Chapter 22

RIVER

For a brief moment, River saw his whole life flash before him as the chair hit Mariah, and she fell to the ground. He knew he was out of control, but up until that very moment, River wasn’t positive just how bad things could get. As Mariah lay on the ground, all River could think about was that he had killed her.

It was only a few brief moments before she came to, but it was long enough that River felt sick to his stomach. His anger was controlling every aspect of his mind, and he wasn’t the cool and collected man he had been most of his life.

His relationship with Jackson had been something he was proud of. Even though River couldn’t openly call Jackson his son, he still felt like he and Jackson had a bond. The more stories came out saying that River had assaulted Kimberly, the angrier River got. His relationship with Kimberly had been beautiful. Kimberly was the one woman that River could say he actually loved in his life. Yes, it was wrong that she had cheated on her husband with River, but that was ten years ago. Kimberly had stayed with her husband and wanted to make her marriage work, and River trusted her and cared about her enough to let her do it the way she wanted.

Yes, it made him extremely angry that Kimberly wouldn’t stand up and make a public statement to defend River. She should have done it. But River wasn’t about to force the mother of his child to do anything. Despite what the press said, River did care about Kimberly and their child, and he wasn’t going to put that relationship in danger at all.

Their life had worked well for both of them over the previous ten years. Especially as Jackson got old enough for River to be more involved. River had wished he could tell Jackson the truth about who he was, but River wasn’t about to ruin his son’s life. The world that Jackson knew was not something that River would ever take away from him.

But Mariah was right about one thing: Jackson hadn’t done a thing wrong. To Jackson, all he knew was his friend River hadn’t been coming to their weekly meetings. It was time that River put aside his own feelings and made a real effort with Jackson.

Whatever happened with the shareholders, the governor, Kimberly, and Mariah didn’t matter at all if River wasn’t being a good example to Jackson. The whole reason River had started to volunteer with Jackson was because he wanted to make sure Jackson knew who his father was. Even though they wouldn’t let that information out until Jackson was older; River never wanted Jackson to wonder who his real father was or what he was like.

“You're right; I’m going to call and see if he wants to hang out today,” River said as he dialed a number.

“Hi, it’s River Anders. Are the boys going to be at the technology club today?”

“Yes, they have been coming almost every day. Jackson will be here for sure; he’s stumped on a project he’s been working on. I’m sure he’ll be really excited if you could come down.”

“Great,” River said as he started to hang up.

“Mr. Anders,” the young woman from the boys and girls club, stopped him.

“Yes.”

“You know these kids don’t care at all about the press. When you’re here, it’s like the world has opened up to them. They are just kids; they don’t watch the news, and they don’t care about the gossip. All they want is their cool friend to come hang out with them and teach them technology stuff.”

River felt tears start to well up in his eyes at the realization the young secretary had so eloquently given him. He knew it was true. He knew it in his heart. Nothing else mattered with the news or any crap with River’s company. When he was at the club with the kids, he was an idol that they looked up to.

“Thanks,” River said as he hung up the phone. “Mariah, I’m sorry for being such a jerk. I really am.”

River felt his eyes welling up, and he wasn’t about to let Mariah see him cry. He quickly made his way to the bathroom and let the tears come out in the privacy of the closed door. It wasn’t that he had anything against crying, but River just wasn’t all that into showing his emotions around other people.

“Should I go?” Mariah said from the other side of the door.

Without thinking, River opened the door to stop her.

“No, you can’t go anywhere in your condition,” River said.

“You’re crying?” Mariah asked as she stood in the doorway and brushed the tears off of his cheek. “I’m sorry. Was it something I said?”

River just smiled at how caring Mariah was. She had no idea why he was even tearing up, yet her first response was to be compassionate toward him and offer her support. River wished he could be more like that. Never in his life had he felt like he was truly able to give compassion to others. It just wasn’t something he did. River grew up as a tough guy. His main concern wasn’t taking care of others—it was taking care of himself.

“I just realized that I have had my priorities screwed up for a really long time,” River said as he smiled at Mariah. “Thank you for helping me to straighten them out.”

River leaned into Mariah and felt something that he didn’t exactly know what to do with. Comfort. There was an absolute comfort with Mariah that he hadn’t had in a very long time. He didn’t feel the need to impress her with his money or tell her lies about how good he was at basketball; as he stood looking into her eyes, River felt like he could be himself.

