Joslynn hadn’t meant to tell Russ that secret, to just blurt it out like that. But after what she’d learned about his father and the fact that he’d been so open with her about the battle his parents faced, she felt the need to be every bit as candid about her life.
“How do you know you can’t have kids?” he asked.
“When I was ten, I started feeling really terrible. I was exhausted. I had no appetite. Every time something touched my skin, I got a bruise.”
Pulling into the parking spot next to her car, Russ killed the engine and turned to stare at her. “Do you want to tell me this over breakfast since we missed it?”
She shook her head. “Let me spit it all out. Please.”
He took her hand. “Okay. Tell me.”
“Things only got worse. My gums would bleed for no reason. I had a bunch of nosebleeds. Then, out of nowhere, I had a grand mal seizure. When they took me to the hospital, they ran a bunch of tests. Turned out I had leukemia.”
“Oh my God.”
An ironic smile crossed her lips. “Yeah, that’s exactly what my mom said.”
“What happened?” he asked. “I mean, you obviously beat it.” He squeezed her fingers. “You’re sitting here with me now.”
“Damn right I beat it. I got a tattoo to prove it. Did you see the butterfly—back at the pool in Georgia?”
He nodded.
“I got it when I turned eighteen to show I’d won.”
He nodded again. “I can’t imagine how horrible leukemia would be.”
“Yeah, chemotherapy sucks, but sometimes it works.” Saying chemo sucked was an understatement, but she wasn’t about to whine about something that had ultimately saved her life. “What you have to remember is that it’s also poison, for all intents and purposes. Sometimes there are side effects that have nothing to do with the cancer.”
“So one of your side effects left you unable to be a mom?”
“It’s not a hundred percent,” Joslynn admitted. “I can’t be entirely sure, but most girls who receive the chemotherapy regimen I went through end up sterile. I remember a doc telling me about it back when I was being treated, and when I became a nurse, I learned what chemo can do to a person’s chances of being a parent.”
“Then you don’t know for sure.”
“I don’t know for sure, but my research shows I’ve got less than a ten percent chance of having kids. My cycles have been anything but regular. I’ve never been tested or anything.”
“Kinda like me and the Alzheimer’s gene,” Russ said. “Not sure you want to know, right?”
“Yeah, kinda like that. I haven’t had the nerve to be tested. Not yet.” She shrugged. “I really don’t want kids anyway.”
“You don’t?” Russ sounded shocked at the notion.
On this she knew she would never budge. “I really don’t. I’m independent. I don’t even have a pet. I like my life the way it is. Why would I want to tie myself down with an eighteen-year burden?”
The incredulous look he gave her made her wonder if she’d just stepped in a pile of shit. Then she realized since she truly didn’t want to have children, he needed to accept that. If he was bound and determined to be a father, this relationship they were trying to establish was doomed from the start.
“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” Russ asked.
“Nope. Just me, and considering what I put my mom through, that was probably a good thing.”
“Wanna tell me about your dad? I know he’s a sore spot…”
Since she was telling the story, she figured she might as well confess all. “I think I told you that my dad left. The entire truth is that he took a hike right after my diagnosis—took his girlfriend with him. I guess he couldn’t cope with the possibility of watching his kid die. I haven’t laid eyes on him since.”
* * *
Now Russ understood. No wonder she wanted nothing to do with a serious relationship. The most important one she’d seen in her formative years had been between her mother and a fucking cheating coward.
What kind of man left his daughter when she learned she had leukemia?
Selfish bastard.
He patted his lap. “Come here.”
A confused frown bowed her lips. “Why?”
“I want to hold you.”
Even though she still looked perplexed, she slid across the bench seat.
Russ turned her back toward him so he could wrap one arm around her shoulders while he slid his other hand under her knees. Then he lifted her onto his lap. Holding her against him, he gave her a quick kiss. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Josie shrugged before laying her head against his shoulder. “He didn’t give a shit about me. Why should I give a shit about him?”
Although things weren’t always that simple, all Russ did was nod. Her father was obviously a sore topic, and he didn’t want to rub salt in the wound she denied she had. “You seem really healthy now.”
“I intend to stay that way. That’s why I run, do yoga, and eat healthy. I also try to keep stress to a minimum.”
“Yeah, you’re helping me with that, you know.”
She smiled. “The running is doing the trick, is it?”
“It got Brad and Ethan off my back.” He rubbed his neck. “There was a guy at the bar, a drunk, who I tossed out of the place. He threatened to sue us. Brad and Ethan said I need to get a grip.” He let out a weary sigh. “They said they might have to buy me out if I don’t get my act together. I need to stop losing my temper.”
