise.”

She leaned toward him as she got close and ran her finger down his chest before circling her hand in the fabric and pulling him closer to her. He swallowed nervously, not sure how to respond. After a long second, he finally stepped back.

“I can’t, Molly.”

“Why? This is what we do—just fun and games, right?” He heard the stinging in her voice underneath her words, knowing that she wanted more than that from him.

“I started seeing someone.”

“I know, the infamous Rory Kavanagh is always seeing tons of girls. You don’t need to remind me.” A hint of pain splashed over her face for a moment before she masked it.

“No, it’s not like that. Clare is different.”

“You have a girlfriend? Like, monogamous?” Molly definitely sounded surprised now, but she also seemed not to believe it.

“Well, no. She isn’t my girlfriend; in fact, I think we just broke up,” Rory confessed, wondering how to explain what Clare was to him.

Did we just break up? Were we together in the first place?

He really wasn’t sure. Even though there was never a label put on anything, it had certainly felt more real than anything else he had ever experienced.

“I see; typical Rory,” Molly murmured before turning her attention elsewhere. “Look what I brought for us.”

She pulled a small plastic bag out of her pocket. He wondered where it had been hiding, because her clothes were so tight they left nothing to the imagination. He immediately recognized the small white pills she was dangling in front of him and took the bag from her.

“Thanks.” He nodded, taking the pills to the kitchen with him to get something to wash them down with.

“That’s the Rory I know,” she said, following him.

He ignored her comment and pulled a glass from the cabinet, only to find that she was wrapping her arms around him from behind. She began kissing down his neck toward his shoulder, her hands sliding across his chest firmly so as to feel him underneath. He finished pouring a glass of water for himself and then turned around to face her.

“Molly, stop.” He put a hand on her shoulder and gently forced her back a bit.

“What’s wrong?”

“I told you, I’m seeing someone now.”

“No, you said you just broke up with someone. Plus, you don’t do relationships, remember? Isn’t that what you always told me?” She put her hands on her hips, anger seeping through her tone.

“Maybe before, but not now. Things are different…I want different things,” he tried to explain, realizing that he had never actually felt this way before. Had Clare done this? He had never been a relationship type—he still didn’t think he was—yet somehow everything he was thinking about Clare seemed to fit that.

“I brought you those, and you’ve always wanted them.” Molly pointed to the pills still in his hand. “Doesn’t that earn me any points?”

Rory stared down at them, rolling several pills back and forth in his palm. In the past, he had gotten his pills from many different people, including Molly. He would have done anything to get them, paid any price. But as he stared at them now, he felt like he was choosing between Clare and the pills. As if both couldn’t exist in the same world—and maybe that was exactly the case.

“Shit,” he grumbled under his breath, and poured the pills back into the bag sitting on the counter behind him. Ace was still lying in the corner, but had lifted his head and was watching with interest.

Scooping up the bag, he handed it back to a confused Molly. She took them hesitantly.

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re right. I used to always want these. I don’t anymore. Like I said, I want different things now,” Rory told her, opening the front door, hoping she understood that he was asking her to leave. Ace jumped up and joined him at his feet.

“Whatever, you’ll change your mind. You always do. You’ll be back.” She sauntered toward the door, a tight-lipped grimace on her face as she glared at him.

“Bye, Molly.”

She leaned down to pet Ace as Rory spoke, but he growled as usual and she changed her mind.

“You need to put that dog through some obedience training. It’s a menace.” Her words were laced with scorn.

“I’ll get right on that,” he replied sarcastically, petting Ace on the head.

Rory watched her leave, wondering if he had really changed. For the first time, he had just picked something else over drugs. Actually, he had picked someone else. He wanted Clare, and he wanted her more than he wanted the pills.

That’s a first.

“Please tell me that this is a fucking joke.” Rory pulled out of his thoughts to see Casey standing in front of him, pointing at Molly’s retreating figure.

“What?” He was confused as to why she seemed so angry.

“You’re sleeping with that bimbo? Seriously? Clare hasn’t even been gone a full day yet, and you’re already with someone else?”

“No, it’s not like that,” Rory began as Casey pushed her way into his apartment.

“Then what is it like, Rory? Because it looks like you’re back to sleeping around and doing drugs and all the shit you used to do before you met Clare!”

“I’m not sleeping with her—she just stopped by and I told her to leave.”

“I hope for your sake that is true, because Clare’s the best thing I’ve seen happen to you in a long time. You’re an entirely different person since you met her. Actually, not different—you’re like the old Rory, before the injury, even before the fame. I want that Rory back, and Clare is that for you. Plus, she is perfect for this family, so you better not ruin it.”

“Too late for that,” he scoffed, remembering how Clare had looked at him this morning.

“It’s not. She loves you and misses you. She just wants you not to be such a fuckup, like her ex.” Casey sat in a chair at the breakfast bar, which separated the kitchen from the living room. Ace came and lay down at her feet, and she gently stroked him with her shoe, not wanting to actually touch him.

“What does her ex have to do with this?”

“She said he was a dealer, or a user, something like that. Either way, it clearly made her never want to be around drugs again. I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to be, either, and I’ve never been through half of what she has.” Casey’s words made his blood boil as he remembered the fear in Clare’s eyes when she had mentioned her ex.

“She never told me that part.” He felt guiltier than ever now that he knew this, and at the same time, even more glad that he had turned away Molly and her offer. He had chosen Clare over drugs, something it sounded like her ex had never done. His thoughts halted for a moment as he thought back to something Casey had said.

“Wait—did you say she loves me?” He stood up straighter and stared intently at his cousin, whose gaze shifted uneasily.

“Uh, you’re going to have to talk to her about that one.”

“You just said that! How do you know that?”

“Slip of the tongue. I don’t know anything.” Casey got up and headed to the door, but he circled around in front of her.

“Casey, tell me: Does she love me?” He wasn’t sure why he was harping on this, but he had to know. The thought hadn’t ever occurred to him before, that she could possibly love him.

That she might love me back.

“Rory, give her the day to relax. Go apologize to Kane, help him win his fight, then talk to Clare tomorrow. Don’t come see her until you have your shit together, okay? She deserves at least that.” Casey slipped around him and opened the door.

“She’s staying with you?”

“Yes, which is another thing you need to talk to her about. She needs your help. It’s not my place to say, but it’s pretty serious.” With that, Casey left, not explaining further what she meant.

Anxiety coursed through him as he worried for Clare, hoping she was okay. He was definitely confused as to why she had suddenly left her phone, her apartment, everything, just to go live with his cousin. Luckily, he had trained Casey well in the ring, and in life, so he was sure that Clare was safe.

He had to admit to himself that Casey was right. He needed to go find his brother and get things squared away there first. He turned to find Ace standing by the door where Casey had just left.

Traitor, Rory thought as he looked down at his dog. If a woman was mad at him, the dog loved her. Maybe Ace did need obedience training, after all; he seemed confused about who his master was.