Chapter 11

Tate

 

Five weeks later

 

Tate looped another section of LJ’s hair around the electric curling iron he’d brought up from his place. It was late March and LJ’s ninth birthday today, and after some major cajoling on her part, Reece had given Tate permission to straighten her hair for the first time, because, as LJ had put it, she was big enough to wear her hair in a style other than braids.

Tate had taken the day off to flatiron and curl LJ’s hair and help run the party, but as Tate finished up LJ’s hair, he noticed the little girl’s downcast expression. She hadn’t been her normal talkative self as she’d perched on a stool he’d brought in and set in front of the bathroom counter, and her obvious sadness worried on him.

“Okay, ladybug,” he sighed, leaning up against the counter to face her. “Talk to me. Why the sad face?”

At first, LJ just dropped her head and studied her hands, picking at her green nail polish which Tate had applied to her nails the night before. He waited, thinking maybe she wasn’t going to say anything.

“My mom is coming to the birthday party.”

That hadn’t been what Tate had expected her to say.

“You don’t want her to come?” he asked as he started to clean up his supplies, attempting to appear casual to make LJ feel more comfortable. His plan must have worked, because she answered right away.

“I want her to come. I missed her when she was gone. She was sick, and now she’s home because she’s better.” LJ was still looking down, picking at her nails.

Once Tate had finished gathering all his supplies, he pushed them to the side. “Well, I’m so glad that your mom is better now, and that she can be here on your birthday. Are you glad that she’s coming?”

LJ nodded but then looked up at Tate, naked fear in her eyes which were brimming with tears.

“She wants me to live with her again,” LJ choked out as the tears fell.

Tate didn’t even think, he just wrapped his arms around LJ and held on tight. Her bony limbs squeezed his waist surprisingly tight as she shook from the force of her tears. Once she seemed to catch her breath, Tate pulled back a little, looking down at her.

“Why does that make you cry, LJ?” Tate asked, brushing tears from her face.

Her voice cracked. “I’m scared, Tate. When she’s sick, she’s someone different. And then, the last time I saw her before she went away, she left me alone. I was really scared and it was dark and I was hungry…” She trailed off before leaning against his chest again. 

His heart constricted at the thought of this beautiful little girl he’d come to love so much being terrified and alone in the dark. It made him want to go find Jenna and shake the hell out of her.

“I didn’t want to call Dad or tell anyone, because I didn’t want people to know about Mom. She said if I told I’d never see her again. That Dad and Nana Darlene wouldn’t let me see her. But I was too afraid, Tate. I had to call Dad to come get me. I let Mom down.” She started to cry again.

Tate rocked her in his embrace. “Oh, no sweetheart. You didn’t let your mom down. No.”

“But I was supposed to be brave,” she mumbled between hiccupping cries. “I was supposed to wait till she got home like all the other times. But this time, she was gone so long I didn’t think she was gonna come back.”

Tate rubbed LJ’s back as her sobs grew, making shushing noises. When she’d caught her breath again, he pulled back, his hands on her shoulders as he bent down to her perch on the stool.

“LJ, you listen to me. You were so brave. You took care of yourself even when you were scared, but the bravest thing you did was ask for help. You did the right thing. And because of what you did, your mom was able to get help and get better so that she can be here today. Does that make sense to you?”

LJ nodded and rubbed an eye with the back of her hand.

“Now, about you living with your mom. Have you talked to Reece about this? Have you told him how you feel?”

LJ shook her head. “I didn’t tell Dad, but he knows. I hear him and Mom fight about it on the phone sometimes. He doesn’t know I’m listening. It makes him sad, so I didn’t want to tell him and he’s been busy with school.”

Tate nodded. Reece was in the middle of midterms and had been so busy that Tate had ordered in meals a few nights a week and helped LJ with homework so Reece could study or work on an essay.

“Listen to me, ladybug,” Tate said, pulling away and cupping her cheeks in his palms. “It is not your job to protect your mom or your dad. It is their job to protect you. It doesn’t matter how busy they are or how sad they might be.” Tate took a deep breath, trying to keep his growing frustration at bay.

How could a nine-year-old kid carry around so much worry and stress on her own? It made Tate angry at her mom for inflicting this kind of trauma on her but also frustrated that none of the adults in her life—her parents or her grandparents—had picked up on the fact that she was carrying around all this worry. Well, he wouldn’t make those same mistakes.

“If you’re feeling afraid, sad, or worried, you have to tell them. They can handle it, because that’s what being a grown-up is about. Do you understand?” He brushed her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

LJ sniffed and her little shoulders slumped as she nodded. “Yes, Tate. I understand. Will you— Will you be there when I tell Dad that I don’t want to live with my mom?”

Tate chucked her under the chin. “Of course, I will. You know you can always come to me too, ladybug. I’m here to listen and help you whenever you need it.”

