Chapter 14

Reece

 

 

Reece couldn’t move. He had been curled up in LJ’s bed for hours. She’d be home from summer camp soon, and he’d have to tell her that she’d be staying with her mom during the week from now on, but he couldn’t seem to get his body to work.

Most of the hearing was a blur and a lot of the legal jargon had gone over his head, but five minutes in, even Reece knew that Jenna, her parents, and their expensive lawyer had presented a strong case against him.

Reece’s stomach soured while listening to the opposing attorney and watching Jenna play the remorseful, concerned mom. Only, her playing seemed genuine, and Reece’s mind had raced with regret. Maybe he should have tried to work with her instead of taking such a hard line? But it was too late. He’d gambled it all and lost big.

He didn’t think the judge was necessarily swayed one way or the other by the fact that he was bisexual, though the Warrens’ attorney had casually mentioned “the plaintiff’s crossdressing boyfriend” when talking about Reece’s support system.

The judge had looked over her glasses at the attorney, pursing her lips at him in disdain. But instead of feeling relieved that who he loved wasn’t a mark against him, shame and anger at himself surged through him, because the judge’s reaction shouldn’t have made a damn difference. He’d had no excuse for hurting the man he’d come to love when all Tate had wanted to do was support him and LJ. Be there for them.

And as Reece had watched all hope of keeping LJ slip away from him, his chest seized with wanting Tate close to him. Losing LJ would still hurt even if Tate had been there to support him but having Tate there to share in his pain would have eased the ache. Now Reece was drowning in his own feelings of loss, inadequacy, and anger and couldn’t break loose from the current of sorrow pulling him under. 

The judge had granted Jenna temporary full-time custody for the rest of the summer and Reece would get LJ on the weekends. At the end of August, they would have another hearing to determine if Jenna had proven herself fit enough over the summer to establish permanent full-time custody. Reece had to hand LJ over to her mom on Sunday night so he had less than a week left with his daughter as her primary caregiver. But before he could do that, he had to get up and figure out how he was going to explain all this. Figure out how he was going to break LJ’s heart.

Reece curled up into a tighter ball, wishing he could implode into himself and disappear. His chest definitely felt as if it were caving in, like something heavy was sitting on it, but no matter how tight a ball he rolled into, he was still stuck in this nightmare of a day.

He was momentarily distracted by the sound of the door cracking open. His mother and Kameron had been attempting to coax him out of bed for the past two hours, but he wasn’t ready yet. In the back of his mind, he was well aware that LJ would be home from summer school in about an hour.

He’d be ready by then—he didn’t have a choice. And then he’d have to pretend to be brave and act as if things were okay because he had to make her believe they were. He’d have to have his shit completely together until she left on Sunday and he had the space to fall apart again. So he needed every second he could to unravel before she got home.

“I’ll be okay, guys. When she gets here, I’ll be up. I just need like forty-five more minutes,” Reece husked as the mattress dipped. He wasn’t sure if it was his mom or Kam, but when he heard two muffled thunks on the floor and then a warm, solid body tucked in behind him, he knew it was neither of them.

Tate.

Tate melded his body to Reece’s back and wrapped an arm around Reece’s middle, pulling him even closer.

“I got you, baby. I’m here,” Tate whispered. Reece broke apart, his sobs shattering him as he grabbed onto Tate’s forearm, the glistening mahogany limb like a lifesaver in a sea of grief that surrounded Reece.

Tate just held him.

Once Reece finished crying, his head was empty, clean, focused. His face was tight from the tears, and he had a slight headache, but he was anchored.

Tate’s presence was a tether, holding Reece down so he wouldn’t fly away. Finally, Reece turned over to face his love, that same feeling of peacefulness washing over him from when his mama had shown up to the courthouse.

Their faces were inches apart, Tate’s strangely devoid of makeup but no less beautiful. Reece took in his lover’s face—Tate’s thick perfectly shaped brows, long lashes, sharp cheekbones. The low-cut sharply lined beard and the expanse of skin resembling silky deep brown earth. No matter how many times Reece looked at Tate, whether the man was with or without makeup, was sporting a beard or clean-shaven, if it was morning or late night, Reece was just as in awe as he’d been the first time he’d seen the man. And even in his current state of anguish, Reece still got that feeling.

“He-hey.” Reece’s voice cracked.

“Hey,” Tate answered, his eyes roaming Reece’s face. They shared a pillow and both had their hands tucked under their cheeks, knees bent, kneecaps kissing.

“I’m sorry,” Reece croaked. “I’m sorry I pushed you away because I was afraid, especially when you’ve done nothing but believe in me and support me.”

Tate shook his head. “No, I’m sorry, baby. I get that I’m a lot, and you had to put LJ first, and I was being selfish—”

“No,” Reece shouted, surprising even himself. “No. You weren’t being selfish. It’s not selfish to expect the man you love, the man who loves you back, to accept you for who you are. To be proud of you.” Reece reached out, grazing Tate’s cheek with his thumb. “And I’m so proud of you, Tate. You’re smart, kind, beautiful inside and out. I’m lucky to have you in my life. I thank god for you.”

