CHAPTER TEN
The goose bumps trickled over my skin again, slow, like they were picking their path. It felt like a moment, Leo confiding something personal to me, and I realized how foreign that was. Jeremy was either an open book or told me nothing, because I never got the sense that anything he said was a big deal. Was that kind of sad?
“We were on our own at a pretty young age,” he said after another long pause. “Went to live with our uncle, but—” Leo scoffed. “He had no interest in parenting anyone. He was never there, so I kind of took that on. Made sure we were always at school and no flags were raised so that nobody would figure it out and report it or split us up. We swore to each other that nothing would make that happen.”
“How old were you?” I asked.
“Thirteen,” he said, offhandedly. “Nick was ten.”
“Jesus.”
“No, it was okay,” he said. “We made it work. Most times our uncle at least made sure there was food in the house, but anything we really needed I learned to—be innovative.”
He stole. Part of me wanted to raise my hand and say Hey, me too, and bond, but the grown-up inside me said to shut up. I stole things back then for the thrill of it. He did it out of need.
“I made a lot of bad decisions those years, though,” he said. “Hooked up with the wrong people over and over, letting greed drive me instead of just getting us by the right way.” He shook his head. “I was such a moron.”
“How old were you then?” I asked.
“Twenty.”
“Everyone’s a moron at twenty.”
He smirked. “I was a special kind of stupid,” he said softly. Almost to himself.
“Oh, he told me tonight that he worked construction for a Blankenship, might have been Jeremy’s family.” Leo went silent. “They used to live in the same area y’all did before their house burned down.”
The quiet was deafening.
“Small world,” he finally said, echoing my earlier thought. “So, long story short, he came to me needing my help and I bailed on him. Then I had to leave, and—”
Leo stopped talking again, and I looked at him, waiting.
“Had to?” I asked.
He rubbed at his eyes and blew out a breath.
“Story for another time.” His hand dropped to his chest. “Why am I telling you all this?”
“My magic power,” I said on a yawn. “Makes men weak and talkative.”
“Well, you need to dial that shit back,” he said, making me laugh softly. “It’s potent.”
There was another stretch of silence, and I had the weirdest urge to touch him. To reach over and hold his hand. Speaking of being a moron. Thank God that hand was currently wrapped in a wet towel and not up for stupid activity.
“Jeremy swept me off my feet,” I said instead. Because my powers clearly weren’t done for the evening and didn’t exclude me. “I’d had boyfriends, but nothing like that. No one could blow me away or pull me out of my comfort zone like he could. I was—kind of a free spirit up till then. I moved out at eighteen, went with the wind, did what I wanted, didn’t answer to anyone, and then I met Jeremy Blankenship.”
“And all that changed?” Leo asked.
“Times a million,” I said. “But slowly. At first, I thought it was the way it should be, you know? I was twenty-four and all over the place, so I thought it was good for me. Growing up and being responsible and having someone help you, shape you, love you so much that you believe it’s all for your own best interests.” I tugged the afghan around me tighter. “Then all these years later, I wake up one day and realize that there isn’t anything of me left. My interests are in a box in my brother’s attic. My friends have disappeared. My way of thinking is pressed so far back in my mind that I can barely see it, because Jeremy’s way—his words, his logic, his branding—has become the new me. ‘That’s not professional, Micah. Wear this instead. Hold your head up at parties, Micah. Look like you belong. Get out of the rain, Micah, you’re not a child. Get your head in the game, Micah. Look like this. Act like this. Talk like this. Have a friggin’ orgasm when I do, Micah, because I don’t have time for the extra work.’”
My eyes filled with tears.
“I live in this pretty box. Like going to one of those all-inclusive resorts that have everything so you never want to leave?” I nodded at my own analogy. “That’s my life. You said people run away from something or to something, and I honestly don’t know which it was.”
I was breathing fast and didn’t realize it till I stopped talking. My heart was racing.
“Hey.”
I head-jerked in his direction. “Yeah?”
“You aren’t there anymore.”
I drew in a shaky breath and let that simple sentence ground me. Darkness surrounded us, but I could see him looking at me, and it was intense. He reached over, resting his arm on my chair. Not on me, but it was the same as if he had. I felt the warmth behind the intention. I felt his touch in the same way I’d wanted to touch him, and it settled my rushing blood.
“Your choices are yours again,” he said finally. “You took off the ring; you can put it back on again any time you want. You left, and you can go back; no one is pulling your strings now. Just breathe. Be you.”
