Northampton is practically in the dead centre of England, except we live in a small country and before too long we cross over into Wales and arrive in Wyemouth. Becca and I left straight after breakfast but needed comfort breaks for both her and Toby, so it’s already nearly lunchtime when we pull up in front of the house my parents have owned all my life. Perched on a hill overlooking the Wye River Valley, it’s a beautiful home… Mum and Dad’s pride and joy. They bought it at a time when property wasn’t as expensive as it is now; it would cost a fortune nowadays. Jenna, their cocker spaniel, runs up to the gate barking… closely followed by my parents. We hug, and they exclaim how much Becca has grown. Toby and Jenna sniff each other and Becca squeals, “Ew, Toby’s smelling Jenna’s bottom.”

We laugh and go inside. “Take your bags up to your rooms,” Mum says, bossy as ever. “We’ll be ready to eat in a couple of minutes.”

Becca is in the guest room which is just across the corridor from mine. We settle her Paddington teddy on her bed and unpack her things.

“I’m gonna go help Nanna make lunch,” she announces already half-way out of the door.

I wave her off and step into my old bedroom; it’s just the same as I remember it. The walls are pale pink, and there are prints hanging of Spanish masterpieces I bought on a school trip to Madrid in my final year at Wyemouth High. I sigh, remembering how Josh followed me around like a puppy, how much I hurt him by lusting after his best friend.

Against all odds, Josh and I got together not long afterwards, and we were happy, no doubt about that. Becca was the best thing that happened to us; she turned us into a family and we’d have had such an amazing future if he hadn’t died.

My breath catches on a sigh. The future has taken me on a new path now; the past is in the past. I think about Daniel; he’s so different to Josh. He’s hot-blooded, whereas Josh was laid-back. He’s dark and brooding, whereas Josh was always joking around. The brokenness I discern in Daniel fascinates me, whereas Josh was the most complete person you could meet. I bite my lip; I shouldn’t even be comparing them. I feel disloyal to Josh for doing so, and quickly make my way downstairs.

“How is that bad-mannered neighbour of yours behaving?” Dad asks, handing me a cup of coffee when I arrive in the kitchen.

I can feel my face blushing and focus my thoughts. “Same as usual. The Brute.”

Becca gives me a little push and stamps her foot. “He. Is. Not. Called. The. Brute. His name is Daniel and we have dinner with him and Ben every night.” She shoots me a reproachful look.

Mum’s mouth forms an O, and her eyes practically pop out of her head. “Is there something you’re not telling me, Cat?”

I lift my chin. “We’re just friends.”

“I saw you kissing him, Mum.” Becca smirks. “Me and Ben was spying on you.”

My face flushes even hotter, and I catch my mother’s expectant smile.

“Ok,” I admit. “We’re more than friends. It’s still very early days, though.”

Mum puts her arm around my shoulders and gives me a hug. “I’m glad you’ve met someone, my lovely. Even if, as you say, he is a bit of a brute.”

Only when we’re playing.

The thought comes unbidden into my head. The way he dominated me yesterday… I give an involuntary shiver. Then my eyebrows draw together. He won’t be happy I’ve talked about us to my parents. I should have sworn Becca to secrecy, but I didn’t want to make too much of an issue of it. She’s fallen for him, looks up to him; I wouldn’t want anything to spoil the way she thinks of him.

“I’ll take Becca round to Josh’s parents after lunch, if that’s okay,” I say, changing the subject. “They can’t wait to see her.”

* * *

We have a short rest after eating, then I drive Becca back down the hill into Wyemouth, leaving Toby to play with Jenna.

It’s always poignant coming back to the house where Josh grew up. So many memories. So much love. So many tears. I park up front and steel myself for an onslaught of emotions.

Rachel, Josh’s mum, tall, slim and grey-haired, sweeps Becca up in her arms as we step into her living room. Mark, his dad, stands back and smiles, waiting his turn patiently.

Their bungalow is on a housing estate at the edge of the town, but it’s well maintained, and the garden is gorgeous. Rain lashes the windows, and a blustery wind bends the rose bushes outside. Rachel hands me a cup of tea, then passes the sugar bowl. “God, I hate this weather.”

