The next night Jai and Luke walked into Dungoon’s main pub. Jai hadn’t wanted to be here tonight, but he couldn’t bring himself to turn down Luke’s halfhearted invitation or send a text to cancel. He had promised to be Luke’s friend, even if that hadn’t been a promise Luke had taken seriously, and having sex and then ignoring him would go against the friend code. Even if the sex had left Jai feeling all raw nerves at the intimacy he had experienced during it.
“Ginger beer?” Luke asked him.
“Please.” That prompted a genuine smile from Jai. There were members of his family who didn’t seem to remember after six years he no longer drank. Luke had even checked on the way over that it would be all right if he ordered an alcoholic drink for himself and listened as Jai assured him that his choice of poison wasn’t alcohol, so no one else’s drinking bothered him.
“If you started bringing out a line of coke though,” he’d joked.
“Well, we’d both be in trouble then,” Luke had replied, and it had been the only genuine moment of laughter between them.
Otherwise, the walk over could only be characterized as “awkward.” Work conversation could only provide so much interest with recent memories of vivid sex on Jai’s mind, and he assumed Luke hadn’t quite gotten it out of his own consciousness. Even if Luke hadn’t enjoyed it as much as he had seemed to, the look on his face as he frequently rubbed the spot where Jai had bitten him showed he hadn’t forgotten it.
At least it was cold enough for long sleeves.
Jai followed Luke to the bar, careful not to stand too close, and kept his hands by his sides. He had seen the worry in Luke’s eyes that his very presence would out him, and he wasn’t going to let that happen. Luke had asked him to come here, despite that fear, and Jai was going to respect those boundaries, even if he didn’t believe they were going to help Luke find happiness for himself.
After Luke got a drink for them both, he pointed over to a table where Mitch and presumably the rest of his team were seated. One person at the table was still in uniform, though Luke had previously assured him the on-duty constable would be drinking lemonade since he’d be on his dinner break.
Before they could get there, a not completely steady shout of “Hey, Luke” came through the crowd, and Jai saw Luke’s shoulders tighten further.
However, Luke stopped his intended path and turned around to greet the slightly stumbling man with bloodshot eyes who looked to be in his forties.
“Hey, Dave,” said Luke, as he put out a practiced hand to steady the man who moved toward him.
“Who’s this?” Dave asked, gesturing toward Jai. There was something in his tone that assured Jai he wasn’t asking because he wanted to make friends.
“This is Jai,” Luke said. “He is the new radiologist in town, and he knows Mitch and the others.”
He hadn’t stepped back to fully include Jai in the circle, so Jai couldn’t even offer his hand to shake. As he hadn’t even been introduced, as Luke’s friend, there was probably no need. Acquaintances of other cops probably weren’t on handshake level, were they?
He was suddenly glad he hadn’t. Dave sneered, “Well, he looks like a right city wanker.”
Luke’s resigned sigh told him this kind of comment wasn’t unusual. “Charming as always, Dave. You better not be driving tonight in your state. Another drink driving conviction and you’ll lose your license for another two years.”
“Tell your constables to do something better with their time than harass hardworking farmers. Better watch your back with that one,” he said, gesturing at Jai without ever looking him in the face.
Jai wasn’t sure if it was his Asian heritage or his perceived sexuality Dave was referring to. He had tried to dress down tonight, not because he was ashamed but because he knew Luke didn’t want any attention drawn to him. However, there was nothing like a bigot to be able to sniff out the even the most vague hint of difference.
“Get yourself home, Dave,” was Luke’s only reply.
Yeah, no white knight on a charger there, thought Jai. He almost wished he was out here tonight in his fuck-me jeans and his favorite club singlet that had a tear exposing a nipple. Country sensibilities be damned.
Luke turned around quickly to say to him, “Go over to the others. I’ve got to make sure that one of the other guys out at the farm is going to give Dave a lift home.”
Great. Despite being passed off as a friend of the local constabulary, Jai had really only met Mitch once, and that was the night he’d been trying to keep Luke isolated, so their conversation hadn’t been extensive. He was tempted just to finish his drink here in the crowd, and head on home but as Luke’s staff were still looking his way, he headed over slowly.
“Luke’s just organizing a designated driver,” he said, by way of explanation as he arrived at their table.
“Fucking Dave,” was the reply from the uniformed officer. They had obviously seen, if not heard, the interplay at the bar. “I hope I don’t have to arrest the sergeant’s brother tonight.”
“Won’t be the first time Dave’s spent a night in our cells.”
Now that they had said it, Jai could see the familial resemblance. Dave was shorter, stockier and had obviously drunk his way into a different body type, but as fuzzy around the edges as his features were, they did have some of the casual handsomeness of Luke.
Mitch had moved everyone over and made room for Jai, even grabbing an extra chair from somewhere in the heaving room.
“So I heard you are in my old quarters,” commented Mitch.