I inhaled deeply and let it go, staring forward again, listening to the ring of the quiet. Be me. I had to figure out who that was again.
“I was callous when I said that earlier tonight, Roman-off,” he said. “I’m sorry for that.” He faced forward, too. “I should know better than anyone that there’s always a story behind the story.”
I looked down at his arm, still resting on my chair. Not in a controlling way but—protective. Caring. Something I would have never gleaned from the big bear Harley-guy I first climbed onboard with. Then again, he did let me climb onboard.
“So there’s a story behind coming to this odd little town to bartend at a restaurant and work for secret people that has seeing your brother as an ulterior motive?” I asked.
Leo chuckled and turned to face me, his feet landing on the ground.
“Remind me not to talk around you, Roman-off,” he said, leaning close to my head as he stood. “You remember too much.”
I grinned as he walked off. “Magic power.”
“By the way,” he said, stopping and turning back, “any man who isn’t willing to do the extra work for you? That guy is an idiot and not worth your time.” He held up a hand. “My opinion.”
Oh, my God, that was out loud. I’d said that out loud. I’d said—
Kill me now.
“Good night,” he said, opening the door with a click and closing it behind him.
I closed my eyes and pushed the mortification away, letting the silence sink in again, blanketing me. This time it came with the echo of words.
You aren’t there anymore.
Be you.
Goose bumps.
“Good night,” I whispered.
* * * *
“I’ve been mauled by wild animals,” Gabi muttered, crawling onto my couch after a trip down the hall. The crappy couch I’d slept on because she’d commandeered the entire bed like a damn octopus. “I feel like I did the running of the bulls last night. And they won.”
“They did,” I agreed. “But you put up a good fight.”
“Why is the bathroom so far away?” she mumbled into a pillow.
I laughed. “I feel your pain.”
“Did I—was there a man who—did I hook up with someone?” she managed to get out.
“You don’t remember?”
Gabi pulled her head out of the pillow and squinted up at me.
“So I did?” she said. “I was with some strange guy? Oh, my God. I haven’t been with anyone besides Bart in—” She went even paler than before. “I’m gonna be sick.”
I grabbed the wastebasket and set it close to her, shaking my head.
“Slow down,” I said. “You didn’t hook up with anyone. There was just this drunk guy that got handsy during karaoke and picked you up to—”
“Ride—oh, sweet Jesus, yeah I remember that now,” she said, pulling another pillow over her head like a sandwich.
“I’d make you some toast, but I have no food,” I said. “We could go get something.”
“Don’t say—food,” she said, her voice muffled between the pillows.
“But I do have some headache medicine and a bottle of water in my mini fridge,” I said.
Gabi grunted.
“I think I even have a lemonade in there,” I said, testing my theory.
Pillows went two different directions, as she rolled to her side and dove her head into the wastebasket I’d be throwing away later.
“There you go,” I said, getting up for the water. “Get that poison out of your system.”
An hour and forty-five minutes later, I was dressed and Gabi was sitting upright and picking miniscule corners off crackers I’d raided from the shop’s snack stash they use for gift baskets. And I was antsy.
“I know you feel like death right now,” I said, sitting on the coffee table opposite her. “But would you mind riding with me somewhere? After we go feed your fish?”
She frowned. “How do you know about them?”
“They were vitally important last night,” I said.
She chuckled as she broke another crumb off, staring at the cracker in her hand like it was a science experiment.
“What Nick did—his announcement—” Gabi said, a small smile warming her face. “That was cool. He and Lanie are so lucky.”
I remembered her mention of fertility research.
“You and Bart were trying to have a baby?” I asked.
She scoffed. “I was.” She blinked rapidly. “Everything turns out as it should, I guess. I can’t have babies and he can’t be faithful, so…”
“I’m sorry, Gabi.”
She swiped under her eyes quickly. “Just take my car again,” Gabi said with a wave of her hand. “I have no plans to do anything.”
“Well, that’s the thing,” I said with a grimace. “I need to not be by myself.”
She did her best to focus on me, blinking rapidly. “What is it you’re doing?”
“Something I need witnesses for,” I said. “In fact, I might ask Leo to come as well.”
That was a thought I’d played with all night, and it had nothing to do with his words in my head or the weird chemistry between us. I just figured the more people, the better, and things were getting more and more comfortable.
Comfortable.
