The next morning, I wake with Alex still in my arms and smile. I’m so grateful he stayed the night and didn’t run screaming for his own room. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I’d had to face the night alone. The adrenaline of the chase and seeing Alex open that bag of diamonds was too much for my mind to handle. Had it been me, I would’ve let the thief get away with the bag, but Alex was proving to be nothing short of an enigma, one I find I am delighted to continue to decipher.

When Alex opens his eyes and smiles at me, the entire room melts away in the warmth of his embrace. He doesn’t say anything, just leans over and I feel the warmth of his lips press against mine. He feels so good. We lie like that for a few moments before either one of us considers getting up.

When we do, we find ourselves in the spacious shower, helping each other wash. As he stands under the spray, I sit on the mosaic bench and let the steam thaw the shock and frozen terror from my body. Fear has a strange effect that I didn’t sense last night. My muscles had clenched so tight, I didn’t notice how sore I was until this morning.

Alex turns in the shower and I see what’s between his legs. I lick my lips and he opens his eyes and catches me staring. Grinning, he drops to his knees in front of me and I feel my heart race faster in anticipation.

“So, are you going to let me try again? I haven’t done this since the club.”

I nod vigorously, watching him lick his own lips. He doesn’t even have to touch me and I’m hard again. I think my dick would grow erect for him on demand if he told it to.

“Last time you weren’t sure, David. Now I want you to be positive that this is what you want.”

My eyes widen when I realize what he’s telling me. I clear my throat and, never having asked this before, it takes me a couple of tries before I croak out, “Please, I want you to suck my dick, Alex.”

He pauses and watches me for a moment before lowering his head. I can’t sit still as I watch his mouth inch closer to the tip of my cock. His eyes watch me the entire time, and I can’t decide which I want to watch first, his eyes or where his mouth lands. He pauses, hovering just over the tip and I moan, thrusting my hips up at him in a nonverbal demand. He opens his mouth, sliding me into him and my eyes close as heat and wetness engulf me. It feels surreal as he starts sucking my length. Last night was a near death experience, and this morning I’m struggling to stay standing in my shower while he does things to my cock I can’t even say out loud.

He teaches me a few things too. Like how to tease the underside where the head meets the ridge. It’s sensitive and I hiss when he bends his neck so the water from the shower is pouring over his shoulders to combine with the warmth of his mouth. He seals his lips sideways around the head of my cock while he continues to stroke, then he begins to suck at the sensitive ridge. I pulse in his mouth and the feeling causes me to grind my heels into the floor.

He gently holds my hips with his other hand, then moves it to cup my balls, which he kneads and squeezes. It has the desired effect. I don’t dare squirm away from him because he has a firm, but not crushing grip, on them. It feels so good. They’re so tight and swollen that the little bit I do wiggle under the ministrations of his mouth, gives me a massage from his palm.

He works his lips and tongue down along the underside of my cock until I’m shaking, and then he does something that makes me howl. He sucks in first one testicle, then the other, until the tightness in my balls is too much. I need inside him now. I’m at the same point as yesterday, surely he knows that. I rub against the hard ridge between his legs, feeling the slick water running between us.

His stomach muscles quiver as we look down between us and watch as we can’t help but rub ourselves together. It doesn’t take long for either one of us, holding onto each other’s shoulders before we make a mess between us in the shower. By then, Alex wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me in for a long, deep kiss, mimicking the thrusting motions our hips are making. He groans when he comes, and I writhe in his arms.

When we’re done, he presses his forehead to mine, breathing hard before we start to clean up. It doesn’t take long to wash off, but afterwards, he pulls his pants back on and looks at the door.

“I don’t want to leave yet,” he whispers, and cups my jaw.

I kiss him and nod. It doesn’t seem possible that we’ll be pulling into port in less than an hour. Then what? I can’t delay any longer. I see the notifications from my phone on the nightstand. Jake must be blowing me up, wondering where I am. I’m supposed to address the models and actors and thank them for doing the shoot. It seems ridiculous now but it’s part of the job.

“I’ll see you topside?” I search his face, needing to know he’ll be there. I need him to show up. If somehow, word about us has already gotten out, I need his support facing the masses.

He nods and pulls me in for another kiss, for which I’m grateful.

Once I get dressed, I answer my phone to Jake’s panicked voice.

“Are you okay?” he asks when I finally pick up the phone.

“Yeah, I’ll be up in a minute. Is the crew on deck?”

“Yes. What happened?”

“It’s a long story. Is the footage we shot okay, Jake? We can do reshoots in the next half hour if it isn’t satisfactory.”

“No, the footage is great. David, are you sure you’re okay?”

I think about his question and smile. Even after all the drama and the fear, I know one thing I’ve figured out about myself for certain.

“I’ve never been better. See you in a few,” I smile as I hang up the phone and for the first time, glance in the mirror, and without my hat, I see the man I should have been all this time. A man who was guided by a father, who set standards and expectations for a son to be successful in business entrepreneurship, but not a man who is defined by his own insecurities about that identity. Never in all of his life had my father indicated he’d be disappointed with a son who is gay. That was an assumption I’d placed on myself. If I think about it, in many ways it’s as if he knew, and he was preparing me to deal with something like this. A crisis of identity so to speak. I think that’s why he gave me the hat. Not because of its association with a production company, but because he recognized there’d be a time I would question who I am and where I come from. He was trying to show me I come from a man who raised me right and raised me to know he was always there for support when that identity was called into question.

I smile at the hatless reflection in the mirror for the first time in a long time, then I walk out the door to go address the crew before we hit the port. I go knowing I’m a better man, now that I’m ready to admit that I’m gay and accept myself.