Well, at least Jai didn’t have to worry about whether he should mention it.
“So you’re the one I should be thanking for staying out on the farm,” Jai replied. “Yeah Sgt. McClain thought public safety would be better served if I didn’t murder the party-hard students in the accommodation I was in and offered me a temporary place until another place came up with Victoria Health.”
“Probably didn’t want the extra paperwork,” came the laconic reply from one the other men at the table. “Murder squad love everything in triplicate.”
Jai laughed along with the others and learned, aside from Mitch, the other two men, Jake and Kenny, made up the rest of the local police force. Countrymen through and through. Even in his most conservative clothing Jai felt he stuck out like a sore thumb. His jeans and shirt were too fitted, too closely cut, the only other long hair belonged to guy with a mullet sitting on the other side of the room, and Jai’s were definitely the only Asian eyes around.
He felt even more isolated as the men fell back into the easy conversation of work talk.
Finally, after what felt like an awkward wait, but really was probably more like ten minutes, Luke appeared back at the table. He had a seat in his hand and shuffled himself in next to Jai.
“Sorry about that,” he said to the table. “Unavoidable.”
Yeah, Luke was obviously a big sharer.
Jai felt a bit more comfortable in Luke’s presence. He certainly wasn’t being introduced as more than the local radiologist, but at least he wasn’t sitting in a group full of complete strangers. However, when the talk turned to which local Luke should date in town, his knee began to twitch.
“Lucy Morris is back in town.”
Jai had pretty much never been in the closet. When you go to a boys-only private school, the bullies outed you even before you even realized what the sexual feelings you had for other boys meant. Jai had heard that private school boys, even straight ones, had the most highly developed gaydar of any group, and that was certainly borne out by his own experience. Traumatic until he started to own the teasing, but effective in making the closet an unviable prospect.
His thoughts were interrupted by Mitch. “Hey, Jai, you work at the hospital. Apart from anyone you are interested in, do have the inside track on any hot nurses for Luke?”
Apparently, he was back in the closet, at thirty, and he got to share that closet with the man with whom he had also shared an orgasm with last night. Normally Jai would have replied something about the guys at the hospital being not up to scratch for him, but instead he smiled politely and said he hadn’t had time yet to find all the gossip, but he’d keep an eye out for any prospects for Luke. For the purposes of this conversation, he knew damn well that only the prospects they were interested in hearing about from either of them were female.
He doubted many people were convinced that his sexuality wasn’t at least worth a question (even if that question, for the most part, was only in their heads), but in the pub, they obviously went with the strategy assume straight. Normally he was happy to be open, even with the distinct possibility the atmosphere could turn chilly. However, Luke’s presence was enough to keep him quiet, keep him going with the neutral pronouns, and keep his teeth gritted.
Hell, he had just agreed Jenny, the pub’s barmaid, was hot, and Luke should totally go and get her number.
Luke sat there smiling but remote. His handsome features seemed to have come out of a mold they were so lacking in animation. His body would be either envied or desired by most of the room, the well over six-foot length not lacking in muscle. Basically, he was the perfect example of manhood, and he had obviously never made a misstep that stopped him “passing” for straight.
What Jai found the most distracting, though, was the way Luke kept rubbing his own bicep. When Jai had remembered the exact placement of where he had bitten Luke at the moment of orgasm, it took a supreme effort to hold back a groan. His mark was there on Luke’s skin and Luke couldn’t ignore that. That simple reminder had him going hard, despite all the reminders around them of why he shouldn’t.
Jai managed to slowly sip his drink until enough time had passed that it wouldn’t be notable for him to start making excuses.
“Thanks for including me tonight, but I’ve got to get home.”
He got protests of how early it was. “I know,” Jai continued as he got out of his chair. “I’m totally boring at the moment. I’ve got to be at the gym early. I’m on a fitness kick.”
That actually wasn’t a lie. With Mardi Gras just two weeks away, it was a matter of pride to look as buff as possible. He had already cut short too many workouts to spend time with Luke. Damn it, to spend time with ostensibly a straight man, Luke’s occasional fucking of men notwithstanding.
As Jai said his final goodbyes to the group, he could see a sadness about Luke that was as obvious to him as a neon sign. However, Luke didn’t look like he was going to make any excuses to go. Apparently, he couldn’t risk being seen leaving at the same time as Jai. Maybe if Jai looked a little bit straighter, Luke would be willing to risk the appearance of a bro-hangout.
Getting home, Jai pulled on his sweats, and lying in his bed he watched TV without much interest. He was ready to fall asleep when a tone from his phone alerted him to a message.
[I’m home. Hope you had an okay night]
Normally Jai would take that message as someone fishing for an invitation to come over, but the night had illuminated enough truths that even a repeat of the very hot sex didn’t seem very sensible.
[Fine, Luke. Just about to go to sleep]
Well, that should put any plans of a booty call from next door to rest. So Jai was surprised to hear another answering beep.
