I sit staring at the production notes for the following day, but not really seeing what’s been laid out. Jake had a solid strategy for what he wants done. His organization for the whole cruise is phenomenal, but I can’t help feeling like I’m messing up all his carefully laid plans with my drama. The events of the last couple of days, the kiss with Alex, and, good God, that encounter at the club, has my mind on anything but my work. I shift in the chair as my cock begins to tingle. Another erection is the last thing I need right now, but it seems I can’t help it where Alex is concerned. Any time I think about him and his bright eyes and those thick, full lips wrapped around my…I stand and shake my head, feeling the tingle in my fingers. I’m so exhausted and want nothing more than to crawl into bed, pop the button on my pants, slip my hand downtown, and relieve the pressure building there.

Pacing, I think jerking off to the memory of another man with his mouth on my dick somehow falls into the category of inappropriate, but my emotions are so conflicted I don’t know if that’s entirely true. I kissed him in the hall. Sure, it probably wasn’t the best way to express my feelings. After shunning him yesterday and running so hot and cold, he must be thinking I should dose myself with some medication and sort myself out. But he was just so handsome standing there.

I feel the twinge of hurt from Alex’s rejection, but I can understand why he did it. Flinging myself back down in the chair and picking up the production plans, I switch the light off, casting myself in darkness. I wonder if there’s room for him to forgive me for my previous behavior, and I’m just about to get back up, leave my room to hunt him down and try to coax him into a reasonable adult conversation to communicate the contradicting nature of my emotions, when a knock sounds at the door. It’s only when I consider how rude it is that someone is knocking on my door at such a God-awful hour that I reconsider my previous plan. Alex is probably trying to get some sleep since the workday starts in just a few more hours.

Before I can say anything, the door opens and I freeze in my chair. Alex is standing there.

“Come in, Alex,” I flick the light back on and stare at him, dumbfounded. Of all the people I’d expected, I hadn’t expected him.

“Um, hi. I was just…well I thought maybe we should talk.”

I nod and stand, walking over to hold the door open for him as he hesitates.

“Yes, I think that’s probably a good idea. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you, well how to express…” I trail off, not even knowing where to begin. He’s so intimidating just standing there, taller than me, so I have to tilt my head back to look up at him. He’s still in his casual clothes, but it has no less effect on his demeanor. I feel like I’m in a romantic drama, about to spill my feelings on the floor and then watch myself be scorned by the prospective lover. How am I going to do this?

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry if I offended you,” he says.

He runs a hand through his hair and I clench my hands together behind my back. I want nothing more than to reach up and touch it. It looks soft and wavy and, I shake my head again, trying to clear my thoughts.

“Oh, no, you didn’t offend me. I was just surprised by your reaction in the hall, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense that you reacted the way you did,” I turn and walk back to my chair and toss my notes on the table beside it. When I sit down it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders while my moment of reprieve is standing right in front of me, and I blow it.

Alex looks slightly confused again, and then shrugs, sitting on the edge of the bed. He’s on my bed! I glance down at his profile and visions of returning the favor from the club dance across my mind. I shift awkwardly in my chair, trying to get comfortable and hide the boner tenting my pants.

“I think we’ve both been reacting to one another and not really understanding what’s going on. Do you agree?”

I blink. He looks so serious and I take I take it as a sign he means to talk, nothing else. My anticipation and excitement sink. “Yes. Of course. I…if I’d known I’d be working with you, at the club, I mean, I wouldn’t…”

“You wouldn’t have gone upstairs with me,” he finishes. I blush and look away, hating the feeling of heat in my cheeks. I search for the words that can somehow make this all okay, but then he surprises me when he continues. “Did you like it, David?”

“What?” my head whips back to look at him and he’s leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, staring at me intently.

“I asked you if you liked what I did in the club,” his voice is quiet, but the intensity behind the words demands an explanation. There’s no escaping answering his question, whether I want to or not. Comfort levels be damned.

I swallow around the lump in my throat and wipe my palms on my pants. But when I try to answer him, it comes out as a croak. “Yes,” and then I settle for nodding my head again.

“What did you like about it, David?”

He continues to hold my gaze and I tug at my collar. Is he purposefully trying to make me uncomfortable? Squirming in my seat under his scrutiny I wish I could prop one of my legs to the side. My balls are tight and hot, and my thighs are pressed together so tightly, trying to hide the situation, it’s uncomfortable to the point of distraction.

“I…I liked…” I can’t talk about this. Can’t he see that? Why can’t he see that? I look away, trying to focus on something, anything that will give me relief from the intensity of it all.

“David, look at me.”

Glancing back and ducking my head I peek up at him from under the brim of my hat. “It felt…it was incredible,” I whisper.

The answer seems to satisfy him because he sits back and smiles a little before responding. “It was the first time you’ve allowed yourself to be pleasured by another man, wasn’t it?”

