One month later
Our time apart is filled with long hours, endless lab notes, and countless chores. At first, I’m fascinated and eager to learn, even if some of it is monotonous.
No surprise, the best part is when I get to dive, and despite the barren ocean floor, which is the reason why we’re in this part of the world, being in the water makes it all worthwhile.
On top of that, it doesn’t help that I miss Silas like a lost limb. No matter how busy or happy I am, there’s a part of me that’s removed from it all.
Four weeks. That’s how long it takes me to face the truth. By the third week, I know in my heart of hearts that I won’t last, but I rationalize the urge with the strong need to give this expedition a fair shake.
But toward the end of week four, I finally talk to Vinny despite how much I dread it and fear that he won’t understand. He loves research, and in some strange way, he enjoys the long grueling hours in the lab.
No surprise, Vinny is more than understanding and points out that the trip was a success because I now know that research isn’t for me. When I hop on the plane, I still feel somewhat guilty for leaving after a month and can’t thank him enough for having me on the trip.
During the flight, I make peace with the fact that research isn’t my thing, and that doesn’t mean I’m a quitter. Research is an unavoidable part of being a marine biologist, and I won’t shy away from doing the work.
“Uruguay was not a failure. I narrowed down my interests, eliminating those fields that involve only research.”
“Pardon?” the steward asks.
“Nothing.” I blush embarrassed to have said it out loud.
The rest of the flight is short and when we land, I quickly determine that São Paulo is intimidating. It’s beautiful, but bustling and I feel like every bit the foreigner that I am. Thank goodness for Bianca. She’s planned everything. My hardest task is finding the driver at the airport.
The driver navigates the traffic and people like only a native could, and once, at the hotel, I deposit my luggage and change quickly.
Trojan’s final tour, Odyssey, has officially kicked off with South America as their first continent on the circuit. This is their third and final night in São Paulo before moving onto Lima. Silas has no clue I’m here.
Standing to the side of the stage, Trojan sings to a sold-out crowd, and I have the best view in the house.
I’ve been to concerts before, and some have been amazing, but this is different. Surreal. Standing on stage, even off in the wings, the energy is palpable and electrifying. I’m feeding off the continual buzz of the crowd like I’ve been plugged in. The adoration of the fans is intoxicating. I now understand what Silas means when he says performing live is a high. There’s nothing like it.
Of course, the charged vibe is also from the guys. They’re on fire, each of them oozing an animal magnetism that rivals the raw and sexy sounds of their music and words. Trojan is on their final encore, and they’re dripping wet. They must be exhausted, but they’re going strong.
Silas stands front and center. Tall and muscular. Day old stubble, faded jeans molding to his unforgettable ass, and glistening bare chest. His shirt abandoned long ago to the roar and screams of thousands of women. Wet, blond hair plastered to his head. Beautiful.
“São Paulo, you’ve been fucking awesome! This is the last song of the night!” he yells into the microphone as the crowd screams. “We’re playing this one for the first time. It’s a special song, releasing tomorrow. Our final release.”
Again, the crowd hollers with excitement. “This one is “Clutch,” and it’s for the love of my life.”
My hands shake as I bring them to my lips. Perhaps it’s my movement, or maybe he senses me, but Silas glances off stage in my direction. Did he see me? No, he turns back to the crowd.
But like a boomerang, his head whips back in my direction. Eli and Jared have started to play, but Silas just stands there, blue eyes pinning me. Transfixed.
I beam and wave like the crazy fangirl that I am. He still just stares. With a pointing gesture, I urge him to start singing, to get back to his fans.
Jared yells his name, stepping in beside Silas to figure out what has him frozen. Jared’s gaze lands on me, and he smiles warmly before bumping Silas’s shoulder, breaking the trance.
A slow, sexy grin skates across Silas’s face, and he winks at me with a slight chin dip. My knees weaken, and my insides melt. He turns to the crowd, and the throng roars as the music picks up again.
Something magical happens as a lull or hush falls across the stadium the second Silas’s sexy voice sings the first few words. The song has a faster tempo than I expect, it’s not hard rock or a ballad, but rather something in between. Inspiring and beguiling, the lyrics bring tears to my eyes and my insides heat with a stirring low in my belly.
Again, he’s captured our relationship, not only through the words and tune, but there’s also an emotion to his tone and vibe of the band. The ideal refrain of holding on, knowing when to let go, but never losing the love.
Happy tears stream down my face at the limitless love washing over me. I’m so far gone that I can hardly see clearly. I wipe my nose with the back of my hand, taking deep breaths and trying to get a hold of myself as the song comes to an end. The guys say their farewell and exit the stage.
Silas runs straight for me, scooping me in his arms. His lips kiss every part of my face, tears and all.
“Hey, you,” he murmurs in my ear, his face pressing into my neck.
“Hi.” My voice is shaky and hopeful.
My stomach flips as he kisses me over and over again, working me into a mindless mess. All control lost. Combustible need.
His lips move to the side of my jaw, my neck, and the tease of his stubble along my skin intensifies the heating sensation growing low in my body.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“Is that any way to greet me?”
“Please tell me you’re here, not a dream.” He nips at my ear.
“I’m here.” My voice is breathy with what he’s doing to me.
The rest of the band gather around us, Jared stepping in to take me into a quick, sweaty hug. Silas growls as Eli and Gray do the same, but he doesn’t stop them. They’re my friends too.
