Hi, baby,” Joslynn said as she answered the phone.
“I’m gonna stay late,” Russ said. “Ethan is out of town with Chelsea, and Brad wanted to be with Savannah and Caroline. I’m gonna close.”
“Okay. I’m still working on that quality-of-care report anyway. How are things there?”
“Fine.” The word was clipped and terse.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Fine.”
A few stilted seconds ticked by, raising her radar a notch when he didn’t elaborate. It had been three weeks since the incident at his parents’ house, and she’d thought things were going better. Russ had helped Yvonne hire some help, and knowing his parents were in good hands had seemed to relax him. He’d even told her he didn’t feel as if he had to constantly worry about them any longer.
Why did he suddenly sound so stressed?
“I gotta go,” he said.
“Want me to stay up ’til you get here?” Joslynn asked.
“I’m going home tonight.”
It was a rare thing for him not to come to the Cottage and sleep at her side. “Are we still running in the morning?”
“Fine.”
“Is that the only word you know?” she said, hearing the frustration in her voice. She tried to soften it. “Russ, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Look, I need to go. Bye, Josie.”
He hung up before she could say another word.
* * *
He’s not coming.
After a night of worry, she’d hoped to find out what was up with Russ when he came to their morning run. But he was nowhere to be seen.
With a frustrated sigh, Joslynn stopped stretching. She shielded her eyes against the sun and fruitlessly scanned the parking lot again.
He’s really not coming.
Trying to control her irritation, she began her run. There had to be a good reason he hadn’t bothered to text her to let her know he wasn’t going to meet her for their morning workout. Russ was always considerate, so what bothered her most was how out of character this was.
The first mile was agony. No matter how hard she concentrated, she couldn’t find a rhythm. Her thoughts were too consumed with Russ. Irritation had yielded to worry. What if something had happened to him? What if something had happened to his parents?
Head spinning, she toughed her way through the second and third mile and then threw in the towel. Her body might crave the exercise, but her brain wasn’t cooperating. After she was able to figure out what was happening with Russ, maybe she’d try again.
Back at her car, she frowned when she checked her phone. No new calls or texts. She hit redial to try again.
“You’ve reached Russ Green, but you’ve also missed him. You know what to do.”
Not bothering to leave yet another message, she reached out to Yvonne, who answered after the first ring.
“Good morning, Joslynn.”
The friendly, relaxed qualities in Yvonne’s voice didn’t ease Jos’s mind, but she was well trained at hiding her emotions. “Good morning. Russ wouldn’t happen to be there, would he?”
“You just missed him. He came by to talk to Karlee about her schedule.”
“I’m really glad you hired her. She’s a great nurse. She’ll do a good job.”
“She’s very sweet. Reminds me of you,” Yvonne said. “She’s got that same way with Baron that you do. Want me to see if I can catch Russell?”
As if Joslynn would let his mother know how much trouble she was having getting in touch with him. “No, thank you. I’ll try his cell.”
Sliding into the driver’s seat, she debated with herself over what to do next. The relationship she and Russ shared had been sailing along so smoothly, she hadn’t anticipated the choppy waters she suddenly found herself in.
Oh, stop being so melodramatic.
Russ being busy didn’t constitute choppy waters. He’d probably had a shitty night at Words & Music and just needed some peace and quiet.
She became irritated with herself over how much she was fretting his absence last night and this morning. Since when had independent Joslynn Wright become a woman who wrung her hands when her boyfriend didn’t answer his phone? She hated women like that—weak, spineless women who were only happy when they were with a guy.
No man will define me.
Slamming her phone onto the center console, she started the car and began to back out of the parking spot.
The phone rang. Russ’s ringtone—“Didn’t See You Coming.”
She should ignore him the way he’d been ignoring her.
She didn’t. Instead of a polite greeting, she said, “You’ve reached Joslynn Wright, but you’ve also missed her. You know what to do.”
“I suppose I should apologize.”
“Ding. Ding. We have a winner.” The wounded sound of her own voice made her wince. “No big deal, Russ. You missed our run. So what?”
“Yeah, I have to say I was surprised you answered. Figured you’d be five miles in by now.”
“Then why did you call? Did you want to get my voicemail?”
Since he didn’t reply, she took that as confirmation. Instead of talking to her and apologizing for standing her up, he’d planned to be a coward and leave some pathetic excuse of a message.
Why was he playing games with her? It was so out of character, and he was well aware how much she despised that kind of dishonesty. “If you didn’t want to run, you should’ve just said so.”