Yeah, there was a word for it.
“Leo.”
“For backup,” I said.
Gabi straightened a little more. “What are you doing?” she repeated.
“Going to my—to Jeremy’s house,” I said. “To get my stuff. My brother says I need witnesses.”
“Holy Jesus, will Jeremy be there?” she asked.
“I—maybe,” I said. “He was the first to pass out on me yesterday, so maybe he’s up and sober and back home.”
“Are you going to pitch for the car again?”
I sighed, rolling my stiff neck. “I don’t know,” I said. “I’ll play it by ear when I see his mood.”
“His mood,” she muttered. “It’s your car.”
“Not legally,” I said.
“What’s he gonna do, have you arrested for grand theft auto?” she asked. “Come on.”
“You haven’t had the pleasure of the Blankenships yet,” I said. “Nothing is ever off the table.”
Twenty minutes later, we were standing outside Leo’s door. Well, I was standing. Gabi was sort of holding up the door jamb.
“Are you gonna knock?” she asked. “Or are you two on a psychic level now?”
“I’m—I’m going to,” I said, lifting my fist. It just seemed weird all of a sudden. I’d seen him a dozen times in the last few days, but it had all been accidental. This on purpose thing felt so—on purpose.
Suck it up.
I knocked, and clamped my lips together to stop the ridiculous little gasp that escaped my throat. Seriously.
The second one couldn’t be helped.
Leo opened the door wearing only sweatpants. Granted, I’d seen him—smacked into him actually—in just jeans, fresh out of the shower and delicious, but this was fresh out of bed. Warm and tousled and sweatpants hanging a little low on his hips, rubbing his eyes and raking his fingers back through his short hair.
I glanced at Gabi and watched her hangover-riddled eyes light up in appreciation. Right before she slid her sunglasses back over them. In the hallway. Inside a building.
“What’s up?” he said, his voice still husky with sleep.
Sweet Jesus, that didn’t help things.
“I didn’t know you’d still be asleep,” I said. “Sorry.”
“She used the same line on me,” Gabi said.
Leo focused on her. “How are you feeling?”
“I’ve been better,” she said with a pained smile. “But duty calls.”
“Duty,” he echoed.
“Micah duty,” she responded.
He gave me a questioning look. “Am I missing something?”
“No,” I said, shifting feet, suddenly uncomfortable with the comfortableness. “I was wondering if—um—you had some free time this morning.”
“For?”
“Riding with me and Gabi to Cherrydale,” I said, lifting my chin. “I need to go to Jeremy’s to get some of my things, and my brother suggested I bring people so that everything stays neutral.”
His eyes panned me in the briefest of a blink, but I felt it like it had been seared into me. I had on a low V-necked coral T-shirt with Indie Woman blinged across the boobs in rhinestones. My hair was down and silky, and I had on faded blue jean shorts and flip-flops. It basically screamed casual and Look at my tits sexy, while saying I don’t need you at the same time. It was about as nonprofessional and un-Blankenship as I could get, and I knew that Leo knew that.
“Neutral?” Leo said. “He won’t be thinking neutral if he sees me.” His eyes fell to my chest again. “Especially with you looking like that.”
“We’ll be in Gabi’s car,” I said, resisting the urge to fan myself. “He won’t know that you’re you.”
“He’ll assume it,” Leo said, turning around. “But Gabi and I can pretend we’re together.”
Gabi looked like she’d just swallowed the canary, looking at me with a shrug. Something in me twitched.
“Sure thing,” she said.
“So—you’ll come?” I asked.
Leo grabbed a gray T-shirt from a nearby chair and tugged it over his head, covering the good stuff. This was probably a good thing.
“I’m not letting you two go alone,” he said. “Just give me a minute.”
He grabbed his little bag of motel contraband and headed down the hall, and Gabi slid down the wall to a seated position, her legs flopped out in front of her.
“Not a bad plan,” she said. “He’s—”
“I know,” I said. “Boy, do I know. Which is why I need to keep a distance. And not do things like this.”
She blinked up at me. “I was going to say he’s nice to drop out of a dead sleep and help, but sure, we can go with wherever you just went.”
“You mean the same place you went, Miss Sunglasses Indoors?”
Gabi lifted a finger and slid her shades back with it. “No idea what you’re talking about. I’m off men for the duration.”
“Duration of what?”
“Of—whatever,” she said. “See what you’re about to do today? That’s why men are the pits.”
