Just getting Russ to come to her beginner yoga class had been an ordeal. Joslynn finally had to promise him that if he didn’t like it after ten minutes, he could leave. Now the pressure was on for her to make him want to stay.
Ever since his panic attack two night ago, she’d been turning ideas around in her mind on how to help him. After the weeks they’d spent together, she’d been encouraged. He’d acted—and felt—better. More in control.
But one episode with his father and he’d tumbled right back into stress hell.
She couldn’t fix things for the father, but she could try to help the son.
Russ looked uncomfortable, arms folded over his chest as his gaze skipped from student to student. At least there were two other guys this evening. She hoped their presence would make him feel less awkward.
She handed him one of the extra rolled mats and pointed to a spot just to her right. Then she worked on getting herself ready to teach.
Heaven knew she needed a good stretch from the stiffness that had settled on her. Russ was to blame. He’d been right about having them wait to know each other before they’d made love. It had been better because of their strong feelings for each other. But he’d been correct about one other thing as well—now that they were intimate, they were intimate often. Almost every time they’d gotten together. And she found herself a bit stiff and sore from their amorous activities. The man could be quite…creative.
He was the best lover she’d ever known.
More and more, Joslynn found the notion of making a long-term commitment to him less alarming. In moments of inner honesty, she admitted that the notion of losing him was untenable, and she knew should they break up, her life wouldn’t be the same. She needed his comfort, his humor, his body. Yet she couldn’t stop herself from thinking that Russ was going to become a permanent part of her life.
Exasperated with the avenue her thoughts traveled, she glanced up as a student appeared in the doorway. Her lips drew into a concerned frown when she saw it was Marc. With all the thoughts of Russ coursing through her, she wasn’t sure she was equipped to deal with a guy who was really nice but would probably upset Russ. Why was he even here?
“Joslynn!” Marc waved as he walked through the double doors to enter the yoga studio. He came to stand in front of her. “Fancy seeing you here.”
She’d never seen anyone as big as Russ move so quickly. Eating up the floor in long strides, he came to stand at her side. As he directed a rather scorching scowl at Marc, Russ folded his arms over his chest again. His legs were braced in what could only be called a “fighting stance.”
Marc’s body language was no less belligerent, and he was clearly taking offense to Russ standing close to her. Although neither said a word, each directed a focused, hard stare at the other.
“I’m surprised to see you here, Marc,” Jos said, hoping to break the stilted silence.
“When Savannah told me how relaxing yoga was, I had to come find out for myself,” he replied. “Especially when she said you taught the beginner classes.”
Something that sounded a bit like a closemouthed laugh came from Russ, which only made Marc narrow his eyes. “Admit it,” Russ said. “You came to see if Josie and I broke up.”
“Fine,” Marc said. “I admit it. Since it appears you’re together, I know when to say when.” He smiled at Joslynn. “Now I just want a nice relaxing yoga session.”
Joslynn sighed at their macho behavior. She hadn’t led Marc on, and it wasn’t her fault if he showed up to satisfy his curiosity. “Class is getting ready to start. Why don’t you get your mat ready, Marc? Russ, you should take off your shoes.”
They acted as though they hadn’t even heard her and just stood there glaring at each other.
When it dawned on her they were both suffering from jealousy, she shook her head and turned her back on them. She’d made it clear she was committed to Russ, so Marc had no reason to feel as if he had some claim on her. And Russ should be confident in her feelings. She was learning to express them more freely and had never given him a reason to doubt her.
She wasn’t some prize for the two men to fight over, and she refused to let them ruin this class for her. “Go on.” She waved them both away. “Go to your mats.” When they were out of earshot, she muttered, “And grow up.”
At the front of the room, Joslynn went about her job. “First pose, Sukhasana.” As she sat cross-legged and set her hands against her knees, she led her students in some deep-breathing exercises. She did her best to try to clear her own troubled thoughts so she could enjoy the session.
But her mind wouldn’t settle, and anger began to blossom, blocking all the soothing effects of the deep breathing.
How dare they treat me like some kind of trophy to battle over!
Despite her tumbling emotions, she was cognizant that her students were watching her and waiting for direction. She called out the second pose and demonstrated the downward facing dog.
Her body seemed to be her enemy as each new pose became a fight. Her muscles refused to stretch, and when she tried to demonstrate Vrksasana, she came close to falling on her face. To try to cover her bobble, she moved between her students, helping them perfect the balance pose and hoping they didn’t realize exactly how much she was failing at the relaxation she was trying to teach them.
