Jen

When Benz said I was his, I felt something deep in my chest. It was right and wrong at the same time.

How could I be his when my life had been devoted, up to then, to destroying what he loved?

My Daddy was still dead and his Daddy was the reason. I was a traitor to my family with every kiss. But I couldn’t stop him. I wanted more of him the more I had.

Was this weakness? Was this insanity? I’d never seen two people in love, really, in my life. I didn’t know what it looked like. And this felt like more than love. It felt like a fever that consumed my entire body when I was with him.

Being cradled by his body made me feel safe. But we weren’t safe.

“So, what’s your plan?”

“I’m going to go to E.Z. and convince him to call for a vote.”

“Why?”

“I only need two people to bring it to the table. I’ve got Kade on my side. Probably Zig too. Bo’s out of the picture – he’s got to stay away.”

“Because of me.”

“Yeah, well, it is what it is.”

“Who’s E.Z.?”

“He’s the Veep. Vice President.”

“Okay, so call him.”

“Gotta go to him, that’s why we’re headed back to Port Az. Well, just outside of it.”

“When?”

“I think we need to go tonight. I don’t want any eyes on us and that’s our best bet. E.Z. will be home late. He stays at the MC and when things wind down, he heads to his place. That’s where we’re headed.”

“Is he usually on your side, E.Z.?”

“Fuck no. But he’s against Bear half the time. He’s willing to go toe to toe. If I have him and Kade to start, I can make the case on why killing you is a stupid fucking idea.”

“Bear will see reason, he has to.”

“Yep.” Benz pressed me tight to his body. I was still reeling from what he’d done to me up against the door. He was a beast, a wild animal, and I didn’t know that was exactly what I wanted in my life until I got it.

Nothing was going to be as good as being with Benz. He’d told me I was his. And that he loved me even. I loved him too.

“Benz.”

“Yeah, babe.”

“I love you.”

He gently kissed me on the shoulder blades. They were feeling a little tender. Even still, his mouth on my skin was what I wanted.

We had a few hours before we had to hit the road. I knew in my head that these were our last few hours. I wasn’t going to let him or men I didn’t even know decide if I lived or died.

Even if that meant leaving Benz. I loved him. I was his. He was right about that. I trusted him. But I wasn’t going to let him hold my fate in his hands. Trusting him with my life was one thing. The Dark Saints? Not fucking likely.

We didn’t talk much as the day wore on. We just touched each other. Benz brushed my hair out of my face. I ran my fingers through his beard. I looked at the scars and tats that covered his body. I memorized them. Someday down the road, I hoped they’d bring me some comfort.

If being with Benz became a memory, I wanted all the details. I wanted to be able to take that memory out and get lost in each second. What had happened between us wasn’t the real world. It was a bolt of lightning and it was soon to pass. I knew that and savored every second in that bed with Benz.

Eventually, the sun set and Benz started packing up.

I considered running. What if I just headed out to the woods?

But the reality was, we were in the middle of nowhere. If I called for help, could anyone here it out here? If I did that, would the cops come and arrest Benz for kidnapping? What would I say?

I was prepared to testify against Bear if it came to that, but Benz? I wasn’t ready for that. I didn’t think I ever would be.

“It’s time.”

Benz had packed up his bike. I looked around the odd little cabin. It was almost a dream what we’d done here together. We’d committed ourselves to each other in a way that was physical, spiritual, real.

Benz helped me on the bike and handed me the helmet. He was protecting me still.

It got darker and darker, and we got closer and closer to the mess that I’d made in Port Az. Closer to the history of my family tied up with the history of his. I wished we could stay in the cabin forever, together. But that was a memory now too.

With each mile, things got more real. I held tight to Benz. I wasn’t without resources and I’d have to use them if Benz couldn’t get out of this.

As scary as the idea of returning to Port Az was, I wouldn’t be cut off like I’d been with Benz in the cabin.

I could get to my place. I could get to my car and out of Port Az on my own. I wouldn’t be running into the woods or driving in the dark. I was willing to let Benz’s plan pay out, to a point.

E.Z. was the first part of Benz’s plan.

When we were within sight of his place, but not too close, Benz cut the engine.

We were about ten miles outside of Port Az.

E.Z. had a ranch house on acreage.

“Stay behind me and quiet the entire time.”

I nodded. Then he took out his gun, the one I’d only glimpsed when he was at the warehouse.

“You know how to use a weapon right? Police training?”

“Yes.”

“If something goes bad, shoot E.Z.”

“Is that likely? Jesus Christ, Benz.”

“If I thought it was likely you wouldn’t be here. But I also want you to defend yourself if I can’t. Understand?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s go.” I had the weapon behind my back. I did know how to shoot. I was good at it. Benz was not leading me into some sort of slaughter; he was making sure I had options.