Even though a tear slipped down Tate’s cheek, dripping from the tip of his nose, he smiled.

“I do agree that you are a lot—”

“Hey!” Tate smacked Reece’s shoulder, and Reece grabbed his hand, snickering.

“But only in the best possible way,” Reece said, then kissed the back of Tate’s hand before clutching it against his heart. “Do you forgive me?” Reece waited, something fluttering in his gut. Tate could still say no.

The man looked down, quiet for a moment, but then met Reece’s gaze, his eyes soft.

“Yeah, I forgive you.” 

***

The rest of the week sped by, and suddenly, it was Sunday. Reece couldn’t help but be proud of his little girl. She’d sniffled a little at the news but had nodded then flung her arms around his waist. Where usually she was super affectionate with Tate, talking his ear off and trailing after him when he was around, LJ had stuck to her dad all week. She’d cuddled against Reece on the couch, helped him in the kitchen with dinner, and on Saturday morning, he’d felt like he’d been drop-kicked in the gut when he sat up in bed to find her asleep on the floor of his room, wrapped in her comforter.

She’d also been incredibly quiet. Reece could tell she was afraid, and every part of him wished he could take that fear from her, but all he could do was promise to be there if she needed him and wait until she was with him again on Friday nights.

The Warrens came with Jenna to pick up LJ on Sunday, and they all huddled awkwardly on one side of his living room, waiting for LJ to say her goodbyes. The little girl only had a single rolling suitcase with her because she’d refused to let Reece and Tate pack any of her bedding or decorations for her new room, as though she refused to acknowledge that her grandparents’ house was her new primary residence.

LJ currently had her face buried in Reece’s stomach, her little arms like a vise around his midsection. He rubbed her back, trying to impart comfort through his touch, the same way Tate’s circular rubbing was currently doing to him, and after about a minute, LJ pulled back.

Reece could tell she was trying to be a strong, but her quivering chin and shiny eyes gave her away. It was hard for him to keep a lid on his emotions too. Reece was worried about the crap the Warrens would try to teach his kid now that they had both LJ and her mom in their clutches full time, but he didn’t want her go to them with fear in her heart, so he tried to contain everything he was feeling.

Reece bent down on one knee, he and LJ in profile to Jenna and her parents.

“Hey, ladybug.” He called her Tate’s nickname as he’d been doing off and on for the past month or so. That seemed to help a little, making LJ laugh even though a tear spilled over. She wiped it, her smile wobbly.

“That’s what Tate calls me,” she pointed out.

Reece smiled, stroking one of her long thick braids. Tate had done LJ’s hair fresh this morning at her request. “I know but I think it fits you, so I’m going to use it too if that’s all right?”

LJ nodded and Reece grabbed both her hands in his. “I know change can be scary, so it’s okay to be worried. But change can be good too.”

The sound of a clearing throat interrupted him and he looked up to see Mrs. Warren’s face screwed up, her shrewd eyes staring at him impatiently. Mr. Warren looked just as severe, but Jenna looked nervous…almost unsure. It didn’t sit well with Reece, and frankly, made him angry. She’d successfully taken their daughter from him, so her ass had better be absolutely sure about what she was doing.

Mrs. Warren interrupted his thoughts. “We need get going so that we can get Lettie settled in at a decent hour. Bedtime is strictly enforced in our household,” the woman sneered. Reece’s blood boiled, and he barely stopped himself from telling her to fuck right off before Tate chimed in.

“Well, you’re still at our house, Mrs. Warren, and you will be until LJ is done saying her goodbyes and is ready to go.”

The woman pressed her lips together and narrowed her eyes at Tate but didn’t say anything else though she looked over at Jenna who just shook her head.

Reece looked up at Tate and smiled before continuing. “Like I was saying, change can be scary and hard, but it can also be really good. In this case, you get to spend more time with your mom and see your grandparents all the time, and you know, they all really love you. When you come back on Friday, we’ll make nachos and have a princess movie marathon, okay? I’ll see about getting you some more posters to go on the wall in your room, all right?”

LJ nodded and hugged him again, her tears making his T-shirt damp, but then she pulled back abruptly and hugged Tate before grabbing her suitcase on her own and lifting up her chin in determination, wiping hard at her face.

She took the five steps over to her mom and grandparents across the living room and each step felt like a wound being inflicted on Reece. When LJ turned around, standing in front of her grandparents, Reece felt weak with pain, a searing ache shooting through his chest and limbs. LJ was still only feet away, but it already felt like miles to him. Then Jenna put her hand on LJ’s shoulder and gently directed her toward the door.

LJ looked over her shoulder one last time before walking out. “Bye, Daddy.” Then she was gone. Jenna paused at the door, a look of guilt and regret flashing across her features before she followed LJ out, closing the door quietly behind her.

Reece sank onto the couch, overcome, all the bravado seeping out of him as tears blurred his vision, but the image of Jenna’s pained face played over and over in his mind.