Chapter Twenty-Three
Ashes … ashes
Finding myself standing outside of our closed bedroom door, I hesitated. Hale and I had never fought like this. When I first met him, he said he could be an asshole, but in this situation, I wasn’t even sure if the asshole was him or me.
My eyes closed as uncertainty took hold. All the words between us fell clumsily through my mind, landing wherever. I had no idea if his feelings from yesterday still applied or if my asking Remington for help had done too much damage to repair.
I stepped away from the door, too terrified to see what awaited on the other side. Walking past Elara’s room I knocked softly at Elle’s door. A light flipped on and there was a soft shuffle of movement before the door opened.
“You’re back,” she said, hair messy and eyes looking half asleep.
I had so much to say, but not a single word came out. My lips pressed tight as I drew in a jagged breath and started to cry.
“Oh, honey.” She pulled me into her room and walked me to the bed. I sat and wiped at my eyes but the tears kept coming.
“What happened?” she asked, brushing the fallen hair away from my face.
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I’m so stupid.”
“No. Did you and Hale have a fight?”
“I guess. He won’t talk to me. I’ve never seen him this angry and I don’t know how to take it back.”
“Shh…” She handed me a box of tissues and I blew my nose.
My chest hurt terribly. No matter how hard I cried, the pain only multiplied. I couldn’t catch my breath.
“Rayne, calm down, honey. Tell me what happened.”
I stared at my best friend, searching her eyes and finding the girl who had stood by my side since the day she shared her brownie with me at lunch in kindergarten when I’d accidentally dropped my entire tray on the floor. Twenty-five years of friendship and this was the first time I ever had a problem I couldn’t share with her.
“I can’t talk about it.”
“Sure you can. You can tell me anything.”
She sounded so much like old Elle, the friend I’d feared losing forever and had been desperate to find again. I’d thought she was just a familiar girl with misplaced memories, but my best friend was still in there. I saw it in the way she looked at me with such concern, the way she took up the position that anything was possible and no problem was too big for the two of us to figure out.
But I couldn’t get her help with this one because it was tied up in too many secrets and lies, secrets that weren’t mine to share. I sniffled and blew my nose again.
“Everything’s a mess. I screwed up and I don’t know if I can undo it.”
She pressed her head to mine and smiled. “No calamity’s that bad, babe. We can figure it out. I’m sure of it.”
We. I wished there was a “we”, but this time it all came back to me.
“I’m not allowed to tell you. I gave the Davenports my word and I can’t betray them like that.”
I saw a flash of hurt in her eyes before she covered it. “Oh.” She sat back. “Is that because of me, or is this a secret you can’t tell anyone?”
“No one can know. It’s a private situation and it’s not my place to talk about it.”
Her lips twisted. “Well… I’m sure we can figure something out without you breaking their trust. What started the fight? Keep it general.”
“I went to Hale’s dad about a problem thinking he could help.”
“Whose problem?”
“Hale’s. But it didn’t help. He flipped out when he found out I went to Remington.”
“Can Remington help?”
“He says he can. He said he could make the whole issue go away.”
“So why is Hale mad? You were clearly looking out for him.”
This was why secrets sucked. “You don’t understand. Hale doesn’t have a great history with his dad. He loves him, but he hates him, too. There’s a lot of bad blood between them and this all has to do with that. He thinks I betrayed him by going to his father.” Was that it? “Or he thinks I don’t have faith in him or something. I’m not sure. I just know he’s furious with both of us.”
“You and Remington?”
I nodded. “Elle … what if I can’t fix this? What if we break up?”
“Ray… Sometimes things like loyalty and betrayal leave deep scars. If Hale has some baggage with those things, you have to honor his limits. He trusts you and somehow you shook his trust today. The only thing you can do is apologize and prove to him you’re on his side. I honestly don’t think that man would break up with you over something small.”
“But this is big.”
Elle sight and squeezed my hand. “I see how he is with you. Barrett says he’s never been like that with anyone. Ever. Hale loves you. Trust that. Trust what you two have and try to work this out.”
“You know I’m not good with that sort of thing.”
“Because of your dad?”
A shiver tiptoed up my spine as I looked at her. “You remember?”
She nodded. “Things haven’t been as jumbled lately. I don’t know if it’s the meds or all the fresh air or what, but things are a little clearer now. The weeks before the accident are still fuzzy, like, I can’t remember you leaving or anything, but stuff before that is pretty clear.”
I started to cry again, only now they were tears of relief. I hugged her. “You have no idea how much I missed you.”