Great. Now she sounded even more hurt.
“It’s not that.” Silent seconds dragged on. “Look, I gotta go. I want to meet Dad’s nurse and talk to her about the schedule.”
“You never did lie well, you know.”
“I’ve gotta go. We can talk later. Bye, Josie.”
“Bye, Josie”?
Not “I Love You.”
Just “Bye, Josie.”
Like last night, she realized.
“Bye, Russ.”
Joslynn threw herself out of the car and launched into another run. It took ten miles for her anger to abate. Only then did she reach out for help.
“Savannah? Can I buy you and Chelsea lunch?”
* * *
Joslynn spotted Savannah and Chelsea the moment she walked into the restaurant. Although only Savannah waved, both women had friendly expressions.
No wonder. Their men hadn’t suddenly turned into walking, talking jackasses.
As she took a seat, Savannah’s gaze searched hers. “What’s wrong?”
Two emotions fought for control of Joslynn’s brain: the urge to burst into tears and the desire to slam her fists against the table. Either outburst would be accompanied by her tattling about Russ to her friends.
“I shouldn’t have done this.” The whispered admonition was for herself, not Savannah and Chelsea, but they cast her worried glances.
“What happened?” Chelsea asked.
Joslynn sighed as the inevitable happened—she morphed into one of those women who bitched about her man to other women. “Evidently, I’m dating Dr. Jekyll.”
A frown formed on Savannah’s face. “I take it Russ just turned into Mr. Hyde.”
“They all do eventually,” Chelsea added. “Thank God it’s usually temporary and over something stupid.”
“What did he do?” Savannah asked. “Leave wet towels on the floor? Forget to put the toilet seat down?” Her teasing tone and smile faded quickly in wake of Joslynn’s stern frown.
“He lied to me.” The worst indictment Joslynn could ever make. Russ had promised her honesty, the same honesty she’d promised him, and she’d never wavered. And she’d given him something she’d given to only a handful of people.
Her trust.
And he’d rewarded her by lying to her. “When I called him on it, he didn’t say a fucking thing.”
She hadn’t realized that she’d clenched her hands into fists until Chelsea laid her hand over one of them. “Calm down. We’ll figure this out. Together.”
“Figure it out? He lied to me!”
Chelsea eased her hand back but seemed to take no offense to Joslynn’s outburst. “About what?”
“About where he was.”
“Why don’t you start at the beginning?” Savannah suggested.
After taking a deep breath, trying to regain some calm, Joslynn told her tale. “He didn’t stay at the Cottage last night, which is no big deal. He had a late shift at the bar, and”—she shrugged—“sometimes we both need our space. We were supposed to meet for our run this morning and he didn’t show.”
“That’s not like Russ,” Chelsea said. “The man’s always five minutes early.”
“I know, right? And he didn’t call at all last night. He always calls when he gets home from work. Doesn’t matter how late it is.” When he called after work, he always apologized, telling her he hoped he hadn’t woken her up. Then he’d always say that he just wanted to hear her voice before he went to sleep. “I checked this morning to see if he’d texted or if I missed his call. Nada.”
Savannah frowned. “I’ll bet you had trouble sleeping, didn’t you?”
Joslynn gave her a curt nod. “So I figured he’d meet me at the park. He never misses a run.”
“And he didn’t show up at all.” Chelsea shook her head. “Why don’t they realize how much we worry about them?”
Throwing her hands up in exasperation, Joslynn admitted, “But I don’t want to worry about him! I don’t want to be some clinging girlfriend who’s always checking on where he is and who he’s with!”
“What did he lie about?” Chelsea asked. “Specifically?”
“The jerk called when he thought I’d be running. Seemed upset to get me and not my voicemail.”
“Coward’s way out,” Savannah said. “Brad does that, too. Stupid guys acting like naughty kids who’re trying not to get punished.”
“Ethan’s got the same problem,” Chelsea added. “You’re not in this alone, honey. Not by a long shot.”
“Russ said he couldn’t run because he was on his way to his parents’ place to meet with the home health nurse. But he obviously didn’t know I’d just spoken with his mom and she said he’d just left. So where was he really going?”
And who was he going with?
Suspicion. A trait that Joslynn wanted no part of.
“See?” she practically shouted at her friends. “See why I didn’t want a relationship? They always end badly. I was better off just screwing around when I was in the mood!”
Thankfully, there weren’t many people in the restaurant to turn and stare at her outburst. Ashamed and embarrassed, she braced her elbows on the table and put her head in her hands. “Why did I do this to myself?”