LJ smiled, then smiled even bigger, filling Tate with relief. He hadn’t even realized how worried he’d been about her until her smile released some of his tension.

“I know. You’re one of my best friends, Tate.” Then her smile dissolved, and she threw herself into his arms again, almost falling off the stool.

“I want to stay with you, Dad, and Nana Darlene. I don’t want you and Dad to be weekend parents. I want Mom to be the weekend parent.” She snuffled.

He felt light like an airborne kite knowing that LJ saw him as a parent alongside her dad, but then he crashed to the ground, overcome by fear that Jenna might take LJ from Reece. And what could he do about it? Nothing.

He rubbed her back. “I can’t promise what’s going to happen, LJ, but I do promise that I’ll always be here for you and that I’ll always be your friend. I can also promise that your dad will always do what’s best for you and that he’ll do everything he can make sure you’re happy and safe. Now, can you promise me something?”

LJ nodded. “What is it?”

He pulled back again and cupped her face. “Promise me that the only thing you’ll worry about today is having fun at your party. ’Cause, hey, you only turn nine once, ladybug.” Tate held up his pinky, and LJ wrapped her pinky around his.

“Promise.” She nodded and smiled.

“Okay, go get dressed. We gotta head over to your nana’s house before your guests start to arrive.”

LJ hopped down from the stool and scurried to her bedroom, and Tate walked out after her, switching off the bathroom light before heading toward the living room. He found Reece sitting on the couch, his head in his hands.

Tate sighed. “You heard us.” 

Reece nodded as Tate plopped down next to him. “I knew I was going to fail her again…I’ve been so busy and caught up with other things.” Reece dropped his hands between his knees, shoulders hunched over. “It’s not that I didn’t notice, you know? I was planning to ask her what was going on after the party. I didn’t want to ruin it, but I shouldn’t have put it off. I fucked up, Tate. It was only a matter of time,” Reece said, his voice agonized. He seemed to close in on himself and Tate wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“Hey. Stop. Okay? Get out of your own head.” Tate’s frustration at Reece not picking up on LJ’s stress dissipated at the man’s obvious anguish. Tate grabbed Reece’s nape, pulling the man close. “Look at me. It’s okay, Reece. Part of being a parent, hell, part of being human, is messing up. But what’s important is how you recover. Stop beating yourself up and focus on what’s important: LJ. This isn’t about you. You’re doing fine, great in fact. She wants to live with you and feels safe with you, and that’s not because you’re a shitty dad. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start thinking about how you’re going to make LJ feel secure.” Tate stopped abruptly, wondering if maybe he’d included too much toughness with his tough love, but then Reece kissed him.

“You’re right. Thank you,” he mumbled against Tate’s lips before rising to his feet. “I’ll go get dressed. Meet you downstairs in about half an hour?”

Tate nodded and headed downstairs to get ready. He’d been so worried about LJ he’d forgotten about his own anxiety around the party. He, too, was nervous about Jenna but for entirely different reasons.

The woman hated his guts. She’d told him to his face when she’d shown up to his shop to warn him off Reece and tell him to keep his “perverted drag queen ass” away from her daughter. Tate had been shocked, embarrassed, and so taken aback that he hadn’t even defended himself. Turns out he had not even needed to, because Dani had threatened to whoop Jenna’s “bony child-abusing ass” if she ever dared step foot in the shop again. After she’d left and Tate had gotten ahold of himself in the breakroom, he’d gotten all the girls and Mother Stevens to swear not to say anything to Reece about it. The man had enough on his plate without having to deal with additional baby mama drama on top of midterms and a possible custody battle, so Tate kept that worry to himself.

When Tate found out that Jenna would be at the party, he’d enlisted Dani for backup and convinced her to take a half day and come to LJ’s birthday party. Tate hoped Jenna wasn’t dumb enough to ruin her own daughter’s birthday party. Though, she probably didn’t give a damn, considering how willing she’d been to gamble with LJ’s life.

***

Tate sliced another piece of cake, placing it on a small paper Seahawks cake plate and passed it to Dani to put on a serving tray.

“I don’t give a damn that it’s a kid’s birthday party, she’d better keep her smartass comments to herself before I smack the taste out of her mouth,” Dani grumbled.

They were in Darlene’s kitchen while LJ opened her presents in the dining room. Tate had thought it best to distance himself from the rest of the kids and adults for a while, because the tension between him and Jenna was palpable.

“Look, she’s LJ’s mom—” Tate began as he cut another slice of cake.

“She’s a homophobic bitch,” Dani interjected, shoving a plate in front of Tate, so he could set the slice of cake on it.

Tate had tried to be gracious the entire day and to let Jenna and Reece act as the hosts. He didn’t want to step on Jenna’s toes. She was still LJ’s mom; he knew his place. But little LJ wasn’t having any of that and had introduced Tate to her friends and their parents as her daddy’s boyfriend after introducing Jenna and Reece.