Why am I so jittery? And so tired lately?
She spent the most time with Russ, who seemed to enjoy himself, judging from the smile on his face as he tried to get his large body to bend and flex into the different poses. As she tried to help him hold the Vrksasana, he let out a loud laugh when he had to put both feet on the floor. Although he knew talking was verboten, he whispered, “Don’t think I can do this one, Josie.”
With a shake of her head, she put a finger to his lips.
He retaliated by kissing it before she pulled her hand back.
A self-conscious glance to Marc revealed a scowl hot enough to set Russ’s mat on fire. She couldn’t tell if he was angrier at her or Russ since he kept shifting his focus between them.
Dismissing Marc from her thoughts, she returned to the front of the studio and tried to focus on making this class pleasant for her students. By the time she demonstrated the last pose, the Shavasana, she felt a lot better than she had when class had begun.
Her students rewarded her with a smattering of applause before they rolled their mats and left to seek out their next adventures.
Heading to Russ, she waited as he rolled up his mat. “That was…interesting.”
“Sure was,” Marc said, butting into the conversation. “You seemed a bit distracted, Joslynn.”
“She was awesome,” Russ countered as he took her hand in his. “I normally hate stuff like this, but Josie made it fun.”
“Yeah, it was fun,” Marc said.
Russ’s hand settled on her shoulder. “Shouldn’t we be going?”
“I guess I should head out,” Marc said. “This was great. Maybe I’ll come to your next class.”
“There are other yoga instructors,” Russ said, anger clear in his tone.
“Yeah, well…” Marc smiled at her. “Thanks again, Joslynn. Maybe I’ll see you around.”
Glad the tension in the air eased with his parting, Joslynn let out a sigh.
So much for relaxing with yoga tonight.
She wanted to scold Russ, but considering his anxiety attack, she abstained. But she couldn’t seem to stop frowning at him.
The hand on her shoulder squeezed.
Joslynn glanced up to see Russ looking down at her, the concern plain in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said.
She simply quirked a brow.
“I promised I’d stop acting jealous.”
A point in his favor that he’d realized his error. Another point since he’d apologized without prompting.
So she offered an apology of her own. “I’m sorry Marc came to class. I talked about yoga at the barbecue, but I never expected he’d ask Savannah about my classes. How about we get some juice? Shamballa sound good?” Russ took her hand in his again and gave her a gentle squeeze. “I’ve got a better idea.”
* * *
Well aware he’d angered Josie at the yoga class, Russ wanted to make things up to her. Instead of going to the café, he’d taken her back to the Cottage and was making juice for her from scratch.
Since she’d started him on his “destress” program, he’d been eating better as well as exercising. He’d consumed more fruits and vegetables in the last few weeks than he probably had in the last six months. Tonight he was creating blueberry-banana Greek yogurt smoothies, which he hoped she’d like.
But then he’d had that panic attack and wondered if all the good he thought he’d done was entirely wasted.
There’d been no reason to be jealous of Marc. Not really. It was clear the man was attracted to Josie, but she hadn’t given him any more notice than she had the other students.
She sat on one of the kitchen island bar stools, watching him as he worked. There hadn’t been much conversation on their drive from yoga class, and because of the noise of the blender, there wasn’t much being said now. But there needed to be.
Although he’d apologized for his reaction to Marc, he probably needed to discuss it with her. His feelings for her would always have a touch of jealousy. It was simply a fact.
Pouring the purple mixture into two glasses, he stuck a straw in one and then handed it to Josie.
“Thanks,” she said before taking a drink. Then a smile filled her face. “You’re really getting a knack for these.”
“Thanks.” He took a long drink of his own.
She chuckled and pointed to her upper lip. “You’ve got a little…”
Although he could feel the smoothie mustache, he loved teasing her. “A little what?”
Instead of telling him, she set her glass down, hopped off her bar stool, and came to him. Stepping close enough they almost touched, she rose on tiptoes to lick his upper lip clean.
When she tried to step back, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. He captured her lips and proceeded to kiss her until she put her arms around his neck and sagged against him.
As he nibbled at her ear, he whispered, “Do you know how sexy you are doing yoga?”
“I am?”
As he kissed his way to her neck, he said, “Hell yeah. How about we try a couple of those poses now?”