“So you’re running with me. Are the workouts helping?”
He nodded. “So far, so good. I’m sleeping like a baby. I don’t go to the restaurant all the time to look for someone to take my stress out on.”
“Not beating on your patrons now?” she teased. “Good for you. Next thing we’ll do is get you to one of my yoga classes.”
Like that would ever happen. Because she was opening up, he decided to fire another question at her. “Since this boyfriend-girlfriend stuff is new to you, I take it you haven’t been in other relationships.” He held his breath, waiting for her to either bolt or scold him for being so nosy.
“One,” she admitted. “In college.”
After several moments passed without her adding anything, Russ had to resist the urge to heave another sigh. Nothing with this woman was easy, but getting her to talk about herself was the hardest thing he faced. “I almost got married once,” he said, hoping to encourage her to tell him more.
She leaned back to look into his eyes. “Really?”
“Yes, ma’am. Lasted all of three months before we both decided twelve was a little young to make a commitment like that.”
Her laughter was so sweet that he didn’t even mind when she swatted his chest. “You’re being silly.”
“I take it your college romance didn’t work out well.”
Now she was the one to sigh, almost as though she’d resigned herself to his digging into her past. “Not well, no. Tim and I were like oil and water. There was only one place we were compatible.”
“In bed?” he guessed.
“Yeah. We were young enough we thought sex was all that really mattered. It wasn’t. Especially when I found out he was also very…compatible with other girls.”
Sitting there in stunned silence, Russ wondered if he even had a chance with Josie. For shit’s sake, the woman had basically been conditioned to never trust a man. How was he supposed to get past those walls she’d built around herself?
Time. Time and patience.
He’d always enjoyed a good challenge, and the way he felt just holding her in his arms told him that he’d been right about her—she was someone he could love. The power of their mutual physical attraction was only icing on the cake.
Putting his finger under Josie’s chin, Russ lifted her face to his. Then he kissed her the way he wanted to, a hot, lingering kiss that showed her how much he wanted her. She returned his passion, pushing her tongue past his lips. He grasped it between his teeth, tugging gently.
Her arms went around his neck as she eased toward him, pressing her breasts against his chest. As she awkwardly tried to shift her position, her knee connected with his groin.
Stars shot through his vision as he let out a yelp and then sucked in a hissing breath.
“Oh, Russ,” Joslynn said, carefully moving back to the seat. “I’m so sorry.”
Hands shielding his stricken balls, he could only offer her a curt nod. Thankfully the pain began to ease, but the magic of the moment was broken.
“Are you okay?”
The humor threading through her voice made him frown. Through clenched teeth, he replied, “I’ll live.”
“Sorry.” She kissed his cheek and smiled. “I guess this means we’re not going back to my place for hot sex.”
“Not tonight.” After a few deep breaths, he felt enough relief to think about something else. “Do you work this Friday?”
“Nope!” she replied. “For once, I have a Friday and a Saturday off.” She grinned. “At least until they call me to fill in for someone.”
“Well, if they call for Friday, just tell them you can’t make it.”
“Any reason why I can’t make it?”
“Because you’re going to Brad’s with me for one of our famous Friday cookouts.”
“A chance to see Savannah and Caroline?” she asked. “Count me in.”
* * *
Plate of cookies in hand, Joslynn walked up the porch steps to the Greens’ house. Even though she’d been exhausted after she and Russ had finally finished breakfast, she’d had trouble sleeping. Things had been so tense when they’d searched for Baron, and she hated to think that Yvonne might still be angry at her.
Joslynn had caught a few hours of rest, but by late afternoon, she’d rolled herself out of bed, baked a batch of chocolate chip cookies, and printed out a slew of pamphlets meant to help families of Alzheimer’s patients. Then she’d set out to see Russ’s parents.
Her knock was answered by Yvonne, who opened the door with wide eyes. “What on earth are you doing here?”
Holding up cellophane-covered plate, Joslynn smiled. “I came to see how you and your husband are doing and to find out if we could start over.”
After opening the door wide, Yvonne motioned for Joslynn to enter. “Come in.”
Joslynn gave Yvonne the plate. “I made the two of you some chocolate chip cookies.”
“How kind. Let’s go to the kitchen. We’ll have some tea.” As they passed from the foyer to the family room, Yvonne inclined her head toward her husband, who was sound asleep in a reclining chair. “He likes a short nap before supper.”
With a smile, Joslynn followed her into the kitchen. When Yvonne swept her hand toward the table, Joslynn took that as an invitation. Pulling out a chair, she put her purse on the floor and sat down.