It was an odd thing to have felt like you were pretending most of your life. But the realization that he could be his true and honest self with someone was not nearly as scary as River had imagined it would be.

As much as he wanted to grab her, kiss her, throw her on the bed and make love to her; River decided it wasn’t best for her or for him at that moment. Instead, he leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. A small gesture to show that he truly did care about her.

River felt the understanding from Mariah as she kissed him back on the cheek. But then she became dizzy and started to lose her balance. River wrapped his arm around her waist and walked her over toward the bed to help her get comfortable. He certainly wasn’t going to let something bad happen to her on his watch.

“Thank you for caring about me and not letting me implode,” River said softly. “I’m going to get through this. I can feel it.”

“You’re welcome. That’s what any good PR agency would do, right?” Mariah said with a sweet smile.

Both River and Mariah knew that what they had together wasn’t just a professional relationship. It was much deeper than that, but until River could get the rest of his life together, he was going to have to back off from Mariah. Her body language said it all. She stood stiffly with her arms crossed as they talked in the doorway, and even while he helped her get settled in bed, she seemed to have a distant look in her eyes.

Perhaps Mariah was just trying not to be seduced by River. Perhaps she was just doing her best not to show she cared. Whatever her reason, Mariah was pulling away from River, and he had to honor that. He was going to give her the distance she needed.

Of course, Mariah still smiled and was still sweet as could be, but River felt like he had lost a lot of her respect. He figured knocking someone out with a chair probably wasn’t the best way to get on their good side.

River made arrangements to have a nurse meet Mariah at her house, and he drove her home. It was certainly something new to him to still be involved with a woman after a couple of weeks. But then again, he and Mariah weren’t exactly involved anymore either.

Life had certainly turned into a much more complicated landscape than it had been only a few short months before.

River could have hired a driver to take Mariah back to her house, but he couldn’t leave her in the hands of anyone else just yet. Instead, he helped her up to her apartment and settled her into the bed there. He prepared a snack for her and brought water to the nightstand for her just in case she got thirsty.

When the nurse arrived, River went over all the directions the doctor had given them. He gave the nurse a list of numbers to reach himself, the doctor, April, or even Mariah’s father. Although he really hoped the nurse didn’t have to call Mariah’s father. They hadn’t told him about what happened, and River was pretty sure Mr. Waves was going to hate him if he found out.

“You listen to the nurse,” River said as he whispered his goodbyes to Mariah. “I’m going to call and check in to make sure you’re following orders.”

“I know, I know; I need to rest one more day before I can resume my normal routine. I heard the doctor loud and clear.”

“Alright, I’ll check in with you later.”

“Have fun with Jackson today,” Mariah said as River left her place.

River was happy there was a nurse there for Mariah, but he felt like a weight was on his shoulders as he prepared to meet up with Jackson. It had been over two months since they had worked together, and Jackson had a big tech project for school that needed to get finished. River was excited to see how far along Jackson had gotten on his own.

Jackson was a really bright kid with a huge heart. River knew that the reason Jackson had turned out so well was because of how Kimberly and her husband had raised him. Never had it bothered River before, though. He hadn’t wanted to be more than a friend to Jackson. Being a father was just too much responsibility. But as River walked into the Boys and Girls club and saw Jackson’s face light up, he instantly knew he wanted to be more to Jackson than a friend.

Jackson ran across the room and gave River the biggest hug of his life.

“I’ve missed you, River,” Jackson said as he looked up at River.

Again, River felt emotions rush through him that he wasn’t used to. He had missed Jackson a great deal too. Although, River wasn’t sure he even realized how much he missed Jackson until that very moment when the boy wrapped his arms around him and looked so eager to see him.

River was starting to have a lot of emotions that he wasn’t used to. Pretty much everything in his life had turned into something new and interesting. It wasn’t a big surprise that he was now feeling so paternal toward his son.

They had always gotten along really well. Since the first time they met, Jackson and River seemed to be able to finish each other’s sentences. River always made sure to listen to Jackson and not to tell him how to do the projects. Instead, River was patient and showed Jackson the skills he would need to do the project on his own.

“I missed you too, buddy. How’s your project coming?”