If his argument didn’t work, I had an escape hatch.

We walked up the long dirt drive to the house. It was dark, but there was a light on inside.

Benz knocked on the door and waited a few seconds before a woman came to answer it.

“Hi, Charlene.”

“Benz.” The woman was hard looking. She had a tattoo of a rose over her breast and smeared eyeliner under her eyes.

“I need to talk to E.Z.”

“Yeah, I heard some shit was going down.”

Then a man with a shotgun came down the hall. The barrel was pointed down. He was gray-haired like Bear, but much more wiry. He seemed to be made of bone, sinew, and motor oil. I was more scared of E.Z. than Bear. Whereas Bear seemed to make hot-headed decisions, something about E.Z. was as cold as steel.

E.Z. looked us up and down and then issued an order.

“Charlene, make yourself scarce.” He had a thick Southern accent. He wasn’t as tall as Benz, but the shotgun made up for that. He looked like he could easily able snap my neck. All The Saints did really, even Benz.

There was a mean quality to the way he had ordered Charlene out of the way. He’d spit it out and she was used to it. That’s what stuck with me. She just walked down the hall and back into the house.

Though I supposed he was trying to keep her safe. That made me think I could be looking at Benz and me in twenty years. It wasn’t a good thought. I brushed it off. I had enough to worry about right now.

E.Z. raised the barrel of the shotgun and backed us out onto the front porch, as though he didn’t want to have to clean up in the house if this got messy. I kept my hand on the handle of Benz’s gun.

“She doesn’t look too dead to me.” E.Z. glanced at me and then back at Benz. I was an incidental problem to him. Not a person.

“This is Jen. I’m not killing her.”

E.Z. put the barrel of his shotgun to Benz’s chest.

Benz stood there and stared the Veep of his club right in the face.

The two men didn’t exactly seem like brothers to me. I’d seen his bonds with Kade and Zig. But this was different. There was something else here.

Benz was a wall between E.Z., that shotgun, and me. I was scared as hell, but Benz was stone cold and ready to handle whatever happened next. Even with a shotgun to his heart.

I knew in that moment, if E.Z. shot Benz, then I’d kill E.Z.

Part of me wanted to circumvent the entire thing and kill E.Z. right now. How dare he threaten Benz?

But Benz stayed still and E.Z. narrowed his eyes. It was the closest he’d get to flinching. He lowered the barrel and I took a breath.

“You’re Bear’s boy. You always take his side at the table.”

“Yeah? Well, Bear’s wrong this time and he didn’t bring it to the table.”

“Why should I?”

“It’s going to a vote at Church. No question, Bear’s order to kill her will bring hellfire down on the club.”

“Just because you’re thinking with your cock doesn’t mean Bear’s wrong.”

“She’s a cop, she’s the daughter of a cop. Does killing her seem like a good idea for the club?”

“Only if they find the body.” E.Z. looked at me again, making sure I’d heard that.

“You support me at Church and I owe you one,” Benz stated.

“Is that worth it to you?” E.Z. looked at me again when he said “that”– I hated this guy more with every passing second.

“She is. But that’s not why I’m going to keep her alive. You know I’m right. Bear is out of control.”

“That he may be. I’ll call for a vote. Church is tomorrow. I’d get the fuck out of here and out of sight till then.”

“See you at Church,” Benz said and he turned around, keeping me in front of him. He pointed to the dirt driveway again. Neither of us said a word as we made it back to his bike.

“You owe him? What will that mean?”

“It won’t be good, but we got what we want. Bear will have to bring this to the table. We will vote on it and we’ll be off the hook on this shit,” Benz said, handing me the helmet.

“I thought he might shoot you… I saw myself killing him,” I confessed to Benz.

“Yeah, doll? I’d have been okay with that. He is right about something though, and that’s getting you out of sight.”

“You still think others want to kill me, besides you and the club?” I was so unclear on the ways I’d stepped in shit with this town and this club.

“A lot of people want to get in good with The Dark Saints. Word’s out that you’re supposed to be dead. So, they’d do it just to get in good with us.”

“This is the most fucked up town I’ve ever been in.”

“That’s the truth.” He gunned the engine and I held on again.

This time I focused on Benz and Benz only. He had stared down his Veep, defied his Prez, and he had one more argument to make.

All for me.

We drove a few miles and there it was, Port Az. We crossed the bridge into town and we were back.

Benz kept going until we got to the hotel I’d been calling home. He parked his bike around back and walked into the room first.

“I just want to be sure,” he said, as he looked the room up and down.

“If someone is hiding in here, they’re really tiny,” I said and plopped down on the bed.

It was sad, this little hotel room. I’d given it zero thought. I’d lived here for a few weeks, and it was just the place I crashed after my feverish machinations for getting in with The Saints.

