I pushed through the door into the Firehouse Café and gave my raincoat a shake once I was inside. The morning had dawned gray and rainy, and the rain hadn’t let up all day. Lucy and I had finally decided to call it quits early after pushing through some work in the chilly rain for a few hours. I pushed my hood back and glanced around. The café was crowded with tourists, which figured. Any planned fishing trips on the lake or to nearby rivers had likely been cancelled, along with any other outdoor activities. The hardcore eco-tourists wouldn’t blink at rain like this, but those were the ones who took off on weeklong backcountry hikes, the kind my brother used to lead with his wife. The tourists who crowded the streets of Willow Brook and the highways of Alaska with their campers usually preferred the wilderness when it was comfortable. Even during the warmest time of year in Alaska, rain meant chilly days.

I wove through the tables and joined the line to the counter, leaning against one of the old fire poles decorated with painted fireweed. My mind spun to last night when Cade had brought me to tears in the shower before making love to me so fiercely. In spite of my memories of what we had before, I hadn’t recalled the intensity, the fierce tenderness and a feeling of intimacy so deep it shook me to my core. Maybe it was because we’d lost each other. Maybe it was because the loss and regret coloring the present made it that much more precious. Whatever it is, it felt so good, it was overwhelming.

The line inched forward. Lost in my thoughts, I jumped when I heard my name. I glanced over my shoulder to find Earl standing behind me. When I’d seen him the other night, I’d expected to feel something. But then I should’ve known better. All I felt was a gentle sense of sadness. I felt genuinely bad things had played out the way they did, but nothing other than that. He stood there with his blondish-brown hair and brown eyes. Objectively speaking, he was a handsome man. At the moment, I couldn’t even believe I’d ever tried to date him, much less agreed to marry him. My body’s response to him was, at best, lukewarm.

I aimed for casual and friendly, well aware that the last time I’d seen Earl, Cade had ended up punching him. Whatever bruising there had been had faded in the weeks since. “Hey Earl, how’s it going?”

His gaze was considering. After a beat, he shrugged. “Fine as I can be after everything.”

The line inched forward. I felt a flash of guilt, but I didn’t know what to do with it. I wondered if now was the time to say anything, but no one was paying attention, and the hum of conversation in the café drowned out individual conversations.

“Earl, I meant what I said the other night. I’m sorry about all of it. I don’t expect you to admit it, but I know you weren’t crushed by what happened. Your ego is bruised maybe, but I know what love is and we didn’t have it. I’m more sorry than you know it took me as long as it did to think about what that meant for us. I wish you the best and I hope you find what you want.”

Earl looked away, staring at the chalkboard above the counter where Janet was rapidly taking orders and entering them in the computer. “I hear you and Cade are back together,” he said, his tone flat.

My stomach fluttered. Hearing it out loud like that made it oddly real. I beat back my response. The last thing Earl needed was me looking all gooey-eyed and silly over Cade. When he glanced to me, I nodded. “We are. I know how it looks Earl, but it just happened. I had no idea Cade was coming home when I decided I couldn’t marry you. I’ll admit him being here has made it more than clear why it’s a good thing we didn’t get married, but it just happened.”

Earl rolled his eyes, a look of disgust passing over his features. I got pissed because I knew what it had been like when we were together.

“Fine. You get to be pissed, but while you’re busy with that, think about how you reacted when I told you I was leaving,” I snapped back.

The afternoon I’d been standing in the makeshift dressing room at the church, my thoughts had been spinning so fast on their own little hamster wheel, I’d almost gone through with getting married. But I couldn’t. I’d dashed to his dressing room, not really sure I was going to go through with actually breaking up with him. Then, I had. He hadn’t even looked particularly upset, more annoyed than anything. He could’ve fought for me right then, but he didn’t even try. Knowing that after the fact, he’d casually announced the wedding was canceled and then gone fishing just summed it all up perfectly. He didn’t even let it ruffle the waters of his life.

I hoped for his sake, I truly did, that someday he’d see why I did what I did. Not because I needed him to forgive me because I could live with him blaming me for all of it. Rather, I hoped he’d see what he could have when it happened for him.

His eyes flicked from the chalkboard to me, slightly wide. Good, maybe he’d start thinking a bit. After a moment, he shook his head. “Whatever, Amelia. If that makes you feel better about your choices, fine. You might want to watch your back though. Shannon’s back in town, and I’m pretty sure you can guess why.”

A sliver of worry ran through me. I ignored it. I sure as hell didn’t need Earl watering those seeds of doubt inside of me. He’d done that well enough by barely bothering to notice me even when we were supposed to be in love.

At that, he muttered something and spun away. “Take care,” he said quickly over his shoulder before shouldering his way back outside.

The doorbell jingled cheerily as the door closed behind him. I sighed and turned back to find the person in front of me stepping away. Janet stood behind the counter with a wide smile. “Hey hon, so good to see you. What can I get for you?”

I eyed the chalkboard and then looked at Janet. “Strong coffee and one of your ham and cheese thingies.”

Janet chuckled. “Good thing I know what you mean.”

She tapped the keyboard and gave me the total before spinning away to pour my coffee. “Give me a few on the ham and cheese to heat it up. By the way, don’t listen to Earl,” she said, her voice low.

I had wrapped my hands around the paper cup of coffee, savoring the warmth. “Did you just hear our entire conversation?”

Janet shrugged with a sly gleam in her eyes. “I was trying to eavesdrop, hon. I have no shame about that. I don’t care about you dumping him because that was the best choice for both of you. He’s a nice guy, but he’s got just a tad too much ego. Anyway, only thing I care about is that bullshit about Shannon. Don’t you even worry about it,” she said, her words becoming fierce with her last sentence.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged. “I knew Shannon was back because Lucy heard about it and told me. I’m not worried, except for the fact she’ll be stirring up some shit. Does she even know Cade and I are back together?”

Janet returned the eye roll. “She does as of this morning. I made sure to tell her when she showed up here with her sister. Trust me, she looked surprised. Can’t say I blame her. If she had her ear to the ground, the news you’d bolted on Earl would’ve traveled to her slowly since she’s been in Anchorage. I don’t give a damn, but she pissed me off before, and I told her that today. I swear, her sister annoys the hell out of me. Gayle isn’t a bitch, but she stands by and watches her little sister be one. Least she could do is call her out on her shit. Since she won’t, I will.”

I stared at Janet and almost burst out laughing. Everything with Cade was so fragile and new, it worried me knowing Shannon had blown into town again. I didn’t trust her. At all. But I didn’t mind having friends like Janet get my back. As far as I was concerned, Shannon getting shamed for what she’d done wouldn’t be a bad thing. What I couldn’t figure out was why Shannon was so stuck on Cade.

I took a gulp of my coffee and bit back my bitter laugh. “Thanks Janet. I know you’ve got my back. I’m just hoping she gets the message loud and clear. I’m not up for dealing with her. I’m really not.”

Janet waved her hand dismissively and spun around when the bell dinged at the server counter. She snagged my ham and cheese roll and handed it over on a plate. “You have nothing to worry about. But people gossip, and they like drama. You and Cade have given them plenty to talk about, but Shannon showing up like this stirs up ugly shit. Ignore it. Don’t believe anything you hear. Cade loves you. He always did. Time and distance made you both stupid.”

I sensed someone approaching from behind, so I stepped to the side. “I’ll do my best. Thanks for being you.”

Janet waved me off. “Go sit down and dry off.”