Her breath caught, which meant her thoughts were traveling the same road as his. “Now?”
“Now. Naked.” He eased back so he could work her shirt over her head. He tossed it toward the sofa as she kicked off her shoes. He followed suit and then whipped his T-shirt off, not caring where it ended up.
Josie took his hand and led him to the bedroom. Most of the women he’d known were hit-or-miss where sex was concerned. Not Josie. Her sex drive seemed to be every bit as high as his own, and his need for her grew with every minute he spent with her. He’d never wanted a woman like he wanted her, and he was fine with that. More than fine.
After they both finished undressing, he rolled on a condom and then inclined his head at the bed. “What was that one pose? The one where you had us on hands and knees, sucking in our stomachs and then arching our backs?”
Her responding smile was seductive. “The cat-cow.”
“Looked more doggie style to me.”
“Let me see if this is what you want…” She crawled up on the mattress, positioned herself on all fours facing away from him as she wiggled her shapely ass.
Russ found himself unable to speak as he knelt behind her. Tracing her spine with his fingertips, he was pleased to see she arched her back into his touch. He pressed his erection against her, rubbing her core as he mimicked the act he craved.
Josie pushed back against him, glancing over her shoulder, still smiling. “Don’t make me wait.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
Another rock of her hips against his cock. “You won’t.”
Entering her slowly, he held tightly to her hips.
She was clearly having none of his gentleness, forcing herself back until he was impaled to the hilt. A gasp fell from her lips as she let her head fall forward.
“Are you okay?”
“Shut up and fuck me.”
Hearing those forceful words inflamed him. His girlfriend always knew exactly what she wanted. Her demand filled him with need, and he thrust into her again and again as his thighs slapped against hers.
* * *
Joslynn clenched her hands in the quilt, anchoring herself for the storm racing through her.
Her muscles tightened as the familiar knot blossomed inside her until she came, feeling as though electricity were racing from her core to her limbs. She let out a shout, one echoed by Russ after only a few more thrusts.
He collapsed against her back, wrapping his arms around her waist as though needing to hold her through his own storm.
Easing from her, he headed to the bathroom for a few moments.
Her skin covered in a light sheen of sweat, Joslynn shivered as she scrambled under the covers. Although spring was well established, she couldn’t shake the winter cold from her bones. The older she got, the more the low temperatures bothered her—a lingering side effect of her chemotherapy, and one that would never leave her.
Russ had a contented grin on his face as he flicked off the bathroom light and then slid under the quilt. As she rolled closer to him, he put his arm around her shoulders and held her close. “That was pretty amazing.”
“It just seems to get better.”
“You sound surprised.”
She laid her check against his chest and draped her leg across his thighs. “I guess I am.”
“I love you, Josie.”
Everything inside of her reacted as though she were in danger. She scrambled off the bed and grabbed a robe, donning it and tying the belt tightly. “Don’t you dare say that.”
Russ sat up and frowned. “What’s wrong?”
Everything. Every. Fucking. Thing.
Fight or flight had full hold of Joslynn’s mind. Although this was her home, she needed to run. Fast and far.
Didn’t he realize that those words would destroy everything they’d shared?
There was no such thing as love. There was desire. Passion. Respect. Even some kinds of affection.
But love?
Love ruined everything. It always had in the past, so she couldn’t help but believe the future would hold nothing but more of the same.
She didn’t want his love.
Jerking some clothes from her bureau, she dressed, not exactly sure where she’d escape to, but she had to leave. She had to put some distance between herself and disaster.
Russ was behind her as she put on her panties and some sweatpants, but he didn’t try to stop her. A good instinct on his part, because she wasn’t sure how she’d react if he touched her. Would she strike out?
No. She could never hurt him. She cared too much for him.
So why did she feel the need to get the hell away from him?
“Josie…”
His voice was a whisper, and she couldn’t help but respond to the comforting gentleness she heard as he drew out her name. Clutching her shirt to her bare chest, she trembled.
“It’s going to be okay, sweetheart,” he said before settling a hand over hers.
Emotions in chaos, she tried to take a few deep breaths, which turned into gulps. She was hyperventilating, and her vision began to narrow into a tight tunnel. If she didn’t get a grip, she was going to end up passing out the same way Russ had.
Russ’s arms were around her, and she rested her forehead against his chest. Then she did something she hadn’t done in longer than she could remember.
Joslynn burst into tears.