“Me too,” I blow out a breath. “It’s done nothing but rain for weeks.”

I remember before Josh died, his parents were planning on retiring to Florida for the better climate. They had their house valued and some money put by. Except, afterwards, they changed their minds… saying they’d miss Becca’s and my frequent visits. There was nothing I could say. I mean, I could have urged them to follow their dreams, but they wouldn’t have wanted to be deprived of their granddaughter.

I glance around the living room, taking in the many framed photos of Josh; Josh and me; Josh, Becca and me. A lump of unshed tears forms in my throat. Daniel suggested I come here to be sure I was over Josh, and I am sure. But seeing his pictures is so damn hard. I fold my hands in my lap and stare down at them, my chest cold and aching.

Becca finishes her glass of milk and rests it on the coffee table. “Can I have a cookie, please?”

“Aw, of course, my lovely.” Rachel indicates toward the plate. “Help yourself.”

We chat about Becca’s progress at school, how much her reading skills are coming along. “I’ve got a wiggly front tooth,” she lisps, and we all um and ah as she wriggles it with her tongue.

Mark’s blue eyes twinkle. “I expect you’ll be getting a visit from the tooth fairy.”

“Will she know we’re here?” Becca cocks her head to the side.

“The tooth fairy knows where everyone is.”

“My friend, Ben, has got new teeth. They’re very big,” she says excitedly.

“That’s interesting.” A slight smile flickers across his face.

“Yeah. He lives next door.” She takes a bite of her chocolate chip cookie.

Oh, God. Don’t tell them about Daniel. Please, Becca.

I shoot her a pleading look.

“Becca has lots of friends in the village.” I try to distract her.

“That’s nice, dear,” Rachel pats my hand. “I hope you’ve made friends there too.”

“She has.” Becca nods, speaking with her mouth full. “She’s made friends with Ben’s dad. He’s called Daniel.”

My cheeks flame.

Rachel and Mark stare at me.

Realisation dawns in their eyes.

Please don’t say anything.

They don’t say anything, just carry on the conversation, focussing on Becca and how much she likes Northamptonshire. They ask me about my work, and I tell them I’m doing okay. Which I am. I’ll never get rich from what I do, but that doesn’t bother me.

Eventually, it’s time to leave. “My sister is coming home from uni for the weekend,” I tell Rachel and Mark. “We should go back to Mum and Dad’s.”

“Yay, I wanna see Auntie Megan,” Becca gets down from the sofa. She kisses her grandmother before turning to me. “But we’ll come back tomorrow, won’t we, Mum?”

“Definitely.”

At the door, Rachel leans towards me and whispers, “I’m glad you’re moving on, dear. Josh would want you to be happy.”

What can I say? Guilt blooms in my stomach. There’s no way she and Mark will ever be able to move on from losing their only son. I give her a hug and whisper, “I know.”

I help Becca buckle up her seatbelt in the car; we wave goodbye and set off. On the way home, I talk to her about how Daniel is a private person, and how he doesn’t like people to know too much about him.

She scrunches up her forehead. “But why?”

“It’s just the way he is. So, please don’t talk about him, okay?” I reach across and touch my hand to her fingers. “You didn’t do anything bad. It was my fault for not telling you before.”

She nods thoughtfully. “He’s a secret, then?”

“Yes,” I say.

“Is Ben a secret too?”

“Not really. I mean, he’s your friend so you can talk about him. Just don’t mention his dad, okay?”

“Okay.” Her smile is easy, just like Josh’s was, and my heart gives a little lurch.

Soon we’re back home; my hot-headed sister grabs hold of me the minute I step into the living room, bearing down on me like a spiky blonde missile. “Why didn’t you tell me about your neighbour?” She quirks a pencilled brow. “Mum just gave me the info.”

“Daniel is a secret,” Becca blabs. She claps a hand over her mouth. “Sorry…”

Major backfire, Cat.

I sit Megan down and give her a condensed version of what’s been going on.

Very condensed.

I stress we’ve only known each other a short time, that we’re still basically just friends. Then I distract her by asking about her latest boyfriend, Sebastian. I listen with rapt attention, asking all the right questions to keep her from asking me anything about Daniel.

My ploy seems to work.

I just hope I can keep it up for the rest of the weekend.