She laughed and wrapped her arms around me. “I missed you, too.”
Easing back, I let out a shaky sigh. “What should I do, Elle?”
“What do you want? Do you want to run home and hide or do you want to fix this?”
“I want to fix this.”
She chuckled. “That’s a first.”
I smirked, a little amazed myself. “I love him. I don’t know how to not love him. I love Elara, too. And Remington. They’re my Davenports. I can’t lose them.”
“Then clean yourself up and march down the hall and tell him that. Don’t pick a fight, just say what you just said and tell him when he’s ready to talk you’ll be ready to listen. That’s the most you can do right now.”
It would be great if that could play out as simply as she just made it sound, but chances were it would be much more complicated and messy. But I had to at least try. “Okay. I can do that.”
She smiled and nodded. “Go. Go now.”
“Now?”
“Yes, right now, Ray. Why wait?”
“Oh. Okay.” I stood, clutching a crumpled tissue. “I’ll go.”
She walked me to the door. “You got this. I believe in you.”
I nodded, borrowing a good heap of her confidence. “I got this.”
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Okay, good night.”
I stood in the hall as Elle closed the door. The entrance to our bedroom loomed at the end of the carpet, big and closed and frightening. I should probably have a plan B. Maybe tell Elle I’d be back if things didn’t go peacefully.
Thinking a plan B was always a good idea, I opened her door and—“Naked!”
“Fuck!”
“Oh, Jesus!” I slapped a hand over my eyes. “Barrett?”
“Hey, Meyers.”
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“Umm…”
“Oh my god! I knew it! Goddamn it!”
“Ray, it just sort of happened when we were away.”
Dear God, had he been in there the whole time listening to me fall apart? I needed to get out of there, but first… I pointed a finger out, unsure where he stood. “You hurt her, Davenport, and I’ll find a rusty blade and cut off that thing you love so much. Get me?”
“Loud and clear, Meyers.”
I groaned. “I can’t believe you were in here. Gah! This family sucks! Goodnight.”
I reached blindly for the door and when I found it I pulled it open and left. Apparently, Elle remembered how to screw. Maybe that was why her mind seemed so much sharper all of the sudden. Maybe her vagina was a magic gateway to Memory Lane. I can’t believe she’s sleeping with Barrett.
Lowering my hand I huffed out a breath. Now I really had to work things out with Hale, because if there was going to be a Davenport wedding it had better be mine!
Oooh! Double wedding! No. Way too fast.
Shaking my head, I walked to our door and sucked in a deep breath and turned the knob. The frosty tension of the room smacked me in the face like a brick.
There seemed certain things one should never do. Name your child Adolf after 1945, eat gum off of furniture, or walk unarmed into a room that felt as hostile as this one. But I was never that smart to begin with. “You awake?”
He sighed. I supposed that was as good as a yes.
I moved to the bed and sat on the foot, trying to recall what I’d said in Elle’s room.
“Hale, I’m sorry about what happened. I didn’t do it to upset you. I only wanted to help and your father seemed to think he could do just that. I swear my heart was in the right place.”
Silence.
The tightness in my chest returned, pinching sharply. “Please talk to me.” When he still didn’t answer, I lowered my head and battled back my tears. “I’m sorry,” I rasped, unsure what else there was to say. “If you want me to leave I will.”
“Damn it, Rayne. Just stop.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I pleaded. “You won’t talk to me. I don’t know if you hate me or if you just need some time to yourself or if you want me to get the hell out of your life.”
Tears rushed down my cheeks and he was suddenly holding my face between his hands, but his eyes were still angry. “You’re supposed to trust me, Rayne. When I say I have something under control, you don’t go to my dad for a fucking safety net. I’m pissed, but I don’t want you to leave.”
“How long do you plan to be pissed?”
He released my face. “I don’t know.”
“Hale—”
“I’m tired. Can we just leave it for now and talk tomorrow when we’re both thinking a little clearer?”
I nodded, but deep down I didn’t want to table it. I wanted to lay everything out and hack it to bits until we knew what was what. Dear God, I wanted to communicate.
But Hale didn’t and, as an ex-non communicator, I had to respect that. I remembered what Elle said.
“I just want you to know, whenever you’re ready to talk, I’ll be ready to listen. I love you and I don’t want to lose you.”
He sighed and looked away. “I … love you too.”
Was that a pause? I heard a pause.
My lip trembled as he rolled to his side, facing away from me, and pulled the covers over him. Conversation over.
Hale: score unknown. Calamity Rayne: negative infinity.
I had to leave the room so he didn’t hear me cry.