Yvonne peeled the cellophane from the plate and set it in front of Joslynn. “Have a cookie while I pour us some tea.”
“Thanks, but I ate plenty of the dough. I’m still full.” A lie, but there was no need for her to launch into all the reasons she seldom ate sweets.
After pouring two glasses of iced tea, Yvonne set one of them in front of Joslynn. Then she pulled out a chair and sat as she sipped her own tea. “We really did get off on the wrong foot, didn’t we? I’m sorry for that. I was just frantic over Baron.”
“I totally understand. I see plenty of frantic people at work. You were actually quite calm.” Taking a deep breath, Joslynn finally asked, “Why didn’t you want Russ to know I treated you at the ER?”
Yvonne dropped her gaze.
“If I remember right, you only had a cut on your arm that I had to stitch up.”
“I didn’t want to tell Russell about that.”
Suddenly, Joslynn understood. “Baron cut you, didn’t he?”
Still staring at her tea, Yvonne nodded.
“You told me you broke a glass.”
“Baron was the one who broke it by smashing it against a table when he was…confused. He cut me with the jagged edge because he thought I was someone else.” Her worried gaze found Joslynn. “He thought he was back in grade school, that a bully was hurting him. He was only defending himself.”
Things were worse than Joslynn had thought, and it was obvious Yvonne didn’t want her son to know how badly the Alzheimer’s was affecting Baron. “Your hand looks like it’s healed well.”
“It has. Thanks.” Quiet settled as Joslynn watched Yvonne fiddling with the plastic container holding a few paper napkins, clearly thinking through something. Waiting patiently, Jos thought about the best way to share the information she’d brought along with her. If Yvonne wasn’t ready to set her pride aside and admit that she needed help, there wasn’t much Joslynn could do.
Yvonne finally spoke. “May I ask you a question? About Baron?”
“Of course.”
“Do you…?” Yvonne swallowed hard. “Do you think there’s any chance—any chance at all—that he’ll get better?”
The hurt in her voice almost made Joslynn cry. She saw so much pain and loss at the hospital, and despite her best efforts to keep her distance, she often shared the emotional turmoil of her patients. In this case, Yvonne and Baron were Russ’s parents, and they faced an uphill battle that simply couldn’t be won. That thought brought an acute feeling of unfairness and a wave of sadness.
When she noticed the hand Yvonne now rested on the table was trembling, Joslynn reached over to offer a comforting touch. The moment her hand covered Yvonne’s, the woman grabbed it, holding on tightly.
“Alzheimer’s is degenerative,” Joslynn said, keeping her voice soft, as though that would make breaking the bad news easier.
Staring at her glass of tea, Yvonne tugged on her bottom lip with her teeth.
“I don’t know of anyone who has come back from it. I know that’s hard to hear.”
A curt nod.
“But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a lot more years together,” Joslynn said. “There are good meds that can slow the progress, and there are resources that will help you and Baron cope with your situation.”
When Yvonne turned her head to look at Joslynn, there were tears welling in her eyes.
Joslynn gave her hand a squeeze. “I’d like to help you two.”
“I shouldn’t have lied to you earlier,” Yvonne said, sniffling. She dropped Joslynn’s hand to grab a paper napkin and dab her eyes. “I was just so worried…”
“Totally understandable.” Joslynn picked up her purse. “You were worried about your husband.” She pulled out the plastic bag full of information she’d assembled before her visit. “I have some resources for you, if you’d like to take a look at them. I can give you some phone numbers, too. There are people that can help you.”
Yvonne offered a weak smile but didn’t ask for any of those numbers. “I can’t thank you enough for coming here.”
Joslynn smiled. “And thank you for giving me a second chance.” Checking her watch, she realized she needed to be on her way. “If you’ll excuse me, I have a yoga class to teach soon.”
“Yoga? Oh my, that sounds like fun.”
“You’ll have to join us sometime.” Slinging her purse over her shoulder, Joslynn stood. “Thank you for the tea.”
“Thank you for the cookies.” Yvonne got to her feet. “I’ll walk you to the door.” In the foyer, she gave Joslynn a heartfelt hug. “Come again, honey. Promise you will.”
“Hang on a second.” Joslynn fished around in her purse, trying to find one of her business cards. After grabbing one, she found a pen and wrote her cell number on the back of the card before handing it to Yvonne. “I promise, but only if you promise to tell me if there’s anything I can do to help. All you ever have to do is call.”
Yvonne frowned. “Please don’t tell Russell about the cut. I—I don’t want to worry him.”
“I won’t tell him about the cut. But you should know that Russ wants to help any way he can.”