LJ had held his hand, dragging him to the different games they had set up for the kids to play and had insisted that he be in all the family pictures. The Warrens’ faces were so hard he bet he could cut stone on them, and Jenna had seemed increasingly agitated as the party wore on, making snide comments under her breath about Tate that only the other adults could hear.  

So, in an attempt to defuse the tension, Tate had ducked out at the first opportunity he’d had, volunteering to cut the cake as LJ opened her gifts and dragging Dani with him so the woman wouldn’t jump Jenna as soon as he turned his back.

“And that may also be true,” Tate said on a sigh, cutting another slice of cake. “But I don’t think she’d feel any less threatened by me if I were a woman.”

“I don’t feel threatened by some sexually confused creep who dresses in women’s clothing,” an icy voice taunted from the swinging door leading into the dining room. Tate looked up at Jenna, and his body went rigid as he set the knife down on the island. He really didn’t want to do this at LJ’s party.

“Listen, you druggie cunt—” Dani tossed down the cup towel she’d been wiping her hands on and stepped toward Jenna whose eyes widened.

“Dani, stop. Take the kids their cake.”

“But, Tate—” Dani tried to argue.

“Now, Dani. Please?” His friend growled and grabbed the huge tray, cutting her eyes at Jenna as she backed out of the room, the door swinging closed behind her.

It was just the two of them in the kitchen now. Alone. Tate towered over the woman, but the way she stared him down with her venomous eyes made him feel about three feet tall. Like he was worthless and undeserving of the little family he’d imagined he had with Tate and LJ.

He leaned a hip against the kitchen island, putting his hand on his other hip, trying to exude a confidence he didn’t feel. But today, the full face of makeup and the outfit that coordinated with LJ’s at her insistence wasn’t giving him the cover and confidence that he needed to face down the woman who had hurt both his lover and the daughter of his heart.

Jenna took a step toward him, shaking with barely contained rage. “Listen, you freak, I told you to stay away from my kid, but here you are, prancing around here like you’re a part of this family, like you’re LJ’s parent.”

By now Jenna was in his face, looking up at him imperiously. Her eyes were full of resentment but also fear and desperation, and he almost felt sorry for her.

“You’re not her parent and you never will be,” she said, jabbing Tate in the chest with a long, fake nail. “I’m her mom, and I know what’s best for her, and if you want a kid, have one of your own. Oh wait, you can’t because the last I heard two men can’t make a baby.”

Tate smacked her hand away from his chest. “No, I can’t carry a baby, but I can adopt them from losers like you who abandon their children.” He’d barely finished the sentence before Jenna’s hand connected with his cheek. The slap was surprisingly powerful, making his head jerk and causing him to grab onto the island to keep his balance. Once the stinging had dissipated, he heard the little sniffling coming from the direction of the door. Tate looked up to see LJ standing behind Jenna at the door, her eyes wide and damp and one hand covering her mouth.

Shit.

Jenna snapped around at sound of the snuffling.

“LJ, baby, come here,” Jenna said, reaching for LJ who backed away just as Reece, Darlene, Dani, and the Warrens spilled into the kitchen.

“What the hell is going on in here?” Reece asked, shifting his gaze between LJ, Jenna, and Tate. Tate rubbed his jaw but hesitated to speak, somehow feeling guilty even though it was Jenna who had hit him.

“Mom hit Tate,” LJ said, chin wobbling as tears streaked her face.

Fuck.

“Mother—” Dani hissed under breath taking her earrings off in preparation for a brawl. She was ready to tear some shit up, but Tate just shook his head. LJ had seen enough.

Jenna took another step toward LJ, a hand outstretched. “LJ, baby. Come here? Mama’s sorry, okay? I don’t want to upset you, but that man, he’s not—”

LJ shook her head, scooting around her mother and running to Tate, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“Are you okay, Tate?” she whispered on broken cries. He hugged her back, making shushing sounds.

“Hey, ladybug. I’m okay. I’m fine. Your mom didn’t mean to… She didn’t… Sometimes grown-ups get upset and do things without thinking about them, but it’s okay. I’m all right.” He looked up at Reece for direction. Tate didn’t know what to do.

Jenna seemed to have crumpled when she turned around, her face pinched, staring at LJ embracing Tate. Jenna’s shoulders sagged and she wrapped her arms around her middle suddenly looking haggard and defeated.

“You and your parents have five minutes to get your things and leave, Jenna,” Reece said in an incredibly restrained tone. Jenna nodded and walked out of the kitchen without a word, her parents silently slinking out behind her.

Jenna didn’t argue or put up a fight, but rather than feeling like this was the end of things, Tate got a sinking feeling that this was only the beginning.