“You love him.”
Joslynn’s head shot up at Savannah’s matter-of-fact statement.
“She’s right,” Chelsea said. “You wouldn’t be this upset unless you loved him.”
“I hate him.” Joslynn recognized the words for a lie the moment they fell from her mouth. Judging from their smiles, her friends did too.
“As they say, it’s a thin line,” Savannah said.
“What am I going to do?” Joslynn was in uncharted waters, and she needed their experience to guide her through this.
“First,” Chelsea said, “you’re gonna calm down. Then we’re gonna talk this out.”
Savannah nodded. “Exactly. Things aren’t all that bleak.” When Joslynn started to sputter, Savannah held up a hand. “He lied, yes. But we all know Russ isn’t a liar, which means there was a good reason—something he thought justified the lie.”
Chelsea was nodding as well. “Now we just need to figure out what that reason is.”
* * *
Russ had never been so miserable. Even worse, his mother’s intense stare told him she knew exactly how he felt.
But did she know why he felt that way?
He hadn’t shared his news with anyone, because part of him was having trouble accepting the test results. Denial seemed an easier place to dwell.
He knew he should tell Josie. She knew something had changed.
But he couldn’t tell her. The news wouldn’t change the way she felt. He had no doubt she’d be his greatest advocate and that she’d do anything and everything to help him.
Russ would never put her through what his mother was going through with his father.
Never.
“Russell…” She tapped the spoon against the rim of the pot before setting it aside. After putting a lid on whatever she was cooking, she grabbed her cup of coffee and took a seat across from him at the kitchen table. “Talk to me.”
He shifted his coffee cup between his hands. “Mom…stop.”
“Not until you listen to me.”
Unfortunately, he knew that stubborn set of her jaw quite well. He’d seen it far too often when he was growing up. It was almost as intimidating as Baron’s counting to three when Russ was young.
“You don’t have to stay here again tonight,” she insisted. “Now that we’ve got Karlee coming in so often, your father and I are doing well. Go home. Go be with Joslynn.”
Be with Joslynn.
Exactly what he wanted most in the world.
The one thing he couldn’t do.
Seemed as though he had to fight the urge to pick up his phone and call her every single minute, to tell her what he’d discovered and beg that she help him face a bleak future.
Fight it he did, though. Knowing what he now knew, how could he hold on to her?
She deserved so much better.
“Russell, honey? Are you even listening to me?”
“I’m listening, Mom.”
“We’re fine now,” she insisted. “I’ve got Fiona and Michelle here on Mondays to clean. Karlee is coming in almost every day to help with Dad. There’s no reason for you to stay with us at night.”
Russ’s first instinct was to remind her that her black eye might’ve faded, but he could still see exactly where Baron had hit her. Just seeing her that day had made something inside Russ click into place, as though he discovered the solution to a question he hadn’t even realized he needed answered. He’d realized that he was looking at his own future in everything Baron did, and he also realized that he couldn’t put Josie through the same ordeal Yvonne was enduring.
As everyone kept pointing out to him, Russ was already out of control. He could barely leash his temper now. How bad would things get when that fucking disease got its claws in him, as genetic testing had told him was entirely possible? Would he abuse Josie the way Baron had abused Yvonne?
The mere thought sent a shudder racing through Russ. “I know I don’t need to stay. I just…I just want to be here in case…”
“I’ve known you since you drew your first breath on this earth, Russell Grant Green. You think I don’t know what you’re thinking?” Yvonne let out a snort. “You’re blaming yourself because you didn’t protect me.”
Instead of answering, he just shifted his nearly empty coffee cup to his other hand.
“Who exactly do you think you’d be protecting me from?”
Dad. When he’s not Dad.
Russ shrugged.
His mother reached over, picked up his cup, and set it out of his reach. “Your father would never hurt me, Russell.”
Your black eye says otherwise. “He might not mean to.”
“So by staying here every minute you’re not at work, you think you’ll keep him from ever hitting me again?”
He gave her a curt nod.
Waving a dismissive hand, she said, “That’s foolishness.”
“Mom, he hit you. More than once.”
“And each time, he wasn’t in his right mind.”
“So that makes it okay?”
Yvonne reached out a hand to him, and Russ reluctantly grasped it. “Oh, honey. Nothing about this is okay. Not a doggone thing. Yes, he laid hands on me when he was in a bad way. But I learned each time. I’m a smart cookie, Russell. I never make the same mistake twice.”