“A lot of men could say the same for women,” Leo said, coming back our way.
Damn, he was fast.
“And they’d be right,” Gabi said. “We all suck. That’s why we should all stay single and just bang it out every now and then.”
“I like the way you think,” Leo said, laughing. “Let me change. I’ll be right back.” He disappeared behind his door and I was hit again with a twinge of something I couldn’t define.
“You’re still drunk, aren’t you?” I said.
“I might be a little,” she said, scrunching her nose.
Less than sixty seconds later, he was indeed back. Looking like a million bucks after being awake all of three minutes. It was so unfair.
“Holy cow,” Gabi breathed.
“Come on,” he said to her, holding out a hand and pulling her up. “You have to pull it together, girlfriend for the day.”
Her grin wasn’t even trying to hide.
“Lord,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. “Give me your keys, Gabi. I’ll chauffeur while you two kids make out on the way to prom.”
“I think Mom is PMSing,” Leo said in a loud whisper from behind me as we walked toward the stairs.
I turned with a look as he threw an arm around Gabi’s shoulders and grinned just like she was. Oh—my—God. I knew what the twinge was. Jealousy. No, no, no, hell no. She could have him and his brick-shit-house body and perfect mouth and sexy rumbly laugh. All that stuff was good for nothing but a bang, just like Gabi said, and she needed it worse than I did.
Walk on, Micah.
I mostly ignored their jokes on the way there, and briefly filled Leo in on the car thing, wishing I could read his expression in the rearview mirror through the sunglasses hiding his eyes. I wondered who he’d done extra work on and shook my head free of the visual that sent heat shooting to my neck.
“What?” Gabi said, looking up from her phone where she sat leaned against the passenger-side window scrolling Facebook.
“What what?” I responded.
“You just scoffed like you were disgusted,” she said. “What happened?”
What the hell was with me and doing things out loud lately? Good grief.
“Just my brain,” I said, shaking my head.
I watched a faraway farmhouse go by on my left that I’d seen go by the other direction on my right with Leo just a few days ago. I’d just done this last night, going to Thatcher’s house, but there was something about Leo being in the car. Him being there, returning with me to the scene of the crime, as it were—it felt raw. And very real.
I had the dress in a garment bag in the trunk, and the ring in a cute little drawstring bag I’d had in my backpack for putting it in while on the beach on our honeymoon. Both were going to land at Jeremy’s house and stay there. I didn’t care what he did with them. I just needed for them to not be with me.
“Crap,” Gabi said. “Do y’all know about the speed dating thing tonight?”
“I’m sorry?” I said, pulling out of my thoughts to—“Did you say speed dating?”
“I saw it on the sign last night,” Gabi said, scrolling on her screen. “But I forgot about it. Kind of on purpose.”
“What sign?”
“The—Here’s all the shit we’re doing to kick off the Honey Festival sign,” she said. “Ugh, this is worse than karaoke.”
“You don’t have to go,” I said, laughing.
“Yeah, I do, actually,” she said. “The shop is sponsoring it. Different businesses sponsor a night. Drew signed us up for this one.”
“Ohhhh,” I said. “That sucks.”
“You have to come,” she said.
I nearly ran us off the road. “I can promise that I don’t,” I said.
“I’m coming with you for moral support today,” she said, nudging me with her elbow. “You have to come tonight.”
“You’re only here right now out of guilt for making me carry you up the stairs last night,” I said. “So we’re even.”
“Pay it forward, then,” she said. “Micah, I will crawl into a hole and die if I have to sit through that shit alone.”
“You said your sister will be there,” I said. “And you actually have to participate when you sponsor?”
“A show of good faith,” she said sarcastically. “To show everyone how incredibly fun it is. And Drew will likely disappear as soon as she can, leaving me holding the ‘fun’ cape by myself, and I’ll need a straightjacket before the night is done.”
“Gabi,” I breathed, drawing out her name like I was in pain.
“Please, Micah,” she whined back. “I need someone to make fun of people with me and make this light so I stay sane.”
“Wait, you’re still married,” I said. “There’s your out.”
She shook her head. “Bart and Dixie-the-Barbie-Doll are all over the place being all over each other, so people think we’re divorced already, anyway.” She shrugged. “I could probably use the practice. Drew says I should take a step.”
“Wouldn’t that step be paperwork?” Leo piped in, then held up his hands when she turned around. “Just saying. Why aren’t you divorcing the guy?”