[Can we hang out tomorrow after you go to the gym?]
A little bit of space would probably be a good idea. However, even the small humiliations of tonight couldn’t completely erase the memory of the loneliness in Luke’s eyes.
[See you tomorrow then]
• • •
“Video games,” Jai asked, an eyebrow raised as he looked at the spread that Luke had laid out. It looked a little like a twelve-year-old’s slumber party with chips, soft drinks, and an Xbox all visible.
“You said you liked them,” Luke said, in his own defense.
Jai shrugged. “That’s true.” He guessed that when you didn’t leave the house for outings, their options were a little limited. And the video he’d been going to suggest they’d watch might have brought back a few too many memories of them sitting on the couch watching porn together. Maybe killing a few aliens together would put them back in the friend zone.
“What are we playing?” he asked. “Please tell me no Grand Theft Auto. I’d feel too guilty doing that with a cop.”
“My duties as a law-and-order official just couldn’t allow me to participate.” Luke smirked. “Also, I’m surprisingly bad at driving games.”
“Surprisingly?”
“Yeah, I almost topped the academy in defensive driving. Try me on a screen and all skill goes out the window.”
“Yeah, yeah,” said Jai. “Every guy thinks that driving with the lights and sirens would be the most fun thing about being a cop. Well, that and handcuffs.”
Why the hell couldn’t he stop flirting? Then Jai saw the heat in Luke’s face. Well, yeah, that.
“The sirens are pretty fun,” Luke said, a little quietly. “So Call of Duty it is?”
“Chuck it on then.”
• • •
An hour later, and Jai was protesting another loss. “Hey, only one of us has had professional classes in learning how to shoot. Really we should be starting this game at different levels.”
“Competitive much?” said Luke. “You should be grateful that I spent so much time practicing in providing the first line of defense against evil forces.”
Jai’s answering laugh was muted by the knock at the door. The look of momentary panic that Luke shot him was a cold dose of reality.
“For fuck’s sake, Luke. We’re playing video games, not being caught with our pants down, so take that guilty look off your face and answer the door,” Jai whispered angrily.
He was angry—with himself that he allowed Luke to make him feel ashamed for just being here, for just existing in his life.
Luke was doing what he asked, answering the door, and Jai could only hope he’d followed the rest of instructions and managed to banish the guilty expression. The way Luke had been looking, someone was going to think he was dealing drugs out of the police residence.
“Uncle Luke,” was the teenage greeting he could hear from the living room. He could only hope that the enthusiastic nephew wasn’t accompanied by Luke’s shithead brother. Though he imagined Dave couldn’t yet be over his hangover enough to be making social visits.
“Oh hey,” said a teenage boy as he charged into the living room. Obviously, Luke hadn’t figured out a way to break the news that he already had a guest.
“Hi, I’m Jai,” he said, figuring he’d be the one making the introductions. “I live next door and have managed to harass your uncle into entertaining me through video games because it’s Sunday and I was very bored.”
Luke’s nephew almost rivaled Luke for height, although he was a long way from filling out like his uncle. He was a kid who you could tell would be good looking one day, though the way he blushed like his uncle was adorable.
“I’m Tom,” the boy replied. “Sorry I, uh, didn’t know Luke had any guests or I wouldn’t have barged in today.”
The boy’s nervous flush endeared him to Jai, who replied, “No drama, Tom. You’ve actually saved me from having to lose my third game to your uncle. You’ll have to join us so you can be a neutral party in picking the next game.”
“Okay,” said Tom, and started picking through the selections.
Luke had shot Jai a bit of a confused look, to which he replied with a shrug. They weren’t on a date and obviously the poor kid had made the effort to come see his uncle.
• • •
In the next few games, Jai discovered that yes, Dave was Tom’s father, and yes, Luke was unbeatable at all first-party shooter games, and no, Luke wouldn’t even sit close to him on the couch if there was anyone else in the room. Jai also discovered when he got up and stretched, that yes, two members of Luke’s family liked checking out his butt.
“Nuh, I demand pizza if I’m going to be beaten by the McClain family,” said Jai, a little louder than usual to distract from Tom’s blushes.
“The local place is closed tonight, but I do have frozen pizza in the freezer.”
Muttering about having to make your own pizza being the last bastion of savagery, Jai went to the kitchen and started poking around in the freezer. Damn, he hoped Tom was still unsophisticated enough that he wouldn’t realize the familiarity that Jai had with the house and what it meant that he was happy enough to be defrosting their dinner in the kitchen.
“Did your dad make it in okay last night?” was the question he could hear Luke asking in the other room.
Tom’s answer of “yes” was faint enough to be almost indistinct.
Poor kid, with Dave as a father, that wasn’t going to be an easy ride.
Jai finally unearthed an ice-encrusted frozen pizza box, fucking rural center and its lack of viable delivery options.