I thought we were the real deal. That kind of love that you only read about in books or the kind of love you only see in movies. Easy. Beautiful. Love. Maybe we were. I’m not really sure when it changed, but we married young. We were babies, only nineteen years old. No solid jobs. College for me, random construction jobs for Seth. But We. Were. In. Love. In Louisiana, marrying young really wasn’t that weird—though knowing what I know now, I’d never advise my beautiful daughter to marry so young. I’d tell her to take her time. Doesn’t mean I regret the bumpy road I’ve traveled down with Seth. He’s not only the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen in my life, but he is and always has been the most loyal man I’ve ever met, and he’s definitely the best kisser, like ever.

Seth’s body frame, standing over six feet tall, towered over my not-so-short five foot seven inches. His dark hair, usually messy, and the little bit of scruff he’d grown out of sheer laziness drove me wild. His dark green eyes could (and still can) pull me in quicker than a rising tide. He never worked out unless he was playing baseball, but he had this perfect V in his hips that led me straight to parts of his body only I got to see and touch. On top of how out of my league I always thought he was, Seth was smart. Kind. Romantic. Thoughtful. In short, there was never any doubt in my mind that Seth was made for me. I just doubted I was made for him.

Seth joined the Air Force shortly after we got married. He didn’t ask me how I felt about it. He just did it. I wasn’t mad—though looking back, I probably should’ve been. I would’ve liked to have had a say in whether or not he put his life on the line just so we could have a house. But, he was trying to provide for this new family we’d so crazily started to build at such a young age. I kept trying to remind myself this is how we did it in our families. So, I wasn’t mad. I was proud. I was honored the man I loved would put his life on the line for a large number of people who’d spit on him behind his back and smile to his face, or worse.

It was a seemingly easy answer to our financial problems too. We were finally going to be able to move out of my mom’s tiny basement. Problem? He had to leave for boot camp. Now, I know how pitiful it sounds when I say I cried for days after he left. But I cried for days. The few phone calls we got were brief, but fuck it all if they didn’t make my heart swell. When I saw him again nine weeks later at his basic training graduation, he looked like a different person. I mean, he was still my Seth. But he had lost weight and gained muscle, and his hair was all fuzzy and shaved down. But when he smiled? My heart. I think it exploded, and I became the proudest military wife alive. When he ran up to me and picked me up in a hug, the tears started and I really didn’t mind the last several weeks of heartache. Because this was the best drug to cure heartache. This reunion. I finally understood how my friends with military husbands felt. This bond was intense.

He had eleven weeks after basic training to do his Air Force Pararescue training. I was able to visit pretty often, and it gave me time to decide what to do about school, because inevitably, I was going to have to move. When Seth decided to set his mind on becoming a “PJ”—a Pararescueman—we knew the road would be tough. Becoming a PJ wasn’t easy, and there was a lengthy training time. They called the various places you “lived” and trained at the different schools “The Pipeline.” I’d have to give it to them. It’s an accurate description, because he ended up being bounced around from training operation to training operation.

During those eleven weeks he was informed he would be based in Texas, mostly, except for one or two traveling schools that might be kind of lengthy. I was gutted. How was I ever going to get used to him being gone for months on end? I decided to put school on hold. I would graduate; there was no doubt. But I needed to be with my husband. When I married him, I married him for better or for worse. This training was intense and it took a lot out of him, but it also made him smile the most soul-reaching smile every single time he got moved on to the next stage of PJ training.

I temporarily moved to Texas just before he left for Basic Survival Training and then, shortly after that, Army Airborne School. Three weeks each of missing him. It seemed like every time I saw him after training, he had changed. He had gotten stronger. He was more muscular. He kept that handsome face of his pretty scruff-free, unless he was off-duty for a few days, and then he let it grow. I loved the way his scruff felt when he nuzzled his nose into my neck. I loved the way his breath hitched as he moved his hand up my thigh while he was whispering something dirty in my ear. He had game, but not to get tons of girls. I was his game, and I loved it.

The time away from him actually passed incredibly fast because he had time to chat when he wasn’t dead tired or studying and I wasn’t writing some random blog post for extra cash. We didn’t need the extra money. I lived in military housing, alone, and his pay plenty covered my food and all the things I didn’t do. I really didn’t have an interest in getting out and could feel myself falling down that “woe is me” rabbit hole. It worried my mom and Seth. I tried to keep busy with binge watching military drama and medical drama TV shows and writing. I really got into decorating our new place to make it feel like home.

My sister came to visit when she was able to. She was in nursing school and it took up most of her free time, so I loved when she could come stay for a weekend. My best friend Katie came to visit very frequently, as her job allowed her to travel, and I was so thankful for the visits. It really helped my psyche to be around people who loved me, and it made the days go by quickly. Before I knew it, he was home again. When he was home, all those thoughts of feeling like I was being brought down were wiped away. He had a way of making me feel safe, capable, and strong. Texas wasn’t so bad after all. I felt like I could maybe even get used to it. We didn’t stay there long, though.