I glanced at her frowning profile. “Principle of the thing,” she said under her breath.
“Because it’s what he wants,” I said.
Her gaze dropped back down to her phone. “Like I said.”
I blew out a breath. I was such a sucker for sadness.
“I’m sorry, did you say her name was Dixie?” I asked.
She held up her chin again. “I did. Dixie Dartwell of the wealthy snooty Dartwells.”
Could it get worse than that?
“Fine,” I muttered. “Where?”
Gabi did a little mini clap as her eyes lit up. “Rojo’s again.”
“Hold up,” Leo said. “I have to be there for this fiasco?”
“Do you work tonight?” she asked.
He leaned his head back on the seat like he was searching the roof for a different answer.
“At seven.”
“Aww,” Gabi said. “Lucky you.”
“So, does Jeremy know you’re coming?” Leo asked, smartly changing the subject.
“Um, no,” I said.
I saw the frown even through the dark glasses.
“Don’t you think that might have been a good idea?” he asked, leaning forward. “What if he’s not there?”
“No,” I said matter-of-factly. “He would make sure he wasn’t there, or have a block party going on or something. Anything to avoid being alone with me.”
“Nothing like you, huh?” Gabi said. “Bringing your witnesses.” I cut a sideways glance at her and saw her wink. She squeezed my hand. “Just kidding, girl. We got your back.”
I listened to the road noise for the next half hour, knowing my exit was coming, and then there it was, the sign for Cherrydale and the pimping out of the Cherrydale Trade Days.
“I can’t believe I’ve never been to that,” Gabi said. “So close, and yet it never even floated across my radar.”
“You aren’t missing much,” I said, turning onto the feeder road. “I mean it’s cool, and you can find a lot of random stuff if you dig, but once you’ve been there, you’ve been there.”
“Can we go by your flower farm?” she asked. “I’ve never seen that in person, either. Evidently, I lead a very girl-in-a-bubble kind of life, and actually that’s work.”
“We can drive by—in fact, let’s do that first,” I said, hitting the blinker. Yep, I was putting it off. The flower farm was on the opposite side of the highway from the town, kind of isolated from society. We drove past the open fields and the greenhouses, and I pointed out the main hothouse and office. “I’m technically on vacation for two weeks so I don’t want to stop, but basically anywhere you see flowers or greenhouses, that’s where you’ll usually find me.”
“Wow, that’s a lot of flowers,” Gabi said as we passed masses of color reaching for the sun. “And I just want one little field of wildflowers.”
“It’s impressive,” Leo said. “Did you go to school for this?”
My hackles went up, draining my pride. It was a years-long argument I’d had with both Jeremy and Thatcher. I’d gone, but I never finished. Classrooms were never my strong suit, but I would have stomached it if I could have just taken what I wanted—the horticultural science of plants. Get my hands in the earth and teach me, but don’t make me sit through years of unrelated basics and prerequisites. I just couldn’t do it. So the library and I became fast friends to give me material to pour over, and the Internet after that. Thatcher didn’t agree. He’d given up becoming a paramedic to be practical and snag a business major for the sake of the business. He was always pushing the selling point that having a horticulturalist onsite would up our worth. Jeremy just wanted me to up mine.
“I don’t have a degree, if that’s what you’re asking,” I said, trying to dial down the defense I heard in my voice. “But I know my stuff.”
Leo chuckled. “I don’t doubt that you do, Roman-off,” he said slowly. “It was just a question.”
“Sorry,” I said, driving on. “I didn’t mean to snap. It’s just a really dead horse.” I tapped the wheel with my fingertips. “Okay, time to do this.”
I turned at a small road back toward the highway and headed around a curve and a slight incline, till we crossed over and drove through town.
“Déjà vu,” Leo said as I landed at the red light. The red light.
I looked to my left at the sidewalk in front of the drugstore, and my heartbeat sped up as my mind’s eye saw me standing there. Micah! I heard Jeremy yell my name. And Leo rev his motor, waiting, questioning me with those eyes I couldn’t really see. Offering me an escape from that life. Or at least from a fate of baking on the sidewalk.
“Hey, you still with us?”
I jolted out of my vision with a start. “What?”
“It’s green,” he said. “We going?”
The ironic echo of those words pinged around my head while I met his eyes in the mirror. Eyes I could actually see since he’d taken the glasses off. I felt a smirk pull at my lips.
“Yeah,” I said.