Chapter 12

Reece

 

Two months later

 

Reece’s eyelids stung with exhaustion. He was sticky and sweaty from the dry late May heat, and despite having not gone to work that day, his limbs were sore from tiredness. He’d taken off Thursday and Friday to focus on his final exams, and now he was ready to sleep for twelve hours straight before picking LJ up from his mama’s in the morning.

Reece dumped his backpack and toed off his shoes right in the small entryway before flopping down on the couch, but then he remembered the mail that he’d been putting off going through and snatched the stack off the coffee table. Better to get it over with before he crashed, otherwise he wouldn’t get to it before the weekend was over and he was sure he had several bills due.

After going through a few envelopes, half of which were junk mail, he came across an envelope from the county of Sacramento. He tore through the envelope, wondering what it could be, and his stomach dropped after he scanned the paper, sweat dotting his forehead and upper lip after reading it again.

Jenna had filed for full custody of LJ.

With shaking hands, Reece sent off a panicked text to Tate, hoping that one of the other stylists might be able to cover him for the rest of the night; Reece needed him. As soon as he sent the text, he stalked into the bathroom where he threw up in the toilet, his stomach heaving. After rinsing his mouth, he walked back out into the living room, throwing his body onto the couch and staring at the dark TV screen.

Reece was terrified by the impending custody battle, but he couldn’t say he was surprised. Several weeks after Jenna had attacked Tate at LJ’s party, she and Reece got into it again about custody.

“You said you have finals coming up, Reece, and I can help,” she’d all but begged over the phone. “Why send her to your mother’s house when she can come stay with me at my parents’ house for the week?”

“Because she’s so terrified of living with you again that she’s been having nightmares about when you left her, Jenna,” Reece had yelled, losing his patience.

“I screwed up, Reece. I know that, but I’m better now. Let me start keeping her overnight at my parents’ on the weekends and then we can work back up to weekdays and I can take her full time again,” she’d tried to bargain with Reece, voice shaking.

“No fucking way. She’ll never live with you full time again, and I’m not taking any chances with my daughter’s life. Maybe you can get her on the weekends overnight eventually, but supervised visits at my mom’s is what LJ feels comfortable with for now.”

Jenna had sneered. “LJ’s a kid, not an adult! What the hell does she know? I’m her mother. I know what’s best for her.”

“She knows where she feels safe,” Reece had shot back, “and that’s with me and—” He’d stopped himself before continuing, but Jenna had filled in the blank, her voice, low and cold.

“You and Tate. Fine. Have it your way.”

She’d hung up and they’d only communicated via text message since then. He’d known things were too calm, too quiet, and now Jenna was officially trying to take LJ from him.

In what seemed like a matter of minutes, Tate was pounding on the door. Reece rushed to the small entryway, turning the lock and knob then swinging the door open. Then Tate’s arms were holding Reece’s shaking frame. Tate rocked Reece for a few beats then closed the door before directing him back to the couch where they sat. Reece handed Tate the letter and Tate read it over and over before Reece took it from him and laid it on the table.

“You can read it as many times as you want. The words won’t change. Jenna’s taking me to court for full custody.” Reece slumped down into the cushions.

Tate grabbed his hand, squeezing it. “Well, I’m here for you, babe. Whatever you need. I’ll start searching online to see if there are some affordable lawyers, and I’ll get someone to cover for me so I can go to court with you—”

“No—” The word spilled from Reece’s mouth before he could stop himself. Tate stilled, looking confused, then he dropped Reece’s hand, his eyes skittering away, wounded.

“Okay…”

Reece sat up, putting a hand on Tate’s thigh, scooting closer to him, his stomach sinking at the look on his boyfriend’s face. “It’s not that. It’s just that, well, Jenna’s parents…”

Tate put up a hand, his face still averted. “I get it, Reece. I’m a liability to your case.”

Reece opened his mouth to deny it but knew the damage had been done by the slump in Tate’s posture.

Reece stood, pacing in front of Tate. “It’s just that ever since the Warrens found out about you and got a look at your outfits, they’ve been hella extra. I can’t deny that, Tate. They always knew I was bi. Jenna threw it in their faces when we first started dating just to needle them, but they never saw me with a guy. My sexuality wasn’t ever really top of mind because…because I’m not…” He couldn’t make himself say it.

“Because you’re not a fucking flamer like your boyfriend.” Tate nodded, spitting it out bitterly.

Suddenly Reece was awash in heated frustration. “Damn it, Tate, this isn’t about you right now, okay! This is about my daughter, and I’ll do whatever I need to do to keep her safe and with me.”

“Even break up with me?” Tate’s voice shook as he spoke quietly. Finally, he looked up at Reece, his eyes searching and bright.