“You can’t know what sets him off,” he insisted.
“Not exactly, but I’m learning to read him, to keep track of his moods. I know my husband as well as I know my own mind. I can see the changes coming now, and that’s when I do all the things that Joslynn taught me. I have the meds to calm him down. Now that I’ve got Karlee, I’ve got someone to call before he gets too out of hand. I’m not fighting this alone anymore.”
While that made perfect sense, all Russ could think about was how to keep the women he loved safe. If he was at his mother’s side whenever he could be, he could protect her.
But there was only one way he could protect Josie, only one way he could be sure she wasn’t the one worrying about his moods and whether she had the right tranquilizers around when he flew into an Alzheimer’s-induced rage.
And that was to set her free.
Knowing that she would fight him and try to convince him that he wasn’t doomed to follow in his father’s footsteps, Russ was going to have to do whatever was necessary to push her away. His future now seemed set in stone.
One day he would suffer from Alzheimer’s—and the mere mental picture of him striking Josie made his blood run cold.
God, how he loved her. Everything about her, from her fierceness to her intelligence, made him happy. Yet now it was that love that was going to force him to stay away from her. She deserved better. She deserved a man who was whole now and would be whole the rest of his life.
Russ couldn’t promise her that. Not anymore.
“Go home, Russell,” his mother said. “Go see that sweet Joslynn.”
“And leave you to fend for yourself?”
Her narrowed eyes were followed by her wagging her index finger at him. “You’re one stubborn son of a gun, you know that? Before you were a twinkle in your daddy’s eye, I made him some promises. For better or worse. In sickness and in health. Well, by God, I have seen a little worse and a little sickness. But I won’t pass that responsibility off to you, no matter how much you want me to.” Standing, she came over to him and cradled his face in her hands. Then she kissed his forehead. “You’re a good boy, Russell. With the cleaning service and now Karlee, you’ve helped me more than you know. But Baron is my husband. Let me be his wife.”
* * *
“Everything looks good, Joslynn.” Christina Adams, Joslynn’s gynecologist, lifted the ultrasound transducer and then handed Joslynn a towel.
As she wiped the blue gel from her lower abdomen, Joslynn stared at the monitor. She had some training in reading ultrasounds, but she wanted to be sure she was seeing things correctly. “So that’s a mature follicle?”
“Yep. Nice, ripe egg,” Christina replied. “And the uterus and right tube are normal. The left ovary might be atrophied from the chemo, but the right works. I can’t guarantee you’d achieve a pregnancy, but I see no structural reason you can’t conceive. We can draw blood and check hormone levels, too, but I don’t think we need to.”
Pulling her gown closed, Joslynn sat up. Although she had a smile on her face, she wasn’t surprised to feel a tear slip from the corner of her eye. She quickly swiped it away. “No thanks. This told me plenty. Although…I do have my annual blood work tomorrow.”
Christina returned the smile. “Just let my nurse know which lab, and she’ll send in orders to piggyback the hormone testing. I’m glad this all seems to be good news.” Standing, she grabbed her tablet. “Any questions for me?”
Joslynn shook her head. “Thanks so much.”
“You’re quite welcome. You can go as soon as you’re dressed. No need to stop by the desk on your way out.” The phone in her pocket rang for the third time since the exam began. “Please excuse me. I need to run.”
“Of course. Thanks again.”
Alone in the room, Joslynn allowed a few happy tears to fall. She’d convinced herself at an early age that she didn’t want to have kids of her own, that there were plenty of other important things in life. While she wasn’t sure she wanted to be a mother, she was pleased that she now had that option.
After she dressed and left the office, she sat in her car, staring at her phone. Her first instinct was to call Russ and share the results with him. But she couldn’t follow through.
Something was up with him, something that was stressing him out. After she figured out what that was, she’d help him with it and then she could share her news. The way he’d sounded last time they talked, he was liable to totally misconstrue what she was saying and feel pressured to have kids with her.
A quick and very scary thought raced through her mind. Did he have news of his own? Had he gone for his genetic tests?
No. He’d promised her she could go with him when he talked to the genetic counselor. She’d told him how important it was for her to be at his side. The only reason he wasn’t with her today the way they’d planned was because he hadn’t returned any of her calls so that she could arrange for him to go with her.
Angry at being so completely ignored, Joslynn jammed her phone back in her pocket. She’d sent plenty of texts and left several voicemails.
Now it was time for Russ to pull his head out of his ass and reach out to her.