Jackson looked down at the ground sheepishly as he pointed over to the table he had been working at. On the table, there was a mess of wires and accessories that weren’t put together at all. It looked like Jackson had tried to put the items together and then pulled them apart. Jackson had a diagram on the table with the steps he was trying to complete and what he wanted his tiny test robot to look like when it was done. It was really impressive just how good Jackson was with electronics. River wished he was that bright when he was ten years old.

“I can’t do it. I keep trying to make something fantastic, and it turns out like crap,” Jackson said angrily.

“Wow, okay, first off let’s watch the language. Secondly, I know what you mean about trying to make something fantastic. It’s really frustrating when you have the idea in your head, but you can’t seem to get it out.”

“Yes, exactly. I see it when I close my eyes. I just can’t make the wires connect so the robot will work.”

River smiled and put his hand on Jackson’s back as he guided him toward the table. If there was anything in the world that River was good at, it was making robots. He had received a first place technology prize while in college. It filled River with so much pride that Jackson was trying to follow his footsteps even if Jackson didn’t really know that was what he was trying to do.

“Well, I’m here now. Let’s see if we can’t make this into a fantastic robot.”

The two worked together throughout the afternoon and well past dinner time. Normally, Kimberly would have shown up to pick Jackson up at that point, but when River looked around the building, he couldn’t find Kimberly anywhere. Finally, as it got close to time for the Boys and Girls club to close, River looked outside and saw Kimberly’s car in the parking lot. She must have seen they were working on their project and decided to give them time to finish up.

“Look! Look!” Jackson screamed out as he drove his robot across the room. “We did it, River. We did it.”

“You did it, buddy. I was just here for moral support.”

Jackson gave River another huge hug and then wouldn’t let go. Suddenly, River realized that Jackson was crying. This was where River was in uncharted parenting territory. Never had he been responsible for helping Jackson feel better. It was a scary proposition.

River had never really been around children at all. He couldn’t parent Jackson; he had no idea what to say. River felt the panic as it washed over him, and he tried to think of the perfect thing to say to Jackson. But then he remembered how Mariah had been with him earlier in the morning. She didn’t know what the matter was, but she simply wanted River to know she was there for him. He decided to give it a try.

“You alright?” River asked.

“I know. I know I’m not supposed to know, but I know,” Jackson said as he continued to hold onto River and cry.

River’s face went pale as he tried to put the words straight in his mind. Was Jackson saying that he knew River was his father? River had no idea if that was what Jackson was trying to say or not, but he felt his body stiffen up at the possibility that he was going to have to deal with the biggest question of Jackson’s life.

“What do you know, Jackson?” River said as he pulled Jackson away from him, and they sat down on a couple chairs just inside the main doors.

“My dad told me that you’re my real father. He wanted me to be upset with you and with Mom, but I’m not upset. I love you. I love my dad. I love my mom. Is that alright? Is it okay to love all of you?”

River sat still as his head fell into his hands, and he tried to figure out just what the appropriate response was to Jackson. This was it; this was the moment that River had to do the right thing. Even though he was crazy angry at the governor and how he had been behaving with Jackson, River couldn’t show it. Under no circumstances should Kimberly’s husband have said such a thing to Jackson; it was horrible, and River would have taken it out on the governor at that moment if he had been there. But instead, River had to keep himself together and set a good example.

“Yeah, we all care about you very much. That is one thing you should never forget. You’re so special that three grownups love you with all our hearts.”

River paused as he looked over at Jackson to see what kind of reaction his words got. To his surprise, Jackson was smiling from ear to ear. A sense of relief came over River as he saw how well Jackson was taking everything. For some reason, River had expected that Jackson would be angry with him. River had expected that Jackson would kick River out of his life forever. To his great surprise, Jackson appeared to be dealing with the news much better than River could have imagined.

“I’m still going to call you River. Is that alright?”

“Sure, buddy. I’m still going to call you Jackson,” River joked. “I’ll see you next week at your technology conference. I can’t wait to see your robot kick everyone’s butt.”

“Yeah, they are going to be so jealous.”

Jackson hugged River one last time and then ran off to Kimberly, who was waiting in the car. River sat back down in the chair and stared off into space at the turning of events.

If Jackson already knew the truth, maybe River should fight for his company, after all.