Reece had never seen him look so lost, so fragile…except for the day he’d been sitting in his car in the parking lot all those months ago. His stomach twisted as he looked down. “That’s not what I’m saying, Tate.”

“That’s what it sounds like,” Tate mumbled, frozen on the couch. 

Reece exploded, throwing his arms out. “Fine! You want to talk about us? Let’s do that. How about I haven’t met your family yet? How about I’ve told you I love at least once a week since February and you haven’t said it back? Haven’t said it at all since our night together in SF! You want me to put all my chips on you under these circumstances, but you don’t seem like you really want to bet on me!”

Laughing, Tate rose, walking toward the door. “I don’t want you to do anything, Reece, because this is exactly what I expected, because this is always what happens. I knew one day you’d hit your threshold and my novelty would wear off and I’d finally be too fucking much for you, Reece. You asked me why I held back. This is why.”

Reece’s chest ached at Tate’s words. Deep down a part of him did think that Tate was too much. Thought that maybe, if Tate had been a less obvious gay dude, that maybe the Warrens wouldn’t be pushing Jenna to pursue custody. Reece knew that was bullshit, but he couldn’t deny that those thoughts had crossed his mind, and Tate knew it. But Tate’s words, the admission that he’d expected Reece to let him down, still cut Reece.

When Reece mustered the nerve to meet Tate’s eyes again, the man’s face crumpled a bit before he took a breath and turned toward the door.

“All these months, you expected me to let you down? Expected me to fail?” Reece’s voice stopped Tate’s movements. Tears streamed down Tate’s cheeks, and he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he looked over at Reece.

“Yes,” he admitted quietly, breaking something inside Reece. “But I didn’t want you to,” he said before slipping out the door.

***

Reece went over to his mama’s house minutes after Tate left. His empty apartment was closing in on him, and he needed to be close to LJ immediately, so he went to Darlene’s early. When she opened the door, she stepped back, a look of concern on her face. He shoved the letter in her hand without a word and went to the kitchen where he stared out the window to the backyard where LJ was playing.

They had dinner a little while later and now Reece stood at the sink, drying one of his mom’s big serving platters that she’d used for dinner and insisted on hand washing and drying because it was delicate. His mother sidled up, grabbing the dry platter and putting it back on an open shelf as he moved on to a flower print salad bowl that she loved.

“Look, Reece, maybe Jenna getting full custody again is for the best. To be honest, I was surprised you managed LJ on your own for this long.” She ended on a nervous laugh.

Reece’s motions stopped, a kind of buzzing filling his ears as his skin heated from head to toe. Then the buzzing stopped, and he looked over at his mama, slamming the bowl in the sink, shattering it into pieces. All the color drained from Darlene’s face.

“Is me wanting to be a full-time dad to my daughter a joke to you?” The quietly spoken question belied his absolute rage as fire climbed up his throat.

Darlene didn’t speak, her eyes wide and her jaw slack.

“I don’t need you to pile on, Mama. God. I need you to just once have some faith in me.” His voice cracked, and he swiped at his eyes, the fire receding, a deep icy sadness replacing it. Reece sniffed. “I been trying, Mama, and I think I’ve been doing okay and making the right choices for LJ. She’s happy with me.” He pressed his hand to his chest. “She feels safe, and she’s been doing better in school. And our home isn’t much, but it’s ours.”

His mom sat on a barstool at the kitchen island, her eyes shining but trained on him. Reece took a breath, determined to get this out once and for all.

“I wasn’t surprised when my teachers, counselors, and everyone else had zero expectations for me, Mama, but I didn’t really believe them until you cosigned.”

Darlene sat up on the stool, clenching her jaw. “Reece Christopher, you have to take responsibility for yourself and your actions,” she started even though she didn’t sound as confident in her words.

“And I did, Mama. I paid my debt, but you still see that sixteen-year-old knucklehead when you look at me.” Reece shook his head. “He’s gone, Mama, and I’m a man now. I’ve proven myself and you know what? I don’t need your acknowledgement to know that I’m responsible and that I’m a good dad. I believe in myself and that’s enough.” Reece pushed off the counter and kissed her cheek, walking through the swinging door into the dining room and calling for LJ. He was emotionally drained as he headed back to the apartment, but he also felt strangely peaceful inside. For the first time in years, he could see himself clearly and liked what he saw and was confident in the man he was. Tate had played a big role in getting him to that place.

Reece briefly considered calling Tate, apologizing and begging the other man to come to court with him, but after the hurtful things Reece had said, he wasn’t sure if Tate could forgive him. Their relationship was worth saving, but he had to focus all his energy and attention on his impending court date. Hashing things out with Tate would have to wait. He just hoped Tate would be open to hearing him when Reece was ready to talk.