His voice cracks a little at the end and I glance up. An awkward look crosses his face briefly. Like he’s thinking of the first time he admitted to himself he’s gay.

“Yes,” I whisper again, and my fingers shake, gripping the edge of my chair. I take a deep breath, rising and walking over to him. My whole body trembles as I stand in front of him. I feel a little more in control as I look down at him, and he tilts his head back, looking up at me.

“Then you know it’s okay to want to kiss me, right, David?”

I groan and lower my head as my hands come up and cup his face. I can’t help the war inside me, but the part that continues to tell me this has to be wrong is slowly losing the battle. How can it be wrong if it feels so right? My tongue slips inside his mouth, between his parted lips, and I feel the tension leave his body as he sighs. His legs part and I stand between them, feeling the press of my dick against the edge of the bed and his thigh. His leg muscles shake as he closes his knees around my hips, and I gasp when his hands come up behind me and cup my ass, squeezing and holding me against him.

I continue the kiss, slanting my mouth over his. He still tastes like peppermint. It’s sharp, cool, and fresh and I wonder how it would feel against my heated skin. Would it tingle? The thought makes me stiffen as my dick throbs and I sway against him. I drop one of my hands to his shoulder to steady myself as I let the other wander up and tangle with his hair. It’s as soft as I imagined, and I continue to rake my fingers across his scalp, which he seems to enjoy because he moans every time I do it.

My other hand slowly trails down over his chest, feeling the hard muscles under my fingers. I wish the shirt was gone so I can feel his skin, but what I really want to know is whether he’s as aroused as I am. Stopping when my hand reaches his navel, my fingers tremble with indecision.

Alex takes pity on my insecurity and lets go of my ass with one hand, reaching in between us to grasp my wrist. He moves my hand south and cups the back of my hand with his own, placing it around his dick and squeezing, causing my hand to flex and squeeze against the hot material. There’s no denying now that he’s turned on. The hiss he lets out as I rub him through his pants is enough to tell me that. And if it wasn’t, his body jerks under me the more I stroke him.

I fumble pulling his shirt out of his shorts. Untucking it, I’m able to dive in and finally make contact with his skin. A fine trail of hair tickles my palm, just above the hem of his shorts, and the contact seems to be enough to stir him to action.

One moment I’m standing at the foot of the bed, and the next I feel him surge up and wrap his arms around me, pulling me on to the bed. It’s the first time the kiss breaks, and I cry out in frustration. I end up pinned to the bed, in front of him and slightly under him, and then his mouth is on mine again and my frustrated grunts are drowned out as his hips grind into mine.

At first, the intensity of what’s happening shocks me, and my frustration causes me to struggle and try to pull away. Then my body takes over and I feel myself grinding back against his hips with equal force, trying to rub myself against him through our clothes. Guttural sounds of desire come from him, and my mind is screaming at him to help me ditch our clothes and rub our cocks together, flesh to flesh.

Reaching down I try to grab the button of his shorts or my own, but Alex moves my hand away from in between us. I do the only thing I can think of and reach around to grab his ass in an attempt to pull him tighter.

I press against him, not sure if the pressure is helping or making the ache in my balls even worse. Every time I feel the thick ridge of his cock against mine, I swivel my hips, trying to create the maximum friction. The thick head of his cock rubbing against the sensitive head of mine is pushing me toward creating a mess in my own pants despite the layers of material. My mind is split between not caring if this happens, and wanting the clothes gone so, at the very least, I can feel his flesh between us and not give a damn if I explode all over him. The thought of the mess both excites me and appalls me, but excitement seems to be winning out.

I break off the kiss as I feel his weight shift fully on top of me. My legs are spread, pressed to the bed, and both of my hands have found his ass. I trail hot, wet kisses down his throat and nip at the pulse in his neck, making him gasp. Again I try to wiggle my hand between us and unzip his fly, but again he captures my hand, lacing our fingers together and pinning it up above my head.

“Alex!” I groan as I wriggle beneath him, trying to convey my frustration and protest being denied. “Alex, I want…”

He kisses me again, silencing my demands so I grunt and capture his bottom lip with my teeth. I’m in charge. I’ve always been in charge. He’s withholding what I want and need, and I growl at him with his lip in my teeth. I don’t bite hard, I’m not a sadist, but I want him to know that denial is not something I’m accustomed to suffering through.

I’m just about to kiss and nip along his neck so I can nibble at his earlobe when I feel him stiffen above me. I tilt my head back and look up at him. He seems frozen, like a Greek god as he stares down at me, and then he whispers, “I’m sorry, I can’t,” and before I can ask him what’s wrong, he scrambles back off the bed and runs out the door, slamming it behind him.

I stare at the door in shock and disbelief, with my dick throbbing in my pants. Throwing my arm across my face I howl my frustration into the crook of my elbow. What had I done that was so wrong I chased him away?