I had gotten farther in than I wanted. I had learned more than I knew what to do with.

Benz seemed satisfied that the room was safe and closed the door.

“Baby, come here.” I did exactly that.

He had a couple of hours until Church. We were both exhausted and wired at the same time, but when we were alone, when he told me to come here, I felt my insides melt.

All the moments I’d spend in his arms, since the first moment when I crashed into him, were more vivid than anything else in my life.

My father’s light had faded from me when I was young, and my grandmother's stories were burnt and bitter.

This time with Benz was mine. It wasn’t the history of Port Azrael or the Texas Rangers or the things that I thought I wanted to know about. It was new and exciting and everything.

He enveloped me. I reached up on my tip toes and kissed him. He put his hands on my face and then pulled back a little to look at me.

“What?” I was still getting used to what it felt like to have someone just soak you in. It was like he wanted to memorize my face, just like I had wanted to memorize the cabin.

“Just thinking how lucky I am.” He leaned down and kissed me again. Benz lay me down on the bed and the silly camp clothes he’d got for me were quickly discarded.

I ran my hands up under his t-shirt and felt his chest. He had me naked again, underneath him. This time the wildness was replaced with tenderness. Every time I looked, I found his eyes open as he touched my skin. He traced along the side of my breast and then leaned over to put them in his mouth.

The slow torture drove me almost crazier than the frenzy I’d felt up against the cabin wall.

“I need you inside me,” I said, and it was so.

We moved together slowly. The intensity built along with the heat. Delicious tension rose between us to a point where I could no longer wait.

“Right there, baby.” Benz was still.

He was inside me, he filled me, but he stilled his hips and mine. I wanted more than anything to move. I wanted to make him move.

We stayed suspended in time like that for several seconds. It seemed like forever. But I couldn’t wait any longer.

“Please. Benz, please.” I needed release.

“Like this?” he said and it wasn’t really a question.

He slid in and nearly out and what he’d set on fire was unleashed. I came apart with him and this time did wonder if the other hotel tenants would be calling the front desk, concerned.

It was the best time, maybe the last time, the sweetest time with Benz.

“How is it that each time is totally new?” I asked him.

“I just love watching you and knowing I made you feel that way.” He squeezed me tight.

We laid in each other’s arms for a while. I knew it was getting close to the time he’d have to go.

“Look, this is all going to be over soon.”

“I know. Just be careful. Tell them what you have to tell them to come back here to me.”

“I will.” We kissed again.

“Stay right here, just like this. It will be much less work for me to undress you when I get back.”

“Right.” I laughed, but I was worried.

“One more thing. Don’t leave here until then. I told you. It’s not safe until the word gets out again from The Saints that you’re not to be touched.”

“Got it.” He kissed me again and I watched as he got dressed. Jeans, t-shirt, leather, and boots.

He looked more like a cowboy from the Old West sometimes than a biker from an MC.

Part of me wanted to go with him. But he told me only members of the MC were allowed in Church. He said even Mama Bear wasn’t allowed – and she went everywhere.

“I love you, Jen,” he said as he kissed me goodbye.

“I love you, Benz.” He smiled. The man didn’t smile much, but when he did it was fucking spectacular. I wondered what else made him smile. I wondered if I’d ever know.

He left my room and I waited. I heard him fire up his bike. As the sound faded into the distance, I stayed in bed for a while. His smell was on the pillow now. I inhaled.

I hoped we’d have time to figure all of that out when he got back. I didn’t know what it meant, being with him. But I did know I wanted to try and find out.

I didn’t have to turn into Charlene, that tough old broad who’d greeted us at the house, to be an old lady to Benz. Did I?

I wondered about that Mama Bear who he had talked about. Was she someone who could show me what it was like to be in love with a Dark Saint?

The idea that I’d even consider this would tear my Grandmother apart. But she was dead and gone.

As far as she knew, I hated The Saints. She went to her grave believing that. And in some ways, I still did. But I knew them better now… some of them anyway.

The other part, my Daddy. Maybe he wasn’t killed by The Dark Saints after all.

Benz’s Daddy was still the man who did it though. I didn’t know how to reconcile what I knew from the past with what I had discovered with Benz. Was I betraying Daddy and the Texas Rangers by wanting to be with him?

I had a lot to sort out.

One of those things was at the Port Azrael Police station.

I knew Benz wanted me to stay in the bed where he left me. I knew he wanted me to hide.

But I was done hiding. Plus, where I wanted to go was safe as it could get.

I showered and got dressed. It was time to talk to Detective Art Jennings and find out if everything I’d learned about The Dark Saints and their role in Port Az was true.

It was time to find out if I’d helped stop a drug deal and what role the police had played in it.

It was time to get the real story from Art Jennings. He might want to kill me too, but he wasn’t going to do it in the middle of the Port Az Police station.