Chapter Ten

Clouds moved on the horizon, diffusing the light in soft colors. Gold and orange stained the stone walls of the Ponte Vecchio Bridge as I strolled over Ponte Santa Trinita, sucking in the crisp morning air chilling my nose. Inside I felt nothing, unable to absorb the beauty in the sunrise. The city just started to stir awake, but for the most part I was alone. I had been all night.

Sleep was not something I could expect, even though exhaustion wore heavily on my bones. In a few hours I had to be at the Galleria, but my mind could only churn with horrible scenarios. I checked my phone every other minute. Six hours separated me from Hunter’s current time, but I doubted anyone was sleeping there either.

Jones, why aren’t you calling me back? I had texted and called enough already with no response. He knew I was waiting for an update.

After Sammie and I went back to our room, I confessed to her about my past with Hunter: the accident, Colton’s death, the rehab to walk again, all the way to the point of leaving Hunter in Denver. She sat wide-eyed and gaping through most of it, unable to believe all that happened to me. It was three a.m. before she succumbed to sleep, but I could tell my restless pacing and sighs were keeping her up.

The quiet streets of Florence welcomed me in its dark embrace, and while the town slept, I wandered down cobble streets and into peaceful piazzas. A vendor opened his stand, and I pounced on the rich aroma of coffee wafting from it. The warmth slid up my cold nose and into my freezing fingers.

Bakery shops opened their doors, welcoming the first people who dared to meet the morning so early. My stomach rolled at the thought of food. A sick feeling waded in my soul I couldn’t shake, something I didn’t want to acknowledge, even in my thoughts. The unease tapped against my patience, making me spin in circles at times. Nothing eased it—not walking, not sitting, not anything.

Unable to stand it anymore, I dialed again as I moved back across the bridge. Each unanswered ring made my heart sink into my toes. Then the line clicked and my pulse jumped in my throat. Jones’s voice was muffled, like he had covered the speaker, and then his voice rang out sharp in my ear.

“Hey, Jayme.”

“Oh god, Jones…” The emotion I held back all night sprang into my eyes and slid down my throat. His voice was my life line to Hunter, and with it came my suppressed feelings. “Do you know anything?”

“Not much,” he croaked, sounding both drained and as though he fought to keep it together. “He just got out of surgery. He’s stable, but in intensive care. He’s in a coma, and there’s swelling on his spine.”

I made a cry and pressed my hand against my chest.

“He’s fucked up bad, Jayme.” Jones choked, straining to keep back a sob. “He was crushed and run over multiple times. The doctors are shocked he lived. But they think he will walk again.”

I knew from my past experience, that only time would tell if he could walk again. The swelling had to go down before they knew anything.

“Jones…” was all I could respond. Blood welled up on my lip where I bit down.

“He’s alive,” Jones huffed in a shaky breath. “They hope he will heal, but the doctors already said…” Jones paused, a clipped sob pushing through his nose. “He won’t ever ride again. His body has gone through too much injury, back to back. I don’t care personally, but you know him, Jayme… This is going to break him. This was his world.”

I blinked my lashes hummingbird quick as tears flowed down my face.

A muffled voice in the background moved closer to Jones. I could tell he covered the receiver, but a woman’s voice still broke through.

“Is that her?”

“Krista, back off, she’s worried.”

“Give me the phone.”

“No.”

“Jones, give the fuckin’ phone to me!”

Sounds of wrestling scratched in my ear before Krista’s voice sliced through the mobile.

“Jayme, this is Krista.” Her voice was strong and unyielding, like stone. “I need you to stop calling. You are no longer in Hunter’s life. You have to stop coming back into it.”

“Excuse me?” I barked. “Just because we aren’t together doesn’t mean I stopped caring.”

“He has a long road ahead of him, and you will only make things worse. You always did! Don’t you get that? So stop… Hunter was doing well; we were doing well. He is not yours. His family and friends are here, and that’s all that matters. We’re going to get him through this.”

The we in her declaration felt like a dagger plunging into my stomach.

“If you really care about him and love him as you claim, you will let him go. It is the best for him.”

Fighting words sat in my throat but wouldn’t make it to my lips. Was I being selfish? Was he better without even a hint of me in his life?

“You understand, Jaymerson? I’m not trying to act like a bitch just to be one. Hunter is everything to us. To me. I want what’s best for him.” Krista’s voice softened, cracking with emotion. “You know he’s okay; now I need you to let go of him. Please.”

As much as I hated her words, I felt no cattiness from her, just a solid determination to protect what she had, what was best for her friend. Maybe her boyfriend. She had never liked me and had warned me if I hurt him, she would hurt me.

She kept to her promise.

And I needed to keep mine.

“Yes.” The singular word splintered me in irreparable pieces. I had to give Hunter a chance at happiness. I couldn’t stand in his way.

“Okay. Goodbye.”

Click. It was the sound of the last tie to Hunter being severed. Forever.

Hazily, I moved a few yards. Stopped. Walked a few more paces.

As if an avalanche pummeled down on my body my knees smacked pavement and my lungs heaved for air. Unable to take a full deep breath, shadows tinted the edge of my vision. Grief and fear shook launched a full-blown panic attack. His present condition flooded all the memories of what he and I went through more than a year ago. It felt like I was doomed to repeat the same gut-wrenching agony, just with the other brother. The one I loved with every fiber of my being.

Every time I thought I moved on from the nightmares of the accident, from Hunter, I realized what a fool I had been. They were only boxed up, waiting to pounce the moment my shield was down. I still loved him so much, but in loving him I had to let him go. He was not meant for me.

I curled forward with the effort of my sobs. He was alive, but I felt the hole in my soul as though my heart didn’t understand the difference.

Water from the Arno River slipped beneath me as I pressed my forehead into the stone wall lining the bridge.

He’s alive. That’s the most important. I circled around the thought over and over, holding on to anything I could. Losing Colton had been hard, but losing Hunter would be devastating. I felt my heart would never heal. I would never know love like that again, never be whole.

Pushing myself onto my feet, I stared down at the dark, graceful water. Dumping what was left of my tattered heart over the side, I imagined the leftovers floating away, no longer needed.

Inhaling, I lifted my chin as I walked back to the dorm rooms. Life carried on and I was strong. I would get through.

But there were events that shaped you.

Changed you.

Swallowed you and left you broken inside.