“Thank fuck you’re here. This guy has been insufferable,” Jared says. “Tell me you’re staying a while, please.” He makes a pleading face and holds his hands in front of him in prayer.
I laugh and nod. “Yes, I’m here for a while. For the rest of the tour, actually.” Jared’s eyebrows lift as do Eli and Gray’s, whereas Silas furrows his, and mashes his lips into a thin line. “If you’ll have me.”
“Great to see you, Pansy,” Eli says, patting my shoulder. And Gray echoes the sentiment before the guys leave us.
“Pansy, I’m fucking ecstatic that you’re here, but what are you doing?”
“Can we go somewhere private?” I glance around at the crew and other people milling around. None of them are looking at us or listening, but I want privacy.
Silas nods and takes my hand. “Let me grab my things, and we’ll go back to the hotel. Where are you staying?”
“With you. Bianca arranged it all. My things are already in the room.”
“Bianca? I should’ve known.” He shakes his head, but I’m not sure if it’s in joy or disappointment.
Grabbing his Gibson and bag, he forgoes a shower, eager to get me alone. Security leads the way, and our exit proves to be an ordeal.
The few instances in L.A. with paparazzi or fans were child’s play compared to the pandemonium outside. Fortunately, the security guys know what they’re dealing with and have a planned exit route.
Surprisingly, steps from the car, we’re spotted, and a swarm of fans charge toward us. The four burly guys flanking all sides remain calm but order us to pick up the pace, and somehow, we make it to the car before being swallowed by the mob.
Dozens of women and girls bang on the SUV, chanting “Silas,” and some even say my name. I’m shocked they know who I am.
I’m a little jittery on the way to the hotel. I’ll never be comfortable with that kind of scene, and Silas keeps me in his lap, refusing to loosen his grip. “Start talking,” he says.
“Not everyone gets to realize their dream or even to have the chance to dream.” I start big picture, knowing I’ve got to lay the groundwork for him. He’s coming at this from the position of making sure I get back to Uruguay. “I’m fortunate that I not only found my dream career, but I discovered something greater and bigger than I ever dare dream. A family. A man to love that loves me.”
He smiles and squeezes me tight.
“The trip was good, but it wasn’t for me. Marine biology is still what I want to do, but not research, or as little of it as I can get away with.”
He smirks, but nods. “I can only imagine.”
“Yeah, Vinny loves that. Making the same daily observations and somehow making sense of all the data or finding the anomaly that could lead to a breakthrough. It’s interesting in theory, but for me, it’s tedious. And I didn’t want to spend six months doing that.
“I didn’t jump to this decision. At first, I worried that I was doing the same old thing, taking the easy way out, but instead, I learned something completely unexpected. I know what I don’t want to do.
“Vinny was great about me leaving and understanding. I was torn up about failing him, but he said he was proud of me for making that discovery. For being honest with him and myself. I knew I had to come on the tour, be with you. I missed you like crazy.”
“I missed you too.”
“Life isn’t always simple, and you can have a plan, but it’s okay to take a detour, or make a pit stop. Life isn’t linear. Seizing the opportunity is just as important as having a plan. This tour, doing this with you, is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I’ve never traveled outside of the U.S. before, and this is your last tour. I want to travel the world with you. I want to be with you.”
He kisses me, first my lips with tongue, long and slow, then my neck and by the time we reach the room, he’s down to the skin beneath my blouse.
That night, we make up for the month apart. Cherishing and loving each other and reveling in the upcoming months ahead of jet-setting around the globe together.
***
The Odyssey tour is as memorable as I thought it would be. There are moments where I miss my bed or Boy, or Daisy, or the rest of our family back in California, but I regret nothing.
We plan a hiatus of sorts when Daisy nears her due date, and make it for the birth of my nephew. For the prissy diva that Daisy was most of her life, she is nothing short of amazing during labor. I’m with Daisy for the delivery, and she’s instantly a mother in every sense of the word. I’ve never seen her so warm, caring, and loving. A true mother. And I love her more than ever for it.
Henry Callum Dobson steals my heart the second I lay eyes on him. Eight pounds, six ounces of wailing baby. Daisy names him for our father and tears spring to my eyes, clogging my throat, at how apt a tribute.
My father was always larger than life, and such a caring and loving man. While holding the little man, my heart hurts as I long for something that simply is not possible. I wish my parents were here to meet their grandson. They would have spoiled Henry something stupid.
When we head back on tour, I miss Daisy and Henry. A lot. It’s hard to be away from the baby, but I remind myself that he’s too young to miss me and Daisy has plenty of help. She isn’t alone.
While I will miss some of his milestones like the first time he lifts his head, his first smile, and his first crawl, I’ll be there for the even bigger ones.
And being with Silas, seeing the world with him, is where I’m meant to be. We make countless memorable moments, building to the foundation of our love. Moments that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Moments that only make me giddy and anxious for our future. Like our time in Paris at the Eiffel tower after Trojan’s final show in the city of light.
Silas arranged for just the two of us to come up after hours. Being up there is breathtaking and magical. The city is beautiful, the wind brisk, and the company, the man I love with all my heart, is out of this world.
Standing at what feels like to top of the world, I know no matter what life throws at us, even if we have to be apart again, he’ll never let me go. He’ll always hold on, and I’ll do the same for him.